Downpour
Time: 9:34 a.m.
Location: My Dorm Room
Date: December 3, 2000
We wake up cold and wet. Our heads sunk low on this cheap bed. I look over at Quistis; who is shivering, and I see water droplets splashing onto her naked shoulders. The ceilings are leaking. The results of Balamb Garden wasting more money on senseless SeeD balls, rather than caring for what's falling apart in this damn building. The snow melting on the roof makes the drops fall quickly. I wonder why Quistis hasn't opened her eyes after being touched like that.
I thought for a moment how we ended up back in here, rather then in a hospital waiting room. I then realized that we never did leave the Garden last night. We were planning on it, but the weather chased us back to the dorms. I was dreaming. Damnit. We should've left anyway.
Time: 11:13 a.m.
Location: Cafeteria
Date: December 3, 2000
Looking around this room, I notice how everything is so artificial. Brightly colored wallpaper is plastered on the walls. Fake plants sit in the corners, just to liven and cheer things up a bit. The only thing bringing us back to reality is the huge window we're surrounded by. Snow pounds violently to the ground, instantly killing the flowers below. Still, girls let out remarks like "Aww, look how pretty it is outside!" Pretty? They must be blind.
She hasn't spoken to me since last night, and it makes me wonder what I did wrong. Did I neglect to keep her warm? Did I say something? I stand in this line for whatever's left from this morning's breakfast, and she moves much faster than I do.
"What'll you have honey?"
Quistis reaches for the cup of bright fruit. I watch every move she makes.
"Ahem, you're holding up the line."
Why isn't Quistis speaking to anyone? Someone is tapping on my shoulder, but I ignore it. Thoughts of me saying, or doing something terrible flood my mind. It's not hard to think back to the night before. We were actually happy. We were laughing. We were free. What's wrong with her? When the touching on my shoulder became irritable I finally turned my head.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!"
The cafeteria becomes silent, and I am face to face with the small woman behind the counter. She backs up idly, and shrugs.
"I uh…" She swallows nervously. "Just wanted to know what you'd be having."
Quistis looks at me, as if I'm inhuman. As if I'm a disgusting creature that just attacked a young schoolgirl. Quickly she grabs her tray and continues onto the rows of tables.
"Shit." Covering my face, I rest my elbows on the polished tabletop. There's a line forming behind me, but nobody says anything. Maybe because I'm Seifer. I get special treatment, because if anyone should speak to me, I'd snap their necks. Leaving my tray behind, I decide not to give anyone trouble.
She sits with Squall, and the rest of the loved members of the Garden. And I peek behind this wall enviously. Laughing with them, smiling with them. The way she used to smile with me. Sharing her glow at a table with people who actually deserve it. The scene is enough to drive me mad.
"Yo Seifer, whatcha doin' man?"
I lower my eyes down to the ground angrily. The thought of those two finding it so easy to talk to me, after leaving a scar on my stomach was disgusting. I felt like punching his face in, and throwing Fujin to the ground. They couldn't imagine how off their timing was. They're like wounded animals. I could hurt them all I wanted, and they'd still come back to me. Surely, I could've killed Raijin, that day in the infirmary. What stopped me?
Ignoring his question, I continued staring at her. She knew I was there, she even looked at me once and awhile. There wasn't really anger in her face. It was obvious her laughter was a bunch of bullshit. She looked empty. Something I hadn't seen in awhile.
Time: 2:31 a.m.
Location: My Dorm Room
Date: December 6, 2000
Three days have past, and I'm still at a loss of information. We haven't sat down and had one of those "real" conversations. I've been hoping for one every time she steps into the room. I never get one. She opens her mouth, and tells me things I can do without hearing. I talk to her sometimes, when she's asleep. Can she hear me speak? Does she understand? I've been staying up late, by myself. Not really with my eyes opened, just a strange condition of being asleep, as well as awake. Hard to explain, but let's just say this: it's hazardous to the mind.
She says she loves it when I look at her, but she won't even look at me. Lying here in silence with her is like resting next to a dead body. She says she loves it when I touch her, but she doesn't respond to it. I'm not going to wake her up, and tell her what I feel, because I doubt she'd be listening right now. It's obvious she's sick, but I'm sure that's not what's bothering her. I want to let loose, talk to her, touch her and she doesn't appreciate it. Oh well, what can I say? Am I being selfish? I actually thought she was different from everyone else. Helping me when I fall, instead of kicking me on the ground. I was wrong, as usual.