By: Simone
The hellmouth and Riley. They had gone through this subject countless times.
There were nights when she had cried herself to sleep and her sobs broke his
dead heart. But he knew that at that time she was not ready yet to face the
hellmouth alone. Her spirit was brave but not that strong. Maybe now he could
let her try it. Maybe if he stood by her side, eager to pull her back... Maybe...
His whole unlife was full of 'maybes' and 'what-ifs'. Maybe they would vanquish
the demon. Maybe Lea would survive and live happily ever after. Maybe she
would marry her lover and be able to raise their kids on a house by the sea.
Maybes were always driving him mad. Slowly, he opened the door and left the
house. The moon was high in the blue velvet sky and he felt the urge to walk
around, to dream of Vida. And it was exactly at this point that the 'what-ifs'
poured into his mind.
What if he had embraced her? Would they still be together by now? Would their
love have faded away and turned into a relationship full of hate and obligations?
Would she still keep him warm at night?
What if he had died instead of being turned into this bizarre shadow of man?
Would he be in peace right now? Would the powers have found someone who would
really care about Lea's welfare as he did? Would he be holding his love right
now?
Love. Nariel had his share of love and he knew he could not complain about
it. He knew that his time was coming and that soon he would be able to rest
in peace. But before leaving he wanted to make sure that Lea would have her
share of love also. He wanted her to have it the right way and not sneaking
out in the middle of night risking her life in order to get to Riley. Not
until she was strong enough, not until the powers give him a signal that she
was able to stand on her own and fight for her man. She was a good woman,
but young and restless and at each day she was getting more and more confident
in herself. And this was his unique concern, that she became too confident,
too eager to prove that she was ready to leave and help Riley. Nariel feared
that one night, as she laid alone in her room, Lea would try to reach her
lover. And just to think about it again send shivers down his spine. He could
not bear imagining her astral body wandering alone into the turmoil of the
hellmouth astral space. But he knew he could do nothing but fear this. He
knew that if Lea decided to do something like this, not even Nira would be
able to change her mind.
And so he kept trying to exhaust her during their training, hoping that when
her tired body touched the bed she would be so worn out that would instantly
fall asleep. Nariel smiled sadly. Who was he trying to fool anyway? It wasn't
as if he'd never been in love before, like he'd never missed someone. When
you're in love your first thought in the morning belongs to the one you love,
and so does the last thought. No matter how tired she was, Nariel knew that
nothing would be able to keep Lea from thinking about Riley. No matter what
happened, her heart would always lead her to him. Deep in his mind, Nariel
knew that nothing he could say or do would be enough to stop Lea when the
time arrived. Nothing on earth would be able to keep her from heading to Sunnydale
when the those three freaking months came to an end. And he knew that both
of them must be prepared to face evil.
He stopped and noticed that he had been walking in circles. He was now back
to the house where his pupil slept in one of the rare moment of peace she
now knew. As he opened the door he caught himself picturing Lea and Riley
surrounded by their children in a house by the sea. And at that moment he
made a promise that he would die again in order to allow Lea her moment of
happiness.
*****
Graham rolled his chair to the window and kept his eyes fixed on the dying
sun. During the past two months Riley had tried to stay cool, and Graham was
not happy to say that his friend had not succeed at all. The Tjokal had made
another of its surprise attacks at the beginning of last week and left his
mark on Riley's destiny.
Graham thought that they would have a few months of peace and harmony and
decided to introduce Riley to four of his best men in service: Lewis, Corin,
Andrews and Molina. Riley sounded eager to take them out patrolling, and Graham
felt that somehow his friend was trying to act like the old Initiative days
when the two of them would patrol around along with Forrest. But no matter
how hard Riley tried, Graham knew that it would never be the same. And as
his friend left to check some of the hot demon spots in Sunnydale, Graham
found himself dreaming about a time when none of them feared the dark. A time
when they thought they could be heroes, invincible men fighting all kind of
evil every night. He knew that the other four boys probably felt the same
way, all four of them were young and brave and always eager to fight and receive
their share of glory.
If Drusilla's stars hadn't started to whisper things to her, Riley could be
dead by now. It had been Dru that talked Graham into calling Giles and giving
him the directions to find Riley and the other guys. The Scoobie gang arrived
just in time to save three of them, and thanks to Dru, Riley owned his life
to Spike. Graham was aware that the vampire was now the best back up for the
absent Slayer and both him and Riley knew that Spike only saved him because
of the loyalty he had to Buffy. If it wasn't for her, Riley would be sure
dead by now. Slowly, Graham rolled his chair to his desk, and grabbing a calendar
he counted the days again. Fifteen more days and Riley's girl would be arriving.
He closed his eyes and promised God that he would do his best to keep his
friend alive until then.
He knew both sides of Riley's life, he'd watched him fall into despair because
of Buffy. He'd heard Riley talking about his addiction for hours, revealing
him his dark secrets and his most intimate fears. He feared Buffy. Feared
her rejection, her comparisons. He feared the fact that he would never be
what she needed. He would never be as dark and anguished as Angel. Graham
knew that by the time they left Belize to help training some guys in Rio,
Riley had not quit the vampire addiction thing. No matter how hot the weather
was, he had always his coat on, covering the scars that kept appearing on
his arms. And at each new scar his friend got, Graham
wanted to kill Buffy with his own bare hands. It didn't matter that she was
not around anymore, that Riley was now living in the past and subsiding to
the addiction. Nothing mattered to Graham despite the fact that she was the
one that had leaded him into starting all this stupid thing.
And Riley kept himself as lonely as he could, having Graham as his only friend.
Graham could still remember the day when he told Riley that he had a date
for the night and that Riley would have to dinner alone. If the lady wasn't
one of the seven wonders he would have surely left her waiting, cause Riley
freaked out and begged him to stay and have dinner with him. Now Graham knew
he took the best decision of his life by leaving his friend alone for the
night, but back then he wasn't even able to enjoy his night with the lady.
He feared coming back home and finding Riley
drowning in a pool of blood, or even turned. But to his surprise, when he
arrived home he discovered that Riley had finally find his way back to the
bright side of life.
And Lea was the one responsible for this subtle change in his friend behavior.
Graham avoided to meet her cause he didn't want any closer contact to any
other of Riley's girlfriends. Buffy had been trouble enough for him and he
would rather listen to Riley's stories than to be a part of them. And day
by day he watched as his friend's smile started to shine again and Riley Finn
started to behave as the normal man he once was.
Graham had never been in love and could only guess how Riley was feeling.
Still he could not help asking him if the girl knew about his past concerning
slayers and vampires. Surprising him, Riley said that Lea knew all about his
life and that he had the feeling that she was the one for him. And despite
all his apprehension regarding Riley's new girlfriend, Graham helped his friend
to find his own apartment and move in, supporting him when he decided to stay
in Rio. Riley no longer wore coats and his scars were now so dismayed that
one could take them as anything but vampire bites. As he left Rio and Riley
behind, Graham mentally took note that if something happened to his friend
this time, he would be on the first plane back to kill Lea.
But the world turns full circle, and now it was Lea who would be in a plane
to kill him if something happened to Riley. During the last nights Drusilla
had been whispering many things into his ear. She had let him aware of the
power that Lea and Riley's love had over them. Drusilla told him that nothing
on this world would be able to keep them apart and even when things got lose
on the road they would still find a way to make ends meet.
Dropping the calendar on the table, Graham rolled his chair back to the window.
The sun was gone now and Drusilla was floating around Riley talking to him
in some of her strange ways. He could hear his friend laughing as he motioned
her to get back inside. Graham smiled sadly. He knew he would never be able
to run to Drusilla, to lift her in his arms and spin her in the air. He knew
he would never be able to walk her down the aisle or watch her feeding their
child. Graham had never been in love before meeting Drusilla, and now as he
found himself totally enchanted by her dark beauty, he asked God why. Why
it had to happen right now? Why he had to lose his legs to find an amazing
woman to fall for?
"Don't think like this, my pretty boy." Her sweet childish voice
whispered in his ear. "Maybe we'll find a way out of this."
Drusilla had her eyes wet with tears as Graham dragged her to his lap and
nodded.
"Shh, babe. Don't worry, we'll sure find a way."
As she cuddled into his lap, Graham made a silent vow. To make sure that Riley
would finally be happy and in peace with his chosen one.
*****
Since the tense moments shared in his apartment, Giles and Willow hadn't had
another opportunity to be alone and talk about their feelings. Every time
she came to talk to him, Xander always managed to come along and the discomfort
among them was almost unbearable. Giles knew that he must talk to Willow and
tell her that everything was alright. That he would understand if she was
now regretting the fact of letting him know about the way she felt. In fact
he wanted to tell her that he could understand if she had changed her mind
towards him and wanted him only as a friend or father figure.
Actually, he was confused, and his mind kept telling him to behave as the
grown-up he was. This was not the right time to fall head over heels for a
red haired young girl. The situation on the Helmouth was very critical, and
the Tjokal had made five other victims. One of them was Riley Finn.
When the young man first come to his door, Giles just wanted to knock him
down for all the pain and suffering he had caused Buffy. For all the miserable
thoughts that she had when she found out about his vampire-whore-obsession.
He wanted to tell Riley that he had been a coward leaving her behind with
a little sister and a sick mother, crying over another lost love.
But the moment their eyes met, Giles knew he wouldn't have to say anything.
Riley knew it all and Giles felt that keeping his mouth shut was the best
thing for both of them right now.
On this first meeting they talked about too many things. Riley told him how
he ended up in Rio and met a girl that managed to get him out of the wicked
way he was living. How he broke down when he heard Graham telling him that
he was now a handicapped man. How life had proved him that it was always worthy
to try. Riley told him that he would never stop thinking that if he had been
fighting by his friend's side he could have stopped the demon from hurting
Graham.
And then, all of a sudden, Giles recognized the dark shadow that had been
on the young man's eyes since he arrived. It was the same shadow he saw in
his own eyes everytime he looked in the mirror. Guilty. Both men felt guilty
for Graham being in a wheelchair. And, unfortunately, there was nothing they
could do to change this.
At that moment, a silent bound was established between them, and Giles told
Riley the reasons why Buffy was not doing her job right now. As he went on
talking about the spell to bound Angel's soul, about the precarious way he
had been when it finally worked and how the vampire needed his soulmate beside
him, the watcher observed Riley carefully, awaiting for some violent reaction
to the mention of Angel's name. But Riley surprised him by stating that he
knew he had never been the owner of Buffy's heart and that somehow he owned
her something. That was the main reason why he came back, he knew that only
when the Slayer came back to town they would be able to vanquish the Tjokal.
And until this day arrived he would be at Giles side in order to help him
keeping the town safe.
Tired, Giles took off his glasses and pressed slightly his temper. He still
had to find a way to tell Buffy that her ex was in town. He knew that despite
having Angel back for good she would want to talk to Riley. They had some
pending issues regarding their relationship and Giles had his doubts if the
girl would let it go unnoticed. He knew that if she decided to talk it over,
no Tjokal demon would stop Buffy from facing Riley. No Tjokal demon nor new
girlfriend.
And he understood her. There was nothing worst than the words left unsaid.
With a resigned breath he decided that when the time arrived he would do all
that was needed in order to grant Buffy's wishes. She deserved to be happy,
just like anyone else.