Still Day1
Disclaimer: NobOdy's MinE! NotHiNg Is MinE!
Oh, but wait. I can have your review, right? Right? *wide, hopeful eyes*
PS- (Copied and pasted from Sayermyst's dream) Van and Dilandau ask you to review.
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Randi: *blink* But...but...just like that? Isn't there some type of law restricting this type of banishment, especially after I redeemed myself by protecting the village from that monster?
Irrelevant Villager #5: He *points to Elder* is the law, remember?
Randi: *turning puppy eyes to Elder* Can't you make them let me stay? Pleeeeeeeeaaaase.
Elder: Sorry, boy, but majority rules. I can't have the disruption your presence would cause in this village.
Irrelevant Vill-oh, wait, it's Elliot: *points finger at Randi and adopts a Nelson-from-the-Simpsons attitude* Hah-hah!
Elder: But before you're banished forever, my dear boy, there are some family issues I would like to discuss with you. *heads towards his house and gestures for Randi to follow*
Randi: *follows*
Elder: Please, have a seat
*Randi sits in a chair inscribed with ' Made in China, Electronically produced in Japan'*
Elder: *spreading Royal Jam on a piece of toast* Now, boy, you know I love you like a son...
Randi: *lifts an eyebrow and leans forward expectantly* uh-huh....
Elder: But the thing is...
Randi:...
Elder: Well...the truth is that...that I'm not your real...
Randi: * neck muscles are bulging from the tension* Yes? What is it Elder!
Elder: I'm not your real expert on adolescence issues, okay? I'm trying to break your naiveté gently!
Randi: Adolescence issues?
Elder: Women.
Randi:...Oh.
Elder: *reminiscing* Damn. I can't remember the last time I had myself a good one-night stand...
Randi: Elder! (He never speaks like this. And considering he's as old as-) * glances at Elder's crinkly face* ( ...well, I don't know how old he is, but travelers, much less women, never pass through Potos village....) Uh, Elder, I don't know if I want to hear about this....
Elder: Fine fine fine. What kind of a teenage boy are you, anyway?
Randi: (A perfectly healthy one, except it's utterly disturbing talking about...women...with you)
Elder: I'll just give you a few pointers.
Randi: *sweatdrop*
Elder: First of all, women like the domineering type, strong and muscular. They also like it when you do things for them. Let me see...what else? *taking a bite of toast*
Randi: Elder....
Elder: Ah, yes! Also remember that sex talk makes them horny, if they pretend it doesn't.
Randi: *moan*
Elder: Oh, and about wet dreams.
Randi: Oi! *covering his ears with his hands- not that it blocks out the Elder's voice*
Elder: *muffled voice* Don't worry about them, boy. It's a natural phenomenon.
Randi: *giving up the tactic of covering his ears and drops arms to the table* I know. I know! Is that all you wanted to tell me?
Elder: *popping the last bite of toast into his mouth* Yep. Oh, wait! There's something else I was going to tell you that's sort-of important.... Mmmmm, what was it? Darn short-term memory loss....
Randi: *prepared to sprint downstairs to escape another 'adolescence discussion'*
Elder: Ah, yes! That was it! I'm not your real father!
Randi: *falls from chair*
Elder: *tsking* You are too easily surprised, boy.
Randi: *crawling back onto seat, dazed* What...? *shakes head to clear it* What? What do you mean-?
Elder: I'm saying that your mother abandoned you to me when you were but a babe in a basket. She just gave me your name and bid Adieu.
Randi: And you were going to tell me this when?
Elder: *shrug* Now seemed like a good time.
Randi: *rubbing forehead with palm* What's her name?
Elder: *shrug* Dunno
Randi: So who's my biological father?
Elder: She didn't say. Some knight or another, I think.
Randi: *sigh of relief* (At least he's not a dolt of Potos.)
*tangible pause as Randi absorbs the full impact of the information*
Elder:*slapping palms together and rubbing them* Well! That concludes our family discussion! Time for you to go!
Randi: *ready to depart*
Elder: Oh, and just as parting gift, you can have whatever is in the chest downstairs.
Randi: *blink* THE chest? As in the gold chest?
Elder: *suspiciously* How do you know what's insi-?
Randi: Woo-hoo! *scampers downstairs and opens THE chest* Yes! I-
Sayermyst: Received 25 gp!
Randi: *questioning validity of ability to hear annoying and anonymous voices* Gp? Oh, gold pieces. I get it. Wait a minute! Last time I checked , there were 50 gold pieces in here!
Sayermyst: *sweatdrop* Actually, there were 60 gp...before you took some, that is. You just be a happy little Mana Knight with your 25 gp, and I won't disclose the details of your use of the 10 gp you stole before I ever even knew about the gold chest.
Randi: *gulp* ( the voice in my head can't possibly know about the XXX black market....)
Sayermyst: I AM GOD! Er, I mean, THE AUTHOR! I see everything. I hear everything. I know everything. *smirk- not that anyone can see me*
Randi: *yelling at the cieling* And what did you call me? A man uh what? If you're insulti-
Sayermyst: Oh crap! That's what I forgot!
Randi: *?*
Elder (from upstairs): Boy, hurry up!
Randi: *somehow managing to stuff half a chest full of gp into a hand-sized pouch* Coming! *runs upstairs*
Elder: Don't run with pointy things! You could poke out your eye! Here's a sheath. *cinches a leather sheath around Randi's waist*
Randi: *secures sword* Hey, it's a perfect fit.
Elder: Well, d'uh. Everything fits perfectly in the magical game world.
*3 sharp raps at the door*
Elder: Mmmm, *makes for the door* I guess the villagers have arrived to personally escort you from Potos. *swings open the door*
* A man with light purple hair and an identical-colored short beard stands in the doorway. He's dressed in a black executive suit and covers his eyes with dark shades. Oh, and he also sports a flowing yellow cape*
Elder: *eyebrow raised* May I help you?
Man in Black: * with a nearly- monotone government agent voice* Sir, sources have informed us that there has been a recent monster siting in the area. Previous reports indicate that this area contained no monsters. We'd like to ask you a few questions.
Elder: There's nothing to say. If you want to see the giant dead bug, it's in that wide, gaping hole in the ground near our convenience store. *closing door*
Man in Black: *sticking foot in doorjamb* Ow! Stop pushing! That hurts! I saw the dead Mantis Ant already! I'm just looking for the guy who killed it!
Randi: *pushing ahead of Elder* That would be me.
Man in Black: *scans Randi from head to toe then lowers his shades and looks back at Randi's face * You're kidding, right? Some adolescent who doesn't know the meaning of a haircut killed a Mantis Ant. Puh-lease. Save that tale for the X-files. I'm here on serious business.
Randi: *glaring daggers and tossing his head full o' hair* For your information, I take my hair very seriously Mr. Man in Black. You don't see volume like this *runs a hand through his hair* on a guy everyday. Oh *leaning on doorjamb with arms crossed over chest* and I did kill the Mantis Ant. In fact, they're banishing me for it!
Man in Black: *blink* They're banishing you for killing a monster?
Randi: Well, no. They're kicking me out of Potos because I pulled out this...*pulls sword out of sheath* ...this....
Elder: Mana Sword?
Randi: Right. Exactly. I pulled out the Mana Sword from some rock in the middle of swamp.
Man in Black: Lake
Randi: Whatever. How would you know, anyway?
Man in black: I've done my research. *faraway eyes, reciting a poem* And the one who is to be shall pulleth the Excalibur from the smooth stone from that blessed lake. And he shalt be called the Mana Knight, as were called the saviour warriors preceding his time. Donning chivalry and cloaked with bravery, he shalt scourge the evils of the land, restoring-
Elder: Pfht. Research my steely butt. Everyone knows that legend.
Randi: (...Except me) And you were going to tell me this when?
Elder: *shrug* Now seemed like a good time.
Man in Black: *chagrined but still dubious* Regardless, tests must still be done on the weapon to confirm its authenticity. According to my research-
Elder: *snort*
Man in Black: -only the destined Mana Knight may wield the Mana Sword. Now, if you'd allow me to examine the blade....
Randi: *reluctant* But you said 'Excalibur', not the 'Mana Sword'.
Man in Black: Same difference *reaches for the sword*
*The sword glows and zaps Man in Black's gloved hand. Man in Black screams shrilly in pain and frantically waves his hand to extinguish the flame.*
Randi: Whoa! Awesome! Um...are you okay?
Elder: *laughing so hard he fell on the floor*
*Man in Black finally succeeds in preventing his hand from becoming ashes, then calmly readjusts his shades*
Randi: *heh* Guess you don't need to do any more tests, huh?
Man in Black: There's *pant* no doubt *pant* that you're the real *pant* Mana Knight.
Randi: Did 'ja hear that, Elder? I am THE...the...
Man in Black: Mana Knight?
Randi: Right. Exactly!
Man in Black: And as such, I am to tell you that Luka will further inform you of your destiny at the Water Palace. Meet me there.
Randi: Uh, couldn't we just go there together. I mean, I'm being banished in a few minutes, anyway.
Man in Black: Nope. This will be your first adventure, young man! How could I possibly deprive you of all of the excitement by showing you the path to the Water Palace, the very path that I know like the back of my hand? No no no no; that would be preposterous! *turning to leave*
Randi: Wait! What's your name?
Man in Black: *over his shoulder* Jema!
Randi: *now yelling across the village at the top of his lungs* Jema what!
Jema: *faint yelling in the distance* I go on a first-name basis! Don't we all?
Randi: *realizes no one has a last name* (mmmm, that is true)
* tangible pause as Randi absorbs the full impact of the information (of his destiny, NOT of the missing last names*
Randi:...*gasp* Oh, gosh! Do you know what that means, Elder? It means I'm not banished from Potos village! *grabs Elder and gleefully shakes him* I was destined to leave on a quest, anyway! So ha. Ha. HA!
Elder: *extricating Randi's hands from the from his robe* Yeah, destined to leave by me banishing y-
Randi: *pressing hands against his ears and running out the door to the convenience store* Lalalalalalalalala. If I can't hear you, I don't have to acknowledge what you say! *bursts through convenience store door*
Clerk: *blink*... *glare*
Randi: *unplugging ears* Before you say anything, I am NOT banished!
Clerk: *scowl, about to argue*
Randi: However, the sooner you get me some candy and some armor, I'll gladly leave this village in order to pursue my destiny as the Mana Knight. *heh*
Clerk: *unimpressed* *scrounging under shelf and then places four candies on the counter*
Randi: That's it? Four?
Clerk: There aren't any more. We forgot to reorder.
Randi: *grumbles and stuffs the candies into his pouch*
Clerk: That will be 10 gp.
Randi: What? That's a ripoff!
Clerk: Au contraire, sir, they're on sale because they were expired...* checks empty bag* two weeks ago.
Randi: So how do I know they still work?
Clerk: I would give you my word, but since you probably wouldn't believe me, I suggest you stab yourself in the hand and then eat a candy. It's the surefire way.
Randi: *grumble* *grudgingly tosses 10 gp onto the counter* And the armor?
Clerk: *scrounging around*
Randi: *running/hopping in place to release his excitement*
Clerk: *more scrounging*
Randi: *sounding like he has to go to the bathroom* C'mmmmonnnnnn!
Clerk: *pops up with-*
Randi: *facefault* A blue scarf? I was looking for something a little more, oh...I don't know...METAL!
Clerk: Once again, you are wrong. This is a bandanna.
Randi: Uhhhhh-huh. And this would protect me by...?
Clerk: Keeping the sweat out of your face so you don't go blind.
Randi: *sigh* Whatever. *snatches the bandanna and ties it around his forehead* How much?
Clerk:15 gp.
Randi: But that's all the money I have!
Clerk: Well looks like you have no money now, 'cause I can't see myself taking that bandanna back after you've had it on your oily teenage forehead. Pay up.
Randi: *wistfully parts with the rest of his gp and reaches the entrance of the village* *bowing dramatically* I bid you all Adieu. *walks out of Potos* Darnit! I forgot my secret stash of chocolate bars in my room. *turns to re-enter Potos*
Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village: You are hereby ban-
Randi: *covers his ears*
Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village: -from Potos village. Now get out of here!
Randi: Look, I just want to get-
Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village: You are hereby-
Randi: Grrrrahhhh! Nevermind! *stalks away* *scans surroundings* (Where exactly is the Water Palace?)
Author's Note: Heehee. Enjoying the insanity? I just wanted to make lucid any misconceptions (well, some of them) and offer a vague description of how my brain was functioning while I wrote part two.
- Irrelevant Villagers- Just ask yourself, does anyone actually care about the normal, everyday villagers in a game?
- Royal Jam (I think it increases hp by 200....)- How else could an elder still be alive while living in a medieval society?
- Elder's advice- Okay. I'd like to see you, at 3:00 in the morning, imagine what wise words a really old guy would have for his adoptive teenage son whom he will soon banish. Think about it. Don't you think that Squaresoft omitted just a bit of the conversation? Not that I'm belittling Squaresoft, of course.
- I AM THE AUTHOR!
- Man in Black- *caught in a spotlight* *defensively* What? Admit it; if there were a macho government agent in the Secret of Mana, it would be Jema. I simply decided that I would make his part a bit more obvious.~_^
- Convenience store- It's convenient and it's a store. Easy. Not some ambiguous name such as 'shop'.
- Bandanna- Yee-ahhh, right. A bandanna is going to protect his head.
- Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village- Do I have to explain this one? He is THE Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village and won't let you enter the village even if you honestly forgot to bring your candy!
Well, c'est tout pour maintenant. Chapter 3 is presently being spewed, so check periodically!