Waiting for Midnight

All usual disclaimer junk. Sera, Terry, the Jannhansons and Charm are mine.

Author's note: I have to give credit where credit is due. The line enter the palace came from Roosevelt W., and remains the most unusual and yet polite euphemism for sex I have ever heard a thirteen year old boy use and I suspect it will hold that honor for a long while. I always said that if I ever wrote a trashy romance novel, that would be the title. This is the next best thing.Thanks Roosevelt. I'm still laughing.


Waiting for Midnight

Wolverine almost had to laugh at the look on good ol' Cyke's face when he opened the door. Let's see now, is that disgust or horror? Hard to tell when you could never see a guy's eyes. But it was still pretty funny.

Good thing something had made him laugh. He'd ridden back to the mansion, the only place like home he could ever remember, in the middle of the mother all rainstorms. It reminded him too much of the night Sera had first showed up, soaked to the skin, clutching on to Terry like she was never gonna let go.

Sera. Got to be where he couldn't feel the rain, anymore, without thinking of her. Sera, dancing in a downpour, her feet bare, her black clothes pressed wetly against her body. Sera, laughing into the wind as an autumn storm blew up, not caring a bit as the lightening flashed closer and closer. Sera, daring the world to do its worst, she could take it. She used to beg Storm to call the rain and lightening, just for her.

He'd come back cause life on the road had gotten old. Life alone had gotten old. Much as he hated to admit it, and he did hate it, life with the X-Men had changed him. It had never been his choice to come here; Cyke called it the X-Men saving his skin-- the start of a relationship that was no better today. He'd come with Rogue then, had once even talked her into staying at the place. He'd had come back after the first time he left cause Storm was right, he had to make a choice and it seemed Xavier was the better one. He kept coming back cause it was the only place, stupid as it sounded, that he could call a home. Hell, even a family.

So here he stood, getting wetter and wetter as Cyke blocked the door, staring.

You mind, bub? I'm freezing my ass off out here, he snarled finally and pushed past Cyclops, heading up the main stairs with his bag. They never bothered to give his room away; the prof always knew he was coming back.

Cyke called as Wolverine slogged up the stairs.

Can it wait, One-Eye? I'm not getting any dryer.

He hadn't forgotten that Sera's room was right across from his. What he had forgotten in that first blinding moment of seeing Sera was that four months had passed since he'd been in the mansion. She was laughing at...something, he didn't know what, and she still smelled like cinnamon. Even from down the hall, he could smell her, could hear her heart as it begin to beat faster. His eyes grabbed hers and he let her see, let her feel, how much he missed her. Her laugh stilled as she stared at him; he knew she could tell what he was feeling, seeing her again. She flushed and reached a hand out to the wall, to keep her steady. Damn, that was fun! He loved that he didn't even have to touch her for her to feel it. He loved her, stupid as that sounded.

He dropped his bag and took a step towards her-- slow. There was no need to rush things. No need at all... Seeing her, he thought he had all the time in the world. And this time, this time, he would do things right. Say the right things, do the right things. Not leave.

It was then that a familiar figure stepped out of her room. Charm. The younger man put a possessive hand on her waist, right under her ribs; you didn't touch a woman there is she wasn't your's. He was clearly about to ask what was wrong, why she had stopped. Wolverine's growl stopped him flat. Sera's eyes went... wider. Wasn't only the good things she could feel through that bond of theirs; right now she had to be able to tell he wanted that pretty boy-toy of hers in about a million pieces. Only Charm was surprised when Wolverine's claws sprang free of his skin with the usual sound.

Off her, he snarled and Charm, manly man that he was, jumped to obey. Wolverine snorted in disgust.

What's a matter, darlin', Wolverine drawled, unimpressed. You get sick o' bein' with a real man so ya went back to him?

Sera pushed off from the wall and stalked towards him. She had to be the only person who'd walk towards him when he was this pissed off, but he knew it for a fact that she didn't back down from fight. Ever.

You got something to say here, Wolverine? she spat at him, radiating an anger so strong that he could feel it push him even closer over the edge. He had always been kinda secretly relieved they had never fought for real; they drove each other too hard. In passion, it was one thing, in anger... well, suicidally stupid woulda been the word, if either of them were any easy at all to kill. Sera stopped right in front of him, making no contact. Yeah, she had never needed to, to make her point. I can't imagine what you'd have to say, seeing as you've been gone so long. Seeing as you left cause of Jean. Seeing as you never said goodbye.

Yer mine, was his only response; he was itching to rip Charm's limbs off but Sera was in the way. And she wasn't budging. Charm was looking flat out scared; Wolverine could hear him gulp noisily. What'd she see in a loser like this? And almost as strong as the desire to maim and kill her pretty boy was to grab Sera and hold her, to get all of the other man's scent off of her, to make her his again. to mark her as his and no one else's/ The conflicting emotions ripped through him, reminded him of what he was at heart. More animal than man.

I'm yours? she repeated incredulously. I got news for you, tough guy; I'm mine! Not his, not yours, mine!

Yeah? Well, you better go making a choice, darlin', Wolverine warned, reaching out and tracing the edge of her face with one razor sharp claw. Cause whoever the hell you are, I don't share.

He was surprised; she didn't flinch. Instead, she went still, perfectly motionless except for her eyes. They slid to the side, the better to watch his claws rest against her smooth skin. Angry as he was, he could still tell that his rage could change into something a little different, if she just made the right move. So close to her, he even forgot her mundane boy-toy. There was just Sera. Just like there was always just Sera, whenever they were together. Even his claws on her skin gave him a strange thrill. Anyone else would have run, or fought, but Sera simply watched.

You never were my boyfriend, she replied coolly as she stepped back, pulling away from the claws. Remember? You weren't a relationship type of a guy.

It was Charm, his voice hesitant. There were about a million unasked questions in his voice. Sera didn't bother to answer any of them.

I think you'd better go for right now, Charm, was her only reply. Logan seems to be a little grumpy after his long trip. You'd hate to see him really mad. It was a warning. She didn't look at Charm when so spoke; she was watching Wolverine, her eyes cold and expressionless. Charm himself didn't move. He was staring at them like they were a train wreck or a car accident. Something horrible you just can't pull your eyes away from. Go, Charm! she repeated more firmly and he did then, inching past them carefully, stinking of fear.

Wolverine waited till he was just past to say, loudly, Your boy needs some manners there, darlin'. He don't follow directions real easy.

She made a move towards him, then. Her hand came up to rest against the skin of his face, just like his claws had rested against hers. He could feel the same threatening air coming from her that he had felt in himself only moments ago. But even being able to tell how mad she was, how close to the edge her anger had pushed her, some part of him still felt nothing but pleasure from the contact. He'd missed her touch, he hadn't realized how much. And you, she whispered softly, her voice gone as cold as ice. You need to mind your own business. You don't get to waltz in here after being gone four months-- four months!-- and act like nothing's changed. You know what I could do with this gift of mine, if I were the same kind of person you were? I could tell your skin to rip itself off your living body and it would. I could tell your heart to stop beating, your brain to stop functioning and they would. But I'm not you and I'm not going to make threats or even promises. I'm just going to walk away now and you are not going to follow. Are we clear here? We're not doing this again.

She wasn't kidding. There was no missing that. He pulled his claws back in and stepped around Sera to head to his room. We're not done here, girl, he growled as she started down the stairs. We're just done for now.

Used to be, Sera would always have a comeback. But now there was only silence as she walked down the stairs, maybe to catch up with that pathetic Charm. No doubt about it, four months was a long time to be gone. And he was right; he was no damn good at putting things right. So much for how things were gonna be different this time. Only difference was, now she didn't want him back.

* * * * *

It was only with Terry that Sera managed to feel at peace these days. Charm phoned every bloody day, trying to make sense of that mess in the hall. She was running out of excuses for why she couldn't talk. Wolverine was pulling this thing where he mostly avoided her like she had rabies, except for those times when he'd come up behind her, grab her, growl and tell her she was driving him crazy. Oh, but try to ever actually talk to the man! She'd be lucky if all she got was a grunt. Usually, he'd just give her this inscrutable look and walk away. And God help her if Charm actually came by and Logan saw him... It was hard to miss the fact that Charm was coming to the mansion less and less. Made sense though, what with being afraid Logan would skewer him. So, all things considered, it was a real relief to go with Terry to their small apartment in town and get away from all the tension. Only Xavier had the number; the apartment had become their retreat when life at the school got a little too intense.

So, I've been seeing you with that new boy an awful lot. What's his name? Warren? The one with the wings. Anything I should know? Sera was mincing onions for tacos-- not comfort food but girls night in food. They'd rented a bunch of cheesy videos and were planning to be lazy slugs for the whole weekend.

Terry laughed as she sliced tomatoes. Maybe. Maybe not. He's cute, though, doncha think?

Well, you know I've got a weakness for wings, kidded Sera. The largest tattoos on her back were elaborate, feathered wings. Terry had once told Warren's wealthy mother, as she stared at them in horror while visiting the school, that Sera had wings cause she was an angel. Really, Sera just liked em. It was worth it for the look on Mrs. Worthington's face, though. Plus there was the whole how sweet thing, just hearing Terry saying that.

began Terry, a blush starting on her face, we've got, like, a date thing next Friday. I mean, if that's cool.

Home by midnight, was Sera's response, grinning. With only fourteen years between her and Terry, it was hard to feel like her mom. Mostly, it seemed to be a big sister, little sister type deal and they were both fine with that. While they both got used to things, they fell back on the school rules and midnight was the weekend curfew. There was always an unlucky teacher who's job it was to make sure everyone got home at the correct time. Sera, the newest on staff, seemed to get the job with depressing frequency. She figured she'd ask for this weekend, though. Cause hey, her kid. Her kid. You going with anyone else?

Yeah, Rogue and Bobby. She finally agreed to a date. He's only been asking her, for like, forever. That's doomed, though. Everyone knows she's got the hots for Wolverine.

Sera stopped shredding. She what?

Terry's eyes were wide. Jay, man, I thought you knew. I mean, you're an empath! How does something like that slip past you? She's had the hots for him ever since he rescued her from that Canadian bar. He's like, her hero.

There really seemed to be no connection between her voice and her brain. Her vocal cords kept on making words, her brain was long gone. Rogue. Rogue was a pretty girl; older than Terry if still years too young for Logan. Then again, he wasn't the kinda guy to pay attention to social niceties.

He doesn't, you know, reciprocate em, though. Treats her like she's his kid. Y'know, kinda like me and you, only the law's not on their side like it is on ours. Terry's adoption had been legal for a month now. Rogue, there was no adopting. She refused to talk about her past; no one knew where she came from, besides that ratty fight bar in Canada where Wolverine had found her. Only Wolverine even called her by her real name; she wouldn't let anyone else use it. C'mon, everybody knows he's crazy about you, Jay. Even when he's avoiding you, we can tell.

Sera was silent. From the mouths of babes. Maybe if she stayed quiet, Terry would let some more interesting gossip slip. But no, it was not to be.

What'cha gonna do about that, anyway, Sera? You gonna take him back?

Keep chopping, kid. Just keep chopping.


The way Sera saw it, she had a couple of choices. The first choice was to give up on this whole idea of having anything like a normal life. Live like a Jannhanson, close to no one but blood kin. And Hank had confirmed her guess; while she could have kids the normal, human way, she didn't have to. Her power, less of a healing ability and more an incredibly precise type of genetic, cellular and molecular manipulation, would let her conceive asexually. She could be the latest in a long line of all women Jannhansons, a mystic come to New York, Xavier's perfect mutant. Hell; she could even become an X-Man and not just the teacher of tomorrow's superheros. Or she could try for normalcy; marriage, kids the natural way, the whole shish-ka-bob. Charm seemed to be leaning towards door number two. Well, and after three years, who could blame the man? She knew that if she didn't do something, anything, soon, she would lose the man. Men like Charm don't just hang around, waiting for you to make up your mind. He could have any woman he wanted. It was past stupid to keep tempting fate this way.

And yet... and yet... there were mornings when she woke up and everything felt so flat. She remembered, with amazing clarity, how alive she felt with Wolverine. Logan. Every sense tingling, every part of her awake and aware. She had never known life could be that way, so crystal clear and filled with detail. Of course, on the down side was the fact they could barely go a day without arguing and that a person couldn't exactly call Wolverine the commitment type. If she wanted a normal life, she was looking in the wrong place there.

It was the world's fault. Her own small world, which was the Jannhanson world, and the great big human world, where everyone else lived, both of them. In the world she grew up in, there was no considering either Charm or Wolverine; you got hurt that way, destroyed. There was just your child and yourself, another link in a chain going nowhere. And there was the human world, and its value on a life long monogamy, commitment, marriage. The American dream, with its picket fences and two point three children. How, she wondered, did you get the point three part, lop some kid's head off? Oh, wait, that was Logan's world. It all seemed so alien to her, a dream world she could never touch.

She read the books, saw the T.V. shows; people in love seemed so... perfect, so right for each other. They were never really confused. She herself had no idea how love like that worked, what it looked like, how it felt. Her family had never placed any value on love and commitment; why bother? Her mom had once said that marriage and all its legal trapping were just about procreation. Not a value held by Jannhansons, the need for legal children, the need to prove a blood tie. Stupid patriarchy, her mom said, but Sera had always been fascinated. But when it came to her own life, it was not a skill she could learn. Nature, nurture, whatever, it was too late. She was never going to be able to tell what a real, healthy relationship was like.

All this musing and she was no closer to an answer.


11:30 and all's well. Sera felt like calling it out, like those old time watchmen. Anything to make curfew duty go faster. She had a pile of grading in front of her, which she was haphazardly getting through. No one, no one, wanted to grade on a Friday night. Next to it was a sleazy romance, one of those ones from the drugstore. She was rewarding herself without after after few pages that she got done. Little treat for the teacher. Once she was all the way done, she could just read till the last of the kids came home.

Terry was out with Warren, Rogue and Bobby. Dinner out and a movie, sounded safe enough. Course, it was Terry's first date with Sera on Mommy-watch and that in of itself made this evening sort of stressful. What if Terry were late? How would she deal with it? Was there stuff you learned, raising them from a baby, that there was just no way to figure out if you got them as teenagers?

Footsteps behind her and the feel of eyes on her back. Watchful, interested... Sera said without turning around. She kept her voice cold, a reminder that she wasn't his... his... his whatever anymore. Roughly half the time, that reminder didn't work, but it was always worth a try.

he returned, his voice low and gruff, the way it always was when he talked to her these days. Some hint of what he was feeling crept past her shields, shivered into her mind, so she knew tonight, just like she knew each time, that Wolverine was a mess. He was regretting stuff, she could tell. He was confused about stuff, angry at himself, at her, at Charm, at the world. And he missed her, she could feel that too, and was pissed at himself for screwing things up. Sometimes she was actually tempted to talk to him about the whole mess, the other half she just wanted to scream at him to stop feeling so damn sorry for himself, it was his fault that they were in this mess in the first place. Sera made it a point to keep a real tight hold on her shields these days, when she was around him. Didn't totally work but it was better than nothing.

Kids back yet? He was still at her back and another quick thread of feeling lanced through her shields. Protectiveness, worry. Ah, now she understood. Rogue.

Nope, but the night's still young.

He grunted and, to her amazement, grabbed up a chair and pulled it to the desk she was sitting at.

Logan, what the hell you doing?

was his only reply. Nice to know the man worried about something. No, that was unfair. She knew he took his promise to take care of Rogue very seriously. It was one of the things she had always liked about him, that he was a man of his word; that, while he didn't say much, you could count on what he said. So she let him stay, didn't try to push him away, cause she knew he just wanted to see Rogue safe.

Still, it was damn awkward, being here with him, feeling him under her skin, in her mind. It was hell sometimes, having him so close, knowing that nothing about how they felt had changed. No, the only change was those four missing months. And sometimes, that wasn't enough for her to remember she couldn't climb into his lap, or make a proposition, or do any of the hundreds of things she wanted to do, that she missed doing. Hell, that she still daydreamed about doing. Charm was a lot of things, a lot of good things, but there had never been this pull between them.

A few incredibly dull minutes passed. She tried to get some some more grading done, to feel like she was accomplishing something, but it was hard to concentrate; she could feel his eyes on her. By the time she had read the third sentence of Jubilee's essay on The Tempest for the eighteenth time-- and it wasn't a good sentence, they'd have to have another talk about verb/noun agreement-- she decided enough was enough. Putting the piles of paper down, she grabbed her trashy romance off the small table and leafed through till she found where she left off.

A low, rumbly voice. What'cha reading?

Like she wanting him to know.

A gruff laugh. Well, it was better than a lot of the conversations they'd been having lately. Trying her hardest to ignore him, never a really great skill of hers, she worked at really throwing herself into the book. Oh, good, a sleazy part. With a happy sigh, she settled herself more comfortably into her chair; it was stuff like this she brought the damn things for.

A few minutes into the book, just a she was getting to really good part, the novel was yanked out of her hands.

She swung around; he had the book and she could see him to start to read, his eyes sliding quickly across the page. Damnit, Wolverine!

With a wicked grin, he began reading aloud. Josephine, you know, you know... you know I want to enter your palace. Please, Josephine... ' You read this stuff? Why not just buy a dirty magazine and get it over with?

She made a grab for the book, while he just laughed and stood, holding it above his head and out of her reach. Will you just give me the bloody book back, Wolverine?

Man of your's must not be treating you right, you need this kind of a thing. Still the book was above her head. It wasn't like he was a tall man, it was just that he was taller than her. Like pretty much every other full grown person on the planet and a lot of the kids. You stay with me, darlin' you wouldn't need to read about that stuff; you could have it.

Sera made a final desperate jump for the book; really, this was pathetic. Why did she let herself get pulled into stuff like this with him? It was stupid, it was juvenile. It was flirting. Her jump was off; instead of getting the book, she wound up hitting his chest and sliding down it until her feet were on the floor again.

It was the first time she had touched him in months. He had touched her, but she it was never anything she had started, that she had wanted. This hadn't started out that way, it was true, but the second she came in contact with him again, it was like the last six months had never happened, like he had never left. Her shields had melted in an instant and everything he felt came slamming into her with the force of a mack truck. Even if she hadn't been wanting him herself and she did, oh, god, did she ever, his desire, his need for her, that alone would have done it.

She felt the growl before she heard. It rumbled up through his chest, making her shiver. God, she had missed that.

he muttered raggedly before kissing her roughly. She wrapped her arms around him and it was like they had always been there, like they couldn't belong any other place than around him. His arms were at her neck, than her chest, her waist, her hips. He had picked her up, moved them until she was against the wall and she wrapped her legs around him almost from reflex. She couldn't think, all she wanted was to get closer to him. Closer, closer.

said a voice that must have been loud but sounded about a million miles away to Sera. And you guys say that we need chaperones?!?

Sera dazedly pulled away from Wolverine as he carefully let her down, snarling at whoever had the audacity to interrupt them. Bobby, Rogue, Terry and Warren were standing inside the door, all of them bright red and really embarrassed looking. Terry looked the tiniest bit pleased on top of the flaming blush but Rogue just looked pissed beyond belief.

Sera pushed away from the wall, moving past Wolverine, who was still glaring, mostly at Rogue, who had been the one to speak.

Sera said in what she hoped was her most adult, mature voice, You guys made it in before curfew. Good job. Time to get to bed.

They scurried away quickly, not daring to look back. Sera could hear one of the guys, she thought it was Bobby, say in a whisper that was still too loud, What'd you think they would've been doing if we were any later? followed by a loud, as Rogue hit him.

Sera could feel her skin burn. Well, the kids are back so I guess I'd better be getting to bed myself.

Wolverine's hand shot out and grabbed her. She could feel his desire shiver into her, and his anger. He doesn't make you feel this way, he doesn't do what I do to you. It wasn't a question. No kidding. If Charm could really compete that way, she wouldn't have been up against a wall with Wolverine.

She stayed still in his grasp. No, he doesn't, she allowed carefully. But ... There was gonna be an argument there, some decisive statement that would put this whole case to rest once and for all. And she couldn't say it, couldn't say anything. With an angry sigh, she broke away and stalked up the stairs. Really, what else was there to say? He still had her book, damnit, but there was no way she was gonna get within fifty feet of him again to get it back. She just wanted away from him. Finally she said, dully. But it's not enough and you and I both know it.

He ain't all that good and you know it, he called after her. I'm what you need.

Without turning, she spoke again. Her voice was tired, she was tired, being near him made her tired. I don't need this. I don't need any of this. Just leave me alone. You had your chance and you threw it away. You don't get another.

The only answer was the slam of the door as he left.

* * * * *

It was her reading that damn book that did it. It got her... excited. He knew, he could tell these things. It was in her breathing, in her heart rate. Hell, it was in her smell. The book excited her. And sitting that close to her, all his senses knowing what she was feeling, it was too much. She used to react that way to him, to him, damnit, and now it was a book that was getting her all hot and bothered? Something was wrong with this picture, seriously wrong.

So he had grabbed the book from her, knowing it would goad her. Seemed like the only reaction he could get out of her these days was anger. She could carry a mad for a long time, she could. Guess they had that in common.

He hadn't really though she would jump for the book, hadn't thought he could push her that far. She hadn't been very playful lately, hadn't been the untamed creature he remembered from before. It was that Charm, he knew; the man just sucked the life out of her. So deadly dull, it was contagious. Some days, he couldn't even figure out where his Sera had gone. And then she had fallen against him and it was too much, it was like having the old Sera back and he couldn't stop himself.

She tasted like lemons and sugar. He remembered how she'd sprinkle sugar on lemon slices and suck on them, her lips on the fruit driving him crazy. She'd lick the juice that slid down her fingers off with her tongue, not even a little self conscious. She'd do this at the dinner table, watching him with an evil little smile, daring him to do his worst. And when he got her alone, he always did. It drove him crazy now, tasting it again, knowing she wasn't doing that for him anymore, knowing she wasn't really his anymore, no matter what he wished.

He could have killed the kids when they came in. He saw the look on Rogue's face, recognized it for what it was. Shit. Another mess he had no idea how to deal with. He knew he had to talk to her about this crush thing but he wasn't real good at stuff like that, and so he just kept hoping it would go away on its own. Not looking real good, there.

And when Sera admitted that Charm didn't make her feel like he did, he felt this totally masculine pride swell up inside him. That was right away killed by her saying it didn't matter. And he was right away reminded that there were about a million things that Charm could give her that he didn't have a hope in hell of really competing with. He kept telling himself she'd be back, but each day it looked less and less likely.

Well, he had fucked up good this time. Growling, he threw himself out the door and slammed it behind him. There wasn't a problem in the world that couldn't be solved by closing a bar or two and getting into a fight or twelve.