DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone, of course…
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here it is – the second chapter of "Life After Rampage." For a reference point, this takes place right after the first chapter, so read that one first to understand. As always, please r/r.
Also, I changed the censor to PG-13, just in case, cause I don't know what coming chapters will bring…
SLEEPLESS NIGHT
As he listened to his girlfriend's even breathing, Luka's mind was reeling. He had heard bits and pieces of Abby's story before, but never in such heart-wrenching detail as she had shared with him that night. He supposed he should be glad that she had finally opened up to him – and he really was, for the most part. But part of him wished he did not know everything, so he could go on happily in his naïveté. What you don't know can't hurt you, right? But he did know, and he would never be the same.
He watched as Abby's chest moved up and down with the cadence of deep sleep. She looked so peaceful lying there, and his heart broke again as he recalled her words from just hours before.
I had so few friends in school because I couldn't invite anyone over to my house…not with Maggie so unpredictable and embarrassing…
Oh, Abby, why are kids so
cruel? And we adults aren't much
better, are we?
I started drinking in fifth grade, anything to escape what was happening at home…but then I couldn't stop…
I'm sorry, Abby.
When Richard came along, I thought I'd finally found
someone who loved me despite my family and problems…but then he'd get drunk too
and I knew…
But you stayed, even though he didn't love you.
He started to hit me…so I finally left.
I'm sorry, Abby. So sorry.
But none of these revelations hurt Luka as much as what she had said last. He closed his eyes, attempting to shut out the words, but they came, unbidden.
I was pregnant. I
couldn't have the baby, couldn't give it the same empty childhood, couldn't risk
bringing another sick child into the world, couldn't bring up a baby in a
loveless marriage…I had an abortion. I
killed my baby. Richard never even
knew. I killed my baby…I killed my
daughter, my little girl…Oh God, I'm so sorry…I killed her…
Luka put his hand to his
face and discovered he was crying. He
eased out of Abby's embrace on the bed and stumbled into a chair across the
room. Ah, God, another child dead. How could this happen? Luka's shoulders shook with silent sobs as
he felt this loss almost as acutely as the loss of his own children, Jasna and
Marco. As with that other loss, he also
felt a burning, consuming anger. Not at
the Serbs this time, but at the beautiful woman lying on the bed two steps away
from him. How could she? his heart cried. Didn't she know that there were hundreds, thousands, millions of
children killed everyday? Didn't she
know there was enough heartache in the world without adding to it? Didn't she know how much he would have given
to turn back the clock and protect Jasna and Marco from their deaths? Luka sobbed as his anger and grief
threatened to take him over.
Forgive. Luka looked up, almost sure the gentle voice
had come from somewhere in the room. He
heard it again. Forgive. The voice
sounded remarkably like that of the Bishop's, but perhaps that was just in his
head as well. The voice was
persistent. Forgive, he heard again, and this time the voice was
Daniella's. "No," he whispered, but
then – what if he did? What if he
forgave? What would it cost? More pain? No. He realized that it was the only
thing to do – that or live with his anger forever. Forgive, he heard again,
and this time he said, "yes."
Looking out the window,
Luka noticed that the sun was already coming up. A new day. And maybe, just
maybe, a day that would bring even more healing than had already taken place on
this sleepless night.