Same old Disclaimer from Chapter one. NGE is owned by Gainax. You already know that.
To every story, there is always a beginning. a middle and an end and maybe after that, a new
beginning. So this of course, is the middle....
Chapter 2
Changes
He had planned it all out in his head. He would pursue her, ask her out on a date. He knew about
her plans and that organization that was backing her up. He was interested in it, almost obsessed
with it. And he would do anything, even if it meant using this girl. He did not even meet her yet. He
did not care though. Why would he care about some woman? They were all the same to him. No
matter how intelligent they may be, they all end up being useless to him except to sleep around
with so he could be satisfied.
He asked around and found out that this 'Ikari' usually spent her free time in the garden area of
Kyoto University. When he arrived there he found her sitting on a blanket that was spread out on
the grass. She was writing and reading. There was something peaceful about the way she was just
sitting there. He noticed that once in a while, she would close her eyes, take a deep breath and a
small smile would form on her lips.
"Are you Ikari? Ikari Yui?" He asked in a voice that was firm and emotionless.
She looked up from her book using her hand to shade her eyes from the sun's rays. "Hai," she said with
a slight smile. "And you are?"
"Rokubungi." He stood there for a minute just staring at her, not knowing what he should do. She
was slightly different from the women he was used to going out with and eventually using in the
end. For one thing, her face looked welcoming.
"Rokubungi-san, you're welcome to sit down if you want." She gave him another smile.
She surprised him with her invitation but he took it. He sat as far away from her as possible on the
blanket. She had a funny look on her face when he did that but she didn't give it much thought. It
was just strange. "How do you know me, Rokubungi-san?"
"I've heard about your ideas. Word has been going around."
"Oh?" Again, another smile.
He didn't know why he was holding back. All he had to do was make her think he was interested.
Ask her out... but he couldn't. He didn't understand why. Why?
It was only her that made him act different. To other people he still had a reputation for being an
asshole. It was his attitude that started that brawl in the bar, causing Fuyutsuki to bail him out. Ikari
had told him about the Sensei that was helping her and it seemed it was only the Sensei that he
could call to bail him out. The sensei was the only one except Ikari that WOULD bail him out anyway.
But he didn't want to call Ikari. He knew what Fuyutsuki thought of him. He could tell from the look
the sensei gave him. He gave a slightly wicked smile knowing that.
"Why did you do it?" She asked him later that day.
"It's no big deal."
"They arrested you. You got hurt. That's not a big deal? Look at your arm, your face..."
"I've been in this situation before. It's not a big deal. I don't care."
"I care Rokubungi-san because you are hurt." She tried to check on the wound by his lip but he
moved away when he felt her touch on his face. "I told you already. I don't care. It doesn't matter.
You don't have to do anything for me." He said roughly. "I am fine."
"I don't want to do anything for you. I am doing this because I want to." She answered him. "So just
let me do what I want." She took his face in her hand and began to clean his bruise.
"I don't know why you do this... I don't know why..."
"It's because I care Rokubungi-san. Why is it so hard for you to understand that?"
"Because no one ever did this for me before."
***************
He woke up a little after one in the morning and was still extremely tired but his stomach ached for
food. He got out of bed and searched for the light switch. He squinted when the light filled up the
room not being used to it yet. He looked at himself in the mirror that hung on the door. It was the first time
he actually looked at himself since he got out. He was nothing much to look at anymore. His hair
was white, his pants were wrinkled from his sleep and the shirt he wore hung loose on his now gangly
frame. He put his glasses on, sighed and walked out.
The house was dark now. The only light was from a small lamp that was against the wall at the end
of the hallway. He found himself passing a couple of closed doors. The little girl's bedroom... a sign
with her name on it hung on a nail. Then the nursery.... a sign with the name "Aki" also hanging from
a nail and then he passed another bedroom whose door was partly opened.
"I can't believe he's here with us," he heard the woman say. "What did they say when you called?"
"They said he's sick. It's why they let him go."
"Maybe I'm selfish but I don't want him here. I don't feel comfortable with him here. I don't want him
to talk to our kids... I just don't..."
"You know me, Asuka. I can't just let him go somewhere without a place to stay. I can't just let him
leave like that because I am not like him. He left me when I was four. He just left me there at the
train station and walked away. I was calling for him. I was crying because he was leaving. He could
hear me cry but he didn't even turn back. I was fuckin' four years old and that damn memory will
always be playing in my head. Over and over again. I don't think I'll ever forget it. He left me there
with nothing but a suitcase. I hate him so much. But I realized I will be doing the same thing he did
to me if I hadn't followed him and brought him back here. And I am not like him."
"Baka, you will never be like him..."
The old man did not want to hear anymore. It wasn't his business anyway. He shouldn't have been
eavesdropping. It was so hard for him to hear those things. His body felt stiff and empty. He knew
that his presence was hurting them. He knew that all he had to do was take his suitcase and leave
forever and never see them again. His presence only made them miserable. But he just couldn't. He
could not let himself leave without telling them. That was his mantra. He kept telling himself over
and over again that he can't leave. Not leave! He too remembered that day. It played vivid in his
old mind. Always when the old man thought about him, it was always back in that train station
where it really all began.....
"Papa, where are you going?"
"You will stay here until Makino-sensei takes you."
"Papa don't leave. I'll be good."
"I have to work. I will be too busy to take care of you."
"Papa don't leave like Mama. Papa, Papa don't leave. Papa, you don't have to take care of me.
I'll be a good child. Just don't leave. Papa..."
He walked away leaving that child there. He could hear him cry but didn't turn around. It didn't
pain him to do so. He didn't care. The one person that loved him, that understood him, left. And he
would do anything, ANYTHING to get her back. The one person that he opened up to was gone.
No way was he ever going to do that again. Even to that child. She was the only one he cared
about, that cared about him and he wanted to be with her.
That child. That child won't care. Besides, he wasn't used to anyone else loving him except for her.
He didn't want anyone else to love him. Especially that child. He was afraid. He knew it. Afraid the
child might do the same thing. So he left. It was the last time the child had ever called him, "Papa".
He wasn't used to being called that anyway, for he never called anyone that when he was a
child.
The old man ate his food quietly, listening to the hum of the fridge and the small noises of the
house. He looked around the large kitchen. There were magnets on the freezer, a large display of
An's drawings on the fridge, a recipe for curry, a shopping list, a family picture of them in an
amusement park... It was just like any normal kitchen and it was that normality that made him feel
lonely and lost in a place he didn't belong. He wasn't used to it. Seeing all those things just made
him feel odd. Especially the pictures.
There were pictures everywhere. They all looked so happy. There were pictures of everyone he
knew. Fuyutsuki, Agaki, Katsuragi, Ibuki... Then there was a picture of a man in a wheelchair.
Looking at it closely, he could see that it was that child. The Fourth Children, who was injured
because of him. The man had no arm and no leg but he looked happy too. A child sat on his lap
and a brown haired woman stood behind his wheelchair smiling.
There was no trace of the old man in those pictures that hung on the walls or inside photo albums.
And again, he was expecting it. They hated him. The little girl didn't even know who he really was.
She only knew him as Rokubungi. That had hurt him too. Right when Shinji had said it, it felt like a
cold wind went through him. ~But I did this. I did all this~
"Rokubungi-san? You look sad." From across the dining table a pair of large blue eyes stared at him.
The girl rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Why are you sad?"
"It is nothing," he answered. "Why are you awake?"
"I'm hungry like you." She got off the chair and took a cookie from a plate on top of the oven.
"I was wondering who that cookie was for." The old man said to her.
"Papa always leaves me something because he knows I wake up at this time, to look for something
to eat."
"That's nice of him."
"Just as long as I brush my teeth afterward." The little girl came up to him curiously.
"What is it?" he asked.
She broke her cookie in half and gave him the other piece. "Rokubungi-san, even if you tell me that
you aren't. I can still see that you are sad. So this is for you, OK? So you won't be so sad. Papa made
it, so it's good. Papa makes better cookies than Mama." She leaned in closer to whisper in his
ear. "But don't tell Mama that."
The old man smiled at this. "I won't tell. I promise."
"OK," the little girl yawned. "I'm gonna sleep now."
"All right."
"Don't tell Mama"
"I won't"
"Are you still sad?"
"No."
"I still think you are."
"Then maybe I am."
"Then hopefully you won't be soon."
"I hope so."
"Rokubungi-san?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you have any kids? I mean, if you do, they can come over and play."
"I umm..." The old man wasn't expecting this from the child. She really was curious wasn't she? And
observant and inquisitive.... "They are old now... So I'm afraid they can't play with you."
"I see. What are their names? Is one of them named An? Are they all boys or all girls or a girl and a
boy?"
He had to look away from this girl. What can he say? What can he say? He started out slowly. "Well,
um... I have a daughter that's named Rei."
The girl's sleepy eyes turned large. "Like Sakura-chan's Mama." She whispered to herself.
The old man heard this though and wondered why he's telling her this. Rei... He wondered what she is
like now, who she is married to... If only he can change everything he did to her also. "And I have
a son named Sh..."
"An. It's late. You need to go to bed." He startled them both. His voice was calm but the old man
can see that his eyes were portraying something else.
"But..but Papa..." The little girl looked at her father and sighed. "Oh all right. I'm sleepy anyway..."
Shinji waited until An was out of ear shot to speak again. "I can't believe you almost told her your
son's name after all these years, of not even regarding him as a son. I can't believe you actually
told her that you have a daughter named Rei."
"She won't know, even if I told her your names. There are a lot of people named Shinji, a lot are
named Rei... I know you don't want her to know. But I don't want to lie to her."
"Why not? You've been lying all your life. Betraying people and using them. You used Rei. You made
her into someone that was emotionless. You made her your doll. And yet you consider her your
daughter?"
"I regret everything I did." The old man said, standing up. "I was selfish. I was wrong. I realized that a
long time ago." He put a hand on his heart. "Shinji, I regret everything... I am... I am..." All of a
sudden, he felt so tired. The old man wanted to walk up to him but his legs were very, very heavy.
Like he couldn't even walk, couldn't move, couldn't feel....
**********
It was autumn. It was a season that he liked and he didn't like many things. He liked to see the
colors. The reds, the yellows, the oranges. He liked the wind too. It was soft and welcoming. He liked
the feel of it when it hit his skin. He didn't like to admit it but he was happy. It was a feeling he
hardly knew.
She was waiting for him in Kyoto University's garden. The place they first met. His plans from the
beginning were completely forgotten now. Although, he still didn't know why this girl had an affect
on him. He wasn't used to the feelings he was feeling for her. She was still young. The total opposite
of him. She was kind and he was not. She was always so full of life and he always seemed to be
surrounded by dark clouds. But being with her, he lost his tough shell. She made him feel so at ease.
Like he belonged and not fear that he'll be alone. "Ikari," he said. "These are for you."
She took the flowers he gave her and smiled at him. A smile that was still welcoming and very
beautiful. "Arigato, Rokubungi-san..."
To be continued...
To every story, there is always a beginning. a middle and an end and maybe after that, a new
beginning. So this of course, is the middle....
Chapter 2
Changes
He had planned it all out in his head. He would pursue her, ask her out on a date. He knew about
her plans and that organization that was backing her up. He was interested in it, almost obsessed
with it. And he would do anything, even if it meant using this girl. He did not even meet her yet. He
did not care though. Why would he care about some woman? They were all the same to him. No
matter how intelligent they may be, they all end up being useless to him except to sleep around
with so he could be satisfied.
He asked around and found out that this 'Ikari' usually spent her free time in the garden area of
Kyoto University. When he arrived there he found her sitting on a blanket that was spread out on
the grass. She was writing and reading. There was something peaceful about the way she was just
sitting there. He noticed that once in a while, she would close her eyes, take a deep breath and a
small smile would form on her lips.
"Are you Ikari? Ikari Yui?" He asked in a voice that was firm and emotionless.
She looked up from her book using her hand to shade her eyes from the sun's rays. "Hai," she said with
a slight smile. "And you are?"
"Rokubungi." He stood there for a minute just staring at her, not knowing what he should do. She
was slightly different from the women he was used to going out with and eventually using in the
end. For one thing, her face looked welcoming.
"Rokubungi-san, you're welcome to sit down if you want." She gave him another smile.
She surprised him with her invitation but he took it. He sat as far away from her as possible on the
blanket. She had a funny look on her face when he did that but she didn't give it much thought. It
was just strange. "How do you know me, Rokubungi-san?"
"I've heard about your ideas. Word has been going around."
"Oh?" Again, another smile.
He didn't know why he was holding back. All he had to do was make her think he was interested.
Ask her out... but he couldn't. He didn't understand why. Why?
It was only her that made him act different. To other people he still had a reputation for being an
asshole. It was his attitude that started that brawl in the bar, causing Fuyutsuki to bail him out. Ikari
had told him about the Sensei that was helping her and it seemed it was only the Sensei that he
could call to bail him out. The sensei was the only one except Ikari that WOULD bail him out anyway.
But he didn't want to call Ikari. He knew what Fuyutsuki thought of him. He could tell from the look
the sensei gave him. He gave a slightly wicked smile knowing that.
"Why did you do it?" She asked him later that day.
"It's no big deal."
"They arrested you. You got hurt. That's not a big deal? Look at your arm, your face..."
"I've been in this situation before. It's not a big deal. I don't care."
"I care Rokubungi-san because you are hurt." She tried to check on the wound by his lip but he
moved away when he felt her touch on his face. "I told you already. I don't care. It doesn't matter.
You don't have to do anything for me." He said roughly. "I am fine."
"I don't want to do anything for you. I am doing this because I want to." She answered him. "So just
let me do what I want." She took his face in her hand and began to clean his bruise.
"I don't know why you do this... I don't know why..."
"It's because I care Rokubungi-san. Why is it so hard for you to understand that?"
"Because no one ever did this for me before."
***************
He woke up a little after one in the morning and was still extremely tired but his stomach ached for
food. He got out of bed and searched for the light switch. He squinted when the light filled up the
room not being used to it yet. He looked at himself in the mirror that hung on the door. It was the first time
he actually looked at himself since he got out. He was nothing much to look at anymore. His hair
was white, his pants were wrinkled from his sleep and the shirt he wore hung loose on his now gangly
frame. He put his glasses on, sighed and walked out.
The house was dark now. The only light was from a small lamp that was against the wall at the end
of the hallway. He found himself passing a couple of closed doors. The little girl's bedroom... a sign
with her name on it hung on a nail. Then the nursery.... a sign with the name "Aki" also hanging from
a nail and then he passed another bedroom whose door was partly opened.
"I can't believe he's here with us," he heard the woman say. "What did they say when you called?"
"They said he's sick. It's why they let him go."
"Maybe I'm selfish but I don't want him here. I don't feel comfortable with him here. I don't want him
to talk to our kids... I just don't..."
"You know me, Asuka. I can't just let him go somewhere without a place to stay. I can't just let him
leave like that because I am not like him. He left me when I was four. He just left me there at the
train station and walked away. I was calling for him. I was crying because he was leaving. He could
hear me cry but he didn't even turn back. I was fuckin' four years old and that damn memory will
always be playing in my head. Over and over again. I don't think I'll ever forget it. He left me there
with nothing but a suitcase. I hate him so much. But I realized I will be doing the same thing he did
to me if I hadn't followed him and brought him back here. And I am not like him."
"Baka, you will never be like him..."
The old man did not want to hear anymore. It wasn't his business anyway. He shouldn't have been
eavesdropping. It was so hard for him to hear those things. His body felt stiff and empty. He knew
that his presence was hurting them. He knew that all he had to do was take his suitcase and leave
forever and never see them again. His presence only made them miserable. But he just couldn't. He
could not let himself leave without telling them. That was his mantra. He kept telling himself over
and over again that he can't leave. Not leave! He too remembered that day. It played vivid in his
old mind. Always when the old man thought about him, it was always back in that train station
where it really all began.....
"Papa, where are you going?"
"You will stay here until Makino-sensei takes you."
"Papa don't leave. I'll be good."
"I have to work. I will be too busy to take care of you."
"Papa don't leave like Mama. Papa, Papa don't leave. Papa, you don't have to take care of me.
I'll be a good child. Just don't leave. Papa..."
He walked away leaving that child there. He could hear him cry but didn't turn around. It didn't
pain him to do so. He didn't care. The one person that loved him, that understood him, left. And he
would do anything, ANYTHING to get her back. The one person that he opened up to was gone.
No way was he ever going to do that again. Even to that child. She was the only one he cared
about, that cared about him and he wanted to be with her.
That child. That child won't care. Besides, he wasn't used to anyone else loving him except for her.
He didn't want anyone else to love him. Especially that child. He was afraid. He knew it. Afraid the
child might do the same thing. So he left. It was the last time the child had ever called him, "Papa".
He wasn't used to being called that anyway, for he never called anyone that when he was a
child.
The old man ate his food quietly, listening to the hum of the fridge and the small noises of the
house. He looked around the large kitchen. There were magnets on the freezer, a large display of
An's drawings on the fridge, a recipe for curry, a shopping list, a family picture of them in an
amusement park... It was just like any normal kitchen and it was that normality that made him feel
lonely and lost in a place he didn't belong. He wasn't used to it. Seeing all those things just made
him feel odd. Especially the pictures.
There were pictures everywhere. They all looked so happy. There were pictures of everyone he
knew. Fuyutsuki, Agaki, Katsuragi, Ibuki... Then there was a picture of a man in a wheelchair.
Looking at it closely, he could see that it was that child. The Fourth Children, who was injured
because of him. The man had no arm and no leg but he looked happy too. A child sat on his lap
and a brown haired woman stood behind his wheelchair smiling.
There was no trace of the old man in those pictures that hung on the walls or inside photo albums.
And again, he was expecting it. They hated him. The little girl didn't even know who he really was.
She only knew him as Rokubungi. That had hurt him too. Right when Shinji had said it, it felt like a
cold wind went through him. ~But I did this. I did all this~
"Rokubungi-san? You look sad." From across the dining table a pair of large blue eyes stared at him.
The girl rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Why are you sad?"
"It is nothing," he answered. "Why are you awake?"
"I'm hungry like you." She got off the chair and took a cookie from a plate on top of the oven.
"I was wondering who that cookie was for." The old man said to her.
"Papa always leaves me something because he knows I wake up at this time, to look for something
to eat."
"That's nice of him."
"Just as long as I brush my teeth afterward." The little girl came up to him curiously.
"What is it?" he asked.
She broke her cookie in half and gave him the other piece. "Rokubungi-san, even if you tell me that
you aren't. I can still see that you are sad. So this is for you, OK? So you won't be so sad. Papa made
it, so it's good. Papa makes better cookies than Mama." She leaned in closer to whisper in his
ear. "But don't tell Mama that."
The old man smiled at this. "I won't tell. I promise."
"OK," the little girl yawned. "I'm gonna sleep now."
"All right."
"Don't tell Mama"
"I won't"
"Are you still sad?"
"No."
"I still think you are."
"Then maybe I am."
"Then hopefully you won't be soon."
"I hope so."
"Rokubungi-san?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you have any kids? I mean, if you do, they can come over and play."
"I umm..." The old man wasn't expecting this from the child. She really was curious wasn't she? And
observant and inquisitive.... "They are old now... So I'm afraid they can't play with you."
"I see. What are their names? Is one of them named An? Are they all boys or all girls or a girl and a
boy?"
He had to look away from this girl. What can he say? What can he say? He started out slowly. "Well,
um... I have a daughter that's named Rei."
The girl's sleepy eyes turned large. "Like Sakura-chan's Mama." She whispered to herself.
The old man heard this though and wondered why he's telling her this. Rei... He wondered what she is
like now, who she is married to... If only he can change everything he did to her also. "And I have
a son named Sh..."
"An. It's late. You need to go to bed." He startled them both. His voice was calm but the old man
can see that his eyes were portraying something else.
"But..but Papa..." The little girl looked at her father and sighed. "Oh all right. I'm sleepy anyway..."
Shinji waited until An was out of ear shot to speak again. "I can't believe you almost told her your
son's name after all these years, of not even regarding him as a son. I can't believe you actually
told her that you have a daughter named Rei."
"She won't know, even if I told her your names. There are a lot of people named Shinji, a lot are
named Rei... I know you don't want her to know. But I don't want to lie to her."
"Why not? You've been lying all your life. Betraying people and using them. You used Rei. You made
her into someone that was emotionless. You made her your doll. And yet you consider her your
daughter?"
"I regret everything I did." The old man said, standing up. "I was selfish. I was wrong. I realized that a
long time ago." He put a hand on his heart. "Shinji, I regret everything... I am... I am..." All of a
sudden, he felt so tired. The old man wanted to walk up to him but his legs were very, very heavy.
Like he couldn't even walk, couldn't move, couldn't feel....
**********
It was autumn. It was a season that he liked and he didn't like many things. He liked to see the
colors. The reds, the yellows, the oranges. He liked the wind too. It was soft and welcoming. He liked
the feel of it when it hit his skin. He didn't like to admit it but he was happy. It was a feeling he
hardly knew.
She was waiting for him in Kyoto University's garden. The place they first met. His plans from the
beginning were completely forgotten now. Although, he still didn't know why this girl had an affect
on him. He wasn't used to the feelings he was feeling for her. She was still young. The total opposite
of him. She was kind and he was not. She was always so full of life and he always seemed to be
surrounded by dark clouds. But being with her, he lost his tough shell. She made him feel so at ease.
Like he belonged and not fear that he'll be alone. "Ikari," he said. "These are for you."
She took the flowers he gave her and smiled at him. A smile that was still welcoming and very
beautiful. "Arigato, Rokubungi-san..."
To be continued...