Downpour
Time: 7:16 a.m.
Location: My Dorm Room
Date: December 6, 2000
A handful of sky-colored capsules stared back at me. They taunted me, laughed at me, and everyone knows how much I hate that. I angrily stared at her.
She whimpered, and looked up at me like a frightened child.
"Don't be angry with me." Her voice was cracking, and used.
I closed my eyes, and lowered my head. Wintertime always messed me up. It made me crueler. It made me blind. Shaking her crying from my ears, I walked towards the door.
"Seifer, please don't go. I need you right now! I—"
Turning the polished knob, I slowly stepped out into the hallway.
"...I need you TO UNDERSTAND ME!"
Her voice echoed through the building. It was piercing. Deafening. Any bystanders would be able to witness then and there a relationship that was no longer working.
Oh my dear Quistis, I've tried to understand you. Frankly, I've given up.
Time: 12:46 a.m.
Location: Balamb Garden [Wandering Aimlessly]
Date: December 6, 2000
Standing out by the elevators, I realize that it takes about 15 minutes for all the SeeDs to be out of their own worlds, and into their dorms. 3 minutes ago, all the lights in the Cafeteria and Library were shut off, and it seems 30 seconds ago, I lost my mind.
I stand against these walls, and wonder why no one has sent me to my room. I think back, and remember the night she rescued me from the dark room of Deling City's clinic. How I twirled her in the sky, as her hair flowed around us. How we laughed like children. We were innocent. Back then…yes, it was safe to say… we were innocent.
Time: 2:31 a.m.
Location: My Dorm Room
Date: December 6, 2000
The smell of all the cigarettes I had smoked rebelliously in the building is finally catching up to me. It clouds up the room; my scent is enough to make someone choke. Looking around the dark room, my vision isn't enough to tell me whether Quistis is in there or not, so I walk to the nearby light switch and flick it on. I quickly forget all my anger, and frustration when I see her sprawled out on the beige carpet.
Time: 2:38 a.m.
Location: Hell
Date: December 6, 2000
Pointlessly, I tried calling her name, and asking her to answer me. I gave the untouched side of her face a swift pat, and tried to wake her. What the hell am I doing? I'm treating her like some unconscious being that I've found left on the side of the road. This was the woman who made me feel perfect, the woman who actually gave me a chance, not some defenseless human. She needed more than for me to help her.
Her eyelids opened, and she blinked slowly. She tried to focus; she tried to understand what was going on. What was she thinking when she saw me hovered over her, with pitiful tear filled eyes?
She opened her mouth, and spoke slowly. Her voice was raspy, and I cringed when I heard it. Tousled hair framed her face, and she was pale. Oh, so pale.
"Seifer, I'm sorry I didn't take the medicine. I'm sorry if I confuse you…I just…"
I placed my hand over her mouth, and told her not to speak. Bending over and picking her up, I carefully, yet quickly carried her to the infirmary, as she struggled to breathe in my arms.
Time: 3:04 a.m.
Location: Disgusting Chambers
Date: December 6, 2000
Thumbing through filthy, used, repetitious magazines, I become weary, and sad. I see pictures of fake happy couples, how perfect they look, and I compare it to me, sitting in this waiting room, and to Quistis who's on the other side lying in a cold bone-white bed.
This yearning to be someone different, to live on the other side of the world, and not watch her die is overpowering. I think back to my carefree days of hurting others, and avoiding this strange thing called "love" at all costs.
What is love, anyway? Is it sitting in a vacant room at 3:00 in the morning, instead of sleeping soundly, and warmly in your own bed? Is it rescuing a person, just so someone else can't save her, and claim to be the hero? Is it murdering their self-confidence, and forgetting to tell them how beautiful they are, despite all their noticeable flaws?
I'm not the hero; I'm the villain. In life, and obviously, in "love".
Sighing, I sink deeper into the chair. I don't think that question can be answered. No wait let me rephrase that. It CAN be answered, just not by me. I know nothing about love. I've only experienced it once, and already, like all the small good things that's happened to me, it seems to be coming to an end.