Coming Back

Logan did not come back. Jean and strangely, even Scott, tried to comfort her. He did this sometimes, they said. Sometimes, he just left. He would be back. He always came back. Rogue, Logan's protegee ever since he had saved her life nearly two years ago, was less forgiving. She blamed Sera and there was no mistaking it. Terry did her darndest to calm her best friend down, but still Rogue glared at Sera during class, her eyes filled with accusations. Around Rogue's neck were Wolverine's old dogtags, legacy of an army he didn't remember fighting with. The girl made a point of fingering them during class.

So Sera threw herself into work and into adopting Terry. They got a small apartment in town, where they stayed on weekends. Sera took the girl back home to the mountains where the Jannhansons had lived for generations for the winter holidays. Her mother, Celest and her sister, Raphie were thrilled. Terry was only a couple of years older that Sera's niece, Kat, and it was a relief to everyone when the two girls hit it off right away.

Sera had known her mother would be able to read the scars Wolverine's vanishing act had left. Celest was easily a better empath. What surprised Sera is that her mother would bring up the subject. What, talk to Sera the rebel? Sera the blacksheep? It became clear real fast, though, that her mother would talk, it seemed, because no matter what else Sera was, she was still Sera the Jannhanson.

There's a darkness in you, child, that wasn't there before.

Sera wove her shields tighter to hide her anger. Raphie, Kat and Terry were all sleeping. It was just her and Celest. Stellar. She loved her mother but she had never fit into the family mold. Checking in on me, Mama?

Hard to miss it. Hardly needed to look.

I wish you wouldn't. My life is my business.

You got hurt by someone, Sera. You let someone in and they hurt you. This is why I raised you girls different than that. So regular people wouldn't hurt you.

He wasn't a regular person, Mama. He was like us and he still hurt me.

Jannhansons stand alone, Sera. I've taught you that and I've taught you that.

And how well has that took, Mama? The world's changing, we can't just be mountain mystics anymore. Raphie went to college, she's a nurse at the hospital and she midwifes for the town. And she's dating that doctor. You telling her she needs to stand alone?

She's not hurting like you, girl. And she listened well enough before; she won't let that man too close.

I'm not like you, Mama. I don't want to be alone forever, I don't want to keep myself away from people just so I don't get hurt.

Well, you're not alone, are you? You've got Terry now, just like I had you two girls.

This is not the life I want. I want a normal life.

Oh, darling, we're not like other people. We're Jannhansons. You can't escape that.

Sera' s eyes filled with tears as she looked at her mother. There but for the grace of god... if she were the oldest, or the only, she would have no choice. But Celest herself had broken Jannhanson family tradition and had two daughters instead of one, freeing Sera for the life she wanted, instead of this empty existence. She loved her mother and her family, was proud of the Jannhanson family and its strong traditions. Sometimes, she even caught herself missing the mountains. But she couldn't be a part of this life. She had never been a part of it. She wanted more, she always had. I can try. Terry and I are going home tomorrow.

Go as far as you want girl; that darkness isn't going no place.

* * * * *

He'd been out for months, hunting, but Sabretooth was nowhere to be found. And he stayed out, telling himself it was Sabretooth but in reality it was so much more.

Logan couldn't forget the look on Sera's face as she hit the floor. Couldn't forget the sound of her body crashing to the ground as he was made to drop her. She had made a small sound of surprise and pain as she crashed into the hard tile. He figured he'd never forget that sound. He had no idea what to say to her after that, no idea what to do after so clearly placing Jean above her.

He had thought then he was over Jean, only to be taken surprise by his feelings when she was hurt. Knew now, as the weeks without Sera passed, that it was true; he was over her. That display in the lab, that was wanting Jeannie, yeah, but it was wanting her whole again, fixed and perfect, the way she had always fixed him up, when something happened to his healing. She had always been there for him, he had needed to be there for her. He could tell now, it wasn't a romance thing. There was no real coming between her and Cyke, he had always known that. Seemed like all of him had finally caught onto the picture, now that he was away from the whole messy situation.

His wanting Jean better hadn't been the only reason he went so nuts. Much as he hated to admit it, part of it was sheer jealousy, wounded male pride. There was no missing how Hank looked at Sera and no missing how she felt about the furry doctor. So he had wondered then, why it was she wanted Hank better first. Any one reason in particular why she couldn't stand to see him hurt? The jealousy was stupid, he knew that, but Sera was an educated woman, an intelligent woman and Hank could give her that, what was it called? Intellectual companionship. Logan himself was pretty sure he had gone to school, but those memories were lost to him, just like damn near everything else was.

It used put him in a rough spot sometimes, those sneaky worries that maybe he wasn't good enough for her. But if he was worried before, now he was just sickly certain. Sera deserved a man, not an animal. That display in the lab, the way he hurt her, that showed what he was. Which made it damn pity that being away from her only made him realize that he wanted her more than almost anything. Made him realize that might be love he felt, maybe. Damn, but he had some lousy timing.

So he kept gone, trying to figure out what to say to her, how to fix the mess he had gotten them into. He went back to his old life, before Xavier and the X-Men, to cage fighting, brawling for cash. It was a good way not to think, it was a good way to be day by day, instead of wondering if she would forgive him. If she would turn to Hank... if she would just take Terry and leave... is she was just as happy he was gone. There had to be a way to put this right. Only he had never been any good at putting things right, only at making em wrong.

So he stayed gone, and he kept fighting and when it rained, he stayed inside and made a point not to look out the window.

* * * * *

Here you go, hot cocoa made to order.

Sera watched as Hank took a sip and sighed. Why does your hot chocolate always taste so superior to the others, Serendipity? he asked, clearly savoring the flavor. The huge kitchen window let in the cold, clear January light. He and Sera were the only ones in the kitchen; the others all out at various places that Sunday.

Family secret, was Sera's reply, quickly hiding the cinnamon so he wouldn't guess. Couldn't have that little secret get out, could she? It would ruin her rep as the cocoa queen of the mansion.

How are things for you today, my dear? he asked kindly, looking at her grading stuff spread out over the kitchen table.

Busy but good, she replied. I'm really liking it here.

We are more family than school, was his reply and she nodded her agreement. Look at her and Terry for instance. That adoption was moving along speedily; no one else wanted a mutant. Their loss, she figured, was her gain. But the staff had become family, too, and their close knit student body. She was happy here, she realized, her head against Hank's warm, furry, shoulder.

Y'know, my mom told me if I let people close to me, they'd hurt me. But I think she's wrong.

Sera, you have to remember, your family... well, even among the mutant community, your situation is unique. Your family have been mutants for generations. Now, they found a way to make it safe for them, but that involved being, as you put it, mountain mystics. As you say, they are distant and removed from society because such behavior kept them safer. it only makes sense that, on the whole, your family feels it's best to be alone. But you are taking steps to move your family into mainstream. Its a not a bad thing, what you're doing, but your family's way of living is also not a bad thing.

Yeah, I just... I worry... what if she's right? She said all I would get from this is pain.

It wasn't a question; everyone knew that she had walked around like the living dead after he had left.

That was what she was thinking, yeah.

His large hand came up to smooth her spiky hair. You said yourself, that your family doesn't exactly value relationships like that. And yes, none of us are very pleased that Logan has left again. But Sera, even knowing this, would you have done anything differently?

Perched on the back of Logan's bike, riding straight into a storm. Staying up all night, playing pool in the game room, both of them a dead loss in their classes the next day. Dancing with Logan at the local bar, drinking for hours and never feeling it. Looking at Logan from across the room, meeting his eyes and feeling what he was, the two of them alone in a crowed room.

Wolverine, holding her two feet above the ground, demanding she fix Jean. The feral mask of Wolverine's face as she fell, as he was dragged fighting out of the lab. Wolverine who left. Wolverine who had been gone for two months now.

Wolverine, Logan, the man she'd been drawn to from he moment they met. The man who made her wild, who had brought her back to life after years of hiding beneath her skin. The man who caught her when she fell, and the acted like the catch was no big deal. A knight in rusty armor, man without a name. How could he have taught her so much about herself when he knew nothing of himself?

The man who vanished without a trace. The man inside of whom lived an animal.



You and the tough questions, Hank, and she knew from the look on his face that he had figured out that was all the answer that he was gonna get.

Sera? Only Jean ever spoke inside her head. Xavier could, but rarely did. He kept a mental distance from Sera, knowing his presence in her thoughts were not always welcome.

Jeannie? It had taken time to learn to respond. Now she knew that if she thought clearly enough, Jeannie could just pluck the words out of her mind.

There's a man for you at the front gate. You want me to let him in? Just as Jeannie could read Sera's thoughts, Sera could read the other's feelings. Wary, intrigued... impressed?

Who?

Says he's Charm. That who I think it is?
Sure is. Yeah, send him in. Hank and I are in the kitchen.

Does he...?

Know we're all mutants at the school? Yeah. Know about the X-Men? No, a million times no.

All right. A pause. He's on his way in.

* * * * *

The red headed woman who had let him in, who had said she was Dr. Jean Grey-- and it was a name he knew, thanks to his current research into human mutations-- had said Sera was in the kitchen and had given clear, simple directions to get there. He had started to ask how she knew where Sera was without calling and then thought better of it. He guessed he knew, really, how the woman had known.

Mutant. She was one, too.

Looking around at the mansion, he was amazed at the luxury all around him. Yes, this would make an elegant school and yet, it seemed so un-Sera-like. He remembered her old middle school. It was an old brick building, hard used by the years but a building with character, with a soul. A city school. She'd been happy there. He couldn't picture her here.

There was some students hanging out in one of the rooms he passed. He thought he saw Terry, who had always been a fixture at Sera's place. She was with some other boys and girls, all different ages. They were laughing. He couldn't remember having heard her laugh before.

And then this must be the kitchen. He pushed open a swinging door and went into the brightly lit room.

At first he only had eyes for Sera. He hadn't seen her since August, had almost forgotten how she looked, how she lit up a room. Today, she wore baggy black velvet-like overalls and what looked like a nearly sheer dark red silk shirt. Her feet were bare, the toes nails painted the same dark red that tipped her fingers, after the black polish. She called the look vamp French manicure but it mostly looked like she trailed her nails in blood. She hadn't changed. Why had he thought she would, why would he think that anything external would change, now he knew what she was? It couldn't be that she had changed, she had always been this. It was him who had had to change.

It took a second to see the rest of the room. A second before he had to stop himself from staring. Sitting with Sera was a... man? He barely looked human. Tall and broad, but slightly hunched, covered in blue fur... The man made to go, but Sera grabbed his arm, pulled him back down to his chair. Charm didn't think the man's abrupt movement was because he was embarrassed to be seen by a normal human. Rather, he seemed to have a clear idea of who Charm was and seemed to want to give them privacy.

This is Hank, said Sera, without preamble, without warmth, without a hello. Doctor Henry McCoy. He's a biochemist, very well known; he works here too.

Good to meet you. I'm Mike. Somehow he didn't think this man wanted to call him Charm. He tried to shake the doctor's hand; he faltered. The man took his hand, acting as if he had noticed nothing hesitant in Charm's gesture.

Delighted, I'm sure, the man replied in an incredibly deep voice.

I wanted you two to meet, Sera went on, not only because Hank is one of my best friends and confidants here, but because I wanted you to really understand what I was. Correctly reading the confusion on his face, Sera went on. The only difference between Hank and me is that when you look at him, you actually see a mutant. Me, I can pass. But I don't want to anymore. I'm just as much a mutant as Hank here and I want you to realize that, Charm. I want you to truly understand that while I'm human, I am not the same kind of human as you are.

I know that. I've thought long and hard about that. He stared at her, drinking her in with his eyes. She still looked human, she had always looked human. He thought he could get used to anything, if she still looked human.

prompted Sera and Charm realized that his silence had gone on too long, that he hadn't answered her unspoken question.

And I'm fine with that. I don't care what you are, I just want you back, were the unspoken words. The words he couldn't say yet, not to a Sera who didn't smile, not in front of this monster-man who watching Sera with what had to be concern. Sera had never really had close friends before and Charm was finding it suddenly unnerving to wonder what this man knew about him.

Quiet fell again. Charm stared at Sera, Sera stared at the table in front of her and Hank the Amazing Blue Guy stared into the distance, making a real obvious point of not looking at either of them. Finally Sera stood and jerked her head at the door. Let's go, Charm, we gotta talk. Hank, could you...?

Take your things down to the lab so that you don't have to worry about them anymore? Certainly, Serendipity. We'll continue our talk later.

Sera's lips quirked into a less than happy grin. Oh, I'm sure we will. And then she was out the door, Hank was gathering her books and Charm was hurrying to catch up with the woman who he refused to lose a second time.

* * * * *

Sera looked over her room, trying to imagine what it looked like through Charm's eyes. There was the single bed that came with the room; her old queen size was at the apartment in town but Charm had no idea about that place. Her desk was crowded with her computer, disk drive, and printer. The bookshelves were crowded with teaching materials. On the wall were pictures of her family, pictures of Terry. Stuffed in a corner of her desk, facing in now, was a picture Jean had taken of her with Logan and Terry. It was great of all three of them; hell, they looked like a regular family. It made her guts twist funny to look at that pictures these days. Family material, Logan was not. She had never kidded herself about that; she framed the picture only cause they all looked so happy and cause it made her laugh, knowing that such a normal looking picture hid such strangeness. A picture tells a thousand words, yeah, right. This one hide more than it could ever say. Terry, who could fly, who could call and control fire. Logan, with his entire skeleton was coated with metal, who had claws and could survive damn near anything. And her, Sera, who could feel heal herself, heal others, who could feel other people's feeling as clearly, as easily, as if they were her own.

For instance, right now Charm was happy to see her, more than happy, but feeling over his head when confronted with the new life she had chosen. He thought he was ready, was trying hard to be ready, but it had all suddenly become a little too real. Now he was floundering. Trying to deal, hoping he could be the man for her despite all this weirdness.

He was staring at her, handsome, worried, wonderful Charm. Why did all the men in her life leave? She would have said once that Charm and Logan were polar opposites, and yet, both had a real talent for disappearing.

So, Charm... she began, not knowing where she was going, trailing off in confusion quickly.

You never said hello, he suggested helpfully, when it seemed like she couldn't say anything else. She remembered meeting him; it had been a lot like this, only she had been flumoxed then by his beauty, lost in astonishment that a man like this could want her. She was still astonished that he would, but for now it was the mutation and not his model good looks that had her confused. He still wanted her, that much was clear.

she said finally and stepped towards him. He was not Logan, there was none of that forest fire physical chemistry between them. But there was three years of familiarity. There was the fact that her heart was hurting from being left again and again.

And, in the end, there was the fact that Charm had come back and Logan had stayed gone. That Charm had chosen her and that Logan... hadn't. They remembered to close the door. Barely. She knew they needed to talk. She knew she was making yet another in a parade of bad choices. She didn't care. One of them had come back.