What If?, a princess mononoke fanfic

I would like to dedicate this story to a very special person, whom I care for deeply

I would like to dedicate this story to a very special person, whom I care for deeply. Even though she's far away, I think of her when I'm lonely, and then I remember that I'm not truly alone, for she'll Always be with me.

What If

By Tarranon

"But you can't leave tomorrow!" a voice from the crowd protested.

"Can't you stay a little longer?" pleaded another.

Ashitaka smiled warmly. The people of this town were very persuasive, perhaps due to the fact that they had made their own lives and had had practice at fighting to get what the needed. Not that they needed him, that is to say, but the idea was the same. "I'm sorry," he said softly, "but there's someone out in the forest that I need to find."

Ashitaka braced himself for the protests that he knew would come. The small crowd began to press itself closer to him, if that were possible.

"Do you have a wife in the forest?!" someone almost shouted.

"You can't mean the wolf girl! Get serious, what do you need to find her for?" a disgusted voice rang out.

Ashitaka pressed his lips together firmly. He couldn't tell them of his curse. There would be confusion and maybe even panic. "I have my reasons. That is enough for you to know. Still, I shouldn't be away too long. If I can't find her after a while, I'll need to come back for more provisions."

"You can have all the provisions you want!" a young girl said, thrusting her way through the crowd to stand face to face with him. "Just please don't go after that wolf girl! She'll kill you!"

Ashitaka wrinkled his eyebrows. This young lady looked like she was on the verge of tears. Did she truly care for him, or was she just trying to get him to not go?

Slowly, he walked up to her and brushed her hair with his left hand. "I couldn't do that- not after all that this town has done for me. I should pay for the things I need after tonight. And don't worry, little one. I cannot die yet, because there is something I need to do first."

Without waiting for a response, he turned and left the ladies at the forge, ignoring the rising protests that followed after him.

Gathering his cloak and sword, Ashitaka fetched Yakuul from the stables where he had been sent to. After making sure the saddle was in place, he led his animal friend by the reigns through the streets of Iron Town. By now, of course, word had gotten out that he was leaving, and to his surprise, no one tried to stop him. No one tried to convince him not to go. Ashitaka chuckled to himself. It seemed that the women, at least, had no tricks left to throw at him to get him to stay.

As he approached the gate, however, the guards blocked his path.

"Sir," said one, "are you absolutely certain you wish to go? Can't you at least wait until morning?"

"I don't know how much time I have left," Ashitaka confessed. "This must be done now, or it may be too late." Avoiding the guard's quizzical glance, he turned to the gatekeeper, and said, "Will you please lower the gate for me?"

"Y-yes, sir," the man said, raising the bar that would allow the enormous gears to spin around, in turn, lowering the bridge with a gigantic crash as it hit the ground.

Ashitaka bowed to the men, and then jumped up onto the saddle. With a small, "hya", they were on their way into the darkness, heading for the gargantuan black shadow that was the forest. Upon arriving at the border, Yakuul ceased galloping and stamped his hooves impatiently as Ashitaka pondered for a moment.

He had, of course, only one destination, and that was the pool where he had seen the footprints, and that strange creature, as well. If he could find the spot where he had come out earlier today, then it shouldn't be too difficult to find his way back.

Unfortunately, he remembered that they had had to cross the lake, and that meant he left the town from the wrong side. He would now have to travel around the lake to get back to where he had emerged.

"Not a problem," he said out loud. "Yakuul, let's go," he said, directing his companion towards the edge of the lake. Steadily, they worked their way around it and began making their way back towards the edge of the forest. It was here that Ashitaka dismounted and decided to continue on foot. That would make it easier for his memory.

Squinting his eyes under the moonlight, he managed to find what he thought was the place where they had come out of. Examining the ground, he found traces of tracks, although they were difficult to make out. They looked to be about Yakuul's size, though. So this was it.

"Come on, boy," Ashitaka said, gently grabbing hold of Yakuul's reigns.

As they traveled through the woods, the only sound Ashitaka could make out was the sound of Yakuul's hooves sloshing around the still-wet leaves. Occasionally a forest animal would scurry away as they neared it, but there was nothing else. Not a sound.

Sooner than he remembered, they broke the underbrush and, once again, Ashitaka was staring at the large clearing, wide eyed as before. Under the moonlight, it was even prettier than he remembered it!

"Stay here, my friend," Ashitaka said, pressing firmly on Yakuul's muzzle. "There may be danger ahead."

He was sure that if the wolves and that girl did live here, they most likely would've already been aware of his presence. Just in case they were watching, and as a sign of respect and friendliness, he made a show of removing his sword, sheath and all, from his side, and placed it on the ground. The cloak soon followed.

With that, Ashitaka slowly made his way toward the large pond. There was something uncanny here- almost as if something big was going to happen. The little kodamas were nowhere to be seen. Briefly, he wondered if the tree spirits slept at night, although the very thought seemed ludicrous.

Then, he spotted the island in the middle of the pond. There was a large tree, and the moonlight seemed to land squarely on the center of the ground below it. He was about to wade out to it, but he shivered suddenly, and he felt as if a wet blanket had been wrapped around his body.

"All right," he said softly, "so much for that idea."

As he looked around more, the feeling soon wore off, and he began to walk the circumference of the lake. Soon, he had gone around once, and he wondered if, perhaps, they didn't live here after all?

Breathing deeply, he opened up and called softly, but firmly, "Is anyone there? My name is Ashitaka, and I am in need of your help! Please, I beg of you!"

The bushes on the far side of the lake parted suddenly, and Ashitaka spun around, startled to see one of the white wolves rushing towards him, fangs bared.

Dammit, he shouldn't have left his sword! But he couldn't attack and still convince them that he was truly in need of their help! What was he going to do?!

Still undecided, he stood his ground and spoke once more: "Please, I need your help!"

But now the wolf was upon him, and with a vicious growl, leapt at him, jaws open wide. Ashitaka tried to dodge the leaping figure, but he only managed to do so partly. A searing pain tore up his left arm as he felt the wolf's teeth crunch down on it, bones cackling.

"Eeeungh!" Ashitaka moaned, gripping his forearm with his right hand in a fruitless effort to stop the pain.

With an effortless jerk of the wolf's head, Ashitaka's world suddenly went spinning. His eyes blacked out, and the only thing he was aware of was that he was crying- a long, ululating cry of despair and agony, as he collapsed to his knees, his right hand still gripping his left arm. Even now, as he felt the wolf bring its face to bear in front of him, the cry escaped him.

"That's enough!" a strong voice said suddenly, but it sounded as though it were a mile away. Ashitaka's eyes were streaming with tears, and, though he stopped wailing now, a groan still left him as he doubled over in pain.

As commanded, the wolf grunted softly, licked its bloody lips, and disappeared into the thick vegetation.

Now his vision was coming back again. Slowly, he looked down at his left arm, and felt like wailing again when he saw that his left arm, above the wrist, but below the elbow, was completely gone. A sickening, sinking feeling began to form in his stomach.

Two legs now stood in front of his vision, and, painfully, he lifted his eyes up to see that girl he had seen earlier today.

Tears still streaming down his face, his mouth gaped as he tried to say something.

"If you have something to say to me, human, just say it!" the girl spat.

"W…w-why, WHY?!" Ashitaka shouted, his head falling back down, exhausted from the effort of having it raised.

"You are trespassing in my forest, and you have violated a very sacred place!"

"I…I w-would've been m-more than happy to leave if you had just asked me!" Ashitaka shouted back. How could this girl be so cruel? He had practically gotten on his knees to ask for her help, and he could only assume that it was she that commanded the wolf to attack him.

"You're lucky to still be alive," the girl snarled, bearing her teeth in a dog-like fashion. "You said you wanted my help? Well, I prevented you from being eaten alive! Now go home, and if you ever come back here again, I will personally kill you!"

With that, she spun around and stormed off, leaving him on the ground, bleeding and without aid. He didn't know if he stayed there for minutes…hours…it didn't matter. After a time, he looked up painfully.

"Y-yakuul!" Ashitaka called out feebly.

He heard a loud whinny, and he craned his neck to see a wolf chasing Yakuul towards where he was crouched over.

"Go on!" the wolf growled, his bloody jaws displaying the white teeth. "Your master needs your help," he said mockingly, eyeing Ashitaka. Then the wolf left without further comment.

Ashitaka's anger burst into flames, and his right hand came to life on its own. With no sword in hand, all it could do was force it's half unconscious owner to his feet and reach menacingly towards the wolf that had now disappeared. With the threat gone, though, the hand seemed to die, much to Ashitaka's displeasure. When it was "alive" he had barely been aware of the searing pain of the stub of his left arm. Now that it was gone, the pain was coming back.

Still, the strength was still there, and Ashitaka was mildly surprised that he was able to pull himself onto the saddle with only that arm. With his teeth, he pulled the string that held the sleeve cover, and when he had removed it, his eyes grew wide at the sight of how big the scar had grown. He could not let anger get the better of him! He must find a way to communicate with this girl! It was his only chance! Still, what she had done to him…

Now the anger was rising again, and Ashitaka had to force himself to stay calm. "Eyes unclouded" was what he had been told. Yes, the girl was responsible, but he couldn't let that interfere with his mission!

He was startled out of his thought when he heard a small clicking noise. Glancing up, he saw a lone kodama staring at him, looking sad. It was joined by a few more, and they gave him their silent condolences, occasionally cackling their heads more. After a few minutes, though, they disappeared into the trees.

Sad that they had left, and now seriously depressed over what had just happened, he carefully patted Yakuul's neck. "It's all right, boy. We had better get going."

Yakuul seemed to sense his master's pain, and so he walked extremely slowly, so as not to jostle his burden too much.

"Yakuul, wait a moment," Ashitaka said, straining his ears. He thought he'd heard something…a rattle. There it was again! And another, and another! Soon there were thousands, maybe tens of thousands of rattling noises! It was almost overpowering, yet it was comforting at the same time. The little kodamas must be up to something, he thought. What could it be?

A huge gush of wind suddenly blew, almost knocking Ashitaka off of the saddle. The breeze caused his left arm to flare up in pain, and he tried to shield it behind Yakuul's neck. What was going on?

Then he saw it. As if it had materialized out of thin air, the deer he had seen earlier was standing on the small island.

Ashitaka gasped. The Forest Spirit! The reason he had come all this way!

Sliding off of Yakuul, making sure not to bump his left arm with anything, he made his way to the edge of the lake. When the Forest Spirit seemed not to notice him, he almost waded into the water, but then he remembered what had happened a while ago.

But then the Forest Spirit looked at him, as if beckoning. Ashitaka was dimly aware that he was now wading through the water towards the small island. Only one thing was in his mind right now: when the Forest Spirit calls, you come. When the Forest Spirit calls, you come, no questions asked.

All too soon, he was standing at the base of the small island, and felt the eerie eyes of the Deer God bearing on him, probing the depths of his soul.

Then it moved.

Ashitaka's eyes widened as it began to move towards him. He felt like a rabbit as a falcon swooped down upon it- the rabbit could not move, because its own fear prevented it from doing so.

He stiffened as he felt the muzzle of the golden creature brush against his chest. Ashitaka felt it breathe gently onto his body, and all of his anger and fear and hatred were magically sucked out of his body. Those wolves and the girl were not his enemy- they were merely doing what they thought was right.

Peace swept over him like a mother's caring hand brings peace to a child after a nightmare. It was clear now, what he had to do. Eboshi was trying to kill this place- destroy it. He could not let them do that, but neither did he want the forest destroying the humans. He had to find a way to intercede for the two groups. Both of them were magical in their own ways, and both of them deserved life.

While he pondered these thoughts, he did not notice that the Forest Spirit had breathed gently onto his wounded arm, restoring it to its normal state.

There was a second gush of wind, and, startled, Ashitaka looked down to see that the Forest Spirit was nowhere to be found, and his arm was completely healed!

He stared at it in disbelief. Who could ever guess what it's like to know that only minutes ago, your arm was gone, and now it was suddenly back? But then…the scar was still there, too, the dark purple standing out against his tanned skin. Why had the forest spirit healed him, but not the curse? It made no sense. Unless…unless he still needed it so that he would be able to bring the forest and the humans together. But how could something so filled with hate bring about good?

He heard Yakuul's soft neigh, and looked to see that he was still standing there, apparently as speechless as Ashitaka was.

Feeling much lighter, he swam back to where his friend was standing. Before he mounted Yakuul, he took out his sword and stuck it into the ground, a sign that there were no ill feelings, and that he trusted them enough to leave his only weapon with them.

Having done that, he returned to Yakuul and jumped up onto the saddle.

He would come again later the next day. He still couldn't begin to imagine how in the world he was going to accomplish his task, but he would find a way. He had to.

Eboshi sighed, wearily rubbing her eyes. The shipment order had been completed, and now she stood, wearily rubbing her eyes. It was time for some well-deserved rest. "Gonza," she called the large man, "after you are finished loading up the last crate, you may go home. I thank you for your efforts today."

"You're welcome, Milady," he said, hoisting the last package of iron in his arms.

Sleepily, Eboshi wondered where that young man had wandered off to. She was firing rifle rounds and the night creatures with Ashitaka, and the next thing she knew, Ashitaka was no longer there.

If he had been any lesser of a man, he would probably be in bed with the prettiest lady by now, Eboshi thought sourly. There was something about this boy that went beyond that of any other man she had seen, much less been around. His character and virtue stood out plain as day, even though he tried to hide it, and Eboshi couldn't help but admire him all the more for that.

She was distracted by a commotion near the main gate. There were voices shouting, and the minute she heard someone say: "What happened to you?!", she knew she had to investigate. What a bother, and at this hour…it was probably Guuri dropping her rice basket again.

When she arrived at the square, she was shocked to see a swarm of people surrounding Ashitaka, even as he told them over and over again that he was fine.

"All right, all right," Eboshi called out over the noise. "Please, everyone leave him be! Can't you see he's not hurt at a-" Eboshi lost her voice when she caught sight of Ashitaka's left arm. The arm itself was fine, but the sleeve was missing, and the fabric around where it had been torn off looked like it had been soaked with blood. There were also blood splashes on other parts of his tunic, as well. "A-anyway," Eboshi said cautiously, "he's all right, and there's nothing to worry about. Go on home, now," she ordered, and the crowd slowly dispersed.

"Thank you," Ashitaka said quietly as he strode next to her. Eboshi followed his pace, and they walked back towards the center of the town.

"Are you really all right?" Eboshi asked. "I mean, you look all right, but did something happen?"

Ashitaka smiled. He knew he probably couldn't tell her everything that had happened. "Eboshi, I have a question," he asked her, trying to win the upper hand.

"What is it?" Eboshi replied, inviting him to continue.

"I need you to think very hard for a moment," he said. "Is there any way you can work out an agreement with the forest girl and yourself? Surely there is no need for this silly feud between the two of you?"

Eboshi chuckled softly. "Ever the hero, eh? Do you truly think I desire a war with this person, and those wolves? Why would I want to sacrifice the lives of the people I love? I believe that you are asking the wrong person. You should go talk to the wolf girl, if you think you could survive the encounter," she added humorously.

Ashitaka nodded. If Eboshi was hoping for peace, then that was half of the equation solved! But she kept looking at him, glancing out of the corner of her eye. He sensed that she was not telling the entire truth. "Eboshi," he said cautiously, "you do desire peace, don't you?"

Eboshi halted, and Ashitaka turned to face her.

"These are very hard times we live in," Eboshi said. "As of right now, chaos rules, and everyone is trying to salvage what they can from the wreckage. We are in a time where safety is of primary concern for those of upright standing, and where money is the primary concern for those who…aren't as upright. I am trying to build an empire where people can live free from the fear of tyranny! To do that, I need money, power."

"The iron under the forest," Ashitaka finished for her.

"Exactly," Eboshi said. "The forest is an obstruction of the world I am trying to build for these people. Now, I am only more convinced of that, as the wolves have started attacking us."

"But you mustn't need everything! What about the animals and…people who live in the forest? Where will they go?"

"You aren't getting the idea, Ashitaka," Eboshi said, her voice cold. "Are you saying that the lives of people are equal to that of, say, an insect's?"

"Of course not! Nevertheless, you appear to be destroying the forest without giving it a second thought! They are living creatures, and they at least deserve some measure respect!"

"Do not attempt to lecture me about respect, Ashitaka!" Eboshi shouted hotly. "Do you have any idea how much I have suffered on behalf of the forest? Do you really?! When I was young, I loved to walk through the woods and, as a child, they always held a certain magic for me, but then...well, anyway, I do love the forest, but I love PEOPLE more, and I'm not going to let the existence of a few wolves and monkeys or whatever the hell else lives out there, get in the way of my goals!"

"I'm not trying to say you shouldn't achieve your goals," he said in a soothing voice. He didn't mean for this to turn into a heated debate. "I'm only asking if there is a way you can come to some mutual agreement?"

Eboshi sighed. "That is out of the question. In order to achieve my goal, I needed help. In return for that help I promised something. So in order for my ideas to become a reality, I need to keep my promise, and I will!"

"From your tone, I suppose that means keeping your promise will ruin any chance of humans and the forest living together in peace, doesn't it?" Ashitaka said in a low tone, turning away.

"Like I said, Ashitaka. 'People are more important than trees or insects'. I am willing to sacrifice the forest for the good of the people."

But it's not just insects that live in the forest, Ashitaka thought. You can't look at it as an insect or a wolf. You have to look at it as life in general. And there's also a person…and that person has a family, to some extent. How would she feel if they suddenly had no place to go? Perhaps the girl could learn to live in the town, but the wolves couldn't. If even one person was injured on behalf of the common good, didn't that make it wrong? But then, if thousands of people would benefit greatly, how could the unhappiness of only one person even be considered relevant?

Now Ashitaka was thoroughly confused. Obviously, there was no easy answer. Perhaps if he talked to the wolf girl, something would present itself?

Upon deciding this, he wished Eboshi a good night, and then left for the stables, and Yakuul. Since he hadn't been given accommodations, he would just have to sleep there, but he didn't mind. At least he wouldn't have to worry about any girls finding him there…

Despite having gone to bed late, Ashitaka awoke early the next morning, completely rested and refreshed. He walked out to the small well and produced a small bucket of water, which he used to wash his face and rinse his mouth.

He then walked back to where Yakuul was patiently waiting, and put the saddle onto him. This time, Ashitaka remembered to leave the town from the back entrance, but that would mean he'd either have to swim, or borrow a boat. Since the locals weren't fishermen or anything like that, he didn't see the harm in borrowing a small boat for a few hours.

"Yakuul," he spoke up, "do you think you can make it across?" Yakuul grunted and splashed into the water, already making for the other side. "Hey there, slow down!" Ashitaka chuckled. Hopping into one of the boats himself, he slowly made his way across as well.

In only a short while, Yakuul emerged, and Ashitaka docked onto the tiny beach. From this position, it was only a short walk back to where he had been the night before. Telling Yakuul to stay here, rather than at the pool, Ashitaka slowly made his way into the forest. Since it was light, he had no trouble seeing, and quickly found himself staring into the great, majestic pond.

As soon as he stepped onto the soft ground, a large spearhead was thrust in his face.

"I thought I told you not to come back here," a female voice growled.

Ashitaka held his hands up in surrender. There was little else he could do. "Please, I need your help," he pleaded softly, trying the same tactic as before.

The girl jumped back, removing the spear from his face. Did he scare her? He didn't mean to!

"Y…your hand!" she gasped pointing at his still blood soaked sleeve.

Almost as if he was embarrassed about it, Ashitaka stammered, "I, ah, yeah it…um…the Forest Spirit…you know, after your wolf friend…well, he healed it," he finished, grinning sheepishly.

He could not make out her expression, for it was behind a mask, but he was almost certain she was staring at him, warily.

She slowly shifted the spear back in his general direction. "How do I know you're not lying?" she said. "What proof do you have?"

"None," Ashitaka said. "You saw for yourself that my arm was gone, and now it's back. What more proof do you need?" he said, holding out his left arm for her to feel.

Tentatively, she reached up and touched his hand. When she made contact with him, he felt her arm stiffen, as if she was touching an unfamiliar thing, which, of course, she was.

"All right, so what then?" she said after a moment. "I still don't want you in my forest!"

Ashitaka sighed. "The Forest Spirit bears me no hatred. Why do you continue to do so?" he offered.

The wolf girl growled lowly, but then lowered her spear to the ground, the head touching the leaves.

"Fine," she said menacingly. "What do you want, human?" she asked.

"My name is Ashitaka," the boy informed her.

"I know that. What of it?" she rumbled.

"Well…do you have a name?"

The girl paused. "You want to know my name?"

Ashitaka almost laughed. "You may find this hard to believe, but not all people are out to get you. If you don't mind, I'd like to get to know you a little better? Maybe we can even be friends, although it may be asking too much of you," he said. It was more than he had meant to say, but he was desperate to get her to at least stop treating him like an enemy.

The wolf girl seemed to absorb this new information. "My…my mother calls me San. It's the name that my brothers call me by as well," she said.

"Brothers?" Ashitaka asked.

"Yes, brothers."

Ashitaka cocked his head. Realization dawned, and his mouth dropped. "The wolves?! Is your mother a wolf, too?"

"Wolves bear wolves, don't they?" San replied, not knowing whether she should be annoyed at his comment, or whether she should laugh.

Ashitaka raised his eyebrows. "Wolves bear…wolves?" A second later, he realized what she was saying. "Oh! Yes, yes, of course they do! How silly of me!" he laughed. She thought she was a wolf. Well, so what?

"You're a strange human," San said, shaking her head. "What is it you want?" she said, still wary of this new stranger.

"Actually, it might take a long time. Do you mind if we walk while we discuss it?" Ashitaka asked.

"What, are you going to lecture me or something? That's not asking for help, that's offering it, idiot," San said blatantly.

"Well, it concerns me as well, so I guess it's mutually beneficial."

"Does talking with you mean we're friends?" San asked suddenly changing the subject. "I've never had another human friend before."

"It…ah," Ashitaka said, scratching his head.

"It sounds interesting," San continued. "Sometimes I get lonely out here by myself, even though I have my brothers, but they're not always there…"

"Well, friendship is something that develops over time," Ashitaka explained.

"Oh, good," San said, relieved. "I was worried I didn't have a choice."

"Okay, now who's being the strange one?" Ashitaka taunted.

San growled. "Just hurry up and ask your stupid question, already!" she barked. "I don't have time to mess around with you!"

"Well," Ashitaka conceded, "okay. Now San, I need your honest opinion on this, okay? In your mind, is there any possible way of the forest and the humans living together in peace?"

San recoiled and backed away from him. "I get it!" she shouted, her eyes blazing. "You were sent by them to try and get me to surrender or something! Well, it won't happen, not a chance in hell!"

"No, no," Ashitaka said, a bit panicky, "you misunderstand. I don't even know most of the people in the town. I'm trying to get the forest and the humans to live together for the simple reason that they shouldn't be fighting each other."

"Oh," San mumbled, although it was obvious by her attitude that he had dropped the precious few points he had gained on her trust and confidence. "Well, no, I don't see that happening. I cannot forgive the humans for what they have done to my forest. Naturally, if they stop destroying it, I will stop destroying them, but they will not stop, and so we fight."

Ashitaka sighed. So far this wasn't turning out well at all. The forest would not stop fighting until the humans stopped fighting, but the humans were going to fight the forest more, anyway.

"Can you…can we at least-"

"Is that boy spoiling your mind?" an unnaturally calm voice asked, interrupting.

Slowly, Ashitaka searched for where the sound had come from. An enormous, beautiful, and deadly looking white wolf emerged from the undergrowth.

"I mean no harm, to you or anyone," Ashitaka answered, bowing low. "All I desire is that the humans and the forest live together in peace.

"Isn't that quite a fantasy?" the wolf growled. "If you truly want to help, you will leave this place. Humans are not welcome here."

"But-" Ashitaka started. He was sorely tempted to point out that San was a human, but decided against it. Rather, he said, "It has to start somewhere."

"Very true," the large wolf nodded. "Perhaps at one time such things were possible, but not anymore. We've gone on too far, and for too long. The blood that has been spilled on both sides is beyond recompense. No, boy, there is no end to the battle we fight."

"I don't agree!" Ashitaka shouted, getting somewhat irritated at this wolves dire outlook on the situation. "It is possible if both sides only talk!"

"And what then, boy?" the wolf snarled. "The humans need the iron under the forest floor, and we need the forest. There is nothing to discuss, because for there to be peace, the humans would have to stop destroying, but then they would have no way to live. For us to stop it is the same, only reverse- we would have no place to live."

"Mother's right, Ashitaka," San said gruffly, yet at the same time, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't hold yourself responsible, though- this is far beyond anything you could control."

Ashitaka held his breath for a long time, saying nothing- then, with a low sigh, his shoulders slumped, and his head drooped. Was it true?

"Now," the wolf spoke up, "I must decide what to do with you. My sons tell me that your arm was gone, yet I see clearly that it is back. Please explain."

"The Forest Spirit healed it for him," San spoke up on Ashitaka's behalf.

"Is that so?" the wolf pondered. "Well then, far be it from me to undo what He has done, but I warn you, Ashitaka," she said, hissing his name, "that can easily be remedied. I will not tolerate humans pervading my forest. The Forest Spirit accepts you, and I cannot alter that. Still, you are to come nowhere near me, or I will kill you. As for San, she is old enough to decide for herself what is best for the forest, so I will leave you in her capable hands."

With that, the large wolf turned and trotted off silently into the woods, leaving a somewhat startled young man behind.

"Was that…?" Ashitaka questioned.

"Yes, my mother, Moro," San replied. "It seems she has taken a liking to you. Mother didn't kill you outright," she added, when she noticed the puzzled look Ashitaka gave her.

"Oh," Ashitaka mumbled. "So you really think there is no hope for peace?"

San shook her head slowly. "Not a chance. You already know the bonds that hold this battle in place are too strong to overcome. It would take a miracle for there to be peace, and I don't think a miracle is something we can sit around waiting for. We must defend what we have left, or else we will have nothing left. What more is there?"

"I j-just…have trouble believing there's nothing I can do," Ashitaka stammered. He held up his right arm for San to see. "I came to this place to find out what was going on and stop it, and to perhaps find a cure for my curse. Have I come all this way for nothing? I can accomplish neither of my tasks, for I have already seen the Forest Spirit, and he did not heal my soul. I had originally thought he left it there because I would have need of it, but I have no idea how."

"You mustn't give up," San comforted. "If the Forest Spirit left it there because you would one day need it, then you will. You don't have to know the time or place- it will all happen of its own accord."

"Perhaps," Ashitaka conceded sulkily.

One of San's "brothers" came and spoke quietly with her for a few minutes. After he was finished, San jumped onto his back, and then addressed Ashitaka. "A few humans have begun scouting the forest. I need to go investigate. Fell free to go anywhere you like, except north of here, which is the cave where my family lives. I don't want you to accidentally stumble across mother."

Without waiting for a reply from Ashitaka, the wolf tore through the vegetation, disappearing.

Ashitaka stared after them as they left. Suddenly he felt very tired. He groaned when he remembered that he had left Yakuul outside the forest, so he had probably gone grazing in some field.

Well, there was no point in going back to Iron Town, anyway, Ashitaka mused. If he could get neither side to listen, all he could do was sit back and wait for the end to come- or at least wait until a different path showed itself. So Ashitaka spent the rest of the afternoon wandering about the forest, being sure to stay away from any trails that would take him north. He saw a few jittery animals, and even a few kodamas, although they didn't materialize close enough to him so that he could talk to them.

Still, it was a beautiful forest, he concluded after hours of wandering the animal made paths. By now, night had come, and Ashitaka suddenly remembered that the Forest Spirit had materialized on the island around this time. Maybe Ashitaka could receive council from his benefactor!

Racing back to the area where he thought the pool was, he was only dimly aware of a few rustling noises.

Upon arriving at the pond, he was relieved to see the spirit had not come yet. Settling down on the grass, he waited patiently for the arrival, and spent his time meditating, trying to find the correct course.

Then, he heard a loud rustle behind him, and he turned, too late to see a large bearskin leaping down upon him. He didn't even have time to cry out before a hand was placed over his mouth, and a knife was pressed against his throat.

"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" the skin hissed.

"I…I'm Ashitaka," the startled boy said. "I think I need to be asking what YOU are doing here," he said, the demon hand coming to life. In a lightning flash, Ashitaka grabbed the man's hand that held the knife, bent it sideways, and then used his grip on it to toss the man backwards like a rag doll.

"Wha?" gasped a second bearskin. "What the hell?!"

"Is he after the Forest Spirit, too?" the first one asked, righting himself- pulling out another blade at the same time.

Ashitaka's eyes widened. "I will not allow anything to happen to the Forest Spirit! If that's what you're here for, I'll have to ask you to leave; or suffer the consequences," he said lowly, drawing himself up to full height.

"Sure," the bear chuckled. "This guy will ruin everything. I say we get rid of him."

Slowly, the pair made their way towards the young boy. Feet squared, Ashitaka lunged at the closest one, getting a vice grip on the man's arm, while simultaneously dodging a swipe from the other.

As the captured bear tried to wiggle free, Ashitaka landed a kick square on the man's face, snapping his head back. There was a loud crack, and the man fell backwards, never to get up again.

Attention directly on the remaining assailant, Ashitaka warily watched as he circled around his opponent.

The man leaped forward, feinted, leapt again, and then darted to the side, slashing down with his knife. It made contact, and Ashitaka grunted, but that second it took to stab was all he needed to spin the man around in a headlock.

Anger seethed in Ashitaka's veins. Who were these people?! "I told you there would be consequences," he coldly informed the man as he desperately struggled to get free. With a jerk of his arm, Ashitaka could feel the man's spine break under the applied pressure. A groan escaped the dead bearskin as it collapsed face forward onto the ground.

But then, before Ashitaka could react, he felt his head being jerked back, and an odd metal object draw itself across his throat. Enraged, he spun around and landed a devastating punch squarely in his attackers face, shattering the bones and displacing the skin so that it looked as if a hole had been knocked through.

Was that the Forest Spirit? Ashitaka vaguely wondered as his vision began to black out. Had he managed to save the Forest Spirit? San…I never got to know San, he thought sadly as he fell to his knees.

Slowly, his hand reached up and touched his throat- it was bleeding profusely. Any normal man would've already been dead. Yet Ashitaka was man, and he felt his life slowly slip away.

His last conscious thought was: "Kaiya! Kaiya, forgive me! Please live- for me!" And with that, he too fell to the ground, dead.

That next morning, San watched with her Mother as humans tore the trees down, obviously preparing for battle.

"After Ashitaka and you left, boars came and informed me of the impending battle," Moro explained. "They are either very stupid, or very desperate- they don't have a chance against the humans."

"Should we help them?" San asked, eyes lethally tracking the woman named Eboshi.

"No. We cannot risk losing you or any other wolves," Moro said. "We must wait for the right time, and this is not it- not yet."

"San!" one of her brothers called, racing up next to her. "San, I think you might want to come see this!"

Immediately sensing her brother's urgency, San silently asked for her mother's approval with a quick look, and upon receiving such, she leapt onto her brother's back and raced off into the forest.

As she approached the pool, she smelled the all too familiar scent of blood. Had there been a battle?

When the bushes parted, she almost shouted in surprise when she saw three men wearing boar skins, dead, and they looked as if they had been utterly overwhelmed. Yet even more surprising was the sight of Ashitaka- the only human who had ever been the closest thing she had to a friend- with a huge gash in his throat, and his eyes wide open. It looked as if he had been in terrible pain, not so much physical, but spiritual. San remembered what he had been trying to accomplish, and now he was dead before he had seen those things become a reality.

"San?" her brother asked carefully when he saw her face flush, and her body tense.

"Leave me," San said coldly.

"But-"

"I said GO, DAMMIT!" San screamed, spinning around, snarling, at her brother.

Terrified, the wolf leapt back and disappeared into the forest.

They would pay for this, San thought. The humans would pay for this loss. Somehow the loss of the forest didn't seem as important to her as this. She couldn't explain it- maybe it was because she had a vague idea of what it could've been like if both herself and Ashitaka had survived this battle.

Lacing up her spear, she bolted through the woods, emerging quickly on the far side of the lake. From here, she climbed the rocky hills until she entered the general area of where she had last seen Eboshi standing. If she remembered correctly, she had been well guarded, but San didn't care- blind fury prevented her from caring about anything but killing the woman whom she knew was responsible for her friends death, in one way or another.

There she was! Standing up, she let out a fierce battle cry as she charged a startled Eboshi. There was the sound of rifles firing, but San's rage prevented her from feeling little more than the *thumps* as the bullets tore through her side, her legs. One bullet, however, pierced her left shoulder, shattering the bone that held it in place. As her right side suddenly felt lighter, the only thing San could think of doing was throwing away her spear and removed her dagger with her only remaining arm.

As San raced upon Eboshi, she thought she caught a brief glimpse of the woman's eyes. Was that genuine fear? Had she actually caught that damned woman off guard? Despite her situation, San smiled sadistically. Dammit, that was sweet. Revenge was sweet.

As Eboshi reared around and brought her rifle to bear, San's world seemed to slow. All sound vanished, and the only thing she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating. She vaguely saw her dagger plunge into Eboshi's heart, and thought she heard a painful cry escape from the abomination's lips. Yet the rifle she bore was triggered, and at such close range, the impact of the hit sent San flying backwards, crashing against a rock. The enormous hole in her middle not even bleeding- there was little blood left to lose.

By now, San was no longer among the living, but she could swear she saw Eboshi fall backwards. Her last notion was that Eboshi would be journeying with her on the road to the afterlife.

Conclusion

"Master Jigo, it's been confirmed," a soldier reported. "The three scouts have not reported back, and Eboshi was found dead, along with the wolf girl. The boars have been driven back, but because the scouts were not able to report in, we have no idea where the Forest Spirit's pool is."

"Send out more scouts," Jigo said curtly, irritated with this man's incessant rambling.

"Sir, we don't have time."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jigo asked.

Without answering, the soldier held out a piece of paper for him to inspect. It said:

Master Jigo-

The Emperor has been advised against your removing the Deer God's head. As you have been some time in reporting in to that effect, it is obvious that we are losing control in that area. This has become manifest as Lord Asano has recently sent troops to capture Iron Town. We would not like to lose valuable people and resources during this attack. Therefore, you are to return to your previous post where you will be given a new assignment in the Emperor's name. Good luck on your new assignment.

Jigo stared in disbelief. He was so close! So CLOSE!

The guard managed to disappear from sight as Jigo let lose a volley of expletives, kicking over chairs, along with whatever else happened to be in range.

After his temper had subsided, Jigo sat down and drank deeply from the water jug that was on the table. Perhaps he could come back for the Forest Spirit later? In all likelihood, that was not a possibility. The Emperor was not patient, and he would more than likely assign something else after this current operation was finished. And another, and another…

Dammit, he thought sourly, Eboshi had mentioned that boy wanting to protect the Forest and stop the war. Looks like he was able to do that after all, the little bastard…heavy price he paid for it, though.

Jigo laughed to himself as he began packing his things for the long journey that lay ahead of him.

Author Note

Have you ever wondered how your life may have turned out differently simply because of ONE decision you made earlier on in that life? How many of us would go back to that one time and try to do things differently? Yet, as of today, there is no way of doing that, and we must accept the past for what it is- unchangeable. Therefore, the best we can hope for is that there is something better for us in our future, no matter how bad the past may have seemed.

For some, the burden is greater than others, but there is the simple fact remains the same for everyone- live your life being prepared for anything, even death. None of us know the future, and wouldn't it be a waste to prepare for a long life, and not spend your time LIVING? Especially when life is really not long at all? Naturally we should plan for our future, but we mustn't forget about the current time. We must always live our lives to the fullest, not just in the future tense, but in the present, as well- we must live each DAY to the fullest, because we never know which one will be our last.

Fin