Author's Note: I don't know why I wrote this, this is actually pointless, makes no sense, and is stupid; but those are the tree main components to a funny story, or just a really stupid waste of time. Just read it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the stupid stuff you don't recognize.
Summary: The cut out scene of Pearl Harbor.
Evelyn stood by the spinning doors waving to Rafe giving him a quivering puppy dog lip. "Damnit!" Rafe screamed aloud as he covered his mouth, "that wasn't supposed to come out!" he said even louder this time, "Damnit Rafe stop talkin'!" By this point everybody on the street was staring and laughing at him as he continued to try to stop talking to himself. "Shut the hell up Rafe and go inside with her!" He screamed to himself walking through the revolving doors. Evelyn stood there waiting,
"I thought you'd never come!" She said impatiently. "Now let's go upstairs!"
"Hmmm Okay!" Rafe shrugged following her to the elevator.
They found themselves upstairs as the scene changed to the next, "Oh my God!" Rafe said confused. "How'd we get up here? We were just down there!"
"It's called a scene change you moron! Haven't you ever been in a movie before!?" Evelyn, now talking as Kate Beckinsale said agitated.
"Why of course!" Rafe said now talking as Ben Affleck said proudly, "I've been in twenty-seven, would you like me to name them? I also won an Oscar®!"
"Shut up you fool! You didn't win and Oscar® for acting you got it for writing a screenplay that was 59% the word fuck!" Kate Beckinsale said getting very annoyed. "When are my Goddamn scenes with Josh Hartnett? I want to get with a younger guy (by five years)!"
"Oh," Ben Affleck said whimpering because he always does for no reason!
"Get back into the Goddamn movie!" Michael Bay screamed realizing he had no more money to redo the scene. "Oh I'll just cut it out!"
Kate Beckinsale turned back into Evelyn, "let's go inside," she said seductively.
Ben Affleck turned back into Rafe, "Okay," he shrugged.
Inside the room Evelyn jumped on the bed, "Wheeeeeeeeee," she screamed bouncing up and down.
"Ooo my turn my turn!" Rafe screamed bouncing along with her.
"Hey Rafe," Evelyn began, "well do you wanna have well…you know it starts with an 'f'?"
"You mean!" Rafe said getting excited.
"Yep!" Evelyn nodded along.
"Flan!!!" Rafe said about to pee his pants.
"You bet!"
"Yippee Skippy!" Rafe said running to the table.
Evelyn pulled out a plate of flan as they gobbled it up like little schoolgirls. As they finished Evelyn looked up turning back to Kate Beckinsale, "am I done now?" she asked in a British accent.
"Wait a second!" Michael Bay declared, "you're from Britain, let's make her a British nurse too!"
At that they shipped Ben Affleck and Kate Beckinsale to Britain.
"Where's the flan!?" Ben Affleck asked crying.
"No more flan till you finish your scenes," Michael Bay said sternly.
"Wait a second, how'd we get here? We were just in some cheesy hotel!" Ben exclaimed proudly.
Everybody sighed as they tried to figure out how he could have possibly been in this movie. Just then Kate Beckinsale walked out in the same nurses outfit and the same hat and the same 5hundredkazillion layers of red lipstick. The only difference was the blond wig she was wearing that still had her brown hair sticking out from.
"I'm Sandy," she exclaimed still reading the script, " and I am defiantly not Evelyn!"
"Wow," Ben Affleck said drooling, "You sure do look like Evelyn!"
"I'm not though! Evelyn has and American accent and I have an English one!"
"That makes a world of a difference!" Ben Affleck replied, "Wait!" he whined, "I want a new accent too!" he pouted crossing his arms.
"Ok," Michael Bay gave in, "in this scene you can talk like I don't know…Al Gore."
"But I can't impersonate a guy that works at a car wash!" he cried still pouting.
"All right, you can talk like Shamoo!"
"Yay!" Ben Affleck screamed skipping around squeaking like Shamoo.
"Ok!" Michael Bay screamed, "let's film Ben Affleck dying," he said as he threw Ben Affleck into the water, "did you get that?"
All 50kagillion-camera men nodded as they went back to Hawaii forcing Ben Affleck to swim there.
In Hawaii they filmed many meaningful scenes and then Josh Hartnett showed up. "So," he said in his sexy deep voice. "Should I just stand here and you can film me so I can make millions of girls in the movie theaters have orgasms?"
"Why not?" Michael Bay said as the 50kagillion-camera men did close ups of his ass.
Then Kate Beckinsale skipped in, "When are all of my scenes?"
"Shut up, we're busy filming Josh Hartnett!" Michael Bay scolded.
"No film me, film me!" Kate Beckinsale cried throwing a tantrum.
Just then Ben Affleck showed up soaked, "don't worry I'm here!" he exclaimed proudly.
"Damnit! I thought we killed you!" Michael Bay pouted.
Then Jerry Bruckhiemer appeared and blew up a bunch of things. "How's that?" he asked.
"Didn't we do the same exact thing in Armageddon?" Ben Affleck asked scratching his head.
"Nobody will notice that it's the exact replica of Armageddon but taking place in Hawaii except for PHfanatic who will write about it in her meaningless parody that is making fun of us!"
Just then Josh Hartnett screamed, "everybody shut up! You're disturbing my sexiness!"
"Sorry," everyone said in unison.
5 months later
"Damnit!" Michael Bay exclaimed, "we don't have any good scenes and there is no more money!"
"I know!" Jerry Bruckhiemer said proudly, "we'll add more explosions and then cut up all the scenes and add them together so they sort of make sense!"
"Good idea!" Michael Bay said throwing piles of film in the garbage. "Let's kill off a main character and make half the audience cry!"
"Brilliant, since nobody has emotional attachments to Ben Affleck or Kate Beckinsale we'll kill off Josh Hartnett!"
And with that they filmed the last portion of the movie cutting out the scenes above. "Perfect!" Michael Bay exclaimed, "now we have Titanic with three people!"
"Wow that's great!" Jerry Bruckhiemer smiled.
And with that the story of Pearl Harbor was finished leaving all the good scenes out and making America look very innocent and the Japanese evil!
The End