DISCLAIMER: You know what I'm going to say…
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Chapter 7…takes place right after chapter 6…Carter's POV…please r/r of course…
SECOND THOUGHTS
What am I doing? I stand alone on the roof, dumbfounded. I just lost her. Gave her up. And while there is a sense of relief – I know it was the right thing to do – I feel such loss. I feel like my heart has been wrenched out of my chest and there it lies, on the ground, to be trampled. I sink to the ground, wanting to cry.
What came over me while I was talking to Luka? I smiled at him, shook his hand, told him we could be friends. And I said I'd meet them – both of them – for dinner? What was I thinking? I must have been delirious, or something. If I didn't know better, I'd think I had been taking pills again.
The asshole. Who did he think he was, acting all buddy-buddy with me? Easy for him, he got the girl. A dinner invitation. What did he think, that I'd be all happy about it? Sure, I acted like I was (again, what was I thinking?), but did he really expect that to be true?
My emotions are going haywire – relief, loss, anger, hate, regret, love…I can't believe that I actually gave Luka my blessing to marry the woman that I love. How could I? I know why I did it – she would have never been happy with me – but I still can't help but think that I should have waited. (But for what? She's marrying the guy.)
I do know one thing. I can't go to dinner with them. The thought almost makes me laugh, it's so ridiculous. Tag along on their date? Right. Why did I ever accept Luka's invitation?
Because, in my heart, I want to mend things with them, both of them. She does love me, even if it's not in the way I long for her to love me. She has been my best friend, and somehow the loss of that friendship hurts even more than the loss of the possibility of a romantic relationship with her. And Luka – he tried, he really did. I try to see myself in his place. I imagine me as Abby's fiancé and Luka trying to steal her heart. I don't think I would have handled it as calmly as he did. So maybe I owe him. Or something.
But, still, I can't see myself going over to Doc Magoo's. They're probably waiting for me right now. To see them together still hurts. I feel pulled in two very opposite directions. I decide to skip dinner tonight and just go home.
But then, I find myself walking across the street to Doc's, against my better judgment. It's like I'm not in control of my actions anymore and a stronger force is making my feet move, one in front of the other. Why am I doing this?
I arrive at the door and see them sitting in a booth near the window. Luka looks up as I walk in and as he sees me, his face changes. I think that my own face must be betraying my reluctance and he, somehow, understands. He stands up, and with a short word to Abby, comes my way. I meet him halfway to their table and he smiles hesitantly. Not a word is spoken between us, and he continues walking until he is out the door. I understand, and for the second time tonight I am amazed at this man. He is actually going to leave me alone with her. I watch him leave, grateful.
I slide into the booth, sitting opposite Abby. "Hey," she says softly.
"Hey…" I return her greeting. I look at her, mesmerized for a moment by her beauty. And suddenly, I have no idea what to say. I will think of something, though…
***Ahh…want to know what he says? I'll leave that to your imagination! J Some details may reveal themselves in future chapters, so be patient! ~kate