Author: Laurel
Rating: G or PG
Genre: Romance/Angst
Summary: This came to me all of a sudden and I just had to write it... Hermione/Ron, Herm's POV. Hermione has a different outlook on life at graduation and gives Harry and Ron some unexpected parting words.
Disclaimer: the characters belong to the goddess JKR... only the plot belongs to me.
A/N: The title is in Latin... brownie points to whoever can figure out what it means! Also, the point of view is HERMIONE'S!! UPDATED: Lissanne gets the brownie points! Yes, Princess Luna, janie, Lissanne, and starre brooke, I know she's REALLY OOC, but this story just came to me and I had to write it. Maybe I should add a warning: Hermione is way, way, out of character! Also, thanks, reviewers, for the compliments on my writing style. I feel so loved! *sniff*
I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around
So are ya gonna stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - you'd come around
Cause I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
-Mad Season, Matchbox 20
"You know, we fight about the stupidest things," I said, sighing.Ron snorted indignantly. His red hair was ruffled by a breeze and I couldn't help staring at it, and his lips as they moved. "They are not stupid, they're important."
"They're all pointless," I said. "They're just... dumb. I don't know why I even argue with you at all."
"No, Hermi, some of these things are important to me," Ron grumped. "Seriously."
"Is that all you can say? Yes, they're important to you. Why?" I shot back.
"Because they are."
"Did you know I actually liked you when we met?"
"As opposed to not liking me now?"
I just glared at him. "Sometimes you just irritate me so much."
He glared back at me. "The feeling's mutual."
"That's all I am, huh? The know-it-all of Hogwarts, ugly, bossy, and mean." It felt like this was going to be one of the big fights. I hated these. I don't even know why I even said the hurtful things I did. I'm so stupid sometimes.
"Occasionally, yeah," he sneered. "And what am I? The overshadowed tall boy who plays chess well? That seems to be the case for you."
My face softened and I just couldn't help saying, "No, Ron. Never."
"Then why did you even start this conversation?" he shouted angrily.
"Uh.. why did you start it?" I said grumpily. Honestly, sometimes I just want to punch him.
He slouched down looking sad and hopeful. "You know we're about to graduate. Will we graduate friends? Please?"
I stared at him, considering. I love him so much it breaks my heart - and that's why I can't do it. We would never get along, and would eventually break up. It makes sense to me. I don't know about you, but I have to give him up. If I stay away, it'll be better for the both of us. I have to tell him now, before we go up to the stage.
But I've lost my nerve. "I - I can't talk now. I just can't. Later." And now the ceremony is coming up.
Later, I've dressed and let Lavendar give me a makeover. She says I look beautiful, but all I feel is love and loneliness. I can't ever see Ron again. I won't.
And then the ceremony starts. More people file up onstage, first Harry, then at the end, Ron. The room is decorated lovely, and my dress matches the red balloons floating around, people tell me, but I don't notice. I clap politely as my two best friends step up, just like everyone else. Nothing more. I can't help but hate Harry any more than I hate Ron. He was a jerk when I met him and has the biggest head that I know of (besides Malfoy, I can't help thinking, but that's beside the point). But he's different. I don't like him. I haven't for awhile. Not like Ron - him I love and hate. But Potter I dislike and hate. Big difference.
He still hasn't caught on, I see, as I clap for him. He still thinks he's my friend. I snort - how stupid is he? I've been dropping hints to the both of them for seven years, and they still don't know anything about me. Well, this is my last chance - I won't be seeing them again. Time to show my feelings. I sneer at him as he looks at me, puzzled, and I give him the finger, unnoticeable to everyone but him. He stares at me then turns to Ron and I see them whispering about me, undoubtedly. Then they both look again at me, quite confused. I just silently laugh and laugh. It's funny, really it is. They're both idiots. I give him the Draco Malfoy look - I've been practicing - and laugh as they stare.
Then my name is called, Valedictorian of the school. Not that I've cared this year, really. I just study out of habit now. I walk slowly up to the stage and force a sugary sweet smile to the audience. I accept my papers, not looking at them, and walk to the end of the line, where Ron and Harry can't see me. I keep the fake smile on my face as Dumbledore drones on. When he is done, I see him turn around and congratulate us. He shoots a - pitying? - look at me, and I snort quietly. Whatever.
It's finally over, and I walk off the stage with the rest in a bored mood. So I graduated. So what? Everyone else did too. At least this is the time when I can do whatever I want. I walk outside with my trunk floating behind me - a useful charm - and lean against a tree looking out over the lake, wondering what to do next. Maybe -
My train of thought is interrupted by Harry and Ron coming over, trunks following. They both glare at me. "What in the world was that about?" Harry practically shouted, drawing a few looks.
I roll my eyes. "Shush, you want everyone to know what you're saying?" He grumps, and I continue. "It's funny, really. It is. I've been dropping hints all over the place for seven years, and neither of you notice."
"What are you talking about?" Harry asks angrily.
I faced him, smiling slightly. "When I met you, you were the biggest jerk I knew. You still have an ego almost as big as Malfoy - I'd be careful it doesn't get any bigger." He just stared at me, mouth open. "Shut it, you're attracting flies." Can't handle the truth, eh, Harry? Glare, glare. "All right, so you were slightly decent the first couple years. Well, you certainly have changed a lot. I've hated you for quite awhile - jerk."
His eyes were so big I thought they were going to pop out. "But - you can't -"
I giggled. "I'm a good actor." I turned to Ron, and he looked at me, serious and quiet. "And you... I liked you since at least third year. My mum always said opposites attract, and who could be more different? Then I fell in love last year. I love you so much it hurts. But it would never work out between us. We're too different. That's why I'm never going to see either of you again. So, parting words for you both: Harry, turn down that ego, and Ron..." I just melted at the sight of his eyes. They were so sad, staring at me in hurt. "I'll always love you, but I want you to find someone good for you. Also, get out of the jerk's way and do your own thing. Keep going and you'll be known, I promise you. Good luck." I leaned up and kissed him the way I had wanted to forever: long and sweet, a lover's kiss. Then I pulled away.
Ron looked stricken. "Hermi, I -" My eyes started watering, so I turned my back and started walking away slowly before I burst into tears. "Wait-" I wanted to come back so much. No, keep going, Hermi! That's what he calls me... "Don't go! I - I love you too!"
I had to look back. Harry was still staring at me there, and Ron was reaching for me, a yearning look in his eyes. "I'll never see you again. I love you," I whispered, and broke into a run for the train, getting a compartment to myself and locking it. My trunk put itself on the opposite seat and I just slouched, miserable, then curled up on the warm, comfy seat and cried my heart out. I'll never see them again. They can't hurt me anymore. Never again. Goodbye, my love... Someone pounded on the door and I peeked under the curtain to see a desperate Ron. I only gave him a sad smile, the tears dripping down my face, and put a locking charm - immune to Alohomora - on the door.
I know just what I'm going to do after the train stops in a minute. I'm going to go straight home, pack the things I need, say goodbye to my parents, and disappear into America. They won't find me - I'll make sure of that. And eventually my pain will go away, and I'll be able to forget them enough to start over. I'll have great adventures by myself, or find new friends that I like and who won't hurt me. It's my life. I can do whatever I want.
And as the train stops, I run straight out into my parents' car, not caring if anyone sees me, and cry, anticipating my new life.