To tell you all the truth, when I wrote this, it was only going to be four chapters, and a prologue. Haha. Fade was to be the last and final chapter, with a happy, mushy plot with NO angst, and little plot. Hehe. This is chapter nine, which I'm writing for Lilas, who has been kind enough to read just about everything I've written.
Thank you. This is the resolution, and I hope it's up in time for you to read it before you go. Have a wonderful trip.
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Title: Break the Cycle-epilogue
To stand on the threshhold, your hand on the knob, and chose a life between known pain and problems, or to turn the cold, metal ball, and escape into a life that is only half-living. If you had a choice, would you take the chance to love again, if you knew that it would probably only lead back into heartache?
Of course, he didn't really know that for certain. Things had become so muddled in Daisuke's mind that he wasn't even certain if a world existed beyond the door. The door to Takeru's room had been shut for several minutes, and he could hear the muffled sound of sobbing through the walls.
Why had they split up?
Oh, yes. Takeru was possessive and jealous, and Daisuke was too stressed. Isn't that what he'd been telling himself for five years? Isn't that what he had believed for that time? It wasn't fair of Takeru to go through, and pull those lies from their shelf, and expect him to deal with them. Everything should have been brought into the open before they split up.
"But I left before he could." He spoke aloud to the empty hall, his arms at his sides, his back to the door. He'd left once upon a time, when he didn't want to have to face the problems that plagued their relationship. He walked away, and left his lover to deal with things on his own, including Daisuke's inability to handle emotional confrontation.
Unbidden, a memory came to him. He had come home from work early, hoping to surprise Takeru. He found the blonde curled up in the shower, his skin pink from the overly warm water, his frame in a ball on the corner tiles. He had passed it off at the time as a little sickness, like the flu. Thinking back, he realized that that was about the time of the book contract that had changed the parameters of their relationship.
Changes that he hadn't dealt with very well.
Because he had felt as if they were both only half there. He was constantly unable to say that he loved Takeru, and he always felt as if Takeru was keeping things from him. He had assumed that it was partially due to his writing, and the secrecy with which he worked, but he had never tried to talk about it.
"I really suck at communication." Of course, given his childhood, that wasn't very surprising. His parents had ignored him until he screwed up, and Jun had only wanted something from him when Ishida had been around. They hadn't even bothered to write back to him the entire time he was away from Japan. Five years, and not a single letter from any of them.
He stopped himself from blaming them entirely. He was still to blame for his own mistakes. He couldn't hide from his responsibility in all of this any longer. He didn't want to. He would take everything with pride and dignity, and hope that he did the right thing.
Turning sideways so that he could see the door out, and the door to Takeru at the same time, he weighed his options. Stay, and take the chance of being happy, or messing up again. Go, and return to a life without his closests friends, and the one he loved. It really wasn't that difficult.
He walked down the hall, and paused outside Takeru's room. The sobbing had quieted somewhat, but he could tell that it was far from over. Some of the blonde's words came back to him. "You were going to make everything better. You were going to be my salvation, my guiding light. You were going to love me despite everything..."
Love him? He had, he still did. He had never stopped, even when he was told about his 'profession'. He had simply assumed that it was a lie, another chance at keeping them apart. Needless, but effective. He had never dreamed that those things would be true, that his angel had fallen so far.
"I wanted so badly to be with you, to be near you...I was going to make you love me...give you a home, something to come back to." More words, each striking another chord, another piece he had missed when they were together. "You were supposed to tell me that you loved me."
Something he had never done. Three words, and everything would have been wonderful and perfect. They would still probably be together, sharing the apartment, the bed, their lives. Instead of standing on opposite sides of a doorframe, trying to gather what remained of their broken lives to find the strenght to go on.
Daisuke turned the knob, not bothering to knock. He stepped into the room, and it was exactly as he remembered it. Large bed beside the window, walk-in closet, bureau in the corner, the desk beside the door. Only, in his memories, there was no blonde heap in the middle of the bed crying his heart out. He shut the door gently, making little enough noise that his presence wasn't detected.
He approached the bed, and sat beside the shaking body of his lover, his weight depressing the mattress, and alerting his presence to Takeru. Blue eyes, rimmed red, looked up at him fear and hope mingling. Fear that he had only stayed to yell more, hope that he was there to stay.
Without bothering with words, he leaned over, and pulled the lean body against him. He didn't try to kiss him, didn't make any overly sexual movements. He simply offered the comfort and protection of his embrace.
Pale arms wrapped around him, and he felt a tear-stained cheek press into his neck. He rocked Takeru in his arms, his hands moving in circles on his back.
He would embrace his lover, as well as the pain and joy that would follow. There would be no more apologies for the things they had done in the past, no more worries about what the future would hold. He wouldn't walk away again, unless his love walked with him.
____________
End note: Pure sap. Had to make up for all the angst and depression I caused. I should know better than to stay up for two days without sleep, and then attempt to write. (I'm refering to this chapter. I tend to get very...excitable when I don't sleep. Isn't that just a thrilling little snippet of information?)
Thank you. This is the resolution, and I hope it's up in time for you to read it before you go. Have a wonderful trip.
____________________
Title: Break the Cycle-epilogue
To stand on the threshhold, your hand on the knob, and chose a life between known pain and problems, or to turn the cold, metal ball, and escape into a life that is only half-living. If you had a choice, would you take the chance to love again, if you knew that it would probably only lead back into heartache?
Of course, he didn't really know that for certain. Things had become so muddled in Daisuke's mind that he wasn't even certain if a world existed beyond the door. The door to Takeru's room had been shut for several minutes, and he could hear the muffled sound of sobbing through the walls.
Why had they split up?
Oh, yes. Takeru was possessive and jealous, and Daisuke was too stressed. Isn't that what he'd been telling himself for five years? Isn't that what he had believed for that time? It wasn't fair of Takeru to go through, and pull those lies from their shelf, and expect him to deal with them. Everything should have been brought into the open before they split up.
"But I left before he could." He spoke aloud to the empty hall, his arms at his sides, his back to the door. He'd left once upon a time, when he didn't want to have to face the problems that plagued their relationship. He walked away, and left his lover to deal with things on his own, including Daisuke's inability to handle emotional confrontation.
Unbidden, a memory came to him. He had come home from work early, hoping to surprise Takeru. He found the blonde curled up in the shower, his skin pink from the overly warm water, his frame in a ball on the corner tiles. He had passed it off at the time as a little sickness, like the flu. Thinking back, he realized that that was about the time of the book contract that had changed the parameters of their relationship.
Changes that he hadn't dealt with very well.
Because he had felt as if they were both only half there. He was constantly unable to say that he loved Takeru, and he always felt as if Takeru was keeping things from him. He had assumed that it was partially due to his writing, and the secrecy with which he worked, but he had never tried to talk about it.
"I really suck at communication." Of course, given his childhood, that wasn't very surprising. His parents had ignored him until he screwed up, and Jun had only wanted something from him when Ishida had been around. They hadn't even bothered to write back to him the entire time he was away from Japan. Five years, and not a single letter from any of them.
He stopped himself from blaming them entirely. He was still to blame for his own mistakes. He couldn't hide from his responsibility in all of this any longer. He didn't want to. He would take everything with pride and dignity, and hope that he did the right thing.
Turning sideways so that he could see the door out, and the door to Takeru at the same time, he weighed his options. Stay, and take the chance of being happy, or messing up again. Go, and return to a life without his closests friends, and the one he loved. It really wasn't that difficult.
He walked down the hall, and paused outside Takeru's room. The sobbing had quieted somewhat, but he could tell that it was far from over. Some of the blonde's words came back to him. "You were going to make everything better. You were going to be my salvation, my guiding light. You were going to love me despite everything..."
Love him? He had, he still did. He had never stopped, even when he was told about his 'profession'. He had simply assumed that it was a lie, another chance at keeping them apart. Needless, but effective. He had never dreamed that those things would be true, that his angel had fallen so far.
"I wanted so badly to be with you, to be near you...I was going to make you love me...give you a home, something to come back to." More words, each striking another chord, another piece he had missed when they were together. "You were supposed to tell me that you loved me."
Something he had never done. Three words, and everything would have been wonderful and perfect. They would still probably be together, sharing the apartment, the bed, their lives. Instead of standing on opposite sides of a doorframe, trying to gather what remained of their broken lives to find the strenght to go on.
Daisuke turned the knob, not bothering to knock. He stepped into the room, and it was exactly as he remembered it. Large bed beside the window, walk-in closet, bureau in the corner, the desk beside the door. Only, in his memories, there was no blonde heap in the middle of the bed crying his heart out. He shut the door gently, making little enough noise that his presence wasn't detected.
He approached the bed, and sat beside the shaking body of his lover, his weight depressing the mattress, and alerting his presence to Takeru. Blue eyes, rimmed red, looked up at him fear and hope mingling. Fear that he had only stayed to yell more, hope that he was there to stay.
Without bothering with words, he leaned over, and pulled the lean body against him. He didn't try to kiss him, didn't make any overly sexual movements. He simply offered the comfort and protection of his embrace.
Pale arms wrapped around him, and he felt a tear-stained cheek press into his neck. He rocked Takeru in his arms, his hands moving in circles on his back.
He would embrace his lover, as well as the pain and joy that would follow. There would be no more apologies for the things they had done in the past, no more worries about what the future would hold. He wouldn't walk away again, unless his love walked with him.
____________
End note: Pure sap. Had to make up for all the angst and depression I caused. I should know better than to stay up for two days without sleep, and then attempt to write. (I'm refering to this chapter. I tend to get very...excitable when I don't sleep. Isn't that just a thrilling little snippet of information?)