July
19, 2001 (Updated July 24)
Disclaimer: Card
Captor Sakura and all its characters are owned by CLAMP, Kodansha, Mixx. No
money made, all for fun. This fic will contain spoilers from volume 11-12 of the
Sakura Card Chapter of the manga version.
The Road to
Heaven...
By Ina-chan
I always had a fondness for cherry
blossom trees.
"The road to heaven is lined by cherry blossom trees." A half remembered
sentence, from a half-remembered legend, uttered by a half-remembered voice from
half-remembered lips on a half-remembered face from a half-remembered memory of
another lifetime. Memories that haunt me with personal sins and tragedies of a
past that is not mine.
And
yet...
It continues to be the supreme puppet master of my own future.
And
I?
I am here, in the present... where I stand in uncertainty...
patiently waiting
to figure out how to untangle the end of another man's past from the
beginning of my own future. But through
this unending, ever shifting storm... there is one certainty.
I always had a fondness for cherry blossom trees.
It would seem that they too have a certain fondness for me. The falling blossoms
never fail to relax me. Its branches always seem to hold me in a gentle but
secure embrace, protecting me from the harsh attraction of gravity... shielding
me from prying eyes... sharing my secret as I watched you.
You.
It has been a long time since I last saw you. You've changed all these years.
Yet I know it is you. After all, I know you as much as I know myself. Though it
is unfortunate that you have been cursed not to have any memories of me.
Or
yourself.
Or him.
Or is
this really a blessing?
I pity you.
How hard it must be for you to be lost and clueless about yourself
and your past.
And yet...
I envy you.
How free you must be to be naive and
innocent about yourself and your past. Inheriting his memories and abilities
also meant inheriting his faults. And his greatest fault... my greatest fault...
was...
Cowardice.
To see the future... to see my future... to always choose the right path... the
path of lesser evil. Those visions and predictions have always been safe. And I, just as
he, found comfort in hiding behind them. Letting them dictate my life. How ironic that the most powerful sorcerer in the world was
afraid and weary of his own gifts.
Selfishness.
To be the most powerful sorcerer in world... to be able to create sorcery by his
own hand... to be able to wield such magic and power at will. I, just as he,
would throw them all away without a second thought if it meant having what you
have. And to think that at one point of your life, you were willing to throw
away your gift for a glimpse of what I suffer.
How ironic.
But
the cherry blossoms were fond of you too. For it was under their generous
shade that you caught her. An angel who fell from the sky.
"The road to heaven is lined with cherry blossom
trees, comforting all weary travelers..."
If he were to see how you are now... which he most probably did... he probably
would have felt what I feel as I watched you from up here, on these branches.
Envy.
To watch her. Watching over
you, ever so lovingly. Not even the boundaries brought by death stops her from
being separated from you. To watch your young flowers. Surrounding you with
unconditional love and affection as you gently tend to them and watch them grow
and blossom before your very eyes.
I understand exactly why he created his sorcery and his guardians in such a way.
His creations were his and his alone. Through them, he was able to experience
the blessing you were able to attain that he could never have.
Not with this
knowledge. This responsibility.
Like I mentioned earlier, cowardice is one of
his biggest flaws.
All that power and talent... but unable to indulge to such
luxury because of he didn't have the strength that you have. The strength to
move on after the most painful and bitter of separations. All that power
and talent... but unable to indulge to such luxury because of the knowledge that
his flowers will inherit this same gift... or curse.
What right does he
have to deprive these innocents of their ability to enjoy life?
What right does
he have to let them grow up in a world where their families would force them to
choose sides?
What right do I have to go against his wishes and his memories?
But watching your cherry blossom, continuously blooming year after year.
Beautiful, cheerful, strong and resilient... despite her deceptive delicate
appearance... I can't help but feel hope. She lifts my heart with her melodious
laughter... her pure light... her genuine kindness. I swear that no matter what
happens, I will preserve this flower and do my best to protect her from the
impending disaster looming nearer and nearer. The world, after all, needs the continuous
guidance of cherry blossoms... because...
"The road to heaven is lined with cherry blossom
trees, comforting all weary travelers as they journey towards their salvation."
Perhaps...
Perhaps...
The cherry blossoms will lead all three of us to our
own salvations.
Ina-chan's
Squawk (July 24):
Special
thanks to Misato Kiki Inverse for reviewing my fics and unabashedly and nit-pickingly
pointing out my technical mistakes. Domo arigatou gozaimasu!
Ina-chan's
Squawk (Old Squawk):
Well, I hope you guys liked this. Please
feel free to give comments and criticisms. This is also available via Fanfiction.net. If you have an account there, please review! I would really
appreciate it.
Ja!
Ina-chan
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