Title: Just Being There
Written By: Drea Jackman
Email: DreaJackman@Literati.co.uk
Rating: 15 (Overall)
Summary: What really lies behind Eyes Only?
Series: Eyes Only
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters involved. All Dark Angel characters belong to Cameron/Eglee Productions and Fox...the lucky *ahem*!
Dedication: For Cale, who really pushed me to attempt this story.
Archive: Sure, just email me to lemme know where first. Thanks!
Feedback: Hell yeah! It's another of the small pleasures of writing.
Author's Note: Set pre-kisses and confessions in 'Meow'. I do realise that Logan's birthday and the date of the pulse are not as they appear in this fic, but it made for a more interesting story.
_______________________________________________________________________
Knocking all of once so that no one inside would really have much chance of hearing her let alone answering the door, Max went inside. The apartment was dimly lit by only a few of Logan's usually atmostpheric candles. Now that there had been a brownout Max thought the situation was perfect. Even though Logan had turned into the worker bee, tonight he'd have no choice but to leave his computers be and listen to her. At least that was the plan.
"Logan?" she called quietly.
Logan didn't hear Max enter at first. The sobs no longer wracked his body but his eyes still stung. As what little lighting he'd had went out he opened his eyes and looked out between his fingers to focus on the centre of the room. It was dimly lit by candles, nothing else. It only served as a minor beating that once again the fruits of his early life's labour had plunged the city into darkness.
"Logan!"
"Damn." Logan exclaimed in a whisper. 'Max is here? Now? Shit!'
"Hey Logan, anyone home?"
Max stopped as she rounded the perspex screens to find Logan's computer area empty as expected. One of the monitors in pieces by her feet was another story, one she hadn't expected at all. In truth it left her a little worried. 'What if someone broke in, found out who Eyes Only was and came to take him out? What if Logan was hurt?' Too many questions and not enough apparent answers. Max didn't like it at all.
"Logan!"
As Logan finally had time to register, with added dismay, that Max was indeed here he tried in vain to get up. His hurry wasn't really helping him much, but by the time Max had found him he had successfully managed to stand up and turn to face out of the windows, cane still by his side.
"Hey," she began quietly noting Logan's stiff stance by the window. "You okay?"
Logan didn't answer at first. He was worried that the crack would still be present in his voice if he did. Not turning round he kept his eyes locked on the now blackened city outstretched before him. Finally he decided to speak.
"Just fine."
His voice was whisper-soft and blank. If Max hadn't known any better she'd have thought she was listening to someone else speaking. Even Logan didn't pull of sarcasm this well. His voice betrayed nothing of his mood or emotions. It was empty of everything that made him the man she knew him to be. Walking up to him slowly, Max stopped beside him and followed his gaze out over the city.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." Same dry emptiness in his voice.
Max stayed silent for a little while longer before finally turning ever so slightly to look up at him. She could only make out the left side of his face. He looked pale and there was something else. 'He's been crying?' she thought suddenly as she recognised the drying trailmarks that led from under the wireframe of his glasses over his cheek and disappeared into the scruff of his beard. Max felt something ache inside to see him like that and knew that tact was the only way to get him to talk about it. The only way she could help him.
"So," she started in the same manner so many of their attempts to break awkward silences went. "Computer piss you off?"
Logan's gaze out of the windows never faltered. He just turned away from her slightly to stare out over another patch of blackness. No reply. His silence was killing Max. 'Why the hell's he being like this? What the hell happened?'
"Logan, talk to me." her voice now pleaded with him. She reached out and laid her hand on his left arm, urging him to turn and face her, to look her in the eye.
"And say what?" he asked finally turning to meet her urging.
"Tell me whatever's doing this?" she asked softly, her voice just about broken itself at the sight before her.
Her free hand rose up to his face and she ran the backs of her fingers down his cheek drying the tears that trespassed there. His hair was more dishevelled than usual and his eyes were red and bloodshot. In all the time she'd known him this was the first she'd ever seen him like this before. Even when he'd been in hospital, even with the wheelchair, he'd never looked half as vulnerable as he did standing before her right now.
"I can't." he answered after a few moments had passed.
A lump had arisen in Logan's throat as Max had turned him to face her. Made even worse by the sound in her voice as she pleaded with him to tell her what was going on. He could bearly speak round it. All he really wanted to do was cry, to smash things up. Anything to get the horrible feeling out of his system. He wanted to be alone because he didn't want Max to see him like this, to know who and what he really was. But at the same time he didn't want to be alone because of how he felt about her and how much he wanted more than ever to stop hiding from her.
Max felt tears begin to sting her own eyes as she watched Logan's features tear at the mix of emotions flitting through his eyes. She didn't understand. It ate her up that she didn't, but it was fact all the same. If he wouldn't, or couldn't, explain it to her right now then all she could do was be with him. Nothing more, nothing less. She took a few moments more to try and read his eyes, to try and understand what was eating away at him and hurting him so bad. She may not know what it was or exactly how deep it ran, but Max knew a secret when she saw one. And what she saw now was someone she cared about reaching breaking point with his own secrets. Sliding her hand down into his she squeezed it softly and pulled him a little closer. Wrapping her arms around his waist she laid her head on his chest and hugged him tight.
"I'm sorry." she whispered.
"For what?" Logan's hand returned her gesture of reassurance by squeezing back and he slowly brought his other arm up to hold her close.
"That I don't know how to make it better."
Logan waited a few seconds more before answering as he took time to think over what could make the situation better. He knew nothing really could, but the fact that Max was there with him was enough.
"You're here."
Max appreciated the sentiment and gripped the back of his shirt lightly at the waist as she opened her eyes to look out the windows again, still not removing her head from Logan's chest. The soft thump of his heartbeat beneath her ear was a comfort. If her presence could help Logan then that's what she'd do.
"I won't leave." she said gently.
Logan's grip around her tightened as if in answer to her gesture. Here was this amazing woman who'd shared all of her secrets with him, everything about her past and everything that could put her in greater danger now, who only wanted to help him when she saw him in a bad way. 'How could you have been so stupid?' he wondered. 'You said you'd never hide from her again. Never hurt her.' Logan lowered his head to rest his cheek on the top of her head as he looked out at the city with her.
"We don't have to talk." Max whispered softly against his chest.
Logan closed his eyes briefly as if thanking some higher power for letting him off the hook at least for now. He wasn't sure he could tell her everything just yet. Finding the right words to tell her would he hard and he freely admitted his fear. He wasn't ready to loose her yet. Max almost felt his stance release a little more, like he'd been relieved at her backing down. 'He's that uptight about telling me?' she wondered briefly before pushing the thoughts from her head. She knew Logan, really knew him. He'd tell her when he was ready and until he was she'd be there for him.
As if on cue, both brought their gaze back from the window to look at each other. Max looked up at Logan with nothing but concern and a little uncharacteristic patience emanating from her eyes. Logan looked back down at Max wondering how he'd ever gotten as lucky in life. To have someone actually care about what was going on with him and want to help. It wasn't something he was used to for himself. Without another word spoken the pair found themselves drawn to the other. Their eyes slowly drifting closed and they ventured forward both seeking to find and offer comfort. Lips met tentatively as they shared their first true kiss.
Nothing about this kiss said goodbye. Max was trying to let Logan know that she'd be there, how much she cared and how she wouldn't leave him now, not when he needed someone. Logan was revelling in the sensations of having Max in his arms, kissing him back. To be able to imagine for brief seconds that this was how it'd be for both of them. He knew that after what he had to tell her was said, he'd loose her and he'd never have this moment back again.
Slowly they broke the kiss only to draw uneven but deep breaths. Max opened her eyes to find Logan's trained on her. His face was blank, nothing registering but the sure expression of purpose. At this confirmation Max's face also took on a new determination as they moved toward each other and kissed again. This time there was nothing tentative or unsure. It was long awaited for both of them and they were only too happy to finally act on it.
The kiss was still gentle. Logan pressed soft butterfly kisses on Max's lips and she slowly traced first his upper lip, then his lower one with her tongue. Logan let go of her hand and wound his hand back up into her hair as he parted his lips to grant her the entry she sought. Her hands fisted in the back of his shirt as his tongue met hers and gently explored the recesses of her mouth.
Gradually their motions slowed and Logan drew back a little. Max still held him close and continued her trail of kisses leading them up and down his neck. As her hands slid up into his wild hair Logan's eyes fluttered open, his eyes once again faced with the blackness that had engulfed the city below. Slowly moving his hands up to catch hers, he knew it was time to stop.
"Max," he said, his voice still a little hoarse. He slid his hands into hers and brought them down to his chest.
Max stopped her administrations and looked up at him a little disappointed, but she knew what it meant. It was important this happened in his time. She didn't answer right away, but instead simply nodded to let him know she understood.
"I'm listening."
Written By: Drea Jackman
Email: DreaJackman@Literati.co.uk
Rating: 15 (Overall)
Summary: What really lies behind Eyes Only?
Series: Eyes Only
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters involved. All Dark Angel characters belong to Cameron/Eglee Productions and Fox...the lucky *ahem*!
Dedication: For Cale, who really pushed me to attempt this story.
Archive: Sure, just email me to lemme know where first. Thanks!
Feedback: Hell yeah! It's another of the small pleasures of writing.
Author's Note: Set pre-kisses and confessions in 'Meow'. I do realise that Logan's birthday and the date of the pulse are not as they appear in this fic, but it made for a more interesting story.
_______________________________________________________________________
Knocking all of once so that no one inside would really have much chance of hearing her let alone answering the door, Max went inside. The apartment was dimly lit by only a few of Logan's usually atmostpheric candles. Now that there had been a brownout Max thought the situation was perfect. Even though Logan had turned into the worker bee, tonight he'd have no choice but to leave his computers be and listen to her. At least that was the plan.
"Logan?" she called quietly.
Logan didn't hear Max enter at first. The sobs no longer wracked his body but his eyes still stung. As what little lighting he'd had went out he opened his eyes and looked out between his fingers to focus on the centre of the room. It was dimly lit by candles, nothing else. It only served as a minor beating that once again the fruits of his early life's labour had plunged the city into darkness.
"Logan!"
"Damn." Logan exclaimed in a whisper. 'Max is here? Now? Shit!'
"Hey Logan, anyone home?"
Max stopped as she rounded the perspex screens to find Logan's computer area empty as expected. One of the monitors in pieces by her feet was another story, one she hadn't expected at all. In truth it left her a little worried. 'What if someone broke in, found out who Eyes Only was and came to take him out? What if Logan was hurt?' Too many questions and not enough apparent answers. Max didn't like it at all.
"Logan!"
As Logan finally had time to register, with added dismay, that Max was indeed here he tried in vain to get up. His hurry wasn't really helping him much, but by the time Max had found him he had successfully managed to stand up and turn to face out of the windows, cane still by his side.
"Hey," she began quietly noting Logan's stiff stance by the window. "You okay?"
Logan didn't answer at first. He was worried that the crack would still be present in his voice if he did. Not turning round he kept his eyes locked on the now blackened city outstretched before him. Finally he decided to speak.
"Just fine."
His voice was whisper-soft and blank. If Max hadn't known any better she'd have thought she was listening to someone else speaking. Even Logan didn't pull of sarcasm this well. His voice betrayed nothing of his mood or emotions. It was empty of everything that made him the man she knew him to be. Walking up to him slowly, Max stopped beside him and followed his gaze out over the city.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." Same dry emptiness in his voice.
Max stayed silent for a little while longer before finally turning ever so slightly to look up at him. She could only make out the left side of his face. He looked pale and there was something else. 'He's been crying?' she thought suddenly as she recognised the drying trailmarks that led from under the wireframe of his glasses over his cheek and disappeared into the scruff of his beard. Max felt something ache inside to see him like that and knew that tact was the only way to get him to talk about it. The only way she could help him.
"So," she started in the same manner so many of their attempts to break awkward silences went. "Computer piss you off?"
Logan's gaze out of the windows never faltered. He just turned away from her slightly to stare out over another patch of blackness. No reply. His silence was killing Max. 'Why the hell's he being like this? What the hell happened?'
"Logan, talk to me." her voice now pleaded with him. She reached out and laid her hand on his left arm, urging him to turn and face her, to look her in the eye.
"And say what?" he asked finally turning to meet her urging.
"Tell me whatever's doing this?" she asked softly, her voice just about broken itself at the sight before her.
Her free hand rose up to his face and she ran the backs of her fingers down his cheek drying the tears that trespassed there. His hair was more dishevelled than usual and his eyes were red and bloodshot. In all the time she'd known him this was the first she'd ever seen him like this before. Even when he'd been in hospital, even with the wheelchair, he'd never looked half as vulnerable as he did standing before her right now.
"I can't." he answered after a few moments had passed.
A lump had arisen in Logan's throat as Max had turned him to face her. Made even worse by the sound in her voice as she pleaded with him to tell her what was going on. He could bearly speak round it. All he really wanted to do was cry, to smash things up. Anything to get the horrible feeling out of his system. He wanted to be alone because he didn't want Max to see him like this, to know who and what he really was. But at the same time he didn't want to be alone because of how he felt about her and how much he wanted more than ever to stop hiding from her.
Max felt tears begin to sting her own eyes as she watched Logan's features tear at the mix of emotions flitting through his eyes. She didn't understand. It ate her up that she didn't, but it was fact all the same. If he wouldn't, or couldn't, explain it to her right now then all she could do was be with him. Nothing more, nothing less. She took a few moments more to try and read his eyes, to try and understand what was eating away at him and hurting him so bad. She may not know what it was or exactly how deep it ran, but Max knew a secret when she saw one. And what she saw now was someone she cared about reaching breaking point with his own secrets. Sliding her hand down into his she squeezed it softly and pulled him a little closer. Wrapping her arms around his waist she laid her head on his chest and hugged him tight.
"I'm sorry." she whispered.
"For what?" Logan's hand returned her gesture of reassurance by squeezing back and he slowly brought his other arm up to hold her close.
"That I don't know how to make it better."
Logan waited a few seconds more before answering as he took time to think over what could make the situation better. He knew nothing really could, but the fact that Max was there with him was enough.
"You're here."
Max appreciated the sentiment and gripped the back of his shirt lightly at the waist as she opened her eyes to look out the windows again, still not removing her head from Logan's chest. The soft thump of his heartbeat beneath her ear was a comfort. If her presence could help Logan then that's what she'd do.
"I won't leave." she said gently.
Logan's grip around her tightened as if in answer to her gesture. Here was this amazing woman who'd shared all of her secrets with him, everything about her past and everything that could put her in greater danger now, who only wanted to help him when she saw him in a bad way. 'How could you have been so stupid?' he wondered. 'You said you'd never hide from her again. Never hurt her.' Logan lowered his head to rest his cheek on the top of her head as he looked out at the city with her.
"We don't have to talk." Max whispered softly against his chest.
Logan closed his eyes briefly as if thanking some higher power for letting him off the hook at least for now. He wasn't sure he could tell her everything just yet. Finding the right words to tell her would he hard and he freely admitted his fear. He wasn't ready to loose her yet. Max almost felt his stance release a little more, like he'd been relieved at her backing down. 'He's that uptight about telling me?' she wondered briefly before pushing the thoughts from her head. She knew Logan, really knew him. He'd tell her when he was ready and until he was she'd be there for him.
As if on cue, both brought their gaze back from the window to look at each other. Max looked up at Logan with nothing but concern and a little uncharacteristic patience emanating from her eyes. Logan looked back down at Max wondering how he'd ever gotten as lucky in life. To have someone actually care about what was going on with him and want to help. It wasn't something he was used to for himself. Without another word spoken the pair found themselves drawn to the other. Their eyes slowly drifting closed and they ventured forward both seeking to find and offer comfort. Lips met tentatively as they shared their first true kiss.
Nothing about this kiss said goodbye. Max was trying to let Logan know that she'd be there, how much she cared and how she wouldn't leave him now, not when he needed someone. Logan was revelling in the sensations of having Max in his arms, kissing him back. To be able to imagine for brief seconds that this was how it'd be for both of them. He knew that after what he had to tell her was said, he'd loose her and he'd never have this moment back again.
Slowly they broke the kiss only to draw uneven but deep breaths. Max opened her eyes to find Logan's trained on her. His face was blank, nothing registering but the sure expression of purpose. At this confirmation Max's face also took on a new determination as they moved toward each other and kissed again. This time there was nothing tentative or unsure. It was long awaited for both of them and they were only too happy to finally act on it.
The kiss was still gentle. Logan pressed soft butterfly kisses on Max's lips and she slowly traced first his upper lip, then his lower one with her tongue. Logan let go of her hand and wound his hand back up into her hair as he parted his lips to grant her the entry she sought. Her hands fisted in the back of his shirt as his tongue met hers and gently explored the recesses of her mouth.
Gradually their motions slowed and Logan drew back a little. Max still held him close and continued her trail of kisses leading them up and down his neck. As her hands slid up into his wild hair Logan's eyes fluttered open, his eyes once again faced with the blackness that had engulfed the city below. Slowly moving his hands up to catch hers, he knew it was time to stop.
"Max," he said, his voice still a little hoarse. He slid his hands into hers and brought them down to his chest.
Max stopped her administrations and looked up at him a little disappointed, but she knew what it meant. It was important this happened in his time. She didn't answer right away, but instead simply nodded to let him know she understood.
"I'm listening."