______________________________________________________________
To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all
I ever dreamed.
~Valerie Lombarde~
_______________________________________________________________
Chapter 5 continued: Are Pillow Fights Romantic?
Sandry couldn't think. Her mind was just one big collision of fifty-billion emotions. Thoughts weren't coherent. She wasn't quite sure if she even knew the meaning of coherent at that second.
Climbing down the stairs clumsily, Sandry tripped on the third stair downward. She fell to the floor quite ungracefully, her skirt caught on the wood. Cursing in a quite explicit manner, Sandry tugged at her skirt. It wouldn't budge. She cursed some more, pulling furiously at her skirt before it ripped. Thank the gods it wasn't her good skirts. She hadn't worn them today for hope that whatever had just happened a few seconds ago wouldn't have happened. But it did. Gods, it had happened.
Sandry bit her lip fervently in order to keep her tears inside her eyes. She knew that crying wouldn't get her anywhere. It would just keep whatever that was coherent in her mind there. Given there wasn't much there, but enough to start putting all her thoughts together.
She suddenly regretted asking Lark for answers on a rather confusing time she was going through. However, the bad thing about the whole thing wasn't that Lark's advice didn't work. It was simply that it worked. It worked too well. That wasn't a good thing in this manner.
Running downstairs, Sandry paused when Tris and Daja looked up at her and smiled . Sandry tried to smiled back, but her lips quivered in her effort. Tris and Daja's smiles instantly vanished.
"Sandry. . ." Daja started, concern creasing across her brow, "what's wrong?" She started walking towards a watery-eyed Sandry, arms crossed.
Tris frowned at her before glaring upstairs, "Did Briar say something?" She tore her eyes from the stairs and smiled evilly at Sandry, "I'll go beat him up if you want."
She looked at Tris, before she managed a weak chuckle. And then something hit her like a ton of bricks. Guilt flared up in her stomach and she wanted nothing more than just puke it. And, to Sandry' surprise, she was starting to feel slightly weak in the knees. She had to get somewhere else. Just seeing Tris made her feel weak.
Standing meekly, Sandry looked around fiercely. She could try to hide in her room. No. . . Briar would find her there. She had to find someplace where no one would look for her.
Daja was about to say something to her, but Sandry rushed towards the door. Before she went outside, she turned to Daja and Tris, "Guys, don't tell Briar I went out here, okay?" Her voice sounded watery, and she could see why. Her eyes had filled up with desperate tears. Sandry hated being a sob-story. But this was a strange chapter in her life. She deserved a cry.
Daja and Tris exchanged worried glances before turning back to her. "Why? What has he done, Sandry? Tell us," Daja asked her pleadingly. Tris mirrored Daja's concern.
What had Briar done? Sandry chuckled at the irony at it all. The question was, "What had she done?" She had probably ruined a life-time of friendship, something that could had been the best thing for her in her life. Friendship. That's what it was.
But, why in the world didn't it feel like friendship? Sandry wasn't an expert on love, but she was almost quite sure that you weren't supposed to feel like this when she were just friends.
She shook her head from keeping a billion questions from running through her brain. Daja and Tris were staring at her as if she had contracted a disease that somehow they could fix. But there was nothing, absolutely nothing, they could do to fix a confused heart. Stuttering, Sandry looked at both of her friends, "No, no, it's not that. I mean, Briar hasn't done anything," she glanced down at her hands before murmuring, "it's me who's done something."
"What?!" Daja asked her, eyebrows creased downward.
"What the. . .?!" Tris commented as the same time as Daja, coming slowly towards Sandry, who in turn backed away.
Sandry suddenly realized that she needed to get somewhere to think, to let her thoughts together. It was like someone had taken a partially put-together jigsaw puzzle and thrown it across a room. Every piece of the puzzle was aimlessly floating somewhere. Sandry had to put them back together. And all of the puzzle, not just the little part that was put together.
Exiting through Discipline's front door, Sandry looked pleadingly at Tris and Daja, "Please don't tell Briar where I went." They simply crossed their arms across their chests as if a manner saying "tell-us-what's-going-on." She bit her tongue so hard that it started to bleed, "Please, you guys. . ." Waiting expectantly, she stood half-way in the door, her head in the inside of the house.
Daja, who was looking highly exasperated, threw her arms in the air. "Why not? You're not going to tell me anything anyway." With that, she gave Sandry a sympathetic smile before turning to Tris.
Suddenly realizing that Sandry and Daja were both staring at her, Tris's eyes opened wide. She shrugged, an irritated smile on her face. Crossing her arms across her chest, Tris sighed. "Well, don't look at me. My lips are sealed."
Sandry smiled a soft, thin smile at them. "Thanks," She said almost apologetically. Then, with a quick dash, Sandry closed the door to Discipline. She smoothed her skirt before taking out in a fast run away from the cottage. She didn't know what her destination would be. All that she cared about was getting away. Racing past trees and brightly colored robed dedicates, she felt her adrenaline pound mercilessly in her head. Confusion spurred her onward. Something told her to keep going, that when the time came, something would tell her to stop.
She was fortunate enough to only trip two times on her rather long skirt. If she wasn't a noble and people didn't expect her to at least wear skirts, she would throw them away. She had only worn britches once or twice in her life. The Gods knew that they were ten times better than any skirt. Especially when running.
Then, ironically, her adrenaline suddenly failed her. It suddenly seemed like she had been running for miles and days. Stopping, Sandry panted in large, painful gasps. She leaned her head against a tree beside the road before she bit her tongue. Briar wouldn't think to look here. Or at least, she didn't think he would. She had always somehow known where he headed when he went to get away from people. It was like something had connected him and her with a string so that when one tugged away, the other went with them. But, that didn't make any sense. Or, maybe it did.
Sandry sighed. Nothing made complete sense right now. Glancing upward, Sandry sighed. She supposed she should climb the tree. That way, just in case Tris and Daja couldn't keep their mouths shut, and Briar did walk down the pathway, he wouldn't be able to see her. Her green wincey dress should help disguise her. Plus, she had to get somewhere to think. And she was a bit paranoid with all the dedicates surrounding her. They couldn't read her mind, she was sure. Well, pretty sure.
When she reached a branch that was in the middle of the tree, she sat, resting her elbows on her knees. Sighing waveringly, she put her hands in her face, obviously confused.
All she could ask herself was: Why? Why had she listened to Lark? Lark usually gave wonderful, excellent advice. Perhaps she had given good advice this time. Maybe it was too good.
"Lark," Sandry had started earlier on in the day, her elbows propped on the kitchen cabinet. Looking delightfully at a bowl of fresh fruit, she popped a berry into her mouth before asking, "how do you know if you like a person as a friend or more?"
Lark had turned to Sandry and raised an appraising eyebrow. "And who might this person be?" Folding her arms across her chest, Lark pursed her lips questionably.
A slight curve lighted Sandry's lips before she shook her head, "I never said I knew who it was." She looked at Lark sweetly, her eyes glittering mischievously, "I think you know the answer to this question."
"Maybe. . ." Lark started before she started to stir a bowl full of sugared fruit over a simmering fire. "You want to know how to know the difference a friend and someone who's more?" She looked up from her bowl of fruit before glancing at an apprehensive Sandry. Chuckling, Lark shook her head, "First I would say you already know. It's already in here." With that, Lark put a hand of her heart, smiling sweetly.
Sandry copied Lark by putting a hand of her heart, listening to the beat of her heart. Then, after a few seconds she whispered, "What if you're heart's confused?" Her voice sounded distant and concerned, much to her dismay.
Lark turned on her heel and smiled smugly at Sandry, "So. . . this is about you?" She watched Sandry blush and frown a pout at her before she chuckled, "Who's the lucky lad?" Sandry's face simply pouted harder and Lark laughed harder. When she managed to subside her laughter, she shook her head, "When then, secondly, if you didn't know what your heart was saying, I would simply kiss him."
"Kiss him?!" Sandry exclaimed, her head popping up. "You're not serious are you , Lark?" All she got back from Lark was a chuckle. Crossing her hands across her chest, Sandry bit her lip. Lark was usually right, and the idea wouldn't be so bad. One quick kiss and she would figure out what all these conflicting emotions that were going on about Briar. She would know why she had felt so intimately close to him lately. And the dreams she was having. . . they were quite interesting. No, not interesting. Confusing.
But now that Sandry knew, she knew now why people said that ignorance is bliss. It wouldn't had been so bad if Briar hadn't done the unthinkable.
"Da. . .damn him!" Sandry's tongue stuttered on the forbidden word, "He wasn't supposed to kiss me back!" She spit the words in the air, not quite sure if she was really mad at Briar. Shaking her head, Sandry knew she wasn't. It had been her decision. And, she should've cut the kiss off as soon as he started to respond back.
And why was she so upset? It was just one kiss, something her and Briar could easily make into a inside joke. They had done it with other kisses. Sandry chewed on the inside of her cheek, before shaking her head defiantly. The other kisses were meant to be jokes. This one wasn't. Everything about the kiss had seemed ground-breaking. It was the first time everything made perfect sense, like Sandry's universe seemed to sigh in relief. Something had just been put together. And, now that she thought it over, her and Briar seemed like two very strange puzzle pieces put together. Like the two puzzle pieces that had to be twisted several different ways so that you could see how they fit together. And when you did put the two together you wanted to do nothing more than scream and hit your head against the wall. It seemed obvious then.
Sandry sighed in a flutter sort of way. Not to mention, everything about it had been how she wanted it to. She wasn't quite sure how she would've handled Briar if he hadn't kissed back. Somehow, she had almost expected that he would kiss her back. Actually, she knew he would the second she put her lips on his. So, another why. Why hadn't she pulled back immediately?
Because, darn it all, she was attracted to him!
Sandry caught herself in her thoughts, looking around to make sure she hadn't said what she had thought out loud. Sighing in slight relief, she shook her head. It was true. Gods knew he had become very much attractive during the time out from the rest of the Discipline Group. But, Sandry knew that the only reason didn't lie just in his looks. If that's all she every cared about, she'd be long ago married or engaged to some simpering, greasy snob of the court. Briar was more, more than she had every managed anyone could be to her. Daja and Tris she would die for, but something had happened in her heart today, that she couldn't just turn it on and off whenever she wanted. This wasn't a game.
This was forever. Maybe even more than that.
So, if this was such a beatiful thing, why was all this making her feel away? Sandry rested her head on her hands before she bolted up as if struck by lightening. Tris. That was it.
Tris was in love with Briar. Okay, maybe she hadn't said that she was in love with him, but she had commented on his eyes and smile. But Tris didn't compliment often.
Suddenly feeling sick with guilt, Sandry leaned back against the tree and sighed. This wasn't what she had in mind when she had her first true, real kiss. Suddenly, something rustled in the tree below her. She glanced downward in surprise before she saw who it was.
She couldn't even stutter. She watched in astonishment as Briar climbed his way towards her. She knew that Tris and Daja couldn't keep their mouths shut.
He was watching were he was climbing, but after awhile, he looked up at Sandry shyly. "Hey," he said in a uncharcteristic sheepish voice, his lips turned up in a slight, gentle smile. They looked at each other before he asked, "Do ya wanna give me a hand, here?"
Sandry stared at him with wide eyes before hissing coldly, "Go away." With that, she turned her head tartly away from him, eyes watering.
There was a period of brief of stunned silence between the two before Briar snapped back at her, "Let's not forget who kissed who here." Sandry turned to him, lips pursed. He put a hand through his hair, "By the way, nice clinch there milady. I didn't know I was that irresistible. . ."
Sandry's mouth dropped open in disgust and utter surprise. Then, she snapped it shut before picking up one of the tree's acorns and pelting it at him. "Ohhhh, you!" She growled at him, landing a carefully planned hand on her hip.
Briar threw up his hands in the air, trying to shield his face from the acorn. However, he wasn't fast enough, for it landed promptly in the middle of his forehead. Shaking his head, he looked up at her with a frown. "Hey, there, milady. I mean no harm."
She snorted before turning away sharply. Sitting for a second in complete silence, she whispered bitterly, "Go away."
"What?" Briar asked, his voice hinged with disbelief.
Sandry turned to him and spat, "Go away, Briar. You're just making all of this worse for me." Her eyes softened from their icy glare and watered up with tears. "Oh, Briar," she wimpered like a hurt, sad puppy, "just go away."
He stared at her blankly before he squinted his eyes, "Can. . .can I just saw something real. . ."
"No!" Sandry interrupted passionatly, her eyes in cold fire. "No, no, no, Briar. Just. Go. Away." Sandry tried not to cry. She tried with all her heart, all her soul not to let Briar see tears. She did anyway.
"Sandry. . ."
"No, don't!" She practially screamed as she childishly covered her ears with her hands. Tears poured down her cheeks freely, but it didn't matter anymore. Sandry squeezed her eyes shut, feeling as they burned in painful agony. "No, no, no, no, no. . ." she mumbled madly, shaking her head back and forth.
Suddenly, like a bolt of lightening, something grabbed hold of her shoulders and shook her. "Sandry, get a grip! Would you please get a grip?!" It was Briar, and he sounded frustrated
Sandry shook her head fiercely, her hair sticking to her cheeks due to the fact that her tears had stained her cheeks. She still had her hands next to her ears, put Briar pulled them down to her sides. "Will you just calm down and hear me out?" Briar grunted at her, before nearly yelling, "Whether you like it or not, I'm going to tell you what I think."
Wimpering pitifully, Sandry tried to pull away from him, but failed miserably. His grip was firm and unyielding. Then, in desperatation, she curled up in merciless agony. She was still crying in silent shakes, but her eyes didn't hold anymore tears.
"Sandry!" Briar shook her, "Look at me, dammit!" He shook her some more, trying to get her to calm down. When, after a few minutes, Sandry still writhed in silent agony, Briar sighed before saying, "Well, since you're not going to listen --big surprise-- I'm going to say it anyway." He took a deep breath before going onward, "Sandry, if you're even thinking coherently, which I highly doubt, I want you to be quiet until I can say you can talk again."
Sandry heard him and immediatly, she popped her head up. "I know what you're saying. I can hear, you know." Although her words were broken up by sudden gasps of air, it was coherent.
Briar frowned crookedly at her, "Didn't I tell you to be quiet?" He still held her hands, watching her with curious eyes. She was now trying to regain some kind of control, but wasn't doing very well. Every few seconds, she sucked a large gasps of air that sounded like a hiccup. He shook his head before smiling at her, chuckling gruffly deep in his throat. Then, reaching out a hand, he smoothed back the hair in her eyes before saying roughly, "You sure like to put on a nice show, don't you, milady?"
Eyes wide open, Sandry stared at him, shocked at his sudden gentleness. Helping him wipe the rest of the hair out of her face, she squinted her eyes at him before gasping, "Briar?"
In a sudden change, Briar pushed her back at an arms length and snapped at her, "Now, listen to me. Don't talk until I say you can. . ."
"If this is about that kiss, Briar, I. . ." Sandry interjected raspily, her eyes fluttering down to her lap. ". . .I'm sorry. It was my fault. I take all the blame. . ."
She was cut short when Briar started bursting out into laughter. "Blame?!" He asked in an astonished tone, chuckling lightly. "Listen to me Sandry. There's nothing to apologize about. If anything, I'm the one caused all this confusion," Sandry was about to say something, but Briar cut her off, "now, will you please close that mouth of yours? I can get a clamp if it takes too much physical effort." Obeying his order, Sandry shut her mouth stubbornly, an annoyed look on her face. "Now, I'm about to say something that I'm not quite sure I know what I'm talking about. Go on, hate me for it. But I think you gotta know. It's about me, no, it's about us. I'm not quite sure why I'm saying this." With that, he stopped and shook his head, "Something's really gotten into me."
"Briar you don't have to say anything. . ." Sandry whispered, obviously spooked by his new behaviour, ". . .we can go on being friends. You, know, how we used to be. . ."
Briar laughed mockingly before staring at Sandry, "Don't you get it?! I know you know what I'm talking about when I say that something happened back in the attic. Something so complex and weird, we both can't comprehend it. All I know is that when it happened, it was like coming up outa water and taking my first breath of real air. Don't laugh at me, I'm serious." Truth was, Sandry wasn't laughing at him. Her mouth was parted every so slightly, her eyes wide and pensive at him. "And Sandry, we can't be friends anymore, you know that. And it scares me too. But Sandry, it's like suddenly deciding that we don't need our eyes and think, 'Oh, what the heck, let's gourge our eyes out. What are they good for anyway? Let's be how we were before birth. Blind as a bat.' You know it can't work like that. And don't go telling me that we aren't nothing more than friends. I'd tell you I loved you, that I couldn't live without you, but, with you, it's different. It's like saying I'm in love with my eyes or ears. You just can't do it." With that, Briar took a large, quivering breath before smiling smugly. "There," he said, "I'm done."
Sandry stared at him, open-eyed for the longest minute of her life. Then, in a burst of giggles, Sandry looked disbelievingly at Briar, "Who are you and what have you done with Briar?" She asked mock-suspiciously, her eyes squinted.
Briar rolled his eyes and Sandry laughed full-blown, her formal tears forgotten. She sniffled pitifully before looking at him with large watery eyes. "What does this all mean?" She asked shyly, the sudden uncomfortableness of his comfession settling in. Squiriming under his gaze, Sandry smiled hesitantly.
Shrugging, Briar threw his legs off the sides of the branch they were both sitting. He blow a ebony piece of hair out of his eyes before saying, "Not quite sure. But somehow it all makes sense." Briar stopped swinging his legs on the tree and looked at her and smiled crookedly, "Plus, I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean that we have to get married and have twelve children."
Sandry laughed shakily, nontheless amused. She shook her head before looking at him, "Can you imagine what Daja and Tris would do if we said that we were engaged and getting married in spring?"
"We're not, are we?" Briar asked in mock-horror. Or at least, Sandry thought he was just being silly.
She hit him over the head playfully, knocking the crooked smile off his face. She followed his suite by swinging her legs over the edge of the limb, kicking them in the air. Then, a thought hit her hard. Swallowing thickly, she looked hesitanatly at Briar, "Speaking of Tris and Daja. I thought," she paused, taking a large breath, "you and Tris were. . .you know."
He looked at her in surprise, "I know?"
"Yes, you know," Sandry looked at Briar searchingly, hoping he would get her drift. He didn't. Frowning, Sandry went onward, "Together. You and Tris were together."
He burst into laughter, shaking his head. "Me. . .me and coppercurls?!" He laughed harder, while Sandry frowned in indignation. "Can you see it now? Me and coppercurls at each others necks for the rest of our lives." Briar glanced at Sandry, before winking, "Neither of us would live together. We'd kill each other!" Still laughing, he shook his head, "Plus, if you had your head in the clouds, milady, you'd know that she's been seeing someone for nearly two months."
Sandry turned her head sharply, looking at Briar with large, astonished eyes. "What?!" She asked in shock, not quite sure if she had heard Briar correctly.
"You heard me right. She's been seeing some guy from Janaal. Coppercurls only wrote about him once. I gave her a good teasing." He glanced at Sandry before chuckling as she shook her head in exasperation.
Still shaking her head, Sandry absently murmured to the air in front of her, "Well, Good Mother of us all, I really thought that you two were going to end up together."
Briar chuckled before shrugging. "Well, see, I thought that you thought that she thought I thought that we thought. . ."
Sandry rolled her eyes as he rambled on. Putting a hand on his knee, she reached over and silenced him by covering her lips with his. It worked quite well. He sat shock-still before he placed his hand on her cheek delicately and kissed her back. When he did so, Sandry sighed in relief. This was the first innocent, sweet kiss. The other ones had either been jokes or ground-breaking. This one was simply. . .lovely.
Suddenly, somebody called down from underneath them. "Hey, you two!" The voice was sharp and unmistakable. It was Rosethorn. And she didn't sound happy. "Hey! Lovebirds!" She called again, her hinged with impatience.
Briar looked down before clear shock painted his face. "Rosethorn! What are you doing here?"
Rosethorn looked at him blankly before raising an appraising eyebrow, "I don't know. . .maybe I should be asking you the same thing. But you can explain that later, Romeo. Right now, you can explain this." With that, Rosethorn pulled something from behind her back. It was a mutilated pillow, its stuffing still falling out. She only pursed her lips. "Daja and Tris said they didn't do it. That leads me to you two. Daja and Tris said you'd be here."
If Briar was going to say something, he didn't. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Then, he clamped his mouth shut, aware that no inspiration was coming to him. Leaning over to Sandry, he whispered in her ear, "Let's make a run for it." With that, he jumped from the tree, followed by Sandry, before he started sprinting down the pathway.
They were both laughing like two toddlers. And as they ran down the pathway, they could hear Rosethorn yelling.
"Hey, come back! Come back, young man! Do you hear me?!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
General Surgeon's Warning: LONG AUTHOR'S NOTES CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
YAY! WOOOOOOHHHHHH! It's done. The story's done.
Yay! Actually though, I'm planning to write a sequal to this whole
thing. Or at least I was thinking about it. What'd you think?
Tell me if you want it. If you do, I'll probably have the new part
up next week.
Plus, I writing other COM fics. I thought about writing a
Daja/Kisel, (NO ONE write these things. Ug, it's so annoying.
Personally, I've been routing for these two all along.) I also have
another Sandry/Briar thing going on. Like a totally different fanfic.
And, you know what people? Tris needs a man! I'm sorry, but
she does! If Tammy puts Briar and Tris together, I'll be happy.
(Well, I'll probably be screaming at the book, "DAMMIT SANDRY! You
should've taken him when you could've!" Kinda like with Alanna and
George. I was reading In The Hand of the Goddess yesterday
and I was screaming, "No. . . .! With George, stupid!
Not Jon, GEORGE! It's spelled G-E-O-R-G-E! George!!!!" Yes, I know
they get together in the end, but it was really bothering me. . .heh, don't
take me serious here, people.) Anyways, gotta love those Noble/Street
Rogue pairings. **Sighs**
Well, thanks a billion for reviews, you all are the best!
Sorry this is out late! It woul've actually been out on Tuesday,
but my browser was being stupid. Oh well. . .
Thanx again people!