DISCLAIMER: Welcome all and one to the disclaimer, disclaiming for all that I do not own the Xmen they are property of Marvel and that absolutely no profits whatsoever are being made from the following story!
AUTHORS NOTE: I know it has been awhile since I posted and all I can say is Im sorry. With my Summer schedule and travels writing has kinda been on the back burner. Anyway I cant promise posted continuations to my evolution series and other stories till next month, but please forgive me…I have some interesting ideas that im excited about sharing in the future
-the ROGUE
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BREAKDOWN
Breakdown By: the Rogue
She awoke panting. She didn't recognize anything. She did not know where she was.
What? Where…(gasp!) Who ahm Ah!?
She looked around the room. Nothing made sense. There was an open door in the corner of the room leading to a small bathroom. She entered the room and stared into the mirror.
Who ahm I? Ah don't even remember mah own name, why caint I remember? Ahm so confused!
Something then caught her eye. A photograph was stuck in the corner of the mirror. The picture was of her leaning on a young and attractive looking man with long aburn hair and blazing red on black eyes that seemed to sparkle.
We seem so happy and besotted with each other. Remy has the most charmin grin-Wait! That's Remy! But who ahm ah?
She went back to the room she woke up in searching for another photograph or something that would trigger another memory. She found another picture, framed and hanging on the wall. It was a group shot of several men and women together, dressed in different uniforms. She found herself and then Remy. Scanning the picture of unrecognized yet somehow familiar faces she seemed to recall previously seeing the man in the wheel chair, but couldn't remember his name. Then she spotted a short man with a mask on and claws pointed out.
There I am a voice in her head stated, but it sounded different.
Wait! Is that mah? Ah thought ah was- NO that caint be me, but the voice..
Confused she ran back to the bathroom mirror to check. Still mah (sigh) well not him, who ahm ah anyways?
At that point several different voices tried to mentally answer her question. They were all jumbled, she couldn't understand any of them. The room seemed to close around her as different incoherent thought cluttered her mind. Ah need to get outta here, need space Stumbling she headed out the other door in the room into a long hallway. Somehow she made her way to a set of stairs. There a black woman with whit hair greeted her.
"How did you sleep? I couldn't get a wink until the storm stopped."
Ah know her from somewhere
"Rogue! I said are you okay?"
The X-man known as Rogue slowly opened her eyes. She was in the Xmansion, but she was unsure of the events of this morning. She remembered in part feeling as though she had lost her identity. Not being able to figure out who she was and feeling her own self being pushed further back into her mind where she became lost among the other persons she had once absorbed. She was lucky the sound of her own name somehow brought her back. Not certain what happened in her own mind, deciding she might have been dreaming, but still a bit frightened of what could of happened. She decided on an answer for her friend and to keep her personal incident to herself.
"Yeah Storm ahm fine, just a lil sleepy. Ya know old Cyke wasn't all too forgiving during training yesterday."
"Yes I realize, but hopefully it is for the good of the team. Rogue are you sure your fine then?"
"Nothin an extra nap wont cure."
"Yes I think lately we could all use more rest."
"You said it gal!"
Rogue then headed to her room, locking the door behind her, a single tear sliding down her left cheek.
Ah must notta been able to figure out who ah was. Mah mind is such a damn mess! Couldn't figure out which voice or memory actually belonged to mah. Mebbe ah should tell the professor.
*No don't do that*
*Be strong, what would your momma think?*
*He'll shut out some of your own memories too!*
*Thought you could handle things on your own.*
*He cant help you*
Dammit ah cant even figure out which thoughts are mah own. It aint just Carrol ah mean ah can feel her, but the different people ah absorbed are starting to alter mah mind. Cant keep anything straight ah don't know whats happenin ta mah. Why is this happenin now? Ah don't understand, ah need air!
It was a nice day compared to the weather they had been having so quite a few of her teammates were using this opportunity to take part in outdoor activities. Up in the sky she flew over Storm who was busy attending to her garden. Then she passed by Logan and Remy who were in the driveway working on their bikes. Seeing her up in the sky Remy grinned at her charmingly so she waved and continued her path. Gambit continued looking at her flying away till Wolverine adverted his attention.
"Stop starin gumbo and pass me the socket wrench."
"Now Monsieur Logan you must work on your manners." He answered and passed Logan the wrench.
Meanwhile Rogue had ventured up into the sky over some forest near the school. She was having trouble remembering her planned route, something inside her said just let go so she did. Up, up she flew till she was almost to high in the atmosphere to breathe. She stayed suspended in air looking at the mixture of clouds far below her. It was a gorgeous sight. She grinned and flipped herself back zooming full speed down towards the earth. The wind and velocity made it quite a rush as she pulled up at the last possible second. Hours later she had traveled farther away from the mansion in search of what she didn't know. There did not appear to be one clear, concise thought in her head so she just kept going.
1 DAY LATER
Around noon a few of the Xmen had gathered to the kitchen to eat lunch. Cyclops approached Storm who was sitting at the table, "Storm I went to ask Rogue if she would like to accompany me, you, and Jean down to my old orphanage to help renovate the building seeing as she seems to enjoy kids and has the strength and I couldn't find her anywhere, Have you seen her at all?"
"Actually now that I think about it I do not remember seeing Rogue since I was watering my plants yesterday. She was not at dinner and it is not like her to go out for so long with out telling anywhere, are you sure she is not somewhere in the mansion?"
Just then Remy burst into the kitchen, seemingly looking for something (or someone.) "Good morning Remy, have you happened to see Rogue anywhere?" Storm asked casually.
"Actually Stormy I was just bout to ask you de same question. Haven't seen ma chere all day and dats no good for dis cajun. Where in de world is dat femme."
"It appears that she did not come home last night. I have not seen her since she was flying yesterday morning and Scott hasn't either. Did she mention to you where she was off to?"
"Non. Gambit real worried its not like Rogue ta stay out like dat without tellin anyone. I saw her go flyin yesterday too and dats it. We gotta find her." Gambit replied worried and anxious to find his cherie.
"Hold your horses Gambit." Scott geared into his firm (and annoying) leadership role. "We have to ask the others before we go jumping to conclusions. Its not like you've never disappeared for awhile without telling anyone. Before we take any action Im going to ask Jean to check with the others"
Because of their telepathic link Cyclops didn't even have to move to contact his wife.
//Jean//
//Scott what is it?//
//Would you mind asking the others if they have//
//Rogue! Its not like her to not come home//
//Your right darling but we need to ask the others before we act//
//I'll ask them right away//
Moments later Jean Grey walked into the kitchen with a look of concern. "Logan said he saw her yesterday morning, but other than that nobody knows about her present location."
"Chere" Gambit whispered. Jean sensed his distressed. "Relax Gambit I am going to use cerebro to try and find her."
The four of them quickly followed Jean to cerebro and waited while she attempted to contact Rogue. As time past the look of frustration on Jeans face grew.
"Can you reach her?" Gambit asked impatiently.
"I briefly made contact with her mind. I then tried to link with her telepathically to ask her where she was, but I couldn't make the link either she is blocking me out or her mind, I don't know how to explain it but I am sensing multiple emotions and feelings, none of which are negative, but no one emotion is dominant. Its confusing and I couldn't hold contact with her for that long."
"Chere could be unconscious, what if she in trouble, we gotta do somethin."
"If she were unconscious I would not of been able to reach her at all and distress is a strong emotion I would of sensed. There was no clear emotions like that just a clutter of them."
"What does this all mean?" Storm asked.
"Im not sure, it could mean a number of things. With the different personas in her mind from past absorbtions Rogue's mind is usually hard to connect with. I just hope that nothing bad has happened in there like when Ms. Marvel tried to gain control."
"Do you think it is possible Ms. Marvel has escaped again?" Cyclops questioned.
"No Scott, the mental prison I helped Rogue create in her mind can hardly be broken and I would of sensed Ms. Marvel's thoughts and feelings while I tried to contact Rogue. I will continue to try and contact her again. Storm will you update the professor on our situation?"
"Yes, immediately." Storm replied, heading out the door.
Watching Jean concentrate while using cerebro Remy Lebeau desperately hoped his beloved Rogue was alright.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She didn't know why but she felt as though a stranger in her own body and mind. She had run into a little gas station/convenient store in which she had bought buffalo wings, arizona green tea, and a couple cigars. The buffalo wings she recalled enjoying before, but she felt somehow unaccustomed to her own beverage choice. No matter it did not taste that bad.
*I love Arizona Green Tea*
A voice in her head said. The voice was female, but it did not sound like the same voice she used to speak. Continuing to walk down the road she pulled out a cigar and searched in her pocket for something to light it with. She found nothing. Wait a second ah don't have a lighter cuz ah don't smoke…Remy an Logan do an ah think its disgusting…Remy..Logan
Just then she heard a telepathic call, "Rogue are you there?"
Ahm Rogue! That's Jean and oh no ah gotta get back to the mansion, they might need mah help or somethin. Instead of trying to respond to Jean mentally she took off heading back to the mansion flying fast.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
While Jean was working hard to reach Rogue, Wolverine's voice sounded through the intercom: "Found Rogue."
"Where? How?" Gambit asked anxiously.
"Cool it cajun, was in the backyard and picked up on her scent. Shes out front somewhere."
Upon hearing those words Gambit quickly left the room in search of his southern belle. Jean was relieved that Rogue had been located, but was still confused as to why she could not connect with Rogue. I know Rogue's mind has always been very difficult to telepathically feel and read, but I was merely trying to contact her before. Apparently she was full conscious and speaking to her through telepathy has never been a problem before…I don't understand. I think t would be best if I talked to the professor about this, maybe he will have some answers.
Meanwhile, Gambit was approaching Rogue and Logan. (who had found her first)
"Chere where have you been?"
"Geez, Ah feel like ah was just asked this, oh wait ah was by Wolvie here."
"Well…"
"Ah went on a long, scenic flight through some woods yesterday an it got late an ah decided just to spend the night under the stars."
"You coulda called, or used your communicator ta let me know. I was worried."
"Look who this is coming from! At least ah don't go gallivanting across town till two in the morning or (she looked over at Logan) disappear without a trace for days at a time!"
"You gotta point there darling. But just cause it aint wrong to go off once an awhile don't mean I aint gonna worry bout ya kid, even though I should know better. How bout ya save me some worryin and next time leave a note tellin me not to worry."
"Okay Logan, but ya gotta do the same for me."
"Deal." Logan gave her a small smile and walked away.
"How bout you swamp rat, yah gonna stop acting like Cyclops."
"Aww dat hurts chere, ya know Remy care bout ya."
"Yeah ah know."
"So what made you need to take dis mini solo trip?"
"Actually Remy ah just wanted ta get away from the mansion for a bit. Now ah think ah need ta go tell the others ah'm back, but ah wouldn't mind an escort if your available?"
"For you chere Remy always be available." He charmingly took her hand and together they walked toward the mansion doors. Remy was glad Rogue was fine, but there was still a tint of worry in the back of his mind. Going off just because aint like her.
Upon their entrance Proffesor Xaiver claimed that he would like to run some tests on Rogue. "I find nothing wrong with your little trip (though it would be nice to let us know about it) the tests are just to determine why Jean could not reach you."
"Alright Professor, but do ya think ah can take a small nap first."
"That would be a good idea Rogue. I actually have some work to finish so how about all three of us meet tomorrow morning for the tests in my office. I feel no need to take care of this right away."
"Okay Professor." Rogue smiled and headed to her room.
On her way there Remy stopped her, "Chere wait."
"This better be good cajun ah was about at take a nap." Rogue smirked playfully.
"Gambit know not to interrupt one of Roguies naps." His tone grew more serious, "Just wanted ta make sure everything was okay with you."
"Stop it swamp rat your generosity is bringing a tear to mah eye." Rogue drawled rather sarcastically.
"Alright Gambit can take a hint, sweet dreams chere."
Rogue smiled at him and went to her room.
As she lied down on her bed her smile faded. Why is this happening to mah!? Ah have ta conciously concentrate to keep control of mah own mind all these voices and thoughts, tommorow ah hope the professor doesn't think ahm crazy…ah don't want ta tell the others this is mah own problem ta deal with. Ah just hope nothin like yesterday happens ah don't remember bein gone for that long, but ah guess ah was
At that point she drifted off into sleep. In reality she had not gone to sleep under the stars, but actually flown through the night looking for answers without knowing the questions. She was exhausted from not just her trip, but dealing with herself. While she slept she subconsciously shifted in to a dream state:
There she was in a crowded room. So crowded she could not move. Most the other people she was with did not have faces they were just blurred images, a couple she saw had faces and she recognized them Logan, Carol, Warren All were chanting the same thing "You stole this part of me. YOU stole this part of me." Rogue cried out "Ahm sorry." Suddenly the room seemed to collapse onto her. She awoke trembling. Ah need ta get out of here
Normally Rogue would go to the roof to think and clear her mind, but Rogues thoughts were not normal. She had wondered through the mansion until she reached an exit (a side door) which lead to a small porch with a swinging wooden chair.
Gambit hated grounds duty, to him it was boring and pointless. He was glad that he just had to make one more check around the mansion before he could return to finish the bike. Walking quickly he turned the corner to the right side of the mansion and suddenly came to abrupt halt. There, sitting on the side porch on the hanging chair was his beloved Rogue. She was so beautiful, yet seemed so deep in thought. The feeling that bothered him earlier slowly returned as he headed towards her.
Rogue almost jumped up when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and to her surprise saw Gambit standing behind where she was sitting. She hesitated before speaking, "Remy?"
"Hey chere."
"What do ya want?"
"Just ta sit here with you."
"Oh."
He sat down next to her on the chair.
"Remy?"
"Yeah chere?"
"Doncha wanna finish fixin your bike before the sun sets."
"Non, being with you is much better."
"Remy"
"Yeah chere?"
"Thanks."
He smiled and put his arm around her. They sat with each other in silence, enjoying the setting sun. In this moment Rogue had one dominant feeling in her mind happiness.
The next morning in Xaviers office Jean Grey, Rogue, and professor X met. Jean explained to the professor as well as Rogue what had happened yesterday when she tried to telepathically contact Rogue. Rogue in turn explained where she went and what she did yesterday however she decided not to mention the part about losing her identity for the second time that day hoping the telepaths would be unable to pick up on this.
"Im going to do a light telepathic scan of your mind Rogue, hopefully I will be able to determine as to why Jean was unsuccessful at contacting you."
The professor's eyes opened and he spoke very calmly, "Jean please excuse us." Jean did as she was asked and the Professor looked back over at Rogue "We need to talk."
Professor Xavier concentrated as he did a full telepathic scan of Rogue's mind. He had been working with her all morning "Rogue Im sensing the presence of multiple thoughts in your head that are not your own."
Rogue had been growing weary with trying to control all the emotions in her mind and her session with the professor was becoming very strenuous. "It's the thoughts of people ahve absorbed professor."
"I figured as much Rogue but I cannot imagine how they got to the front of your mind, you have no recently shown any signs of an mental imbalance."
"This has never happened before why are they all in my mind." Rogue whimpered
"Rogue you must calm down so I can sort through them."
"Calm down? You, nobody knows what it is like ta not be able to separate your own thoughts…all these voices ah cant think anymore!"
Rogue got up from where she was sitting in Xaviers office, knocked over the chair, and fled. The professor mentally called the other available Xmen telling them the situation and to contain Rogue. Rogue flew fast and furiously not knowing where she was going. Somehow she ended up in the garage. She stopped, deciding she needed to collect her thoughts.
Just as she was starting to calm herself Gambit came riding into the garage on his bike, returning from a morning drive. Unaware of the situation Remy conversed with her casually, "Dang chere you see the weather..all dem rain clouds appearin, I gotta talk ta stormy about makin some sunshine. Gambit went into town dis mornin and it was nice and den all of a sudden it started to rain and-"
"How many girls did Gambit hit on today?" Rogue asked.
Remy was caught totally off guard by the question. "Excuse me chere? Whats with des accusations all of de sudden?"
"Ya smell like perfume all ovah ya."
It then hit Gambit that he must still smell like perfume from when he went into the body shop this morning to purchase Rogue her favorite perform, thinking it would cheer her up. It seemed his efforts were doing more bad then good. Although hurt he smiled reassuringly, "Chere you know Gambit be faithful ta ya."
"Faithful?! Oh faithful like you were when you didn't tell mah about your wife right away." Rogue threw a tool bench at him. "Or faithful like when yah tried to hide the massacre from mah!?"
"How bout you chere, like you were faithful ta me when ya brought home Magneto or when ya told me we were past all dis!" Her mentions of his past pain and attacks on his character had come out of nowhere and caused him to be hurt and outraged all at once.
"Stay away from mah ya lyin and cheatin swamp rat!"
"Fine chere, if your gonna take out your problems on Gambit den he don't wanna be near ya either."
"You are mah damn problem." She yelled flying through the garage ceiling.
Gambit stared through fresh hole, "Consider your problem solved." And with that he charged/threw the perfume bottle he bought for her, walking away as it exploded in the air.
Seeing Gambit in the hallway Jean ran towards him, "Gambit have you seen Rogue?"
"Gambit don't want ta go near her, she pushed de line dis time."
"Gambit her powers-" Jean stopped mid sentence the look he was giving her showed no care or concern.
"Gambit don't care anymore mebbe chere learn on her own dat she cant use her powers as an excuse ta push everyone away."
"Gambit you don't understand-"
"No YOU don't understand she doesn't reject you over and over. Nobody understand dat girls mood swings she go from sunshine ta rain without warning and takes out her own problems on me not you, and she-"
This time Jean interrupted him, only mentally. Suddenly Gambit heard many different thoughts and voices inside his head besides his own, it was hard to think clearly and he felt his personal space had been violated. Then he only heard Jeans voice, "As you know Rogue keeps certain mental shadows of the people she absorbs, sometimes right after she absorbs a person as you've witness the persona become dominant in her mind. Over time she just retains the left over imprints or shadows of this persons persona. She has multiple shadows in her head and Ms. Marvel to boot. For some reason she suddenly does not have full control of her self and those multiple personas are flooding her mind. We have to find her so the professor can help her"
"Lets find her." Gambits private thoughts raced through his mind as him and Jean followed Rogues path of destruction starting from the hole in the garage ceiling. Oh my chere Gambit understand you more than you think, Ive always admired you for being able to keep sane with all going on in your mind. I just forgot thank god Jean reminded me, Im going to find you.
They grabbed Wolverine who followed Rogue's scent from her room to out her window. "She was here within the last 15 minutes. Scents dead she must've hightailed it out the window."
They went outside where they found Dr. Hank McCoy looking quite perplexed.
"Beast mon ami have you seen Rogue?"
"Yes I saw her several minutes ago she went whipping by in her green cloak. Her form of greeting was unusual she yelled at me to get out of her way which is not at all like our southern bell."
Since it had started pouring Wolverine could no longer track Rogue. Now soaking wet Gambit looked out onto the horizon somewhere out there in dis mess my Rogu, shes all alone trying to fight her own battles without help. Storm, Jean, Cyclops, and Beast were getting ready to take off in the black bird.
"Gambit get a move on." Cyclops commanded as he headed into the blackbird.
Gambit headed in the opposite direction, "Remy we must find her, you cannot do it alone"
"Remy knows stormy, Im gonna go out ahead on my bike deres a better chance findin her dat way, if I see her I'll let ya know."
"Be careful my friend" Storm headed to the blackbird with the others who were being briefed on Rogues condition by Xaiver.
Meanwhile Gambit hurried to get on his bike. "Merde!" I never changed my bikes fuel. He looked over to were Wolverines was parked.
"Don't even think about it Bub."
Startled Gambit turned around, "Why arent you with the others."
"Cause I can find Rogue faster myself. Shes like a sister to me gumbo and don't you forget that."
"I know she means a lot to me too."
Wolverine growled, "If anything happens to my bike your gonna get more than a taste of anamantium. You better be careful specially in this freakin down pour watch the turns. I'll track her by jeep, if you spot her you-"
Wolverine didn't get to finish his sentence because Gambit had already taken off. Im gonna hammer that cajun real good after this he thought as he jumped in his jeep.
Meanwhile a soaked Rogue had ventured into a nearby forest. The image of a bird on a tree triggered a memory: I got a canary for my 13th birthday and named it Pippy I loved that bird, then only days after I got it my younger sister opened the cage and let her go free. My dad didn't even punish her—
Rogue screamed this wasn't a memory from her life, she had never owned a bird. She had stolen that memory from someone else's life. She let out another scream.
On a road not too far away Wolverine's sensitive hearing picked up Rogues scream. He stopped his Jeep and headed into the woods by foot looking for the source of the scream.
"Rogue?"
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!!" Rogue pulled a huge tree right out of the ground and threw it at him.
The tree landed on top of him and knocked him out.
"Logan?" Rogue asked scared at what she had just done. She picked the tree off him. Carefully she checked his pulse, thank god he was breathing. She felt his side that the tree was on, nothing felt broken. The tree must of knocked him out cold. Rogue was scared. Ah coulda just killed Logan if it werent for his healing factor, Logans a close friend ta mah and ah coulda just killed him!
Rogue flew up into the sky clutching her head, up higher and higher till she could not take it anymore. She screamed in agony and dropped to the ground.
Gambit had found Logans jeep parked out on the road. He looked towards the forest and saw Rogue emerge into the sky above the trees. He headed towards her running fast and never taking his eyes off her. Then he watched in terror as she screamed and dropped to the ground. He ran to the area she had fallen frantically.
"Rogue!" "Chere were are you?!" He cried out for her, but got no answer. He froze in fear and then heard sobs coming from these large fern bushes.
"Rogue" He could not see her, was she inside the bushes?
He crawled in, and saw her in her green cloak hood covering her sobbing from his view.
"Chere?" he put his hand on her shoulder and she started to tremble. The only time he had seen Rogue so vulnerable was that night he had come to her on the roof after she had been blinded by Strobe. But now she was trembling and seemed scared of him, she was broken down and he would do anything to fix her. Slowly he attempted to draw back her hood. She pulled it down, "Don't touch mah." She whispered.
"Non chere Gambit want ta help ya, ya cant do dis alone. Please don't shut me out." He was practically pleading her.
Rogue turned towards him. He could see her green eyes and strands of her hair through the shadow of her hood. "Ah hurt Logan, hes under the tree over there. Ah didn't mean too." She whispered.
Remy clicked his communicator not taking his eyes from her. "Professor Gambit found Rogue we be in de forest shes fallen apart. Tell de others ta come pick up Logan."
In less than a minute a telepathic image of Xavier appeared in front of them, "Do not worry, Rogue I am going to enter your mind…it is necessary for me to help you."
The image disappeared and Gambit held Rogues hand as she a multitude of emotions washed through her eyes. She was breathing hard but remained still. Her eyes closed and Gambit was left silently praying that Xavier would be able to bring back his Rogue.
Rogue slowly opened her eyes thankful the professor had helped reorganize her mind, "Remy?"
"How are ya chere?"
"Much better the professor helped mah figure out which thoughts and feeling were mind and the ones I absorbed." She pulled her knees to her chest and hung her head in shame.
"Thanks for helping mah." She mumbled.
Gambit looked at her, "Chere your not alone, Remy here for you whenever you need him. You don't have ta be so alone all de time and try ta face everything by yourself."
She looked at him with sadness. "Ah took parts of these peoples lives Rem."
Remy smiled. That was his chere so noble. She cared more about what she had done to have these voices in her head then what these voices had done to her. Many of them were bad guys, villains they had fought in battle, yet she still felt some guilt. He held her close and took down her hood. He whispered in her ear, "I love you Rogue."
She smiled and responded, "Ah love you too, thank you so much for being there for mah."
"It was a pleasure, now chere your soaked. Why don't we call de others ta come pick us up."
"Cant we just stay here for awhile longer."
"Its rainin chere!"
"Ah don't mind the rain."
"Okay but only cause you're a cute lil river rat all soaked-"
She cut him off by tackling him to the ground.
Remy laughed as she pinned his back down on the ground. His Rogue was back!
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***Sorry bout the ending there, but otherwise I hoped you liked. But I want know what you thought unless you WRITE A REVIEW! I enjoy and appreciate the feedback. Hopefully Ill get an opportunity and some inspiration to post other stuff soon.
Remember for an author feedback=motivation Thanks 4 Reading!