Outside, where a midget Logan was trying to flag a cab, Jubilee started laughing hysterically as she looked down to see an angry baby in white rags and green hair trying to stomp on his boot.
Logan looked down. "Jubes, lookit. There's a bug crawlin' on my boot," he smirked.
Viper stomped her feet, screaming all sorts of obscenities at him. While she ranted on, he bent over and picker her up by her hair. The Toilet Paper fell away completely in the breeze. Logan laughed out loud.
"Smatter, Viper? Why didn't ya just use the tissues you stuffed in yer bra?"
Jubilee laughed so hard she started sliding down the front of Logan's shirt.
Just then, several hand Ninjas ran up and assumed fighting stance around Logan. They tilted their heads at their fearless leader. She was about 14" tall, and dangling stark naked from Logan's fingers. She still had green hair and was pissed off, so it was definitely Viper.
"Call off yer lackeys or I won't solve yer little shrinking problem, woman!"
"He means it! You-" Jubilee slipped, and fell in his pocket. Then she popped her head out and continued, shaking a *very* small finger at her. "You'll be a paramecium if you don't do as he says!"
Logan raised his eyebrows at Viper, waiting. Just then a cab pulled up. "Doya need a ride, kid?" the driver asked.
Logan fumed.
"Who're ya callin' 'kid', Bub?!?"
"Now you know how I feel..." Jubilee muttered.
Wolverine jumped into the cab still holding an irate Viper.
"You'll pay for this Logan," squeaked Viper. "Hands attack!!" The confused Hands just watched as the door shut on the cab and it roled away from the curb.
"Where to kid?" repeated the cabbie.
"Xavier's Institute, Westchester and stop calling me kid, Bub!"
"Sure whatever you want sonny."
Wolverine released a growl but it came out more like that of a puppy than of a lion causing Jubilee to unsuccessfully muffle a snicker.
"It was your doing you little brat," shrieked Viper who was now almost the same size as Jubilee. "I'm going to kill you!!" Viper shouted lunging at Jubilee, who had now crawled out of Logan's pocket. Viper forgot that Logan was still holding onto her hair and her attack fell far short of Jubilee. She then turned and started pounding at Logan's hand,"When I get big again I'm going to torture you both so bad you'll be begging me to kill you!!"
"Don't you mean if you get big again?" smirked Jubilee.
Speeding through the night at the 'kid's' request, with the incentive of Xavier's platinum credit card and the promise of a 20% tip, the taxi cab screamed its way to the mansion.
All the while the driver kept looking in the rear-view mirror at the hallucination in the back seat. What looked like a teenage Asian fairy and a green-haired naked fairy were crawling all over a middle-aged midget who seemed to be caught in the throes of werewolf transformation.
*I seen some wierd s#*! in my time, but dis takes da proverbial cake!* thought Erik Abdhul Vanderver-Mohammed, New York native and illegitamate son of an Arabian oil sheik and a Swedish skin model.
"I'm gonna kill her! I've had it with her mouth!"
Jubilee sat on Logan's shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the dangling villian. "Yer just jealous 'cuz Wolvie *loves* me, and he hates you, even if you are naked and married to 'im!! Hahahaaa!!"
Wolverine laughed out loud. Never one to refuse a beautiful, unclothed woman in his hands - and this one was even his 'wife' - he realized Jubilee was right.
"I hate you! I hate you both! I'm gonna kill you!"
"What do ya plan to do, woman? Bite me in the big toe to death?" He laughed harder.
Jubilee slid off his shoulder again and fell in his pocket. Logan could feel her whole body shaking with laughter.
He smiled, and looked up to see the mansion. Beast was already running out into the drive, box in hand for isolating Jubilee. He opened the door to the cab and Jubilee jumped into his hand.
"Yer gonna need another box for Little Miss Baaaaad attitude, Hank."
"Oh my stars and Action Figures! When did they start making Barbie Viper?! "
"I'm gonna kill you too, you blue-haired freak!"
"Hank, take this pest away from me a'fore I squash her," Logan growled. "An yer gonna have to welcome my cabbie here into the lab as well. How're yer shoes fittin' ya, Erik?"
Erik had to admit they had gotten loose on him since this delusion had started. "Dat tip better be as big as ya said it was gonna be, mister. Or I better wake up, right quick."