Now it is time for everyone's favorite caught, cough, gag, gag
Disney coughs and gags more tale HAROLD POTTERY AND
THE WARLOCK'S ROCK!
***
After the twenty minute prologue, the title scene begins. The title
scene music is "Starfuckers, Inc." by Nine Inch Nails, since that has
'everything' to do with Harold Pottery! Disney has a fetish with
songs that are three hundred years old (A/N: By this time it would
be! See?)
Birds: Cheep cheep!
Ragdih: Good morning, Harold. Are you ready to go to Horizontal
Alley?
Harold: Yes! I am!
They skip out the door, trying not to wake the Dumbsleys. Ragdih
pulls an oversized dragonfly from his pants. He scribbles a letter and
staples it to the dragonfly.
Harold: Wow! What was that for?
Ragdih: Florker, that's my dragonfly, is taking your confirmation letter
to Melinda McGallbladder to guarantee your place at Pigboils.
Harold and Ragdih jump on the jet skis and jet ski away. When they
reach shore, they hike to the nearest train station. They take a train
to Gary, Indiana. When they arrive in Gary, they walk towards a
place called the "The Frayed Cloak".
Harold: What is this?
Ragdih: This is the McDonald's of the wizarding world. Now let us
hurry before we miss the sale going on at Monsieur Milking's Robes
For All Happenings!
Harold: I do not get it! We walk into that restaurant and we see a
whole bunch of shops?
Ragdih pats Harold on the head.
Ragdih: You always want to take the easy way out, do you not?
They walked into the Frayed Cloak, and were instantly surrounded.
Funny Looking Guy: Oh my God!
An unusual looking man with a nose the size of a brick ran up and
shook Harold's hand.
Funny Looking Guy: I am never washing this hand again!
Two blonde twins in fuzzy pink tube tops and mini skirts came up to
Harold and rubbed him playfully.
Twins: (In unison) It is so marvelous to meet you, Mr. Pottery.
Then a young looking man who wore a sombrero that smelled like
molding bread came up to Harold.
Young Guy in a Moldy-Bread Smelling Sombrero: I-It's s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-
s-s-so nice to m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-meet y-y-you!
More and more people surrounded Harry to shake his hand.
Ragdih: That was Professor Squirrel; he will be teaching you at
Pigboils.
Harold: Why does he smell and talk funny?
Ragdih: Some people think he is European. (A/N: ABSOLUTELY
NO OFFENSE TO ANY EUROPEANS OUT THERE! Europe has
produced the finest people; this is from Disney's point of view, not
MINE!)
Harold: Oh, that makes sense then.
After they escape from the hustle and bustle of annoying people,
they walk out the back door of the Frayed Cloak.
Ragdih pulls a 7 Up can from his pants and taps on the third trash
can from the left. The trash can's lid pops off and Ragdih jumps in.
Harry follows him.
They land in a crowded street that has the words 'Horizontal Alley'
written up and down the sidewalk.
Harold's eyes dart everywhere. He is ecstatic.
Harold: Where do we go first?
Ragdih: We will go to Locknutt's first.
Harold: What's Locknutt's?
Ragdih: It's the bank where wizards throw all their money.
Harold: Oh.
They walked inside, and chipmunks were guarding every corner of
the bank.
Ragdih: I need to get the 'thing' out of Vault 21. I also need to open
up Vault 5,494,938,493,298,284,902,235.
The chipmunk nodded at him.
Chipmunk: Dale, please take these people to Vaults 21 and
5,494,938,493,298,284,902,235!
Dale: I am right on it, Chip.
Dale the chipmunk, Harold, and Ragdih jump into an oversized roller
skate. They travel two feet before reaching vault twenty-one. Chip
pulls out an acorn and places it into the handle. The door flies open
to reveal a ziploc bag lying on the ground.
Dale walks into the vault, picks up the bag and hands it to Ragdih.
Dale: Good luck.
Ragdih returns a smile.
Dale jumps back into the skate, he pressed a button and they
traveled at a mere six hundred miles an hour until they reached
Harold's vault.
Dale pulls out another acorn, and Harold's vault opens to reveal
millions of shining gold acorns.
Harold: WOW! This is all mine?
Ragdih: Yes, it is. Fill up your bag and then we will go buy your
supplies.
Harold: What are the meanings of these acorns?
Ragdih: The gold ones are called 'gayones', the silver are called
'singles' and the bronze ones are called 'nuts'. There are 45½ nuts
to a singles. There are 523 singles to a gayone.
Harold takes a Wal-Mart bag and fills it up with as many gayones,
singles, and nuts he can get his hands on. (A/N: That has to be the
most perverted sentence I have ever written)
Harold: Do you think that will be enough?
Ragdih: Sure, let's just get out of here. Your vault gives me the
collywobbles!
They jump back into the oversized skate and it takes them back to
the main floor of Locknutt's. They check out and walk back into the
hustle and bustle of Horizontal Alley.
Ragdih: I think we should go to Oliveoil's to get your wand first.
They walk into a run down building with the words 'Oliveoil's'
peeling from the windows. They hear a little tinkling of the bell, and
Mr. Oliveoil comes running out.
Mr. Oliveoil: Hello Ragdih! Twenty two inches, barbie leg, chestnut,
bendy, correct?
Ragdih: Well, that's what it was before they tossed it into the fire.
Mr. Oliveoil: Yes, well those things happen. Whom do we have
here?
Ragdih: Harold Potter.
Mr. Oliveoils's eyes shoot up to the lightbulb shaped scar on the tip
of Harold's nose.
Mr. Oliveoil: THE Harold Pottery?
Harold: Is there any other?
Mr. Oliveoil pulls a shoe box from the very top shelf. He dusts it off,
pulls out a wand, and hands it to Harold.
Mr. Oliveoil: Try this one. Twelve inches, AA battery, Pergo
flooring, flimsy.
Harold waves it around, feeling clumsy, when purple and hot pink
stars shoot from the end.
Mr. Oliveoil: We have a winner! That will be seven gayones, please.
Harold takes seven gold coins from his purse and hands them to Mr.
Oliveoil. Mr. Oliveoil, in return, hands him the shoe box with his
new wand.
Ragdih and Harold go to the bookstore, the apothecary, and some
other places.
Ragdih: We have two more places to go. Fruitloops Dragonfly
Emporium, and Monsieur Milking's Robes For All Happenings.
Harold nods his head. They walk into Fruitloops, and dragonflies are
zooming all over the place.
In the corner, Harold sees a snow white dragonfly. It looks antisocial
sitting in the corner by itself.
Harold: I want that one.
Harold buys it for four gayones and decides to name it Cadwell.
Ragdih: I have to go get my shoes shone, so I trust you can get your
school robes by yourself?
Harold: Yes, I can.
Ragdih: I will wait for you outside when I am done. It should not
take that long.
Harold walks into the store. A plump witch with heavy eyeshadow
sits there puffing on a cigarette.
Plump Witch With Heavy Eyeshadow: You here for Pigboils fitting?
Harold coughed on the smoke.
Harold: Yes.
The lady points for him to go to the back room.
Plump Witch With Heavy Eyeshadow: Someone will be there soon
to fit you.
Harold walks sheepishly to the back of the room. There he sees a
boy being fitted.
Boy: Oh hello, are you going to Pigboils?
Harold: Yes.
Boy: Do you know what house you are going to be in?
Harold: Err…no.
Boy: I do hope I will be in Stinkin! All the best witches and wizards
are there (A/N: He is damn right!)
Harold: Oh.
Boy: But I suppose Crowsfoot would be okay, but definitely not
Puffinhuff. All the wimps come out of Puffinhuff.
Harold: They sure do!
Boy: But, the last house I would ever want to be in is Grabadoor.
Harold: Err…Grabadoor is for bad people!
Boy: Precisely.
Someone comes to fit Harold for his robes. Harold decides this boy
is a stupid bastard, and decides that Stinkin would be the last house
he wants to be in (A/N: Such a stupid boy Harold is….).
Harold is done getting his robes fitted. He pays for them and sees
Ragdih outside.
Harold: Ragdih, what is Stinkin?
Ragdih: Oh, that's a house in Pigboils. Most evil people come from
Stinkin…let's see, there is Stinkin, Crowsfoot, Puffinhuff, and the best
of them all, Grabadoor.
Harold: Which one do you think I will get?
Ragdih: Probably Grabadoor. You are the bravest eleven year old I
have ever met.
Harold: Oh.
***
I do not own any of the plot lines stolen from Harry Potter and the
Sorcerer's (Philosopher's to you lucky people who do not have to
live in America, like I) Stone, for those come from the mind of…you
guessed it! JK Rowling! Woo! And I did not mean to offend anyone,
if I did, blame it on Disney.
Disney coughs and gags more tale HAROLD POTTERY AND
THE WARLOCK'S ROCK!
***
After the twenty minute prologue, the title scene begins. The title
scene music is "Starfuckers, Inc." by Nine Inch Nails, since that has
'everything' to do with Harold Pottery! Disney has a fetish with
songs that are three hundred years old (A/N: By this time it would
be! See?)
Birds: Cheep cheep!
Ragdih: Good morning, Harold. Are you ready to go to Horizontal
Alley?
Harold: Yes! I am!
They skip out the door, trying not to wake the Dumbsleys. Ragdih
pulls an oversized dragonfly from his pants. He scribbles a letter and
staples it to the dragonfly.
Harold: Wow! What was that for?
Ragdih: Florker, that's my dragonfly, is taking your confirmation letter
to Melinda McGallbladder to guarantee your place at Pigboils.
Harold and Ragdih jump on the jet skis and jet ski away. When they
reach shore, they hike to the nearest train station. They take a train
to Gary, Indiana. When they arrive in Gary, they walk towards a
place called the "The Frayed Cloak".
Harold: What is this?
Ragdih: This is the McDonald's of the wizarding world. Now let us
hurry before we miss the sale going on at Monsieur Milking's Robes
For All Happenings!
Harold: I do not get it! We walk into that restaurant and we see a
whole bunch of shops?
Ragdih pats Harold on the head.
Ragdih: You always want to take the easy way out, do you not?
They walked into the Frayed Cloak, and were instantly surrounded.
Funny Looking Guy: Oh my God!
An unusual looking man with a nose the size of a brick ran up and
shook Harold's hand.
Funny Looking Guy: I am never washing this hand again!
Two blonde twins in fuzzy pink tube tops and mini skirts came up to
Harold and rubbed him playfully.
Twins: (In unison) It is so marvelous to meet you, Mr. Pottery.
Then a young looking man who wore a sombrero that smelled like
molding bread came up to Harold.
Young Guy in a Moldy-Bread Smelling Sombrero: I-It's s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-
s-s-so nice to m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-meet y-y-you!
More and more people surrounded Harry to shake his hand.
Ragdih: That was Professor Squirrel; he will be teaching you at
Pigboils.
Harold: Why does he smell and talk funny?
Ragdih: Some people think he is European. (A/N: ABSOLUTELY
NO OFFENSE TO ANY EUROPEANS OUT THERE! Europe has
produced the finest people; this is from Disney's point of view, not
MINE!)
Harold: Oh, that makes sense then.
After they escape from the hustle and bustle of annoying people,
they walk out the back door of the Frayed Cloak.
Ragdih pulls a 7 Up can from his pants and taps on the third trash
can from the left. The trash can's lid pops off and Ragdih jumps in.
Harry follows him.
They land in a crowded street that has the words 'Horizontal Alley'
written up and down the sidewalk.
Harold's eyes dart everywhere. He is ecstatic.
Harold: Where do we go first?
Ragdih: We will go to Locknutt's first.
Harold: What's Locknutt's?
Ragdih: It's the bank where wizards throw all their money.
Harold: Oh.
They walked inside, and chipmunks were guarding every corner of
the bank.
Ragdih: I need to get the 'thing' out of Vault 21. I also need to open
up Vault 5,494,938,493,298,284,902,235.
The chipmunk nodded at him.
Chipmunk: Dale, please take these people to Vaults 21 and
5,494,938,493,298,284,902,235!
Dale: I am right on it, Chip.
Dale the chipmunk, Harold, and Ragdih jump into an oversized roller
skate. They travel two feet before reaching vault twenty-one. Chip
pulls out an acorn and places it into the handle. The door flies open
to reveal a ziploc bag lying on the ground.
Dale walks into the vault, picks up the bag and hands it to Ragdih.
Dale: Good luck.
Ragdih returns a smile.
Dale jumps back into the skate, he pressed a button and they
traveled at a mere six hundred miles an hour until they reached
Harold's vault.
Dale pulls out another acorn, and Harold's vault opens to reveal
millions of shining gold acorns.
Harold: WOW! This is all mine?
Ragdih: Yes, it is. Fill up your bag and then we will go buy your
supplies.
Harold: What are the meanings of these acorns?
Ragdih: The gold ones are called 'gayones', the silver are called
'singles' and the bronze ones are called 'nuts'. There are 45½ nuts
to a singles. There are 523 singles to a gayone.
Harold takes a Wal-Mart bag and fills it up with as many gayones,
singles, and nuts he can get his hands on. (A/N: That has to be the
most perverted sentence I have ever written)
Harold: Do you think that will be enough?
Ragdih: Sure, let's just get out of here. Your vault gives me the
collywobbles!
They jump back into the oversized skate and it takes them back to
the main floor of Locknutt's. They check out and walk back into the
hustle and bustle of Horizontal Alley.
Ragdih: I think we should go to Oliveoil's to get your wand first.
They walk into a run down building with the words 'Oliveoil's'
peeling from the windows. They hear a little tinkling of the bell, and
Mr. Oliveoil comes running out.
Mr. Oliveoil: Hello Ragdih! Twenty two inches, barbie leg, chestnut,
bendy, correct?
Ragdih: Well, that's what it was before they tossed it into the fire.
Mr. Oliveoil: Yes, well those things happen. Whom do we have
here?
Ragdih: Harold Potter.
Mr. Oliveoils's eyes shoot up to the lightbulb shaped scar on the tip
of Harold's nose.
Mr. Oliveoil: THE Harold Pottery?
Harold: Is there any other?
Mr. Oliveoil pulls a shoe box from the very top shelf. He dusts it off,
pulls out a wand, and hands it to Harold.
Mr. Oliveoil: Try this one. Twelve inches, AA battery, Pergo
flooring, flimsy.
Harold waves it around, feeling clumsy, when purple and hot pink
stars shoot from the end.
Mr. Oliveoil: We have a winner! That will be seven gayones, please.
Harold takes seven gold coins from his purse and hands them to Mr.
Oliveoil. Mr. Oliveoil, in return, hands him the shoe box with his
new wand.
Ragdih and Harold go to the bookstore, the apothecary, and some
other places.
Ragdih: We have two more places to go. Fruitloops Dragonfly
Emporium, and Monsieur Milking's Robes For All Happenings.
Harold nods his head. They walk into Fruitloops, and dragonflies are
zooming all over the place.
In the corner, Harold sees a snow white dragonfly. It looks antisocial
sitting in the corner by itself.
Harold: I want that one.
Harold buys it for four gayones and decides to name it Cadwell.
Ragdih: I have to go get my shoes shone, so I trust you can get your
school robes by yourself?
Harold: Yes, I can.
Ragdih: I will wait for you outside when I am done. It should not
take that long.
Harold walks into the store. A plump witch with heavy eyeshadow
sits there puffing on a cigarette.
Plump Witch With Heavy Eyeshadow: You here for Pigboils fitting?
Harold coughed on the smoke.
Harold: Yes.
The lady points for him to go to the back room.
Plump Witch With Heavy Eyeshadow: Someone will be there soon
to fit you.
Harold walks sheepishly to the back of the room. There he sees a
boy being fitted.
Boy: Oh hello, are you going to Pigboils?
Harold: Yes.
Boy: Do you know what house you are going to be in?
Harold: Err…no.
Boy: I do hope I will be in Stinkin! All the best witches and wizards
are there (A/N: He is damn right!)
Harold: Oh.
Boy: But I suppose Crowsfoot would be okay, but definitely not
Puffinhuff. All the wimps come out of Puffinhuff.
Harold: They sure do!
Boy: But, the last house I would ever want to be in is Grabadoor.
Harold: Err…Grabadoor is for bad people!
Boy: Precisely.
Someone comes to fit Harold for his robes. Harold decides this boy
is a stupid bastard, and decides that Stinkin would be the last house
he wants to be in (A/N: Such a stupid boy Harold is….).
Harold is done getting his robes fitted. He pays for them and sees
Ragdih outside.
Harold: Ragdih, what is Stinkin?
Ragdih: Oh, that's a house in Pigboils. Most evil people come from
Stinkin…let's see, there is Stinkin, Crowsfoot, Puffinhuff, and the best
of them all, Grabadoor.
Harold: Which one do you think I will get?
Ragdih: Probably Grabadoor. You are the bravest eleven year old I
have ever met.
Harold: Oh.
***
I do not own any of the plot lines stolen from Harry Potter and the
Sorcerer's (Philosopher's to you lucky people who do not have to
live in America, like I) Stone, for those come from the mind of…you
guessed it! JK Rowling! Woo! And I did not mean to offend anyone,
if I did, blame it on Disney.