FOOTNOTE: This was inspired by a recent Cartoon Network ad featuring Yogi Bear trying to get into the CN building with no luck.
TRANSFORMERS/BEAST MACHINES: SECURITY IN THE STUDIO
by Steven Acevedo
Maximal Rattrap leaves from The FOX Network studios but turns around because he forgot his briefcase full of mouldy cyber-cheese.
RT: Just need to get something from my dressing room, guys.
Security Guards Optimus Prime and Ironhide are on duty.
Op: And just where do you think you're going?
RT: I'm Rattrap, your descendent in Beast Wars and Beast Machines. Look I'll prove it.
Rattrap pulls out a holographic ID card from his chest but doesn't realize that the mini-batteries have died.
RT: Recognize me now?
Op: Can't tell. Your face is all fuzzy.
RT: What?
Ironhide: Have ya got any other ID on ya?
RT: What other ID? This is standard issue for a Cybertronian of my caliber.
Op: You'll have to give us something more than that, imposter.
RT: Wait in a nanosecond. Suppose I quote one of my lines from an episode.
Rattrap clears his vocal module.
RT: We're all gonna die.
Op: That's your line? Listen to that Ironhide. We had better lines when we were on the air. That has to be the cheesiest line I've ever heard.
RT: Oh yeah. And yours was any better? I quote: "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."
Op: I never said those words on MY show. Hasbro stuck that on my tech spec.
RT:Well, shows what they know. I'm the big cheese on this network. You guys are just two bit has-beens.
Ironhide: Lissin' up, Ya little punk. Since you're so small we could probably step on you and no one would be thuh wiser.
RT: Awww! Come on. Let me in.
Op: We're gonna have to ask you to leave. Okay, Megatron, Ultra Magnus your IDs check you can go in.
RT: Now wait a minute. You mean to tell me since my holo ID card doesn't work I can't get in?
Op: Correct.
RT: Awww. Come on, guys. Give me a break.
Ironhide: Sorry, bub.
RT: That's not fair. I'm getting in there whether I have an ID card or not.
Op: Backup!!! We have a break in. The tresspasser is headed in the direction of The Smelting Pool set.
Rattrap zooms pass Optimus and Ironhide only to run into Wreck-Gar and Star Saber.
Wreck-Gar: Danger, Will Robinson. You are under arrest for reckless driving, manhandling an officer and not eating a proper breakfast with Vitamins and Minerals.
RT: Hey! Ya big goof ball. Let go of me.
Star Saber is holding Rattrap in his giant hand.
Op: Fire Convoy. Please escort this intruder to the gates. He doesn't have a
holo ID security card.
Star Saber throws Rattrap to Fire Convoy for eviction.
RT: You'll hear from my lawyer about this.
Optimus: On your meagar salary I doubt it.
Bluestreak: Okay, Op, Ironhide. You're off duty.
Bluestreak stands in the security booth.
Bluestreak: Hold it right there, Mister. And where do you are going.
Nightscream: I'm here to clear out my things. How about letting me in.
Bluestreak: I'll need some ID.
Nightscream: Sure.
Bluestreak trips over a box of energon that accidentally causes his laser pistol to go off.
Nightscream: AAAAAAH! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!
Bluestreak: I love my job.
The End