Unemployment
The interviewer
lifted the cup of coffee to her lips and sipped it slowly, gazing at the woman
in front of her with disapproval. Really
now, silver hair and yellow contacts!
Kids these days have no sense of decency. Peering around this first woman, the interviewer could make out a
various array of hair colors, including purple, pink, and blue. She shook her head sadly and adjusted her
horn-rimmed glasses.
"Name?"
she demanded.
"Ryoko."
"Full name,
please."
"Just
Ryoko." The interviewer paused,
her pen poised. These kids really
shouldn't come here if they're not going to be serious.
"Any former
occupations?"
"What?"
"Have you
ever had a job?"
"A
job?" The interviewer sighed in
annoyance.
"Look, just
tell me what you do all day."
"Well, I
usually start my day with four or five cups of saki, then in the afternoon
watch television with little miss priss back there."
"I see."
"I also
sleep…a lot."
"Uh-huh."
"Listen, I
was enslaved for 2,000 years, what do you want from me?"
"2,000
years…I understand."
"Then I was
trapped in some damn cave for 700 years!"
"So
that would make you 2,700 years old?"
"In
earth years, yes."
"Oh,
in earth years. Do you think you could
convert that to moon years for me?" the interviewer asked sarcastically.
"Which
moon?" There was a long
pause. "Oh, I get it. This is some kind of test, right? Okay, the moon goes around the earth 365
times a year, so 365 times 2,700 is…" Ryoko paused, considering. Finally she turned around and shouted,
"Hey, Washu! What is 365 times
2,700?" The interviewer stared at
her.
"Okay…Why
don't you go wait over there while you try it figure it out?" Ryoko nodded
absently and wandered off, counting on her fingers and muttering. The next woman stepped up.
"Name?"
"Ayeka."
"Last
name please."
"I
belong to Jurai's royal family. We have
no need something as generic as a 'last name'."
"Great,
just great. Any former
occupations?"
"Of
course. I am not a lazy,
good-for-nothing like that Ryoko woman.
I am the much beloved first crown princess of Jurai. See how pale and smooth my skin
is?" Ayeka thrust out an arm.
"Ummm,
yes, very smooth. Occupations…I'll just
check the 'other' box here. We'll be
sure to let you know if there are any openings for 'princess'." Ayeka nodded graciously and moved away from
the desk. The pink-haired woman moved
forward.
"Name
please."
"Washu." The interviewer had decided against asking
for a last name at this point.
"Any
former occupations?"
"I'm
a scientist."
"Really? That's wonderful! I gotta tell you, I thought I was going to end up interviewing
nut-cases all day. Where did you last
work?"
"The
Royal Space Academy."
"The
Royal Space…"
"But
now I mostly do freelance work."
"Ah." Washu leaned in closer and motioned the
interviewer to do the same.
"You
see that girl over there?" she asked, dropping her voice to a
whisper. The interviewer glanced at
Ryoko and nodded. "Well,
confidentially, I created her."
The interviewer leaned back dazedly.
"I
see…"
"I'm
also a goddess, if that helps at all."
"Oh,
yes…yes it does. Next please!" the
interviewer called, her voice wavering slightly. A blond headed woman stepped forward.
"Name?"
"Mihoshi,
ma'am."
"Former
occupation?"
"Police
officer."
"Hey,
that's great. Tokyo is in dire need of
law enforcement officials - " The young lady's wrist watch began beeping.
"Oh! I'm getting a message from my ship,
Yukanojo."
"You
have a boat?" the interviewer asked in confusion.
"What?"
"You
have a boat." The interviewer
repeated more loudly.
"No
I don't."
"But
you just said - "
"I
said I have a ship."
"Right."
"Huh?"
"Right!"
the interviewer shouted. Mihoshi looked
to her right.
"I
don't see anything." The
interviewer groaned and slumped in her chair.
"God,
please, just go away!"
"Who
are you talking to?"
"You!"
"My
name's not God, it's Mihoshi." The
interviewer tried to compose herself.
"All
right, Mihoshi," she said through clenched teeth, "thank you for your
time. I'll contact you if a suitable
job opening comes up."
"Don't
you want my phone number?"
"That
won't be necessary." Mihoshi
ambled off, looking bewildered. The
interviewer closed her eyes, taking long, deep breaths. A sudden thump nearby caused her to jump
nervously. A strange furry creature sat
on her desk.
"This
is Ryo-ohki." The interviewer
glanced up. Oh God, the moon-girl was
back.
"What?"
she asked faintly.
"This
is Ryo-ohki. She wants a job too."
"The
cat-rabbit wants a job."
"I'm
going to translate."
"You
speak cat-rabbit."
"Ryo-ohki
says that her talents include: transforming into a spaceship, taking the form
of a humanoid girl, and performing a very entertaining dance number. She is also willing to work for
carrots." The cat-rabbit meowed in
agreement.
"Well,
would you look at the time…we have to close."
"You
only stay open for an hour?" Ryoko asked.
"On
Mondays, yes."
"It's
Tuesday."
"Whatever." The interviewer grabbed a few papers and
hurried out of the office, mumbling to herself. The girls watched her leave, then sighed collectively.
"I
didn't even get a chance to be interviewed!" Sasami complained,
saddened. They all filed out of the
door into the streets of Tokyo.
"Well
if you ask me, that woman was a few eggs short of a dozen," Ryoko
grumbled.
"Lord
Tenchi will not be pleased," Ayeka murmured.
There you have it, my little
spaz of a fiction! Hope you guys got a
few chuckles out of it. Remember to
review!
