The Center Does Not Hold


Not knowing what else to do, Sera went shopping at the local liquor store. So far as she could tell, she and Wolverine seemed to have that much at least in common. A few casual questions asked among that staff confirmed that when Wolverine wasn't drinking beer, he was a whiskey man. Whiskey was fine, she could do whiskey. She had grabbed a couple of bottles from the store and then, on a whim, some cheap souvenir shot glasses. This way she was prepared. Now the only trick would be finding Wolverine.

She aimed logical first; she knocked on the door opposite hers, the door that had been tempting her for days. The door that she avoided like the plaque. To her amazement, he actually answered.

It was all she could do not to stare. He wasn't wearing a shirt or shoes, just old, faded blue jeans. His body was even better than she had guessed. He wasn't smiling at the sight of her, but she could live with that. If she got to look at him dressed like that, she could live with pretty much anything.

What'd ya want, darlin'? he growled. He was chomping on a cigar and she was surprised to find she didn't even care.

She grinned bravely, looking past him into his room, which seemed mostly bare of personal items, and held up one of the bottles, with the shot glasses stacked on its cap. Peace offering? she suggested. I thought maybe we could get to know each other better. Not bad, mostly the truth.

He smiled then, a predatory grin and she could feel his interest flair. There was no room for lies between them. They could pretend all they wanted, use what ever words they wanted, in whatever tones, but their other senses always knew the truth. He knew she was interested, she knew he was. She had no idea where this was going, but Hank was right. There was no pretending that it didn't exist. Maybe if she just got it out of her system...

Was that what you wanted? His sardonic words interrupted her train of thought. She could see his eyes, could see them as they traveled down and up her body. His interest in her flickered across her awareness like a wave of fire. Nice to know he wasn't indifferent.

You gonna to let me in? Her voice was belligerent, to hide her nervousness. This was not Charm, or any of her kind and quiet boyfriends from college, and she was feeling over her head.

He stood aside and she walked into the room. What'cha have in mind, then, darlin'? Twenty questions?

Drinking contest, was her retort as she tossed the bottle to him, counting on his reflexes to catch it. He laughed and put the bottle down on a table. There was almost nowhere to sit in the room. Two hard looking chairs and the bed. She wasn't thinking about the bed. She took a chair, shoving what had to be today's shirt out of the way.

Darlin', ain't no contest. Takes a lot to drink me under. Doubt you're the one to do it. He got comfortable on the bed-- great, wonderful, the bed-- and put the shot glasses down on the nightstand so he could open the bottle.

Wanna bet? she shot back. You're not the only one with a healing ability, darlin'. She grabbed the bottle and poured them both generous shots. Ready, set, go! she chanted and tossed back her drink as fast as she could. it was smooth and gentle for the first couple of seconds and then it burned like nobody's business. Gotta be a metaphor here, she muttered to herself absently, most of her attention caught be the sight of the muscles in Wolverine's body moving as he swallowed his drink. If she couldn't look into his eyes, and past experience told her the evening would end real quick if either of them tried that, she'd watch the rest of him. Luckily, there was a lot of Wolverine left to watch.

She started pouring another drink almost as soon as he finished his first.

She had to get this out of her system.

* * * * *

Wolverine was bemused by her sudden appearance at his door but not about to turn her down. He had tried to avoid her but Jeannie was right, they couldn't ignore this forever. This close to her, he didn't think there was any way to pretend anything. And she had brought some damn fine whiskey.

Grinning, he downed the first shot she poured and grinned as her eyes widened as the liquor hit her. No contest here, he thought smugly to himself.


Two hours later, at the end of the bottles and well into his beer, which they had staged a raid on the kitchen to get-- luckily, no students anywhere in sight-- he was forced to change his earlier assumption. The woman could drink, almost as much as he could. She was moving a little slower now, and her voice slurred a bit when she spoke, but on the whole, she was a trooper.

he said, toasting her with his bottle. I am impressed. Ain't nobody been able to stay off the floor this long with me. Anybody else be under the table by now.

she said, On the floor doesn't sound so bad.

He went still; she was watching him, her cinnamon colored eyes fixed on his face. Her voice, her suggestion, conjured up about a million different graphic pictures in his head. Great; just what he needed, some reminding about what he wanted to do to her, with her. Got a better idea, Sera. We're about out of anything to do with alcohol here. How you feel bout taking a ride with me?

She laughed then, completely disbelieving. Hell, no! We've been drinking for, she tipped her chair back precariously to look for a clock. Not finding one, she let her chair slam back where it belonged, nearly tossing herself onto the bed. For awhile now. No way am I letting you drive me around on the monster bike of yours.

What, you conceding defeat, pretty girl? You don't think you can out drink me after all?

I can drink you under the table, little man, but ain't going to no bar to do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, big words. Nope, that was you, throwing in the towel. He laughed, throwing himself back on the bed so he was stretched out. Yer all bark an' no bite, darlin'.

Her eyes narrowed and her smile turned decidedly evil. Picking up her beer bottle, she pretended to be examining it closely. Oh, yeah? Seems to me you ought to know better than to say I don't bite.

Wolverine had about a second to realize his mistake-- oh, yeah, she does bite!-- before she jumped on the bed, and, while pouring her beer over his head, bit his ear.

You nuts? was about all he managed to spit out with the beer that had spilled into his face. The last time she bit him, he'd about wanted to take her head off. This time...well, he wanted something a little different. Her body was pressed against his and with whatever weird connection there was between them, there was no missing what she was thinking, feeling. And there was no thinking anything different for him. The feel of her was enough to drive him crazy, he'd been wanting it so long.

He felt her teeth leave his ear, to be replaced by warm breath. Not nuts, she corrected softly, leaning into him. Just enough booze in me to do something stupid. One of her hands, cold from the beer bottle, was touching his chest. The other was pushing his now wet hair out of his face. Her touch was like nothing else he had ever experienced. He could feel how it was for him and he could feel how it was for her, all tangled up; lost in the wave of desire, he groaned and held onto his control for all he was worth.

He couldn't think with her this close. At least, not about anything that didn't have to do with taking her up on her suggestion, as fast as possible. She was kissing him, now, her cool mouth... oh, god.. on his ear, his throat. He could feel the animal in him, fighting to get loose, to show her what she was playing with. But, no matter what else, he was an honorable man, so despite the fact that, right now, he hardly even felt human, he managed to spit out, What about yer boyfriend?

Her hand had moved up to his face; she was tilting his face so she could meet his eyes. What boyfriend? she replied and then all he could see were her eyes, darker now with passion and then he was lost, she was lost, like they always were. Swallowed alive by feelings that were almost too strong, they couldn't even think of fighting them.

Beer cold kisses. Sera's sharp little teeth, gentler now, but still biting. Wolverine, shaking from trying not to lose control, hands hard on her body. Sera's long nails scratching down his back. No need to say anything, the other's feelings clear: want, need, touch, take, mine, now!

His last coherent thought was that it was a good thing they were both healers; this was like to kill them both. No mere human could survive this. And then there was no more room for thoughts, there was just them. He was kissing her and her hands were on him and there was nothing else in the world but two of them.

* * * * *

Sera woke to the heat of Wolverine's body next to hers. She stretched against him, reveling in the feeling of being this near. The emotions still burned and sizzled between them, but fainter now, more in the background. So, not gone, but at least she didn't want to wrestle him to the floor. Right away.

rumbled his voice, so low she could feel his chest vibrate with the words, when I asked if ya wanted to take a ride, this wasn't 'zactly what I had in mind, little miss witch hazel.

Her laughter rang out. It wasn't? Well, damn, maybe its not too late, and she made to get out of bed only to be stopped by his hard arm wrapping around her middle.

You ain't going nowhere but closer to me, he muttered, dragging her against him.

Oh, yeah, think you're such a tough guy? I've got your number. Her hands trailed down his bare chest, followed by her lips. Wolverine growled; desire this time, but tempered with something else. Too hard to feel, buried under the passion that was still almost too strong. With effort, Wolverine pushed her away from him, moved his body so that they were no longer touching. With distance, their feelings were almost manageable.

This is too strong to last, he finally said, his voice harsh.

She took a deep breath. Really, it was no different from what she was thinking. Yeah, I know.

And I ain't what you would call a relationship kinda a guy.

She rolled up, looked down at his face. He looked distant and unsmiling. What, you chicken now? Tough guy like you? She wrapped her hand around one of his broad upper arms; her hand was too small to reach around, but all she had really wanted was the skin contact and the sizzle of desire that came with it. This scare you? He glared at her then, but stayed silent. she said with some exasperation. I just got out of a three year long relationship. You think I'm begging to get right into another one? Why do we have to give this a name, why does it have to be a relationship? C'mon, you think you're man enough to hang in here and just take it how it goes? She was a little afraid that she had taken it too far, that she had pushed him away with her words, her touch. He stayed very quiet for a few minutes, and she could feel him sink into himself, thoughtful and just a little overwhelmed.

Finally he said, gruffly, Maybe ya better start calling me Logan from now on, darlin'. Seeing as how we're going be so close an' all.

Sera laughed then, and nodded, knowing he could feel the movement against his chest. That'll do just fine, Logan.

But his words stayed with her; this was too strong to last. And it was gonna be one hell of a mess when it broke apart.

* * * * *

Wolverine was out working on his bike-- well, okay, it used to be Cyke's, but now it was his-- when Jeannie found him.

Hey, Red, he drawled, flat on his back, to better get at the screw he was working on. What'cha want this time?

Jeannie leaned against the wall and stared down at him. She was trying hard not to smile but Wolverine could see the corners of her mouth fighting to curl up. Might have heard a rumor about you this morning, she suggested.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Something about you and Sera... a lot of whiskey... stop me if this sounds familiar.

Might be something to those rumors at that, darlin', he conceded after a couple of seconds of watching Jeannie try not to look like she was begging for gossip.

prompted Jeannie.

And nothing, Red. I'm a gentleman-- Jeannie snorted in a good natured way, and we gentlemanly types don't go kissing and telling.

There was kissing?

Get out of here, woman!

Jeannie laughed and scurried out of the garage before she pushed his legendary temper too far. She couldn't resist sending a last thought to Wolverine, though, one she was out of sight.

That's all right , Logan. I'll go and ask Sera. Can't wait to find out if that time we found you two on the kitchen floor really was foreplay.

There was a loud bang as the a wrench hit the wall by the door. The sound mixed with that of Jeannie's laughter as it trailed behind her.

* * * * *

Sera's life began to take on a new routine then. There was teaching during the day, grading on Sundays and for the nights, there was Wolverine. Logan. Not every night, to be sure, but enough. They never did call themselves a couple, they were only Sera and Wolverine. And if some people teased, it was never too much. Logan had never struck anyone but Sera as a safe guy to play with and Sera was tough enough in her own way. But people grinned and Jeannie had taken Sera aside and begged for gossip. Things seemed pretty peaceful. And then there was Terry...


I'm glad you suggested this, Terry, Sera said softly, watching the girl as she kicked up early fall leaves as they walked through the small woods behind the mansion. It's a beautiful day.

Terry agreed. Made me think of that Frost poem you had us read last year. You know, nothing gold can stay.' Like the leaves. You gotta catch them fast.

True. Very true.

There was silence then, for awhile; no sound except for the crunching of leaves and the distant sound of birdsong.

You wanna talk about anything? Sera asked finally. She could tell Terry had a reason for asking her out here, but the girl had remained quiet.

Saw my caseworker today. Terry said finally.



No one wants me yet. No one will take the placement. And I know the Professor will just let me live here, but... its not like having a real home. Y'know, a real family. Terry was looking down as she spoke, embarrassed or miserable, Sera couldn't quite tell.

Sera took a deep breath. Talk about your perfect opportunities... Funny you mention that, kiddo, she said idly. There was something I wanted to talk to you about.

Terry's eyes were still on the ground.

Okay, deep breath now, you can do it. Terry, I was wondering. I mean, if you want, if you're interested... look, I was wondering... if maybe you would like to be my kid.

Sera thinned her shields a touch, to try and figure out Terry's response to this.
So far, just stunned. But was that a touch of joy sneaking in?

You mean your foster? Terry asked, hopefully.

Well, I mean, yeah, if you want, but I was kinda thinking, my real kid. Yknow, like a formal adoption. If you're interested.

Terry had stopped moving and was now just staring at Sera. Sera could feel Terry's joy, could see it glowing out of her eyes.

You wanna be my mom? she breathed.

Yeah, I do. If you wanna be my kid.

Terry's arms wrapped around Sera's wait faster than the older woman could see. Yeah, oh yeah, I wanna be your kid. Are you serious? Is this for real?

Nothing realler , babes, murmured Sera, hugging back. If you want, I can start the paperwork on Monday.

If I want!?! If I want!?! I want, I want!

Me, too.

You know what I'm gonna call you? I mean, when we're not in class?

Sera was curious; it almost sounded like Terry had been thinking about this for awhile.

Mama Jay; y'know, a play on the book you told us about, Mama Day.

Sounds perfect, hon.

Long silence then as the two began walking again. Jay? I mean, Mama Jay? You love me?

Yeah, Terry, I do.

I love you, too. A long pause then, before Terry spoke again. This mean Mr. Logan is like my dad?



Just playing with you there, Mama Jay.

Great, just my luck, I get you during the bratty years.

You really want me?

Yeah, kid. I really want you.

* * * * *

Yer doing it, huh? asked Logan as Sera curled her small, cool body next to his warm one a few nights later.

Yeah, got round one of the paper work in today. And went looking in town, for a place that's not here. Y'know, in case they wanna see a proper home.

He growled softly into her ear. Yer own place? Now that has some possibilities, Witch Hazel.

She swatted playfully at him. Yeah, nothing screams romantic interlude like a fourteen year old daughter.

Damn, almost fergot bout her.

Better not, cause this is a happening thing. She's gonna be mine.

He kissed her then, slow and gentle. If it's what ya both want, darlin', I'm happy fer ya.

Good. Cause it is.


She didn't know what time it was when she woke up; Logan seemed to have an aversion to clocks. Although there was a slight dent in the far wall from the bed, that gave her a clue where the last alarm clock might have gone. But the door to his room was open now and Scott was standing in the light, staring in. Sera felt Logan come instantly awake.

Wolverine. There's a situation.

He rolled from the bed and began began grabbing nearby clothes. Not his X-Men uniform, a black leather one piece suit that Sera had only seen a couple of times, but regular stuff. The uniform was kept in the elaborate and highly technological basement of the mansion. Where students were never allowed and she really preferred to stay away from.

What's up? asked Logan, pulling on a shirt.

Briefing room, fifteen minutes. a pause and then. Sorry to wake you, Sera. Didn't know if you'd be in here.

S'cool. You guys need me for anything?

Another pause. Clean up, maybe. We need Hank on this one. You mind bunking down in the lab tonight?

Nah, I'll steal Hank's cot that he keeps down there. Comfy enough.

Scott nodded, still silhouetted in the doorway.

Uh, Scott? There's no way in hell I'm getting out of this bed with you standing there.

She couldn't see, but she knew him well enough by now to bet he was blushing. What did Jean see in the man? Then again, people no doubt would say the same about her and her man who sported nine inch adamantium claws that popped out of his skin with a thought. Uh, whoops! muttered Scott, stepping back and letting the door swing shut.

Yer a cruel woman, Sera. Ya know what he's thinking. Logan grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss.

She kissed him back fast then pushed him away. I know you don't need to be told, but keep yourself safe tonight, huh?

Don't worry yerself. Ain't been taken down yet. Another kiss and then he was gone.

Sera turned on the light and dragged daytime's clothes on. Quick trip across the hall to get something to sleep in, and then down to the lab.

She yawned. It was gonna be a long night.


Hank's lab did have a clock. A digital alarm clock with numbers that glowed red in the dark. That was how Sera could tell that it was 4:13 A.M. when the X-Men came back. The reason she knew they were back in the first place was that Scott, Storm and Logan had run into the lab, yelling for her and pushing the stretchers that were kept in the hanger where the professor parked that technological wonder of a jet plane that the X-Men used to get to missions.

The team looked a mess; their suits were torn and they had cuts and bruises galore. Scott was leaking blood in about a million places and limping badly. Logan looked like he'd been tossed out of a window into a swimming pool full of broken glass. Five or six times. An hour. But there was no blood; handy thing to have, that healing ability. Storm looked pretty okay, just some bruises, but her eyes were wide and panicked, never a good sign. Almost shocky. Sera would've worried if it weren't for the stretchers.

It was Hank and Jeannie. Good plan on somebody's part, taking at the only two real doctors. Logan had a hold of Hank's stretcher; the doctor was out cold, coated in blood, so thick, it was matting his fur. She had never seen that huge body stilled and it was a terrifying sight. In Scott's stretcher was Jeannie, death pale, with soaked bandages wrapped around her stomach. Lots of bleeding, Sera's mind cataloged quickly, maybe more than the body could take. Shit, shit, shit! She wasn't even a hundred percent sure they had enough stocked blood to make up what Jeannie looked to have lost. Besides, that wasn't exactly her strong point, IVs and transfusions; not really a mental skill. Sera surprised herself the by wishing for Raphie; Raphie was a nurse, she would know how to do that stuff.

Well, that made the choice of who to fix first an easy one. Hank would know about transfusions, and she could assist. She ran to Hank's stretcher, shoving Logan out of the way.

Move it, I need room!

Rage. Overwhelming. All consuming. Touching Logan, even for that brief second, Sera finally understood what the word feral meant. Logan was barely human now, barely holding on to his control.

What about Jeannie? he growled, fiercely.

I'm gonna need Hank's help for that, now move!

Hard hands grabbed her arms and lifted her without effort. Fix. Her.

Scott and Storm were pulling at Wolverine's arms. Put her down, Logan, we need her!

She fell, hitting the ground hard as Scott and Storm eventually forced him to give up his grip; she could feel something go painfully wrong in her left ankle. She tried to reach for him but he pushed her away, roughly. She could feel that his touch called bruises to her skin but she knew she couldn't spend the energy to send them away. He didn't know his won strength when he was like this. Don't touch me, he snarled viciously. Just. Don't. Touch. Me.

Angry now and scared for Hank and Jeannie and the time that was being wasted, Sera hollered, Scott! Storm! Get him the hell out of here!

It was a fight, dragging an unwilling Wolverine-- there was no Logan in there now-- away from the lab but Sera couldn't let that distract her. Climbing to her feet, she clamored up onto Hank's stretcher-- she'd need a place to sit-- and put her hands on him.

Deep. She went so deep, so fast. See, here the slashes in veins and vessels, through muscle, through bone. Here was how to fix, this bit to that bit. Sera almost felt like she was glowing, so much power was running through her body. Under her care, through her energy, Hank's body was knitting itself back together. Deeper, there, there the mutation, beyond her to fix; agility, grace, strength. She knew know why he was called the Beast. There, the damage that was an experiment gone wrong, leaving him with the blue fur. Not a mutation, but the damage too deep, too old, too much a part of Hank now to fix. And here, he was back together in body, there was only the head wound to deal with now. So here the skull; fractured, he was lucky that he wasn't dead, and here, the injury to the brain, new enough that she could still repair. That amazing brain, she couldn't let that damage stay. More power flowed from her skin into Hank.

Sera. Serendipity.

Only Hank called her that. She pulled her sight back from depths of Hank to see him through human eyes. He was awake now.

Sera, pull out. I'm fixed now, I'm better. His voice was a gentle rumble as he struggled to sit up. She hugged him fast and hard.

Good, cause I need your help with Jean. She's lost a lot of blood, more than I can rebuild, at least more than I can rebuild fast enough. Do we have any?

Hank was up and bouncing across the room. Yes, I take blood from each of the X-Men every two months, in preparation for just this eventuality.

Scott had come back while she had been inside Hank's skin. He stood by the stretcher, face drawn, the goggles covering his eyes doing nothing to hide the tears slowing etching his face. He looked at Sera and even though she couldn't see his eyes, she knew exactly what he was feeling.

Touching her shoulder, she poured reassurance and compassion into him. Don't worry, Scott. We'll fix her. But you can't touch her while I'm in-- bad things will happen.

Reluctantly, he let go. There was blood on his hands, from keeping pressure on the ugly gut wound. She gave him a lot of credit for being able to think so clearly when that was his woman bleeding to death.

It was Sabretooth, he said blankly. He found some new friends. He hit her, he has claws. They're shorter than Wolverine's but they still do the trick. And he just kept hitting.

Scott. I need you to stop talking. I can't be distracted here.

His voice held an empty sound. Shock, too. She had to take a look at him and at Storm. But later.

On Jean's stretcher now, she poured herself into the older woman. Scott was right, she had been brutally gouged. It was a lot of different wounds, all ugly. Modern medicine wouldn't have been able to fix this; too much damage, too much internal bleeding. She, like Hank, was lucky to still be breathing.

Sera could fix the organs, the veins and capillaries. She could reknit the skin. She could crawl into the hollows of Jean's bones, into her marrow and begin to build new blood. All this was good. None was fast good enough if Hank didn't get that new blood into her. A new body was no good if it didn't have any of the red stuff. There! A flash of new pain, a hole made in a vein of the arm, blood flowing in. The rush of the fresh blood was intoxicating, almost like a drug to Sera's system. In a rush, she pulled out of Jean's bones, concentrated on making sure everything else was in one piece, making sure that Hank wasn't pouring new blood in just to have it flow right out again. There. And there. And there. One by one, the many holes in Jean were closed, the skin regrew. No scars. Sera didn't see it. She had passed out, too much of herself in other people.


It was Storm who was sitting with her when she awoke. Storm, Ororo, the woman she had never felt close too. You're awake. There were still bruises on Storm's face; it looked like it hurt her to talk. Sera couldn't figure why it was her who was here.

Hank is resting; he's fine but tired. Scott's with Jean. Hank says she'll be fine. You saved her life.

Sera nodded. she whispered.

A long hesitation. Storm wouldn't meet her eyes; instead, she stared out the window behind Sera's bed. People were not really Storm's strong point; Sera knew that. Her talent, her mutant power lay in controlling the weather and Sera thought that was the reason why the other woman always seemed more in tune with nature than with people. Finally Storm said, eyes still focused on the sky, I'm sorry, Sera. He's gone. He went looking for Sabretooth.

He wanted revenge. It wasn't a question. Sera had gotten to know Logan as well as anyone could. Which, she admitted to herself, wasn't very. He was impulsive and solitary, a predator. And she knew he had had a serious hate on for Sabretooth even before the man had mangled his precious Jean.

Sera's heart cringed as she remembered how Wolverine had been so quick to toss her aside as soon as Jean was hurt. That early obsession, that hopeless passion he had felt for the woman had not been so easily killed by three months with Sera. And now he was gone, out hunting the man who had hurt his perfect woman. Nothing like reality to throw a little icy water on you when you least needed it.

Thanks for telling me, Storm, Sera said finally. I think I need to be alone now.

Storm nodded and stood. For a second she stared down at Sera, her blue eyes gentle. There isn't one of us who doesn't thank you for what you did for Jean and Hank.

Sera's body still felt bruised from the fall she had taken from Wolverine's hands. She still remembered how there had been no feeling for her when he touched her, only rage and anger. Thanks for that Storm. But its pretty obvious there's one person who doesn't thank me.

Storm left then and Rakehell leaped up on Sera's bed to curl into a furry moon on her belly; his loud purr rumbled all through her, soothed her.

Lose a man, get a cat.