Disclaimer: I don't own them the writers/owners of ER do
Rating: R (For language)
Author's notes: No sexual violence in this part even though they do talk about it.
Let it die? How?
"Hi Abby" he says
"Carter I'm not feeling well could you come back tomorrow." Abby said
abruptly practically sprinting back to the bathroom.
"What's wrong with her." He asks me.
"She's got the flu." I lie to get Carter to leave. I want to know what's going on
in Abby's head. I can't do it with him here. I want to help her. Not have him do it. I'm
sick of him.
He takes the hint and leaves. "Abby" I call to her as I walk back into the
bathroom. She's sitting in the corner. "Why don't you want to see Carter?" I say trying to
be supportive. Even though I don't want them to be friends, I know they are.
"Because I don't want to see anyone, not him, not you, not anyone. I know you
won't go away. I think I want you to. Yet, you won't. You think I'm hurt, that I can't handle
this by myself, that I'm going to fall apart so easily. But I won't Luka and you don't need
to worry about me, I Will Be Fine."
She says the last sentence slow and pointed, every word enunciated. "I'm fine,
Luka" she repeats. "Go home, Luka" She says still curled up in the corner.
"No, I'm not going home tonight Abby. Not until you tell me what happened."
"Fine I went walking with Carter, something happened, he went into the grocery
store and I walked home. That's it, Now Go Home."
"No, Abby" I say kneeling in front of her. "When did this happen Abby, when did
he attach you yesterday, today, When? What did he look like, did you go to the police?" A
look of shock forms on her face. She looks hurt, I didn't mean for it to hurt her. I almost regret
bringing it up. She wasn't expecting me to confront her. She actually thought I was going to
drop it, I wanted to, but if this is the only way for her to admit that she is not ok, then I have to
continue this line of questioning.
She stares at me for a few seconds before getting up slowly, holding her thigh as she
does and retreats to the bedroom. She doesn't even bother to shut the door. She's lying flat on
the bed holding her hand tightly to her thigh. "Abby, what's the..."
"I'm not supposed to walk on it. He told me to take it easy for a couple of days. I
don't think sprinting to the bathroom complies." She says a small smile on her face trying to
mask the obvious pain she's in. By this point I'm close enough to see her hand covered in
blood. I hover over her and slide her pajama pants down to look at it. She doesn't stop me,
but she does tense up. She's really trying not to, it's her subconscious making her. "Who" I
say trying to distract her.
"The doctor at Mercy. He's a real nice guy but not a very good doctor."
"I'd say not" I say removing the bandage from her leg. "You ripped out 2 of the
stitches." I tell her. She's staring at my hand intently. "I'm going to re-stitch this." She nods
slowly not taking her eyes of my hand. I know she doesn't want to hear it but I'm going to
tell her anyways. "Abby, I'm not going to hurt you."
"I know" she replies "I just I..." She doesn't finish but she's no longer looking at
my hand, she stares away from me at the wall. Nothing more is said until I'm done stitching
and placing a new bandage on it. I get up to leave; her voice pulls me back. "Please don't
leave Luka. I uh well I mean you don't have to stay if you don't want to but I." she gives up
trying to say what she was saying. "Just forget about it." She says turning over. I know she
wants me to stay but doesn't want to sound vulnerable by asking me to stay. I climb into
bed next to her.
She so full of surprises tonight, to my shock instead of being tense at me being in
bed with her she wraps my arms around her. "I know you won't hurt me Luka. I trust you."
I pull her closer to me. She wraps my hands even tighter around her.
I think that bastard raped her, she won't say so. I wasn't even sure until I put
my hand on her thigh the look on her face almost killed me. She was terrified of me. Her
whole body was tense and she wouldn't stop staring at my hand, it was as if she though
I was actually capable of hurting her. God, I want to know who he was what he looks like.
More than anything though, I want to make that bastard bleed, make him hurt like she is,
make it so he's never capable of hurting another person in his life. I can't believe she wants
me to forget about it, does she even think it's possible. A man brutally rapes my girlfriend
and she just wants me to forget it like it never happened impossible. I'm not forgetting it
till that bastard is dead. If this is the way I feel, how could she feel? I watch her face as she
sleeps. The moonlight streams through the window, it illuminates her face. It illuminates
the bruise on her cheek. I clench my fist; nobody is ever hurting her again. I should have
forgotten about those damn journals, Where the hell was Carter, she went with him. Why
the hell did he leave her in the middle of nowhere? She turns over curling into me; my
anger subsides when I see the peaceful look on her face. "Nobody is going to hurt you
again." I tell her sleeping figure. "Not if I'm there."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^--------------------------------------^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
She's completely confusing; She wants to be held but doesn't want me to
I'll explain. This last week I've held her every night. I learned my lesson though, I don't
reach out to touch her anymore. The night after I re-stitched her leg I tried to put my
arm around her and she jumped halfway across the bed. Yet, not even a minute later
she's curled up in my arms. It's confusing she wants to be there but she wants to be in
control, which I can understand because he took it away from her but she just, it's like
she wants to forget the whole thing happened any other time but at night she's jumpy,
very jumpy. Her attach happened at night, which explain the jumpiness. It almost
humorous how she will let me touch her even make love to her in the daytime but at
night I can't even put my hand on her face without her jumping back or becoming tense.
I wish she would just talk about it. Tonight she has us going back to where he came out
of the alley. She wants to see him. This is what I don't understand. She wouldn't talk to
the police and report the rape/assault but she wants to what strike up a conversation
with the guy. The past three nights I've talked her out of us going there but tonight she
is adamant, she won't take no for an answer.
"Abby we don't have to go."
"I want to Luka."
"Why? Look Abby I just don't want you to feel like you have to do this. You have
nothing to prove. It's ok to be scared and upset. I just don't want going there to make it
harder on you."
"Luka, there is nothing more that man can do to hurt me, what more could he
possibly do?"
I watch her dumbfounded. What more could he do? He's raped her, beat her,
given her terrible nightmares, given her a great fear of any human contact at night. "Ok
Abby, Let's go."
"Thank you." She grabs my hand as we set off to where it all happened. I really
wish she wouldn't do this it is only going to hurt her. What if she sees him? What if I see
him? I've already killed one man that attached us, but that guy didn't hurt her this man
took a part of her, he raped her, something she will never forget. Could I control my anger
long enough to hand him over to the police. Does she want me to attach him, is that why
she's brining me along? No, that can't be it. She's just afraid.
"Abby you don't have to do this it's ok to turn back" I say as we walk towards
the grocery store. Her grip on my hand is tight and she's started trembling.
"Luka if you want to turn back now that's fine, but I.. I just can't." She says letting
go of my hand. She starts to walk away from me but she's not walking towards the grocery
store anymore. She's walking towards a dim alleyway.
"Abby" I say yanking her back towards me as a man steps out of the alleyway.
"I won't leave you out here alone; believe it or not he can hurt you again." The man walks
by evoking no emotions from her. She gives me a 'what's your problem?' look. "What are
you hoping to prove Abby."
Her look is now of anger. "Prove, prove what? Is that what you think this is
about. Luka the man attached me."
"He also raped you but you never seem to mention that. Why is that Abby why
can't you just admit to me that he raped you."
"He didn't" she lies. "Why do you think he did, have I been acting that off
lately? Is that it? Well, you try being attached by a man twice your size in the middle
of the night. You be that man's cutting board, be his punching bag and see how you feel
about it." She walks quickly away from me but stops and stands in shock at the end of
the alley. I walk up to her expecting to see the man who raped her instead there is no
one there. She ice cold as I place an arm around her. Snapping out of her thoughts she
throws my arm off of her and continues walking. Many people walk by us as we reach
the hotel. I decide to try talking to her again. "Abby, what do you plan to do if you see him."
"Ask him why, why me? Why was I the lucky one he took to this hotel room?
Why did he drag me here? Why did he act like a coward and use a gun and a knife, he
was strong enough to do it all by himself without a weapon so why did he use one? To
keep me quiet? Why?"
Rating: R (For language)
Author's notes: No sexual violence in this part even though they do talk about it.
Let it die? How?
"Hi Abby" he says
"Carter I'm not feeling well could you come back tomorrow." Abby said
abruptly practically sprinting back to the bathroom.
"What's wrong with her." He asks me.
"She's got the flu." I lie to get Carter to leave. I want to know what's going on
in Abby's head. I can't do it with him here. I want to help her. Not have him do it. I'm
sick of him.
He takes the hint and leaves. "Abby" I call to her as I walk back into the
bathroom. She's sitting in the corner. "Why don't you want to see Carter?" I say trying to
be supportive. Even though I don't want them to be friends, I know they are.
"Because I don't want to see anyone, not him, not you, not anyone. I know you
won't go away. I think I want you to. Yet, you won't. You think I'm hurt, that I can't handle
this by myself, that I'm going to fall apart so easily. But I won't Luka and you don't need
to worry about me, I Will Be Fine."
She says the last sentence slow and pointed, every word enunciated. "I'm fine,
Luka" she repeats. "Go home, Luka" She says still curled up in the corner.
"No, I'm not going home tonight Abby. Not until you tell me what happened."
"Fine I went walking with Carter, something happened, he went into the grocery
store and I walked home. That's it, Now Go Home."
"No, Abby" I say kneeling in front of her. "When did this happen Abby, when did
he attach you yesterday, today, When? What did he look like, did you go to the police?" A
look of shock forms on her face. She looks hurt, I didn't mean for it to hurt her. I almost regret
bringing it up. She wasn't expecting me to confront her. She actually thought I was going to
drop it, I wanted to, but if this is the only way for her to admit that she is not ok, then I have to
continue this line of questioning.
She stares at me for a few seconds before getting up slowly, holding her thigh as she
does and retreats to the bedroom. She doesn't even bother to shut the door. She's lying flat on
the bed holding her hand tightly to her thigh. "Abby, what's the..."
"I'm not supposed to walk on it. He told me to take it easy for a couple of days. I
don't think sprinting to the bathroom complies." She says a small smile on her face trying to
mask the obvious pain she's in. By this point I'm close enough to see her hand covered in
blood. I hover over her and slide her pajama pants down to look at it. She doesn't stop me,
but she does tense up. She's really trying not to, it's her subconscious making her. "Who" I
say trying to distract her.
"The doctor at Mercy. He's a real nice guy but not a very good doctor."
"I'd say not" I say removing the bandage from her leg. "You ripped out 2 of the
stitches." I tell her. She's staring at my hand intently. "I'm going to re-stitch this." She nods
slowly not taking her eyes of my hand. I know she doesn't want to hear it but I'm going to
tell her anyways. "Abby, I'm not going to hurt you."
"I know" she replies "I just I..." She doesn't finish but she's no longer looking at
my hand, she stares away from me at the wall. Nothing more is said until I'm done stitching
and placing a new bandage on it. I get up to leave; her voice pulls me back. "Please don't
leave Luka. I uh well I mean you don't have to stay if you don't want to but I." she gives up
trying to say what she was saying. "Just forget about it." She says turning over. I know she
wants me to stay but doesn't want to sound vulnerable by asking me to stay. I climb into
bed next to her.
She so full of surprises tonight, to my shock instead of being tense at me being in
bed with her she wraps my arms around her. "I know you won't hurt me Luka. I trust you."
I pull her closer to me. She wraps my hands even tighter around her.
I think that bastard raped her, she won't say so. I wasn't even sure until I put
my hand on her thigh the look on her face almost killed me. She was terrified of me. Her
whole body was tense and she wouldn't stop staring at my hand, it was as if she though
I was actually capable of hurting her. God, I want to know who he was what he looks like.
More than anything though, I want to make that bastard bleed, make him hurt like she is,
make it so he's never capable of hurting another person in his life. I can't believe she wants
me to forget about it, does she even think it's possible. A man brutally rapes my girlfriend
and she just wants me to forget it like it never happened impossible. I'm not forgetting it
till that bastard is dead. If this is the way I feel, how could she feel? I watch her face as she
sleeps. The moonlight streams through the window, it illuminates her face. It illuminates
the bruise on her cheek. I clench my fist; nobody is ever hurting her again. I should have
forgotten about those damn journals, Where the hell was Carter, she went with him. Why
the hell did he leave her in the middle of nowhere? She turns over curling into me; my
anger subsides when I see the peaceful look on her face. "Nobody is going to hurt you
again." I tell her sleeping figure. "Not if I'm there."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^--------------------------------------^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
She's completely confusing; She wants to be held but doesn't want me to
I'll explain. This last week I've held her every night. I learned my lesson though, I don't
reach out to touch her anymore. The night after I re-stitched her leg I tried to put my
arm around her and she jumped halfway across the bed. Yet, not even a minute later
she's curled up in my arms. It's confusing she wants to be there but she wants to be in
control, which I can understand because he took it away from her but she just, it's like
she wants to forget the whole thing happened any other time but at night she's jumpy,
very jumpy. Her attach happened at night, which explain the jumpiness. It almost
humorous how she will let me touch her even make love to her in the daytime but at
night I can't even put my hand on her face without her jumping back or becoming tense.
I wish she would just talk about it. Tonight she has us going back to where he came out
of the alley. She wants to see him. This is what I don't understand. She wouldn't talk to
the police and report the rape/assault but she wants to what strike up a conversation
with the guy. The past three nights I've talked her out of us going there but tonight she
is adamant, she won't take no for an answer.
"Abby we don't have to go."
"I want to Luka."
"Why? Look Abby I just don't want you to feel like you have to do this. You have
nothing to prove. It's ok to be scared and upset. I just don't want going there to make it
harder on you."
"Luka, there is nothing more that man can do to hurt me, what more could he
possibly do?"
I watch her dumbfounded. What more could he do? He's raped her, beat her,
given her terrible nightmares, given her a great fear of any human contact at night. "Ok
Abby, Let's go."
"Thank you." She grabs my hand as we set off to where it all happened. I really
wish she wouldn't do this it is only going to hurt her. What if she sees him? What if I see
him? I've already killed one man that attached us, but that guy didn't hurt her this man
took a part of her, he raped her, something she will never forget. Could I control my anger
long enough to hand him over to the police. Does she want me to attach him, is that why
she's brining me along? No, that can't be it. She's just afraid.
"Abby you don't have to do this it's ok to turn back" I say as we walk towards
the grocery store. Her grip on my hand is tight and she's started trembling.
"Luka if you want to turn back now that's fine, but I.. I just can't." She says letting
go of my hand. She starts to walk away from me but she's not walking towards the grocery
store anymore. She's walking towards a dim alleyway.
"Abby" I say yanking her back towards me as a man steps out of the alleyway.
"I won't leave you out here alone; believe it or not he can hurt you again." The man walks
by evoking no emotions from her. She gives me a 'what's your problem?' look. "What are
you hoping to prove Abby."
Her look is now of anger. "Prove, prove what? Is that what you think this is
about. Luka the man attached me."
"He also raped you but you never seem to mention that. Why is that Abby why
can't you just admit to me that he raped you."
"He didn't" she lies. "Why do you think he did, have I been acting that off
lately? Is that it? Well, you try being attached by a man twice your size in the middle
of the night. You be that man's cutting board, be his punching bag and see how you feel
about it." She walks quickly away from me but stops and stands in shock at the end of
the alley. I walk up to her expecting to see the man who raped her instead there is no
one there. She ice cold as I place an arm around her. Snapping out of her thoughts she
throws my arm off of her and continues walking. Many people walk by us as we reach
the hotel. I decide to try talking to her again. "Abby, what do you plan to do if you see him."
"Ask him why, why me? Why was I the lucky one he took to this hotel room?
Why did he drag me here? Why did he act like a coward and use a gun and a knife, he
was strong enough to do it all by himself without a weapon so why did he use one? To
keep me quiet? Why?"