Disclaimer- I don't own Ranma ½ or any of the characters therein and I also don't own any songs that are inserted into this text. Please note that during the musical sections that the lyrics are in italics and the action is in (parenthesis). Also note that all characters automatically have perfect singing voices and are always accompanied by the music that goes with each song (unless otherwise noted). I will have a song sequence in each chapter, so each chapter will probably be very different lengths, hopefully this won't confuse people.


Ranma walks onto the stage and bows "Dear readers, we hope you have enjoyed our musical thus far." There is some scattered applause and Ranma blushes.

"Well in any case, our beloved writer Hiro has contracted a deadly case of…(dramatic pause) writers block.

Cut to Hiro, who is lying in a hospital bed, with a few IV's hooked to him. His beta reader Talia_Ali is sitting over him in silence, a single tear rolls down her cheek.

Cut back to Ranma

"As you can see the situation is horrible, and the cast has decided to entertain you to ease everyone's mind. And now a song completely directed and choreographed by Shampoo. Ranma walks behind the curtain and some whispering and commotion is heard. The curtain opens. Ranma, Ryouga, Mousse, and Kuno are clad in extremely tight sailor uniforms (like the navy, you yaoi pervs).

(In The Navy, by The Village People)

(Every starts out clapping to the tune. When finished Ranma struts up to the front of the stage, followed by Ryouga, Mousse, then Kuno. A background that looks like an aircraft carrier drops down. They all point their hands out and sweep it over the audience, and again with the other hand. They repeat it one more time. March in place as the lyrics start)

Ranma:
Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology

Ryouga:
Where can you begin to
Make your dreams all come true
On the land or on the sea

Mousse:
Where can you learn to fly
Play in sports and skin dive
Study oceanography

Kuno:
Sign up for the big band
Or sit in the grandstand
When your team and others meet

All:
In the navy
Ranma:
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
All:
In the navy
Ranma:
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
All:
In the navy
Ranma:
Come on now, people, make a stand
(Mousse looks to the side, and runs off screaming)
Mousse: TIDAL WAVE!!!

(Water sweeps across the entire stage getting everyone and everything wet)

Ranma-chan comes out her sailor uniform completely soaked through. "Sorry folks, but we'll have to cut this a little short. Most everyone is without the use of their voices." Ranma points to the side, and we see everyone's cursed form in a massive free-for-all.

"Anyway, we'll have to just cut this chapter short. We'll see you…" Ranma gets hit on the head by a sign from his father/panda that says, "I can sing!"

Ranma comes back and hits his pop on the head "What do you mean you can sing!"

Genma pops a sign up "Just watch"

(Signs, by Five Man Electrical Band)

(Genma Panda walks up to Doc Tofu's clinic, and reads a sign)
And the sign said, "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
So I tucked my hair up under my hat, and I went in to ask him why
(Pours a kettle of hot water on himself)
He said,
Doc Tofu:
"You look like a fine, upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
Genma:
So I took off my hat and said,
(Pours bucket of cold water on his head)
Genma holds up sign that says:
"Imagine that! Ha, me workin' for you!"

Holds up two signs that say:
Oh, sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Pulls out two more signs:
Do this, don't do that,
Ranma-chan hits him through the roof with a sign that says:
Can't you read the sign?

Ranma-chan faces the audience once again. "Sorry for that little bout of stupidity. Well it seems we won't end this anytime soon, so are there any requests." You hear crickets begin to chirp.

Kasumi suddenly walks in from stage right, and the crowd erupts in applause "Woo, Yeah Kasumi!"

"Oh my, what's going on in here?"

Ranma looks over at Kasumi and gently moves her to center stage. "Kasumi, we need a time filler for the rest of the chapter. If you could just sing or do anything, that'd be great."

"Okay Ranma, I think I know exactly what to do. Mister DJ, will you please play my song?"

(That Don't Impress Me Much, by Shania Twain. Sung by Kasumi)

(The light go out when the music starts, and a spotlight comes onto Kasumi. She's wearing very short denim shorts, with a white cut off shirt, and a matching denim vest, giving her a very good country girl look. She walks over to the group of guys, namely Ryouga, Ranma, Mousse, and Kuno)

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
(She walks up to Ryouga and rubs against him)
But you've got being right down to an art
(Puts her lips near his but doesn't kiss)
You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a know-it-all
(Walks behind him and musses his hair)

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
(Wraps her arms around him)
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
(She pushes him away)
That don't impress me much
(He turns around and faces her)
So you got the brain but have you got the touch
(Waves her finger at him)
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
(Blows him a kiss)
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
(Hugs her arms)
That don't impress me much
(Walks up to Ranma)

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
(Gets in his pockets, pulls out a mirror, then throws it away)
And a comb up his sleeve-just in case
(Does the same thing with a comb)
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
(Walks around him with her hand on his head)
'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place
(Grabs his pigtail and gives it a tug)

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
(Ranma turns around and smiles at her)
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else
(She frowns at him)

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
(Kasumi crosses her arms and shakes her head)
That don't impress me much
So you got the looks but have you got the touch
(Grabs his chin with one finger, then pushes his face away)
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
(Smiles at him and turns away)
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
(Rubs her hand across her breasts)
That don't impress me much

(Walks past Kuno and goes to Mousse who swallows hard)
You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine
(She pulls out a shiny axe from Mousse's sleeve)
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
(She throws it away)
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
(She crosses her arms and looks at him like he's dumb)
C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!
(Mousse blushes and shakes his head)

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
(She elbows him in the gut, knocking him over)
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else
(He stands back up)

Okay, so you've got a car
(She looks in his sleeve and nods)
That don't impress me much
(She presses her breasts to his chest)
So you got the moves but have you got the touch
(Does the splits so her face is right in front of where his penis would be)
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
(Stands back up and slaps the smiling Mousse on the cheek)
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
(Walks a few steps away from the boys)
That don't impress me much

You think you're cool but have you got the touch
(Turns around and regards all 4 of them)
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
(shakes her head and walks a few feet off stage)
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night
(She walks back clinging onto Dr. Tofu's arm)
That don't impress me much

(Walks in front of the boys with the doc, stops in front of Kuno and snaps her fingers in front of his face)
Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something...
(Walks out of view)
That don't impress me


Ranma slaps himself hard in the face. "Thank you Kasumi."

The audience erupts in a thunderous applause. After a few minutes, Ranma is finally able to calm them down. "We'd like to thank you all for your support. Remember our poor writer can't survive without your help."

Camera cuts to the hospital bed. Hiro and Talia_Ali are sitting in bed, watching TV. Hiro looks directly at the camera and gives a thumbs up.

Cut back to Ranma who sweat-drops. He regains is composure, and gives a peace/victory sign. "He's cured folks!"

The audience boo's and starts to throw things at Ranma. Who is unsuccessfully attempting to dodge the barrage of random objects. When Ranma is completely covered in stuff, and the throwing stops, he pokes his head up. Ranma looks around, only to see everybody has left. "Well… shit. I guess no audience, means no story. See you all later!" Ranma waves and it fades to black.

Authors notes- Sorry for the abrupt end, but I couldn't think of a good way to end this chapter. As for an explanation, I just couldn't use songs without making fun of them in some way. Besides isn't that what fanfics are all about, making fun of stuff. In the next chapter, expect to get back into the story. Read the last authors notes to figure out what's gonna happen. Please C/C.