DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any of these characters (although I
would love Luka to be mine!). They are
the property of the people at NBC and/or whoever else owns them…Please don't
sue me, I am not making any money off this fic!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place right after "Rampage." Sorry if I take some liberties with things
that have happened earlier in the plot – I missed some episodes last season!
Also…
Please, please, please r/r!!! I will write more if I get positive feedback (but also tell me
what you don't like). But be kind, as
this is my first fic. Thanks! Okay, now with all that out of the way, here
goes…
THE DARKEST DAY
The roof was always the place she came when she needed to
think. And on this day, above all
others, she needed to think. Abby
Lockhart stared out across the rooftops of Chicago, listening to a siren
wailing in the distance. Heading to
County? She hoped not, because if a
trauma were coming in she would have to climb down and face him. And she knew she wasn't ready to do that. Would she ever be ready?
"This friendship is convenient for you, Abby, but not for
me…I don't want to wish bad things for you and Luka…I don't want to be the one
you come to to talk about him…"
The conversation of a few short hours ago filtered through
Abby's mind as she continued staring blankly across the city. Her thoughts fell fragmented through her
brain as she searched to find some sense in this. Carter. In love. With me. It was amazing that she had never realized it before. She thought now of the trip to Oklahoma to
pick up Maggie. Was Carter's motivation
for going with her purely friendly?
Now, she doubted it. That hurt.
But what hurt most of all was the fact that he didn't even
want to be friends anymore. Carter, her
best friend, her confidant. Carter, the
only person she had ever really opened up to.
Abby could not imagine not being able to talk to him about Maggie, or
Richard, or Luka, or…anything. She
hugged her arms to her body, trying to dispel the sudden chill that had come
over her. Feeling the prick of tears,
she fought them fiercely. Even alone on
the roof she could not cry. It seemed
that she was incapable of shedding tears anymore – that ability had gone with
her childhood, probably around age seven.
Abby was at a loss as to who she could talk to, now that
Carter had thrown their friendship away.
Luka, her heart seemed to whisper. With that thought came panic.
She knew that Luka wished she would talk to him like she did
Carter. That was part of the problem
with Luka. He wanted to get too
close. God, he had even practically
offered to pay for med school. But, she
was so afraid of letting someone love her, of loving someone else. Everyone in her life who she had loved had
ended up hurting her: her dad, Maggie, Richard, and now…Carter. She just couldn't risk getting hurt again by
Luka. Besides, when he found out what
kind of person she really was…
It was almost pitch black by the time Abby turned to leave
the roof. She was glad for the
darkness, because it masked the despair she knew showed on her face. This had been a dark day all around. The darkest day.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Kerry, have you seen Abby lately?" Dr. Luka Kovac stopped
Dr. Kerry Weaver at the end of his shift.
"No, but maybe she went home? She was due to get off a while ago, right?"
"Yeah, okay …Thanks Kerry."
Luka ran a hand through his thick, dark hair, something he only did when
he was worried or upset. He seemed to
be doing that a lot lately.
Dr. Dave Malucci, who had heard the short exchange, came up
behind Luka and slapped him on the back.
"Can't seem to keep track of your girl, huh? Man, I tell you, if I had a chick that hot, I'd never let her
outta my…" Dave broke off in midsentence, silenced (for once) by the look on
Luka's face. "Jeez, what's gotten into
him lately?" Dave muttered as he stepped back.
Luka was fuming as he entered the locker room and collected
his belongings from his locker. Abby
had promised to wait for him after her shift, and he had been planning a nice,
romantic dinner for the two of them to share.
Anything to get her out of this funk she seemed to be in lately. She had stood him up for lunch, too, today,
and he was beginning to get weary of the casual way she treated their
relationship. He didn't mind so much
that she spent all that time with Carter; he just wished she felt as close to
him as she obviously did to Carter.
With a sigh, Luka made his way to the El. She was his girlfriend, for God's sake. Why couldn't she feel close to him? Of course, Abby was spending the night at
Luka's hotel a lot, and when they made love Luka always felt like she was
finally giving all of herself to him.
But, as soon as morning came, she was the other Abby again – distant,
even a bit cold…closed to him once again.
Climbing the stairs to Abby's apartment, Luka recalled the
first time he had been here with her.
They had both been a bit nervous, he teasing her about something –
forgotten now – and she had been laughing.
He loved her smile, her laugh.
That was something he hadn't seen in a long time. He didn't count the tight-lipped smiles she
forced for him lately. He had no idea
how he could get her to open up, to let him know what demons she was facing.
He paused at her door and then knocked softly. Oh, God, what if she's asleep? Shit.
He looked at his watch – 11:30.
So much for dinner. The door
cracked open a bit, revealing Abby's tired face. "Abby – " he began.
She sighed, and he was filled with an overwhelming urge to
gather her in his arms and hold her as she fell asleep. Whoa, Luka, slow down, he admonished
himself, she's upset, you asshole.
"Luka, I don't think…maybe this isn't…maybe you shouldn't be here right
now…" She moved to close the door.
"Wait, Abby…please let me come in," he pleaded, "tell me
what's going on." He touched her hand
through the opening in the door and she sighed again, as if resigned to the
fact that he wasn't going to leave. She
opened the door wider. Luka stepped
into her apartment and noticed that she was dressed for bed – cotton pajama
pants and a faded T-shirt that sported the County logo. Her hair was down and she was wearing no
makeup. She looked beautiful.
"Did I wake you Abby?" he asked, tearing his eyes away from
her chest, where he realized she was not wearing a bra.
She put a hand to her neck nervously. "Couldn't sleep," she responded, not looking
at him.
She looked so destroyed by something – what was it? –
that he touched her arm against his better judgment. "Talk to me Abby. What's
wrong?" A thought occurred to him and
he quickly asked, "Is this about me turning in your application?"
"That's not it…" Her face crumpled and she shuddered. "Oh, Luka, my whole life is so messed up
right now…I'm so scared." He could see
her struggling not to cry, and it shocked him.
He had never seen her cry, not even when her mother had been brought in
to County with an overdose of sleeping pills.
He threw away his reservations and wrapped his arms around her. She turned, burying her face in his
shirt. He led her to the couch and they
sat down, still wrapped in each other's arms.
She was gasping now, half-sobs coming like waves from her throat.
Luka held her closer.
"It's okay, Abby, you can cry.
Cry now, honey, it's just me."
Her back got tighter and tighter from the unshed tears, until she could
hold them in no longer. She finally
surrendered to her tears, great sobs racking her body. Luka held her as she cried, stroking her
hair and murmuring soft words as a father would to his child.
Abby cried for what seemed like hours. Afterwards, she leaned against Luka,
exhausted. She opened her mouth to
speak, but Luka placed a finger on her lips.
"You don't have to talk about it, Abby." He gently wiped her red eyes with a tissue.
"No," she whispered, "I need to." Luka listened as Abby chokingly told him of her life – about
Maggie, about Richard, about her alcoholism, about Carter. He did not say a word the entire time, just
rubbed her back and made encouraging sounds into her ear. Finally, when she could say no more, she
fell asleep in Luka's arms.
When he was sure she was sleeping soundly, Luka gently
lifted Abby up and carried her to her bedroom, laying her on her bed. He brushed the hair from her wet face, and she
shifted, her eyelids fluttering open.
"Shhh, Abby, just go back to sleep," he whispered.
She clung to his hand.
"Please don't leave me. Please,
Luka."
"Never." Kissing her
forehead, he laid down beside her, enfolding her in his arms. It was in this position that Abby finally
fell asleep.
