Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the unattainable things are mine only in my dreams.... (*zzz* Hehe...gotcha Van!)
Notes: Okay, this note is to everyone who thinks I'm a loon for rating this retelling NC-17. It's only a technicality. I just rate it that because I want a minimal safeguard against the chance that, late one night (while my insanity level reaches overload), I write something NC-17, post it unconsciously, some toddler says "Mommy, schoolgirl wrote bad things!", that Mommy writes fanfiction.net a long letter with the gist of "Will someone please think of the children!", fanfiction.net sends a lawyer to sue every penny off of my high school butt, and I'm not able to say "Well I did warn everyone!" Yes, I know I'm using the fallacy of slippery-slope, and yes, I know that I could simply change the rating when I decide to write something extremely dirty, but that would be more work for me. Yeah, I know; I'm lazy. Oh well. Maybe I'll change the rating sometime in the future....
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Day 2
Randi: *cracking eyes open* *moan* Uhhhhhhhhhn. (What happened?) * getting up from the grassy ground, albeit on unsteady feet*
Sayermyst: *to the people of the non-magical game world* Okay everyone, you didn't see what happened and had no idea what was going to occur because Randi didn't see it coming, either. Well, I saw what befell him, simply because I AM the author. To make a long story short, he fell to the ground. To make the short version of a retelling a bit more detailed, a few yards away from Potos, after turning a bend in the path around a cluster of trees, he collapsed to the ground. To expound upon the detailed short version, a few yards away from Potos, after turning a bend in the path around a cluster of trees, he fell to the ground because of the aftershock of falling 100 feet (120feet) from a log, talking to a sword, being threatened by the sword, almost dying, killing his first monster, being banished, having a disturbing adolescence discussion (with his old, adoptive father), discovering that his old, adoptive father never was his biological father, seeing a man in black with a yellow cape, learning of his destiny, realizing that he was flat out broke, and forgetting his chocolate, all in one day! Poor guy! Oh, yeah, and he had tied his bandanna too tightly. Back to Randi.
Randi: {unpaused} *pressing one hand to his temple while using the knuckles of the other to rub his eyes* (Post-traumatic stress syndrome?) *While shaking his head to clear his eyes, spots something little and furry sleeping near his foot* Awwww, how cute! So that's the warm silky thing I felt while I dreamt about... {er...eh-hem. end thought} *bends down to lift the yellow furry ball into his hands* A rabbit? (Wow. I thought only dogs were supposed to keep you warm while you slept. Ah. Oh, well; it's still adorable.) *smiling because cannot cease fascination with the Yellow Ball's utter cuteness*
Yellow Ball: *drowsily opens big, shiny blue eyes*
Randi: *heart ba-bumps at overwhelming innocence*
Yellow Ball: *yawn- which reveals the razor sharp teeth inside its mouth*
Randi: *sweatdrop*
Yellow Ball: *yawn tactically turns into an attack for the nearest jugular- Randi's*
Randi: Ahhhh! Dangerous cuteness! *yanks Yellow Ball (realizing it's a long unseen Rabite) from his neck before the thing gets a chance to sink its blood-sucking mouth of knives into his neck.* Get off! *whips out the Mana Sword* You wanna piece a' me? * makes beckoning motions* Bring it on!
Sayermyst: *ding ding* Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And it looks like the Rabite is effortlessly evading Randi's swings and swips!
Randi: Graaaaahhh! *running in circles after the Rabite, all the while gripping the Mana Sword above his head*
Sayermyst: Ohh! In one swipe he slices both the ears off of the Rabite. Woo! There goes the fuzzy tail! Not so cute anymore, are ya?
Randi: *swings the sword down*
Sayermyst: Rabite gets whacked! Ewwww...{One blood-covered yellow hemisphere lies far to the right of Randi, while the other half colors the grass red far to the left of Randi}
Randi: * eyes the blood-stained coins scattered on the ground* *picks up the gp gleefully* Yay! *processing information* (Mmmm...killing monsters=money) * eagerly scans the area ahead and maniacally slaughters two more Rabites.* Woo-hoo! Wealth! *salivating profusely* So...much... wealth....
*Amid his killing, he spots a sign, reads ' Water Palace ^', and makes a destructive path in the direction of the Water Palace. For example:
Randi: *eyes a Big Walking Mushroom (aka Mushboom) dancing around a tree*
Big Walking Mushroom: *dances over to Randi*
Randi: *takes out the Mana Sword*
Big Walking Mushroom: * unleashes one of his 7-foot radius sneezes*
Randi: *falls unconscious from overload of allergic reaction*
Big Walking Mushroom: *starts kicking Randi in the head (Sayermyst : Don't ask me how a mushroom kicks. Maybe it's actually stomping. I really don't know.)*
Randi: *recovers* *runs the Big Walking Mushroom through, then proceeds to dice the fungus into itsy-bitsy pieces* *gleefully picks up the coins, grinning*
{almost to the Water Palace}
Randi: *feels something bite his ankle and starts feeling woozy* *looks around for the culprit but sees only bunches of pretty pink flowers* I'll...get...you...later. *stumbles into a clearing before the Water Palace*
*Randi identifies four soldiers in a line. Speaking to them is a fifth soldier (Randi: (The captain?)) who can attest to having a head of shiny, full, blond hair, and who wears a more stylistic breastplate and a nifty pair of orange pants*
All the Soldiers: *turn to look at a bleary-eyed, bloody, blue-faced Randi who's making a vain effort at walking straight*
Soldier #1: Dude! Wow, did you like, get high and then go fight someone? You don't look so good....
Captain: *sigh* Druggins, did you hear me? How many times must I brief this regiment? Pay attention! *turns around and sees Randi*
Randi: Don't...don't mind...me. Just passing through. Hey. What are you guys doing, anyway?
Druggins: Oh, dude, we're going on a witch hunt!
Soldier #2: A mission of great importance!
Captain: Men! As lenient as I am, I demand total obedience! We are not to spread panic!
Druggins & Soldier#2: *standing erect* Yes, sir, Captain Dyluck, sir!
Randi: * making huge efforts to be coherent- and it shows* Sounds very interesting. I'm going to the Water Palace for a few minutes, but I could come right back and help you, if ya want. Hey, ya know what? I'm *poking self in chest with his thumb* the Mana Knight. The one in the legends. So...yeah.
Captain Dyluck: *humoring the clumsy bum who is calling himself the Mana Knight* Of course, you are. *gently places a small bag in Randi's palm* Why don't you go to the Water Palace now? I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss your appointment.
Randi:'Kay. *opens bag and pulls out what appears to be a turnip* *slurred* Wha 'er 'ese? Turn'ps?
Druggins: *whisper* Dude, they taste awful, but if you take one, your boss-man can't tell that anything's wrong with you.
Soldier #3: *whisper* They're called herbs.
Soldier #4: *whisper* And their actual purpose is to act as an anecdote for poisons.
Soldier #2: *whisper* They're very handy, considering the fact that they're multipurpose. My grandfather, he grows Lullabuds, and he uses herbs every day!
Randi: *loudly* Lulla-what? *pops an herb into his mouth and makes a face in distaste*
Captain Dyluck: MEN! Did you hear me? It's very important that you understand the details, especially the positions, of our attack. One flaw could get us all captured and killed.
Soldier #4: I got most of it...
Soldier #2: If you could just repeat the last part. Oh, and where am I supposed to be when we start scaling the walls of her castle? I kinda forgot....
Soldier #3: I know we have to kill the werewolves, kill the witch, kill the tiger...yep, basically just kill kill kill....Right?
Druggins: Dyluck-man, I got, like, the whole gist of the operation, so you can count on me two hundred and one percent!
Captain Dyluck: * sliding hand down his face* *groan* Uhhhhhhhhn. Screw it. Let's go. *leads his regiment between two transport pillars*
Randi: *starts to follow, but then realizes (since the herb is beginning to fix his mind) that he still has to go see Luka at the Water Palace so that he may learn about his destiny* OoOo, Water Palace....*sloshes through the shallow water surrounding the huge waterfall-covered building, reaches the doorstep, and faints from loss of blood. His head hits the door*
Jema: *hears a thud at the door and pulls out his sword* If you'll excuse me Luka, I believe I heard something at the door. *Goes over many bridges over bottomless gaps and through a room with shallow water to reach the door. Opens the heavy door cautiously....* Aw, crap. *drags Randi by his collar through the water filled room and over the bridges over bottomless gaps*
Randi: *slowly regaining consciousness* *sees a blue-veiled lady peering over him* Pretty lady...
Jema: *face pops into Randi's field of vision* Boy? Boy? Can you hear me? This is Luka, wise protector of the Water Mana Seed.
Randi: Hullo
Luka: Hello to you, my dear boy. By what name do people call you? I'm afraid Jema neglected to inform me.
Randi: *sitting up and holding hand to head* Huh? Oh, my name's Randi, THE Mana Knight. * all playboy attitude* Hey, Jema didn't add that you were so beautiful and young
Luka: *laughing, amused* My my, and what a sense of humor you have! If the truth be told, I'm 200 years old as of yesterday.
Randi: *blink* *blink* Uh...ummm... *clears throat* H-happy belated birthday....
Jema: *helping Randi to his feet*
Luka: *laughing once again* Oh, my dear boy, don't be so bashful! Many people mistake my age. In fact, I'll let you in on a little beauty secret. *whispers* I use Neutrogena Anti-Wrinkle Cream twice a day.
Randi: *still woozy from blood loss* Oh. Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment, Miss Luka, I'm gonna eat a candy.
Luka: No need to waste a good candy while I'm around. *touches him and his wounds heal*
Randi: *gaping* * now perfectly comfortable with Luka's age* Not only are you beautiful, you're also very skilled.
Luka: * blushing and giggling* I've always had a knack for it ever since I was a child.
Jema: Uh-hem.... Sorry to interrupt your conversation, but about the destiny of the Mana Knight....
Luka: Oh, right. Well, I could say a lot of things that would simply scare the wits out of you, but basically, you must find all eight Mana Seeds-
Randi: What's a Mana Seed?
Luka: * knocks on the HUGE Water Mana Seed* They all look like this. This one is the Water Mana Seed.
Randi: Ohhhhhh. *eyes the Seed and wonders how big the tree is that would grow and how many villages like Potos it could displace with its roots*
Luka: Anyway, find all eight of them, although now you only need to find the other seven, and restore them with the Mana Sword.
Randi: ... That's it? (I thought it would be more...heroic.)
Luka: Well, that and you have to do it before the villains of the world steal the Mana from the seeds, and fix whatever your nemeses screw up. Otherwise, the world will be completely destroyed.
Randi: Now that's more like it! * imagines his heroic self standing gloriously upon a raised platform, with crowds singing his praise for saving the world and beautiful women vying for his attention*
Jema: Randi!
Randi: *snaps out of fantasy* Huh? What?
Jema: I said 'Do you have any questions?"
Randi: Oh, yes. Some. *turns to Luka* Why are all the Mana Seeds unsealed to begin with?
Luka: Oh, that one's easy; it's because Mana is weak.
Randi: So they become vulnerable at the time when they are most needed to be strong?
Luka: Ummm, yes. No, wait, hold on, I know this from the Mana Seed Protectorate Tutorial. *takes a few minutes to concentrate (Give her a break; she's 200years old.)* Okay, I think I have the answer. The seeds double as a gauge and a restorer. Mana is weak; they become unsealed. The Seeds are sealed; Mana is restored.
Randi: Well that's a pretty dumb system....
Jema: *whacks Randi on back of head* Watch your mouth, young man!
Randi: Well, it is! *eyes Jema cautiously and dodges another whack* So, let me get this straight. Mana is weak, the Seeds are unsealed, I restore them with Mana power from the Mana Sword, Mana is restored to the world, and I'm a hero.
Jema: If you succeed. If.
Luka: That means constant training, Randi, because the Mana Sword will only become more powerful as you use it. That means you really have to work.
Randi: Oh, don't worry. I'm not running away from monsters so much anymore because they spew money. (This Mana Knight thing is cool. I get fame and wealth. Heh heh.)
Jema: *eyebrow raised* Yeeeeess. Well, for whatever personal reasons you have, just don't screw up and kill the world. It sickens me to think that I have to depend on an egotistic, no-sense-of-hairstyle teenager with the survival of the world. Of all the luck...*trails off grumbling and turns to leave*
Randi: Wait! Where are you going?
Jema: Not that it's any of your busin- *stops when remembers that Randi is the Mana Knight* To check Pandora. My informants have...informed me that there's some type of zombie problem going on down there. That's what you get when you live next to an ancient temple, I guess. *turns to leave again*
Randi: Well, what about me?
Jema: *sighing* *Really does NOT want Randi accompanying him to Pandora* Y'know, Randi, that rusty sword of yours doesn't look very heroic. There's a good blacksmith down in Gaia's Navel who can help you make it look all nice and shiny.
Randi: *interest piqued* Really? What's his name?
Jema: *irritated* Huh? Oh. What's his name? Watts-
Randi: his name.
Jema: Right. Watts-
Randi: his name.
Jema: No! I know what you said! I'm telling you that the guy's name is Watts!
Randi: *slightly confused* Oh.
Jema: I'm leaving. Farewell, Luka. *leaves, stomping/sloshing through the water*
Luka: Well, there's only one thing left for you, Randi. Go ahead.
Randi: ...What?
Luka: Why, seal the Seed, of course!
Randi: Oh. Right. * takes out the Mana Sword and climbs onto the highest step of the platform and tries to peer inside*
Luka: *sarcastically* Please. Just take your lovely time, why don't you? It's not as if I could die anytime soon!
Randi: *utterly chagrined*...Sorry. So, do I just raise my sword... like this-? *stops when sees the Seed float*
*The Seed beeps, emitting a shockwave that sends Randi flying –to eventually crash into Luka*
Luka: *appalled* Why you...you pervert! Get off of me! *screeches* GET OFF!
Randi: *disentangles himself from Luka's robes and is awarded with yet another scratch* I...I didn't mean to! Ow! * To escape Luka's claws, speeds out of the building*
Luka: *throws a spear at Randi, barely missing his head by a fingernail's width and instead hitting a marble column*
Randi: *stops to take the spear from the column and looks wide-eyed back at Luka through the doorway, then runs, resting only when the Water Palace is out of sight*
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Sayermyst: You like? Oui?