DISCLAIMER: This was written for fun not profit. The characters of Archie and Horatio belong to the estate of CS Forester. All original characters are mine.
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Perfection In My Eyes
Prologue: The Letter
___1802,
Dearest Leigha,
I don't know how to say this in anyway that would make it easier~ Archie is dead.
I thought I should write you and tell you of everything myself, before news reaches England and you hear an unfavorable accounting. Be prepared Leigha, for they will be saying that Archie was the worst kind of coward; a traitor. It will not be an easy time for you and young William. You two will receive the backlash and ostracism for being his widow and child: tainted by association.
But what I tell you now, will give you cause to hold your head up proudly in the most trying of times, for you will know in your heart that Archie died a hero. Yes, Leigha, he was a hero.
He sacrificed himself to save me. He took the blame for events that spiraled out of control aboard the Renown. His choice and sacrifice were not given lightly. He knew he had a lot to live for-you, William, and the unborn child. There was nothing that could have been done, my dear, for he was dying anyway. He had taken a bullet in the lung and his time on earth was limited.
I would have kept him from throwing his name away, if I knew what he had intended. Better that I had swung from the gallows than to have you and William without a husband and father and the benefits of his good name. I don't think he was thinking too far beyond the moment than to rescue me, or he would have realized what his noble intention really cost and how it would affect you.
His last thoughts were of you and the children. He entreated me to write you of his love and to say that even in death he would always be near.
I don't blame you if you hate me. After all, I have been the cause of all the problems that will soon attach itself to your family and I have profited from it by my own promotion to Commander. Know that I would give it all up if it could bring Archie back! I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to help you and the children. Do not, I beg of you, consider this charity. Know that I am doing this out of love for my dearest friends and to repay with heartfelt sincerity a life which can never be measured in monetary value.
If you need anything, dearest Mrs. Kennedy, do not hesitate to ask.
Yours in friendship and affection,
H. Hornblower
I felt my world spinning precariously and I gripped the windowsill to gain balance. I made my way slowly to a chair and sat down. I was stunned. No, this couldn't be right, I read it wrong. Archie was not dead. It is a dreadful joke, Horatio, and I hate you for it!
No, I am being unfair, I know Horatio almost as well as my husband. He would never be so cruel. I reread the letter, it must be true or I'm dreaming. Yes, that must be it! I will soon wake up and find my beloved's warm body next to me, his arms holding me tenderly and close.
Come on, Leigha, wake up! Leigha Kennedy, for once in your life do as you are told! I pinch myself and the pain is sharp.
"Damn," I cry out, "No, I'm not dreaming, this is true! This waking nightmare is true!"
Archie, no! He's dead. I will never hear his voice and boyishly unrepentant grin as he gently but mercilessly teases me. Never again will I see the desire light up his blue eyes after he returns from a stay at sea. Never to feel him next to me or taste his kisses, and never to hear his laugh or his sighs. I'll even miss the sound of his voice when it's raised in anger towards me. Oh, how I loved to provoke him! And how I loved to make up afterwards.
I laid my head on my arms and wept bitterly. I could not control the tidal wave of tears that swept over me. I felt a soft, tiny hand touch my hair, "Mama? Mama, why do you cry?"
I raised my head and looked into eyes as blue as a midnight sky. I pulled the little body onto my lap and laid my cheek upon soft blonde hair.
"Papa's gone, William," I say softly, bracing myself for his tears and questions.
He looks at me, scrunches his nose up thoughtfully, then puts his hand against my wet cheek and says with a dimpled grin, "Papa's at sea, silly."
His countenance, at that moment, is so like his father, I cannot help but to laugh. No, I was wrong, Archie wasn't gone. He lived right here in this little boy who looked so much like him, and in the child who nestled in my womb.
"Yes, William, Papa's at sea." I kissed his warm cheek and held him closer. Time enough later to tell William that his father was never coming home. Right now, I will just hold on to my love and the memory of Archie's living warmth...just a little longer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perfection In My Eyes
Prologue: The Letter
___1802,
Dearest Leigha,
I don't know how to say this in anyway that would make it easier~ Archie is dead.
I thought I should write you and tell you of everything myself, before news reaches England and you hear an unfavorable accounting. Be prepared Leigha, for they will be saying that Archie was the worst kind of coward; a traitor. It will not be an easy time for you and young William. You two will receive the backlash and ostracism for being his widow and child: tainted by association.
But what I tell you now, will give you cause to hold your head up proudly in the most trying of times, for you will know in your heart that Archie died a hero. Yes, Leigha, he was a hero.
He sacrificed himself to save me. He took the blame for events that spiraled out of control aboard the Renown. His choice and sacrifice were not given lightly. He knew he had a lot to live for-you, William, and the unborn child. There was nothing that could have been done, my dear, for he was dying anyway. He had taken a bullet in the lung and his time on earth was limited.
I would have kept him from throwing his name away, if I knew what he had intended. Better that I had swung from the gallows than to have you and William without a husband and father and the benefits of his good name. I don't think he was thinking too far beyond the moment than to rescue me, or he would have realized what his noble intention really cost and how it would affect you.
His last thoughts were of you and the children. He entreated me to write you of his love and to say that even in death he would always be near.
I don't blame you if you hate me. After all, I have been the cause of all the problems that will soon attach itself to your family and I have profited from it by my own promotion to Commander. Know that I would give it all up if it could bring Archie back! I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to help you and the children. Do not, I beg of you, consider this charity. Know that I am doing this out of love for my dearest friends and to repay with heartfelt sincerity a life which can never be measured in monetary value.
If you need anything, dearest Mrs. Kennedy, do not hesitate to ask.
Yours in friendship and affection,
H. Hornblower
I felt my world spinning precariously and I gripped the windowsill to gain balance. I made my way slowly to a chair and sat down. I was stunned. No, this couldn't be right, I read it wrong. Archie was not dead. It is a dreadful joke, Horatio, and I hate you for it!
No, I am being unfair, I know Horatio almost as well as my husband. He would never be so cruel. I reread the letter, it must be true or I'm dreaming. Yes, that must be it! I will soon wake up and find my beloved's warm body next to me, his arms holding me tenderly and close.
Come on, Leigha, wake up! Leigha Kennedy, for once in your life do as you are told! I pinch myself and the pain is sharp.
"Damn," I cry out, "No, I'm not dreaming, this is true! This waking nightmare is true!"
Archie, no! He's dead. I will never hear his voice and boyishly unrepentant grin as he gently but mercilessly teases me. Never again will I see the desire light up his blue eyes after he returns from a stay at sea. Never to feel him next to me or taste his kisses, and never to hear his laugh or his sighs. I'll even miss the sound of his voice when it's raised in anger towards me. Oh, how I loved to provoke him! And how I loved to make up afterwards.
I laid my head on my arms and wept bitterly. I could not control the tidal wave of tears that swept over me. I felt a soft, tiny hand touch my hair, "Mama? Mama, why do you cry?"
I raised my head and looked into eyes as blue as a midnight sky. I pulled the little body onto my lap and laid my cheek upon soft blonde hair.
"Papa's gone, William," I say softly, bracing myself for his tears and questions.
He looks at me, scrunches his nose up thoughtfully, then puts his hand against my wet cheek and says with a dimpled grin, "Papa's at sea, silly."
His countenance, at that moment, is so like his father, I cannot help but to laugh. No, I was wrong, Archie wasn't gone. He lived right here in this little boy who looked so much like him, and in the child who nestled in my womb.
"Yes, William, Papa's at sea." I kissed his warm cheek and held him closer. Time enough later to tell William that his father was never coming home. Right now, I will just hold on to my love and the memory of Archie's living warmth...just a little longer