Entry Five
-- I have to get out of Alexandria. There's nothing to do here and I'm bored
blind. I don't even know why I'm still hanging around here. Eiko's gone back
to Lindblum and Quina went away too. Everyone else lives here but Freya but
she hasn't gone though. I should be leaving too but I haven't yet.
I even had a chance to go when Lani left. She practically
begged me to go with her like we were before Zidane came back, and I almost
said sure but it came out no. She yelled something at me I don't get, more
like her old self then, and if I'd had a chance I really would have gone
along with her then, maybe gone out to fight something if she was going to
stay that way. But I'm not going to run after her now so I guess we meet
when we meet again.
My whole point in starting with this was to tell about
myself so I should go on with that and not mess with the stupid daily shit
that's been going on. You remember I grew up in Treno, right? Well, like
I told Zidane when he was trying to come to terms with his own origin (I
don't think it really did anything for him but he did ask) my first
memory is the face of a guy I had to fight.
What happened was someone along the line decided not
to kill me after my mother died, and for some reason I ended up belonging
to a noble named Caleb Coral. At the time of my memory I was like five years
old but I was strong even then and big for my age of course. He (Caleb) used
to take me places with him, made me wear this collar and that had a chain
on it, like I was his fucking dog. This was like twenty years ago but even
today the nobles there get to do whatever the hell they want. So I was his
little curiosity he paraded around and at that time I wasn't aware of myself.
It's kind of hard to explain it, but I didn't know that I wasn't his
animal. That's the best I can describe it.
Some guy who thought he was real tough I guess was walkin'
around talking a big show, and Caleb went and bet with him that I could take
him out, even just being a kid. I remember this guy's face, all broad and
sweaty, little mustache hanging down, a big nervous grin as I just stared
at him, wondering what was going on I guess. I didn't get that they wanted
me to fight him... I don't think I got much of anything.
He started in hitting me, laughing at this stupid bet
Caleb had made, and he made me bleed. Looking at my own blood that I wiped
from my mouth, I just got so angry I killed that man with my hands
and my teeth, just kept hitting and hitting and biting and tearing until
he stopped screaming, tasting all this blood like metal on my tongue. They
had to hit me with a cane to knock me out and stop me from ripping his corpse
apart. That's my second memory, one I never told Zidane. I did tell someone
else though, when I could. He was important to me and the reason I can actually
write this now, but he comes in later.
Back then I really wasn't more than an animal, just
a screwy kid who was too strong and with bright red hair like no one had
seen. That's what most of them commented on first, and then the fact I was
just five, with Caleb all proud to own something so damn weird.
I guess now it's easy to tell why I hate Treno so much.
It's changed some since I lived there but the nobles still run the show.
It's better than it was but there used to be certain parts of town where
regular people had to live, and they put up these huge grates to keep them
out of the other areas. I remember going with Caleb to the market square
one time, all the nobles got to buy things first before they let the others
get what was left, and there were all these people pushing and climbing on
the gates, just looking at the food and things they couldn't get to yet.
Even before I was aware of myself I knew they were like me. They tore down
the walls and gates a few years later but it didn't make much difference.
The darkness hides just about anything that people can do to each other,
and the nights in Treno are long. I hate the place, but I keep going back
there over and over again at least now I don't have to let them walk
all over me anymore.
More rambling. I think that's more than you wanted to
know, and likely more than I wanted to tell, so I'll stop here for now.