Disclaimer: I own none of the characters here. In fact, I'm pretty sure Joss would not approve of the way I'm twisting his characters, so don't tell him.


Author's note: This installment of the story takes a different turn and veers off into pure fantasy. But that's what fic is for, right? Enjoy, I hope.



Downward Spiral



Giles sat in his living room with piles of books surrounding him. He had recently acquired several rare and ancient books from a dealer that Willow had discovered on the Internet. He had been engrossed in them for three days now, barely wanting to tear himself away.


He had decided to take a sort of mini vacation, leaving Anya in charge of the magic shop. She had been back from her honeymoon for a little over a month, and was grateful for the extra hours to help pay off the trip.


Giles had been particularly fascinated and disturbed by a particular book. It was written entirely in archaic Latin, and was taking him some time to translate. What he had uncovered so far had stunned him and disturbed him. He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to share this new information with anyone, especially Buffy.

*********************************************************************

Buffy sat alone in her room. It was nearly noon time and she was still not dressed. She had been so tired that she had slept in late, which was something she rarely did. It was Saturday, so she hadn't had to take Dawn to school. She had sent Spike back to his place last night, claiming she was just too exhausted for anything other than sleep. He had complained, but went anyway.


They had slayed an average amount of vampires that night, but even then she wasn't at her best. She had no idea what was wrong with her. Maybe she just needed a break? She thought. She got up off the bed and headed to the shower.


She passed Dawn in the hall.


"You're finally up? What's wrong with you?" Dawn asked, noticing the bags under her eyes.


"Nothing. I'm just tired, that's all. I think I need a vacation." She yawned.


"Do Slayer's get paid time off?" Dawn teased her.


"Actually Slayers don't get paid anything." Buffy said shaking her head.


"That's really lame. Giles gets paid and stuff, and all he does watch while you do all the work." Dawn said thoughtfully.


"I know. Life sucks. But destiny calls." She said with a sigh. "I'm gonna take a shower."


Dawn let her pass and she headed downstairs. When she reached the bottom she heard a knock at the door. She went to answer it and found Willow standing there with a big smile.


"Hey Dawnie. Is Buffy here?" She asked cheerfully.


"She's taking a shower. Come in and wait if you want." She said letting Willow inside.


"Is she just getting up? It's lunchtime already." Willow said curiously. "Is she sick?"


"No. She's fine, just tired. She says she needs a vacation." Dawn said shrugging her shoulders.


"Oh, well I just wanted to see if she wanted some lunch or something. Then I thought maybe we could go shopping. Tara's busy today and Buffy and I haven't hung out just the two of us in a long time." Willow explained. "What are your plans? You wanna come hang out with us?"


"Nah, one of my friends is coming over and we're gonna hang at the mall." Dawn told her.


They sat down in the living room and chatted until they heard Buffy get out of the shower and her bedroom door close. Willow said she was gonna go up talk to Buffy. She went upstairs and knocked on the door.


"Hey, Will." Buffy said with a smile as her friend peeked in.


"Late start today, huh?" Willow asked with a grin.


"Yeah. I think dating a vampire is rubbing off on me. You know, up all night, sleep all day." Buffy said with a laugh. "So what's up? Please don't tell me there's a new evil lurking, cause right now I don't care."


"No, no evil, just an offer of lunch and shopping." Willow told her.


"That's sounds fun. Just us?"


"Yup. Sound cool?"


"It's sounds great. Let me just finish getting dressed." Buffy told her going to her closet to find something suitable.


They walked downstairs and told Dawn goodbye. Her friend was on her way over to pick Dawn up and Buffy made her promise to lock up and not get into trouble. Dawn rolled her eyes and agreed. Buffy and Willow got into Buffy's car.


"Being a parent is a lot harder than I thought it would be." Buffy said thoughtfully.


"Well, you're not exactly a parent Buffy. You're her sister." Willow explained.


"I know, but I have to be both. Without mom here...Well, it's just a lot of responsibility. I have to do all these grown up things like pay bills, and pick up dry cleaning. Plus, I have to make sure Dawn does her homework, doesn't start dating inappropriate boys, and doesn't start smoking pot or something. Plus, I have to save the world from evil nasties on a nightly basis. It's all a little much sometimes." Buffy complained.


Willow felt sympathy for Buffy. She knew it had been hard for her to do everything. Willow didn't know how she did it all.


"No wonder you're tired. Buffy, if you need help or something, let me know. I can run errands or something." Willow offered.


"No, it's okay Will. I'm just ranting. I'll be okay. Nothing that a hot fudge sundae wouldn't cure." She said with a smile.


They headed to a small restaurant for lunch. They sat down and Buffy stared at the menu. She was really hungry. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before and now she couldn't make up her mind.


"It all sounds good. I'm starving." She told Willow as she inspected the menu. "If I ordered one of everything, would that be pushing it?" She joked.


"You might not fit into your slaying clothes if you ate all that." Willow teased her.


Buffy finally settled on a club sandwich and pasta salad. They sat and chatted while they waited for their food.


"So, have you had to listen to Anya explain the honeymoon in detail yet?" Willow asked Buffy rolling her eyes.


"Don't remind me. I had to hear about how they decided to have sex on the beach just like in the movies. But that it isn't as romantic as it seems because sand gets into the unmentionable places. And that's the PG-13 version. I got the full story." Buffy laughed, cringing at the memory.


"Eww!" Willow said making a face. "I got the story about the French maid costume. Enough said." Willow said shaking her head.


"God, she talks way too much, doesn't she?" Buffy said laughing. "Poor Xander, he has no private life anymore."


Just then, the waiter came and put their food in front of them. Willow started eating and Buffy just stared at her food.


"What's wrong? I thought you were starving. Is there a hair in your sandwich or something?" Willow asked noticing Buffy's odd look.


"No." Buffy said making a face. "I'm suddenly not hungry. In fact, I'm feeling a little puky." She said, taking a deep breath.


"Oh...Maybe we shouldn't have been talking about icky Anya sex stories before lunch." Willow said concerned.


"Yeah, maybe." Buffy agreed, pushing her food away. "I'll be right back." She said, jumping up and heading for ladies room.


Willow stared after her worried. It wasn't like Buffy to get sick at all. She wondered if all the stress had just gotten to her too much. Willow waited and Buffy emerged a few minutes later. She looked better.


"Feel better?" Willow asked.


"Yeah. I'm fine. False alarm. I'm good to go." Buffy said taking a deep breath and taking a bite of her sandwich.


They finished lunch and Buffy was able to keep everything down. She wasn't sure why she had suddenly felt so sick, and then it was gone. Maybe it was the sex talk? But that had never bothered her before. She shrugged it off and continued enjoying the rest of their girls day out.

*********************************************************************


That night, Spike stopped by to see Buffy. He figured that she'd want to do a quick patrol and then maybe go out and do something fun for a change. He knew she liked dancing, so maybe he'd take her to the Bronze, he thought.


She opened the door and smiled at him. He kissed her hello and they sat down on the couch.


"So...You want to kill something and then go dancing?" He asked with a smile.


"No killing, I'm on vacation." She said with a smile.


"Vacation? Since when?" He asked her with a smirk.


"Since I woke up this morning, or well afternoon actually. I decided I was ready for a little Buffy time off. I don't plan on killing anything evil for at least a week if I can help it." She said with a smile.


"Okay...But you know, evil doesn't generally take holiday." He told her.


"Well, then seeing as how you're my devoted sidekick, you can fill in for me." She said teasing him.


"I'm not a sidekick." He said haughtily. "I am your equal."


Buffy laughed.


"Whatever you say...Regardless of your official title, you can still do it cause I'm taking a breather."


"That's not like you. Is something wrong?" He asked her concerned.


"No. Why does everyone keep asking me that? Normal people take vacations. Just because I don't get paid doesn't mean I'm not entitled." She said defending herself.


"First Giles, and now you." Spike said shaking his head.


"What do you mean?"


"He's on holiday too. At least that's what Anya said. She's strutting around the magic shop on a major power trip. He left her in charge." Spike told her.


"Well, where did he go? He didn't tell me. He's my Watcher. What if I need him to watch something?" She pouted.


"I think his idea of vacation is being locked in his apartment with a pile of books." Spike said jokingly, not having any idea that that's what he had actually done.


"You're probably right." She laughed. She decided that tomorrow she would go see if he was still at his place. She would be hurt if he had gone away and not told her.

********************************************************************


The next day Buffy awoke earlier. She was still feeling tired and figured she probably shouldn't have gone out dancing last night. But she figured time off should include fun, so she went. Spike had taken her home, but he hadn't stayed again. He was starting to wonder if she was tired of him already. It wasn't their usual routine.


He had prided himself on the fact that they had a very active love life, but lately she had been pushing him away. He was starting to get concerned. He thought that taking her out for a normal evening would make her feel better, but it apparently hadn't worked. He kept his worries to himself.


Buffy got dressed and headed out to Giles' place. She pulled up went to his door. She knocked loudly and waited. After a few minutes, she knocked again. She looked around and saw his car in the lot, so unless he had taken a cab to the airport or something, he was still there. Finally, the door opened revealing a tired looking Giles.


"Hey. There you are. I heard a rumor that you were vacationing." She said with a smile. "But I knew that couldn't be true, cause we're talking about, well, you."


"Buffy. This isn't a good time. I'm sort of in the middle of something." He said nervously. He had stayed up all night deciphering the text in the book that had been occupying him. He was nearly done and more than a little shaken up.


"Giles, you look like you've been up all night. What's wrong with you?" She asked concerned. The last time he had holed himself in his apartment like this, it was bad news for everyone. She hoped that some other dark secret from his past wasn't coming back to haunt him and everyone else.


"Buffy, I'm researching something important. It requires my full attention. That's why I took a few days off from the shop." He said, allowing her to walk past him and into the room.


Buffy surveyed the books lying everywhere and started laughing to herself.


"Spike was right. This is your idea of a vacation." She chuckled.


"What?" Giles asked perplexed.


"Nothing. Never mind." She said stifling her laughter. "So what's in this pile of old stinky books that's so important? Please tell me it isn't some sort of research that involves me having to face another apocalypse." She groaned.


"No, Buffy. This isn't anything like that." He said cautiously. He didn't want to tell her what he was up to. She wasn't ready to hear it, he didn't think.


"Well then what? Watcher stuff?" She asked, her curiosity killing her.


"Yes, it's Watcher 'stuff'." He said hesitantly. "Did you come here for a reason, Buffy?" He finally asked.


"What? I need a reason? I just wanted to see what was up? I heard you were taking time off and wanted to see it for myself." She said, not understanding why he was acting so bizarre.


"Oh, well...Alright. Would you like something to drink? I just made some tea." He asked her.


"Nah, I'm fine." She said watching him go to the kitchen to make his tea. She walked over to the couch and sat down. She had to move books and papers out of her way to make room. She sat on a notebook and pulled it out from under her. She glanced down and saw some of the words written in Giles' handwriting.


Origins of the Vampire Slayer She read. Her interest was peaked. This is what she had been wanting to know about. She started to flip through it and Giles snatched it out of her hand.


"Hey." She said irritated.


"That is not for you to read." He said briskly.


"Uh, it's about me, Giles. What do you mean 'it's not for me to read'?" She asked, confused.


"It's just that...Well Buffy, I'm not through with my research and I'd rather you not read anything until I can be certain I have all the facts." He said trying to cover his tracks.


"Does this say where I come from? What I am?" She asked curiously.


"Well, it does give some insight, yes, but as I said, It's not complete." He said scratching his head.


"Well, let me read what you have so far. This is great Giles. Where did you get this information? From the council?" She asked him excitedly.


"No, I obtained a rare book from the Internet. Willow suggested I look there. I'm not entirely sure the council has access to this particular text, and if they do, well, they aren't sharing." And he understood why.


"Well, hand it over. I want to know." She said determined.


"Buffy, I'm not certain you're ready to hear about this." He said softly.


Buffy felt her stomach drop. It was bad news. She was something horrible and Giles didn't want to tell her. Now she had to know.


"What is it? Am I...am I something evil?" She asked, choking the words out.


"No. Absolutely not, Buffy. You are good." He reassured her. "It's just that there are certain things you may not like, or be surprised to hear. I just want to finish up the research before I hand it over."


She looked at him with resolve.


"Tell me what you know. Now." She said calmly.


He sighed and removed his glasses to wipe them nervously. It was a habit of his and every time he was agitated, he threatened to rub a hole in the lenses.


"Are you certain you want to hear?" He asked.


"Did I stutter? Tell me." She said, more harshly than she intended. He was starting to freak her out. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be 'pushy girl' but if this about me and where I come from, I need to know. Even if it's bad."


He sighed and sat down next to her. He took the notebook out and thumbed through it. He didn't need to read the words he had translated because he had memorized it by now. He turned to face her.


"Buffy, this book that I found, it was written centuries ago. It talks about the origins of vampires." He started to explain.


"Well, we know that right? Demon infects human with its blood and voila! Vampire." She said quickly.


"Right, yes. Well, around this time when vampires were a new breed, so to speak. They hadn't entirely evolved into what we know them to be. They were very much stuck between the human and demon world."


"They still are, aren't they? I mean, they look human, but they're not." She offered, trying to be clear on what they were discussing.


"Yes, but at that time, there were less of them, and more humans. Therefore, how should I put this? Well, they desired companionship. Relationships between humans and vampires were not uncommon." He told her.


"Okay...But didn't they still feed on humans?"


"Yes, but in a lot of cases it was a mutual exchange."


"You mean like what Riley was doing?" She asked, cringing when she thought of that.


"Well, very similar." He said uncomfortably. "Vampires were able to have normal relations with their human mates and in exchange their companions would allow them to feed."


"Alright. I get that, but what does that have to do with me? Slayers?" She asked impatiently.


"I'm getting there, if you'll let me finish." He said irritated. He wasn't comfortable at all telling her this.


"Sorry."


"Well, you see during the relations at that time, it was still possible for male vampires to produce offspring. And they did, quiet often."


"Offspring? You mean, like turning other people into vampires?" She asked hopefully.


"No. With a human mate, vampires were still able to reproduce. Well...the old fashioned way." He said nervously.


"Oh...You mean their boys could still swim?" She asked with a half smile.


"Yes, exactly." He said, shaking his head at her choice of words.


"So you mean that hundreds of years ago, vampires and humans had kids together?" She asked.


"Yes, precisely. These children were anomalies. They didn't fit into either world. They were gifted with the strengths of the vampire father, yet none of their weaknesses. They had no need to drink blood, and were not harmed by sunlight. They were human in every way except these children were exceptionally strong. They were also observed to have remarkable healing powers. But the most fascinating attribute was the ability to sense vampires around them. In later times, this proved useful when the vampires numbers increased and ordinary humans could not tell them apart from non vampires." He explained to her the best he could.


Buffy listened to his words and was slowly understanding what he was getting at.


"So what does this mean?" She asked softly, already sensing the answer.


"Well, these children were eventually called upon to hunt vampires and kill them. Over time, the nature of the relationship between vampires and humans changed and evolved into what you are more familiar with. These children were chosen because of their ability to detect vampires when no one else could. Also for the fact that they were the only humans that had a strength that equaled that which they were hunting. These were the first Slayers." He added softly.


Buffy listened and took a deep breath. She wasn't really prepared for this at all. She was part vampire? That didn't make sense to her.


"Giles, are you saying I have vampire blood in me? That I'm some sort of vampire hybrid?" She asked unhappily.


"Well, Buffy. Yes. That's what a Slayer is." He said quietly, knowing she was most likely in shock to know of her origins.


"But that can't be? I mean my dad isn't a vampire. And I thought that vampires shoot blanks now. That's what Angel told me." She said becoming panicky.


"They do. Vampires of today do not reproduce. And, your father is not a vampire. It has to do with blood lines, Buffy. Somewhere, probably hundreds of years ago, someone in your ancestry was involved with a vampire and it resulted in a child. That child had children and so on." He reassured her.


"But then how come I'm the only one in my family that's a Slayer? Why me?" She asked desperately.


"I don't know that, Buffy. Perhaps there were others in the past that you are not aware of. Maybe they were never called and no one would know about them." Giles said scratching his head.


"This is all a little too freaky. I have fang blood in me? This is creepy." She said shuddering at the thought.


"Well, those aren't the terms I would use..." He said to her, knowing how conflicted she must be feeling.


"So, these children...Were there boys too? I mean, is it possible that there is some boy Slayers?" She asked curiously.


"Well, no. That's another fascinating thing. It was only possible for male vampires to conceive children. Female vampires could not carry a human child. And a male vampires offspring was always female."


"Why is that?"


"Well, I told you that the research wasn't complete. But I do know that over time, the original Slayers had children of their own. Human children. The Slayer blood became weakened and tainted, threatening to kill off all Slayers and plunging the world into darkness without a champion to carry on the fight. The Powers stepped in and every hundred and fifty years, someone is chosen to secure the bloodline." He said, not wanting to delve any further. It was too unpleasant for him.


"Secure the bloodline? It sounds like we're talking about some kind of show dogs here, Giles. What does that mean?" She asked desperately, afraid of the answer.


"Well, Buffy...It's...Well, the Powers make it possible for a human and a vampire to...Well..." He said stuttering over the words. He just couldn't spit them out.


Buffy felt her heart threatening to beat out of her chest and she felt a little dizzy.


"Allows them to do what?" She whispered.


"Allows them to reproduce, thus ensuring that the Slayer legacy never dies off." He said quickly and quietly.


"Oh my god." She said, starting to panic. "They are so not talking about me, are they?" She asked frantically.


"I don't know who they are talking about. I think they are just talking in general terms, here." He said nervously, trying to put her at ease.


"Giles, tell the truth. What aren't you telling me? I can tell that you're holding back." She said pressing him for more information.


Giles looked at her and then rose to his feet again. He went over to a locked cabinet and removed a large scroll. He was a reproduction of the prophecy that had given them details as to Buffy's resurrection and the news of her and Spike's connection. He sat down and rolled the scroll open.


"What is this? Is this the prophecy?" She asked, staring at the yellowed paper.


"Yes. I've been studying it again, ever since I have obtained this new book. There are some things that I believe I misinterpreted the first time." He said sheepishly.


"Like what? And what does this have to do with where Slayers come from?" She asked, standing up and beginning to pace. She was not happy with where the conversation was turning. And now he was bringing out the prophecy again. She hated that stupid thing, regardless of the fact it was the reason she was living and breathing again.


"Well, it does speak of a dark warrior and a warrior for the light being brought together out of love. You two were chosen to create that balance. That much I understood. The rest was a little harder to interpret. It mentioned out of that love would be borne the power to fight the coming darkness. I took that to mean it would give you both strength. Strength enough to fight. But now it seems I have read it wrong." He said shaking his head once more.


"Wrong how?" She said putting her head into her hands.


"Well, on further inspection and with this new knowledge, it seems that you two were indeed chosen..." He started and she interrupted.


"Don't say it, Giles." She said knowing what was coming next. "Please don't say it."


"Buffy..." He said sympathetically.


"No, just stop. You're trying to tell me that 'borne' doesn't mean strength, it mean 'born' as in babies, right?" She said beginning to feel faint.


"Yes, I believe so. I've read it over and over and it now becomes clearer that the balance that they referred to was not you and Spike, but what your love would create. A child." He said softly, not wanting to hear the words out of his mouth.


Buffy started pacing around frantically. Her head was spinning. This wasn't happening, she told herself.


"This isn't true. It can't be. Why me? Why was I chosen for this? I hate this prophecy. Is this why they brought me back? So I could further a bloodline? Like I'm some sort of breeding animal?" She said with tears in her eyes. She was not ready to face this, not ever. She was having a hard enough time dealing with Dawn and everything else. She couldn't handle this.


"Buffy, no. In their eyes it's a great honor. This child, if it ever comes to be, will be vital to the universe. It's strength unmatched." He said, trying to find some sort of upside to whole ordeal.


"In whose eyes? Cause not in mine. I don't want to have a baby, Giles. Not now..." She said desperately collapsing onto the couch crying.


He reached out and patted her back lovingly.


"Buffy, it doesn't say now. It's probably several years away. And you can always stop it. Just don't do it. Protect yourself. Damn them and their stupid prophecy! This is your life." He said getting angry at the Powers who made these decisions.


He hated knowing that everything was about tests and furthering their agendas. To them, a Slayer was merely a tool. The council shared that inhuman view. But to Giles, his Slayer was much more than that. She was a girl, a woman, someone who had thoughts and feelings. She had a life and damn them if they were going to condemn her to something she didn't want.


Buffy continued to cry and looked up at Giles with tear stained cheeks.


"Giles...I'm late." She said breaking into sobs again.


He looked at her puzzled. It hardly seemed the time for her to up and leave.


"Well, if there's someplace you need to be, go. We'll talk about this later." He said calmly.


She looked at him and shook her head.


"No, Giles. I'm late." She said more firmly, looking into his eyes for a glimmer of recognition and getting nothing. "Okay, let me spell this out to you...What does it mean when a girl says that to a guy?" She said exasperated.


Giles looked at her and finally caught on. He felt his own tears beginning to form.


"Oh dear God, Buffy. You mean?" He said, but couldn't utter the words.


"Yes! Like really late. But I didn't think about it. I mean, I've been under a lot of stress and it never even occurred to me. I mean this sort of thing is not supposed to happen." She said trying to pull herself together.


"Well, maybe it is stress. How have you been otherwise?" He asked, trying to rationalize.


"Tired, nauseous, especially right now. This can't be happening. I'm not ready. I mean, I can't have a baby. They're all needy and stuff. I'm too needy to have someone else needing me. I've got Dawn, and that's enough." She whined.


"Oh dear...Well, let's not jump to conclusions. You don't know anything for certain. Until you know for sure, you should remain calm and then after that..." He started.


"Then we can panic?" She asked anxiously.


"Yes, then we can panic." He said shaking his head.

************************************************************


Buffy was completely numb. She had no idea what to do at all. As if everything weren't strange and complicated enough, something completely out of left field blindsided her. If it was true, she didn't know how tell everyone. What would they say? They'd freak out. And Spike? He would have a fit. He'd probably take off and leave her alone. She wouldn't blame him really, she'd like to run away herself, only she couldn't.


She clutched the brown paper bag to her chest and walked into her house. Dawn was waiting by the door.


"There you are. I wondered where you went. Are we going to have dinner or am I on my own?" She asked irritated.


Buffy glared at her.


"Not now, Dawn. I'm not feeling well. I'm going upstairs." She said sadly.


"So I guess I'm on my own. Some parent you are." Dawn teased her.


Buffy whirled around and looked at her devastated.


"What?" She asked, near tears.


"I was just kidding, Buffy. Geez. Go lay down. You look terrible. I'll be fine." She said, feeling bad for her comment, although she didn't understand why it bothered her so much.


Buffy turned and went up the stairs. She locked herself in the bathroom and began crying again. She pulled out the contents of her paper bag and set them on the counter. She had bought two tests, just in case. She sighed and unwrapped them.


She sat there blinded by tears as she held the two little sticks in her hands. Both of them bright pink. She didn't know what to do except cry. Her entire world had been turned upside down in one day. She was going to be a parent. She and Spike were going to be parents. How hilarious was that? He wasn't even human. She was carrying some sort of freakish, fangy baby. Even though Giles had assured her that the baby, if there was one, would be just like her, only even stronger. She feared she would have to slit her wrists to feed it instead of the usual breastfeeding, but Giles had set her straight.


She heard the knock at the door and wiped her tears. She stuffed the tests into the garbage and moved some tissues and the empty paper bag over it.


"Are you okay in there?" Dawn asked concerned for her sister. She had been in there for thirty minutes.


"I'm fine." She said opening the door. Dawn could tell she'd been crying.


"Buffy, your eyes are all puffy. Were you crying? Did something happen?" She asked touching Buffy's arm.


"No. I'm okay. It's nothing. I'm just going to lay down."


Dawn let her go, but knew there was something she wasn't telling her. Dawn walked into the bathroom and started brushing her hair. Her friend had called and asked if she wanted to come over for dinner, seeing as how Buffy was sick. Dawn was just freshening up.


She picked up some earrings off the counter and went to put them in. She fumbled with the catch on one of them and dropped it. It bounced off the counter and straight into the trash.


"Oh gross." She mumbled to herself. "That's gonna need some serious disinfecting."


She reached down and rooted through the garbage. She found the earring and pulled it out. Just then, she glanced down and saw the crumpled boxes that Buffy tried to hide.


"Early pregnancy test..." She read aloud to herself, and then gasped. She lifted up the paper bag and saw the two test sticks staring at her in all their pinkness. She read the back of the box. "Pink is positive...Oh my god!"


She threw the garbage back down and tossed the earring back onto the counter. She washed her hands and stared at her reflection. She was in total shock. Buffy was pregnant? It couldn't be. Spike couldn't have kids, Buffy had told her that once.


"God...she's cheating on him." She said to her reflection. She instantly felt bad for Spike and more than a little angry at Buffy. She never would have thought that she would do something like this. Dawn thought that she loved Spike. They were like a family to her. For Buffy to be pregnant with some strange guys baby made Dawn sick.


She wanted to confront Buffy, but decided against it. She wasn't going to get into this now. She needed time to think. She wondered what Buffy was going to do or if she was going to tell her at all. Dawn heard someone at the door and she ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs. She assumed it was her friend to pick her up.


She opened the door and was surprised to see Spike standing there.


"Hey little one. Is Buffy around?" He asked walking inside with a smile.


Dawn looked at him with sad eyes, feeling sorry for him.


"What's wrong? Why are you looking as if someone died?" He joked, then he turned serious. "Someone didn't die, did they?"


"No, nothing like that. Um, Buffy's upstairs. She's not feeling well." Dawn said, hoping he might go away. She hated that she knew a secret and was dying to talk to someone but he wasn't the one she should be telling.


"She's sick? She's gonna be okay, right? Maybe I should check on her?" He said concerned.


"No, she's fine. You should just go home and see her later." Dawn said, pushing him towards the door.


"Okay, you're awfully eager to get rid of me. Does she have another boyfriend up there, or something?" He teased her. Then he noticed the stricken look on Dawn's face. His eyes grew wider. "She doesn't, does she?" He asked quietly.


"No. Of course not. Geez, Spike. She's just probably sleeping or something." She said nervously.


Just then a horn honked and Dawn saw her friend's car. She waved and turned to Spike.


"I have to go now. I left Buffy a note, but you really should just leave her alone, I think." Dawn said grabbing her things and trying to pull Spike out the door with her.


He instantly knew there was something wrong and he wasn't going to go away.


"You go have fun. I'm going to check on her. If she's sleeping, I'll go." He said firmly, suspicious of Dawn's behavior.


She sighed and forced a smile.


"Okay. Tell her I'll be back around nine." She mumbled and took off down the walkway.


Spike closed the door and headed up the stairs. He mumbled to himself.


"She better not have someone else up there..."


He stood by her door and started to knock. He heard the soft sounds of her crying and he got a quizzical look on his face. He knocked lightly.


"Dawn, just leave me alone for awhile." She said, sadly.


He pushed open the door and saw her laying on her bed with used tissues around her. She sat up startled that it was him instead of her sister. She swept the tissues off the bed and wiped her eyes.


"Spike. I didn't know it was you. Where's Dawn?" She asked.


"She went to a friends. She said she'd be back around nine. Buffy, what's wrong with you. She said you were sick, but you look more sad than anything." He asked, moving over to her and putting his arms around her.


She held him tight and tried not to cry again.


"Oh Spike...Everything is a mess." She said sadly.


"Tell me what it is. Maybe I can help." He said concerned for her as he stroked her hair.


"You can't help. Something terrible has happened." She said, not sure if she should tell the truth or not. Eventually he'd figure it out.


He pulled back and looked into her eyes trying to read her. All he saw was confusion and despair.


"What sort of terrible thing? Is it your friends? Something happen to one of them?"


"No...It happened to me." She sniffled.


He looked at her and immediately got an angry expression. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair nervously.


"Did someone hurt you? If they did, I'll kill them. We're they human? Doesn't matter. Screw the chip! What happened? Who hurt you?" He asked full of rage at the thought of anything terrible happening to her. Whatever it was had been bad enough o force her to tears.


"Nobody hurt me, Spike. You don't have to kill anyone." She said shaking her head. "It's something else. Something that will change everything and I don't want anything to change."


He looked at her perplexed. He had no idea what she was talking about.


"Buffy, just tell me." He finally said.


"You're gonna be mad. And you probably won't believe me anyway."


He was getting impatient.


"Just tell me. I promise I won't get mad."


"You can't promise me that. You have no idea what I'm going to say, and believe me, you aren't going to like it." She said sadly.


"Okay...Now you're starting to worry me. What's this all about? Are you breaking up with me? I thought maybe you might be, since you've been kicking me out of your bed lately. Are you tired of me? Is that it? Have I done something to upset you? Because I think I've been pretty damn good lately. I haven't tried to kill anything that I'm not supposed to, I haven't hatched any evil plans. For god's sake, I was best man in Xander's wedding. What more do you want from me?" He ranted as he paced before her.


He wasn't ready to face the possibility that she was done with him. He couldn't deal with it.


"Is there someone else? Is it Angel? Did he come back again? I should have known that would happen..." He continued his tangent. She finally had heard enough and interrupted him.


"I'm pregnant." She blurted out.


She watched as he stopped pacing and his eyes turned watery from tears that were threatening to fall. He felt as if he were hit with a ton of bricks. He felt dizzy. He was beyond shocked at her statement. Then the rage started to build.


"You're what?" He spat out angrily.


"You heard me." She said softly. She knew he would be mad.


"You bitch." He finally said to her hatefully.


She tried to bite back the tears that were spilling from her eyes. She couldn't believe he had said that to her.


"Spike..." She tried to plead with him.


"How could you do this to me? I loved you. I risked everything for you. You said you loved me. Only me. And you let someone else...Someone else put their hands on you and made you pregnant? You're disgusting!" He said with bitter contempt, running his hands through his tensely.


He grabbed a lamp that was on her dresser and hurled it at the wall. It smashed into a million pieces. She screamed at him.


"Stop it! Would you just listen to me? I didn't cheat on you!" She cried to him.


"Yeah? Why don't I believe that? Oh right. Cause your all used up and knocked up. And see, I can't do that."


The thought of another man touching her made him sick. She was his to have, no one else. It certainly explained why she had been distant lately. She needed him gone so this mystery man could move into his place in her bed.


She cried harder and stood to her feet angrily.


"You did do this to me, you pig! I didn't cheat on you. You did this." She said shoving him hard and he stumbled against her dresser, knocking things to the floor.


He stared at her in disbelief.


"I'm supposed to believe that? What fantasy world are you living in Buffy? I'm a vampire. We don't get people pregnant. I can't believe you could stand here and lie to me." He said bitterly. He walked over and looked into her teary eyes. "Who was it? Anyone I know? Was he at least good in the sack? Bet he can't make you say all those naughty things you say to me. Did he make you scream?"


"Shut up, you sick bastard! It was you who did this. You are the only one I've been with. I would tell you how it happened, but it's not like you'd care to listen anyway. I can't believe that you think that little of me. I'm not a whore, Spike. But you sure are treating me like one." She yelled at him, completely devastated. She hadn't expected he would think it was someone else. She should have realized. She never should have told him.


"Well you obviously opened your legs to someone other than me, so I think that makes you a whore." He said contemptuously.


She hauled back and punched him as hard as she could. He flew back into her dresser again, this time breaking the mirror.


"Get out! You disgust me! I can't believe I ever thought I loved someone as revolting as you. Get out!" She screamed at him.


He pulled himself together and looked at her with a disgusted look.


"Hope you and whoever will be very happy." He said sarcastically. "On second thought, I hope you both burn in hell."


She looked at him with hurt and contempt. She couldn't believe he was being so cruel to her. She looked him dead in the face.


"I'll save you a seat." She said calmly. "Now, get out. And don't ever come near me again."


He turned and walked out without looking back at her. She fell to her knees sobbing. She heard as her font door slammed loudly. The windows in her bedroom shook. She wanted to kill him at that moment. She was so distraught, that she wasn't sure what she should do. Everything was utter chaos for her.


She wiped her eyes and stood up. She ran down the stairs and out the door. She began running down the street. She could have driven, but right now she felt the need to run, almost as if she ran hard enough, she could outrun her heartbreak and her so called destiny, that she was starting to despise.



She headed towards Giles' house. She needed to see someone and he was the only one she could turn to now. She reached his apartment and pounded on his door. He opened it abruptly, not prepared for the broken girl standing before him.


"Oh, Buffy...What happened?" He asked putting his arm around her shoulders and leading her in.


"Giles it's all over." She cried.


"What's over. Buffy?" He asked, unsure of exactly what she was referring to.


"Giles, I took the test. I took two of them actually. They were both pink." She said wiping her tears.


"I'm sorry Buffy." He said quietly. He knew that she was not happy about the news, and he wasn't sure he was either. He knew that her child was very important to the world, but he didn't feel it was worth it for her to suffer because of it.


"I told him. I know I shouldn't have, but he came over and I was crying. I just blurted it out. You should have heard the things he said to me, Giles." She said crying softly. "He called me a whore."


Giles felt his inner rage bubbling up to the point of exploding. How dare that creature say such a thing to the woman carrying his child. He was beyond contempt.


"He said what?" Giles asked tersely.


"He didn't think it was his. He said it was impossible and that I had to be cheating. He said I was a whore." She said again softly.


Giles yanked off his glasses and began pacing the room. He was going to find Spike and kill him. But before that, he was going to make him suffer. He had once promised Spike that if he ever hurt Buffy, he'd kill him. He was about to find out how serious he was.


"Did you try to explain?" He asked, trying to calm down.


"Sort of...not really. He was so angry and hateful, I didn't even bother." She told him forlornly. "Giles, it doesn't matter anyway."


"You're right. You don't need him. He's vile and loathsome. Buffy, I will be there for you. Your friends...we all will. You won't be alone." He said, putting his arms around her gently.


She was warmed by his words, but pulled back abruptly.


"Thank you Giles, but it doesn't matter...It doesn't matter because I'm not having this baby." She said with resolve.


He stared at her disbelieving. He hadn't expected her to say that.


"Buffy, you can't mean that." He said softly.


"Yes, I can. I do mean it. I'm not having this baby. I don't care." She said pacing around nervously.


"Buffy, I know it's your business..." He started gently.


"And it's my body. Haven't you ever heard of a woman's right to choose, Giles? I have, and I choose to not have this baby. It isn't even a baby, Giles. It's some sort of freakish thing." She said seriously.


He shook his head sadly. This didn't seem like Buffy at all. They had never discussed such personal matters before but he had always assumed she would be against such a thing.


"Buffy, I appreciate your rights, but this is not an ordinary circumstance. And You're right, it isn't an ordinary baby. This child is special. Not freakish...Important. How could you even suggest that you wouldn't have it?" He asked her, trying to be gentle, but also firm.


"Giles, I don't give a damn if I'm carrying the Golden Child. I don't want it. This thing inside me is part of him and right now the only part of him that I want is his head on a stick." She said angrily.


He looked at her sadly. He hated what had become of her. Only this morning she was her usual happy self. Now she was distraught and broken. He wished he'd never told her about anything, although he knew it wouldn't have mattered, the deed had already been done. He still felt a pang of responsibility for her heartache.


"You need some time to think. Right now, everything is confusing, I know, but I think you should reconsider, Buffy." He said softly.


She then became angry and turned to face him.


"Forget it Giles. I knew you wouldn't understand. This is not your choice. It's mine. My mind is made up. If the Powers want their precious bloodline to advance, they'll have to find someone else." She said angrily and she stormed out the door.


Giles slumped down on the couch and held his head in his hands. He wished so badly that he could fix this. Undo everything somehow, but he couldn't. The only thing he could do was ease his anger. That involved finding Spike and teaching him an important lesson.


He went to his weapons cabinet and retrieved several ominous looking items. He stuffed them into a bag and headed out the door.

**************************************************************


Buffy walked quickly through one of the graveyards. She knew she shouldn't have taken this route, but it was the quickest way home. She realized that she had left without any weapons. She had been so upset that she hadn't even thought about it.


Her mind was racing. She had made up her mind about the baby, but even so, she wondered if she could actually do it. She tried to remove all doubts from her head and keep walking. She knew this was the only way. She would have an abortion and forget all about Spike and destiny. Maybe she would take Dawn and move somewhere else? All she knew is that she was through being a pawn.


She wanted a life of her own. One not tampered with strange rules and tests, and bloodlines. None of it made sense. She had stopped caring.


She didn't hear the footsteps behind her as she was lost in thought. At the last moment, she sensed something and whirled around. It was some sort of demon and he bared his teeth at her. She kicked him hard and he stumbled back. He lunged forward and tackled her to the ground. She struggled against him and kicked at him. He was too strong and she was feeling weak.


She managed to push him off of her and rise to her feet again. He jumped up and lashed out at her with razor sharp claws. His talons sliced deep into her neck and she grabbed her throat and fell to the ground. The demon was satisfied that he had rid the world of another vile human and stalked off in search of another victim.


Buffy lay there, barely conscious as the blood poured from her neck wound. All she could think of was that she was going to find her peace again.

***********************************************************************************************

The entities were in an uproar. Their plan was going horribly wrong.


"This is not the way it was supposed to be." Assam said frantically. "She is endangering the Balance."


"I see that." Lynok said calmly, trying to think of a plan. The Powers were not going to be pleased.


"She is dying again. Lynok, we must do something."


"What would you have me do? I set the plan in motion, it was supposed to go smoothly. This girl is trouble. She never adheres to the course of things. She is strong willed and stubborn. How she ever passed the tests I don't know." Lynok said with irritation.


If the balance was not kept, he would be paying for eternity.


"Even if she were to live, she will not bear the child." Assam said sadly.


"She must."


"I told you that vampire was not to be trusted. It is because of him that she endangered herself. He was supposed to love her." Assam said tersely. He had not approved of the vampire from the beginning. Why he had been chosen was never clear to him. Lynok had had complete faith.


"And he does love her. He is unpredictable too. They are both impossible and tiresome."


They watched as Buffy lay bleeding in the graveyard. Her life beginning to slip away once more. Lynok wrung his hands in frustration. He then looked to his spirit brother.


"Bring her in." He said calmly.


"What? Bring her in? But we can't, can we?" Assam asked.


"I said bring her in. Do it." He said firmly.


Assam rose to his feet and went into another mystical chamber to prepare for her arrival.

****************************************************************


Xander and Willow were strolling through the cemetery. Buffy had told them that she was taking a break and they were filling in for her on patrol. It had been sort of a slow night, and they were chatting aimlessly trying to fill the boredom. They saw a figure lying on the ground in the distance.


"Will, look." Xander said pointing.


"Is that a vampire?" She asked, unsure of why it would be laying on the ground, unless it was having a hard time raising from the dead.


"No, it's a woman. Looks like she's been attacked." Xander said, his pulse quickening. He grabbed Willows hand and pulled her with him.


They ran to the fallen woman and both of them gasped when they realized who their victim was. Blood was everywhere.


"Oh my god..." Willow said, tears in her eyes.


Xander bent down to inspect the damage further. He rolled her head over and saw the deep slice in her neck. He fought back tears and checked for her pulse.


"She's still got a pulse. It's pretty faint. Willow, help me pick her up." He said frantically.


"Shouldn't we get an ambulance?" Willow said panicking.


"There isn't time. My car is right over there, we can make it faster." He said lifting Buffy into his arms and running with her.


"What happened to her?" Willow asked, through her tears. "She wasn't even supposed to be out here."


"I know, Will. She's gonna be fine. She has to be fine." Xander said, refusing to accept any less.


They laid her in the backseat and Willow sat with her, trying to stop the flow of blood from her neck. Xander drove quickly and they soon pulled up to the emergency room. Xander picked Buffy up and ran through the doors with her.


"Somebody help us!" He shouted.


Nurses came running up and soon she was placed onto a gurney and whisked away. Xander and Willow held each other and cried. The pain of losing her once had been almost too much for any of them to bear. A second time like this was unthinkable.


"Should we tell everyone?" Willow asked, through her tears.


"No. Not yet. Maybe we should call Giles though, but I don't want Dawn to know. If Buffy's...If she doesn't make it..." Xander said, and couldn't finish.


"I'll call Giles." Willow said, walking to the phone.


Willow returned and found Xander sitting numbly in a chair. She sat next to him.


"Giles wasn't home. I called to check on Dawn. She said she was fine and getting ready for bed. I told her Buffy was with me. I hated lying, Xander." She said tears running down her cheeks.


"I know. It'll be okay. It will." He said with more confidence than he really felt. The wound had been bad, and he saw the amount of blood she had lost. He hoped and prayed it wasn't too late.

***************************************************************


Giles walked briskly towards Spike's crypt. He had his bag over his shoulder and fire in his eyes. He was ready for a good fight, and it would be even easier for the fact that Spike couldn't fight back. Maybe it wouldn't be fair, but Giles didn't care at this point.


He threw open the door and found Spike sitting there smoking in his chair. Spike jumped up at the intrusion and normally would have been relieved to see a familiar face, but this face was in no way familiar or pleasant.


Giles marched over to Spike and punched him as hard as he could.


"You are disgusting!" He spat at him.


Spike regained his balance and glared at the Watcher.


"Why am I suddenly the bad guy, here?" Spike scoffed, trying to move away from Giles. He hated that he was afraid at all of him, but the fact that he was helpless was a big part of that. And Giles appeared ready to kill.


"You have always been the bad guy, Spike. How dare you say those things to Buffy. And how dare you walk out on her now." He said, pulling a baseball bat out of his bag. It wasn't his usual choice of weapon, but it had been a last minute addition to his arsenal.


He swung the bat and it connected harshly to the side of Spike's face. It whirled him around and onto the ground.


"That was for calling her a whore." Giles hissed at him.


"She's pregnant Giles. I am the wronged party here. She slept with someone other than me. So yeah, I called her a few names." Spike said defensively.


Giles hit him again and again. Spike lay crumpled on the floor, trying to protect himself from the blows.


"That was for breaking her heart." Giles shouted.


Spike scrambled to his feet and tossed his chair over to keep Giles at a distance.


"What is your bloody problem Watcher? Have you heard nothing I've said to you?"


Giles tossed the bat down and lunged for Spike grabbing him by the collar.


"Listen to me Spike, and listen good. That child she is carrying is yours. I'd like nothing better than for it to be someone else's, but the truth of the matter is, it belongs to you." Giles said through clenched teeth. "I came here tonight to kill you, but I fear that somewhere deep down she still loves you. I don't want to hurt her anymore than you already have. So you get lucky." Giles said throwing him back against the wall.


Spike stood there speechless. He couldn't believe what this man was telling him. Could it really be possible?


"Are you for real? That kid is mine?" Spike finally asked cautiously.


"Yes Spike. It's yours. She needed you tonight and you let her down. For that, you're despicable." Giles hissed.


"I thought she was lying." Spike said shaking his head. He couldn't believe his ears. He felt a little weak and wanted to sit down, but he was afraid to move for fear the Watcher would begin his assault again.


"Yes, well, she wasn't." Giles said, finding his calm again.


"But how? I mean, I'm dead. I didn't think it was possible." Spike said shaking his head.


"Sit down and I'll tell you." Giles said up-righting the chair and pointing at Spike to sit in it. He obeyed.


Giles recounted the entire story to a humbled Spike.

*****************************************************************


Willow and Xander sat huddled together in the waiting room of the hospital. It had been over an hour since they had brought Buffy in. They saw as a doctor emerged from her room and headed towards them. They both stood up to meet him.


"How's Buffy?" Xander asked.


"She's stable. She's lost a lot of blood. What happened to her again?" The doctor asked curiously.


"We don't know. We just found her like that. I think she was mugged or something." Willow said making up a white lie. They knew it reeked of demon attack, but the doctor wouldn't understand that.


"Are you her family?"


"No. We're friends. Best friends. We're like family." Willow stammered. "Is she gonna be okay?"


"It's too soon to tell. We've given her transfusions and her blood pressure is near normal at this point, but I'm afraid she's slipped into a coma like state." He said gravely.


"A coma? She'll wake up though. She's just taking a breather, right?" Xander asked hopefully.


"We'll know in time. If she doesn't wake up in the next forty-eight hours, the chances become slimmer that she ever will." He said looking pointedly at them. "But, I have confidence that she will indeed wake up. She seems strong." She doctor smiled, trying to be of comfort.


"She is strong." Willow whispered.


"One other bit of happy news..." the doctor started. "The baby is fine. Amazingly, the blood loss did not effect the fetus."


Willow and Xander looked at him with a blank expression.


"The what?" Willow asked.


"The baby. You did know that Ms. Summers was pregnant, didn't you?" The doctor asked perplexed.


"Buffy's pregnant?" Xander asked, feeling ill.


"Yes, about eight weeks." The doctor told them with a smile.


"My god...A baby?" Willow said shaking her head.


The doctor figured he'd leave them alone.


"I have some other patients to see. I'll keep you informed of any changes in her condition." He said calmly as he walked away.


Willow and Xander looked at each other dumbfounded. This was not something they were expecting at all. Could it be Spike's? Vampires were supposed to be sterile. But they both knew Buffy was seeing no one else. Did Buffy even know she was pregnant? A million questions went through each of their heads.


"Can you believe this? A baby? Can it be Spike's?" Xander asked, curiously.


"I-I don't know. I wouldn't think so, but maybe he can? It has to be..." Willow said shaking her head. "I need to go tell him what happened, Xander." She said quickly.


"Yeah. I really should call Anya and let her know You want me to call Tara?"


Willow nodded her head.


"What about Dawn?" She asked.


"We'll wait for Giles to get home and then we'll have him bring her here."


Willow nodded and headed out the door.

******************************************************************


Buffy felt herself floating. She was being pulled by an unseen force. She wanted to struggle against it, but she found she had no strength. A white light engulfed her and she shielded her eyes against it. She felt a sudden warmth and hugged her arms around herself.


What is happening? Where am I? She asked herself. She was so confused. She felt like maybe she was dreaming, but it felt more real than a dream. All at once, she saw the light disappear and she was suddenly dropped hard onto a stone floor.


She looked at her surroundings. She was in a darkened room with torches burning in the corners. She sat up abruptly and looked for an exit. She had no idea where she was, but she wanted out. Just then a ghostly figure appeared in front of her. He was wearing a long, flowing, white robe. He appeared human like except for the fact that he was glowing. He was encircled in a golden light. The closer he got to her, the more un-human he appeared.


His eyes were bright green. An unnatural color of green and they shone brightly at her. He had some sort of symbol painted or tattooed on his forehead. It reminded her of the Knights Of Byzantium, but it was a different symbol. She stared at him with wonder


"Who are you?" She asked him curiously.


"I am Assam, the Keeper of the Balance." He said proudly.


"The what? The Balance?" She said shaking her head. This wasn't happening. It must be some sort of dream. Too much prophecy junk before bedtime.


"We have brought you here to show you the way." He said to her.


"Okay...Where is here? Where am I?"


"You are in Tartania." He said calmly.


"Tartania? Is that near Sunnydale?" She asked with a small smile.


"Tartania is not a place, so much as a state of mind." He said cryptically.


"Okay, my state of mind is telling me I want to get the hell out of here. Are you one of the Powers? Is that what this is?" She asked, suddenly putting everything together.


"Oh my, no. I am not that fortunate. I am a Guardian of the Balance. I and my brother Lynok are in charge of keeping the universe on the right track, so to speak."


"What am I doing here?" She asked him, starting to freak out.


"Come now. Lynok has called you forth. He has matters to discuss with you." Assam told her abruptly. He motioned her through a swirling doorway of light. She hesitated but soon decided to follow.

*********************************************************************


Willow walked to Spike's crypt and knocked. She was surprised when Giles opened the door abruptly.


"Willow?" Giles asked not expecting her. He had thought it may be Buffy coming to see Spike.


"Giles? What are you doing here? Is Spike here?" She asked curiously.


"Yes, um...We were having a little talk." He said nervously.


Spike was sitting in the chair, still too frozen with shock to do anything. He was trying to comprehend everything that Giles had told him. He felt like a complete asshole. Giles had finally calmed down and stopped threatening to kill him, which was a good thing. But things were still shaky.


Willow walked in and saw the vampires beaten face and the mask of astonishment that he wore.


"What happened to you?" Willow asked concerned for his appearance.


Spike snapped himself out of his trance and looked at Willow.


"Uh, nothing. What's wrong? Why are you here?" He asked, knowing Willow was not a frequent visitor to his place.


Willow looked at Giles and Spike both with sad eyes. Spike stood to his feet slowly and looked at her.


"It's Buffy, isn't it? Something's happened." He said feeling it in his gut. He would never forgive himself for this. For hurting her and making her angry. Now, he knew by the witches face that something terrible had happened.


Willow nodded her head. Giles turned to face her.


"What is it? Is she alright?" He asked frantically.


"She was attacked by something. Xander and I found her. She lost a lot of blood. Right now she's...she's in a coma." She said softly, tears falling from her cheeks.


"Dear lord. What attacked her? Was it a vampire?" Giles asked, rubbing his temples.


"No. I-I don't think so. Her throat...It was slashed, like a knife or a claw or something. It wasn't a bite." She said, trying to explain.


"Her throat was slashed?" Spike asked with tears forming in his eyes.


Willow nodded sadly.


Spike fell back in his chair and began to cry. He hated himself more than anything. He should have been with her, she never should have been out there to begin with. Not in her condition.


"It's all my fault. If she dies, I'll never forgive myself." Spike muttered.


"Pull yourself together. She isn't going to die. Not again. She's going to be alright." Giles said going over to him. He was trying to fight back his own tears, and he couldn't stand to see the vampire so upset. It only made his own emotions more real.


"I did this. If I hadn't of... If I hadn't said those things. She was obviously distracted." Spike kept mumbling to himself.


Willow watched as he tormented himself with blame. She looked at Giles and tried to convey comfort.


"The doctor said she should wake up, hopefully...Giles? Can I talk to you?" She asked pulling him aside.


"There's something else you should know...about Buffy's condition." She said cautiously.


"She's pregnant." Giles said softly.


Willow looked at him surprised.


"You knew?"


"We just found out tonight." He said glancing over at Spike.


"He knows?" She asked with a worried expression. Giles nodded. "Is it...I mean, you know...Is it his?"


"Yes. It's a rather long story, but yes. He's rather shaken up about the whole thing. He and Buffy quarreled earlier, that's why he feels responsible." Giles told her quietly.


"Did she beat him up?" She asked, wondering about his face.


"No...actually that's my handiwork." He said sheepishly. Willow gave him a strange look. "I'll explain later. Right now, we need to get back to the hospital. Does Dawn know?"


Willow shook her head.


"Not yet. I think she's asleep. Will you go get her?"


"Yes, I'll get her. You should take Spike with you to the hospital." He told her.


He and Spike had talked at length over the whole situation. Giles had told him everything and he had watched the various emotions that went over the vampire. Giles had felt a small pang of remorse for attempting to kill him, but at the time his actions seemed justified. Giles eventually allowed himself to see Spike's point of view. He supposed he could understand why he would be hesitant to believe at first.


Giles also realized that without a doubt Spike adored Buffy. The news that she was hurt this severely was bound to destroy him completely. It would destroy them all if she didn't pull through.


Willow went over to Spike and touched his arm.


"Hey. She's gonna be okay. Whatever happened with you two, I'm sure she'll forgive you. She needs you right now, Spike." She told him softly.


"I know. She needed me before and I let her down, Willow. I'm nothing, I don't deserve her. She'd be better off without me." He said feeling sorry for himself.


"Stop it. Don't you dare wallow in self pity now. Buffy needs you to be strong. You need to go to her and tell her to snap out of it. That's what you do best. You'll make her mad and she'll have to wake up just to kick your ass." She said trying to snap him out of it.


"She'll kick my ass alright. She hates me."


"No. She doesn't. I know she doesn't. She loves you. So what if you guys had a fight? You have em' all the time. This isn't any different." She said hoping to help him. She had no idea what they had fought about, but she assumed it was about Buffy's condition.


"Will, you have no idea what I said to her or what is happening right now." He said slightly irritated.


"I do know. Well, at least a little. I know about the baby." She said softly.


Spike turned sharply and stared at her.


"You know about that? Did she tell you?" Spike asked surprised.


"No, the doctor told us." Willow said.


"Us? Who else knows? Everyone?"


"Just Xander."


"Wait, the doctor told you? Is it...I mean the baby...It's not dead?" He asked anxiously.


"No. They said it was okay. The baby is fine." Willow assured him.


He looked at her and new tears formed in his eyes. He wasn't sure how to feel at that news. Just moments before, he was coming to the realization that he was going to be a father, and then suddenly Buffy is in a coma. He just assumed that the baby was gone. He thought he'd feel relief at that notion, but he didn't. He was happy to hear that it was still alive.


"She'll wake up right? I mean, she's Buffy. She won't let something like this keep her down." He tried to reassure himself.


"Right. She's Buffy." Willow smiled. "She's Buffy and she needs you, Spike."


He nodded his head and stood up.


"Let's go. I want to see her." He said grabbing his coat.

**********************************************************************

Buffy walked into a brightly lit chamber. There were two large throne like chairs sitting in the middle of the room. One of them was empty and the other contained a being almost identical to the one who called himself Assam. In front of him was a large pedestal with a round sphere like crystal perched on top. She walked tentatively into room.


"Ah...The Chosen One. Welcome to Tartania." Lynok said with a smile.


"You must be...the other guy." She said, not remembering what the other one had called him.


"I am Lynok, Keeper of the Balance."


"Great. So why am I here again?" She asked impatiently.


"You lack patience. That isn't beneficial for us." He said hastily.


"Sorry, but I tend to lose my patience when I'm not being told what's going on. I know who you say you are, but what do you want with me?" She asked crossly.


"You know of your destiny. Your child's destiny, yet you endanger the mission." He said abruptly.


"My child? Oh, I see what this is about. You must have been looking through your little crystal ball and saw that I wasn't planning on being a part of this little game anymore, right? Well, too bad. I'm not furthering any bloodlines. Get someone else" She said angrily.


"There is no one else, you foolish girl. You are the one. There can be no other." He said angrily.


"Well then I guess you're out of luck, mister." She said firmly. "Now send me back."


"You do not understand what you are doing." Assam spoke up.


"I know exactly what I'm doing. I never asked for this. I don't want a child. Not now, maybe not ever. My life isn't exactly wholesome. I slay things for a living. And to top it off, the father is a vampire. Hello? What sort of family is that supposed to be anyway?" She ranted to them.


"What would you have me do then, child? What is it you want? Tell me your wish and I shall grant it." Lynok said to her.


"You seem to be Mr. Power Guy, I want you to make this disappear. I want you to undo this. I want to pretend that none of this ever happened. Why can't we go back to before I died? Oh hell, why not just leave me dead? At least I was at peace then." She said bitterly.


"I cannot undo the past." Lynok told her with a glare.


"Well, you obviously have a handle on the future, so undo this. Change it. Change this future. Take this thing out of me." She said with tears in her eyes.


Lynok stared at her for a moment. Assam wrung his hands nervously. This girl was nothing like what they had foreseen her to be. She had thwarted their plans and prophecies from the beginning. She had caused them much heartache and despair yet they were desperate to keep hold of her. She had proven herself to be the one that they had been seeking, they could not lose her.


"As you wish, my child. If you want this life inside you to end, just say the word and it will be done." He said devoid of any emotion.


"But brother!" Assam exclaimed looking at Lynok desperately.


Lynok raised his hand to signal silence and Assam held his tongue.


"Is that what you want?" Lynok asked her.


She thought for a moment and suddenly she wasn't sure what wanted anymore. She was just so confused. Everything had happened so fast. The last day had just been a whirlwind. She found out she was descended from vampires, the very things she was chosen to kill. Then she found out that she was pregnant with some sort of amazing wonder child. Spike called her a whore and left her, and then...There was something else that happened, but she couldn't remember what. She knew it was bad though.


She looked at the being with glowing green eyes. She took a deep breath and told him her answer.


"Yes. I want it gone." She said softly.


Lynok nodded his head and Assam looked on agitated and clearly upset.


"First you must let me show you something." He said waving his hand over the crystal that was in front of him. The clear glass turned a smoky gray color. Buffy stepped forward cautiously.


"What is that?" She asked quietly.


"This is your home. Sunnydale. This is what will happen in 15 years." He said looking at her for a reaction.


She stared into the glass and saw images of a graveyard. The names of her friends were emblazoned on the tombstones.


"What happened?" She asked hoarsely.


"They died. They all died." He said calmly.


The images changed to that of a small boy crying on the steps of a small house.


"Who is that little boy?" She asked.


"That is your nephew. He's all alone now. His parents were killed by demons in their sleep." He explained.


"Dawnie?" She said sadly, thinking of her sister. She looked up at him. "Dawnie had a little boy?" She said with tears in her eyes.


The image changed sharply to small flashes of death and destruction. People were in pain. Demons were everywhere. She couldn't watch it. She looked away. When she looked back the crystal was clear again, the images gone.


Lynok looked at her satisfied that he'd made his point.


"That is the future without your child." He said to her.


She stared blankly at the now silent crystal. Then she looked up at him.


"But where am I? Why didn't I stop this?" She whispered.


"You are dead as well."


"Oh...Well what about the other Slayers?" She asked confused.


"There will be no other Slayers. You see, your death is no longer of consequence in the chain of Slayers. That said, the one you call Faith must die, before a new Slayer will be called. And she remains incarcerated for at least another five years from what you've witnessed. By the time she is released, it will not matter. The world will be in total darkness and beyond help. Without your child, the Slayer legacy will cease to exist. And without your presence, this is what the future holds." He explained to her.


"If this is fifteen years from now, wouldn't my child be too young to do anything? And if Faith is alive, How would they be called? How could they stop this?" She asked, not comprehending.


"None of this would come to be. Not for several more years. Your child's role will come later. She will not need to be called, she will just simply be. It has never happened before that a Slayer and a vampire would create a life. This child will be truly chosen and powerful. Powerful beyond anything you could comprehend. Upon her twentieth birthday she will gain her full strength. When the darkness finally descends upon the earth, she will be there to stop it. She will not only keep the balance, she will be the Balance."


Buffy listened carefully and was intrigued, but still wary.


"I thought this sort of thing happened before. Giles...I mean my Watcher, he told me vampires and humans...I mean, isn't that where a Slayer comes from? That's what he told me." She said, confused.


"Well, yes. That is correct. You are descended from the dark ones. It is where you receive your power and your ability. Once every one hundred fifty years, two are chosen. A mortal and a vampire. It has never happened with a Slayer. Your blood is already strong and with the vampire, this child will be extraordinary. We knew it would come to pass, but we were not sure who the Slayer would be. But then you came along. You were different. We knew you would be. Though you still manage to surprise us." He told her with a smile. "You were tempted with the love of a vampire. To our delight, you had no problem separating your duty from your heart. You followed your heart regardless of your conditioning."


"Me and Angel?" She asked softly.


"Yes, the cursed one. He was your first test." Lynok told her.


"A test? Angel was a test?"


"Well, yes. You needed to accept that the world was not black and white. There were many shades of gray."


"So, me loving Angel was some sort of sick test? What is with you people? Did you know what would happen? Did you know that he would turn evil again?" She asked bitterly.


"Of course we knew. We had to be certain that even though you knew love with his kind, you still must kill them. We had to be sure that you could separate your duty from your heart. If you had given up the fight against someone you once loved, all would be lost."


Buffy was livid at this information.


"You tortured me as a test? You people are twisted."


"We sent him back though. His path was not yet complete, but he fulfilled our purpose."


"Your purpose? You just used us and then figured what the hell? We'll just send him back and everything's cool? Do you have any idea how much pain I was in? That he was in? And why wasn't it him? Why couldn't we be together? Why couldn't this wonder child be his?" She asked with tears in her eyes. She was livid and hurt.


Angel and she had wanted so badly to be together. He would have wept at the news of a child. He would never have called her a whore. He would have loved her and the baby forever.


"The child could not be his because it was not written that way." Lynok told her.


"Well, rewrite it." She said angrily.


"Is that what you would really want?" He didn't let her answer. "It doesn't not matter. His path is entirely different from yours. He is there to atone for his crimes. He is seeking redemption, not reward. His duty is to save other lost souls such as himself. It is his calling. He could not be part of your destiny."


"What else have you done to me? What other things did you do to hurt me? Did you kill my mother? Was that a test?" She asked angrily, suddenly wanting to rip their shiny green eyes right out of their heads.


"Your mother? Well, her time was simply up, my child. Nothing to be done about that. But it was necessary. Your maternal role was vital. Without her, you had no choice but to step into that role."


"Dawn...Did you guys send Dawn to me? Was she a test?"


"Everything is a test, my child. Life is a test. Your sister was sent to you so that you could know love. Unconditional love. You felt as if she was your own. She was your blood, created in your image, just as a child would be. Your sacrifice for her, was the truest test. That is why you were sent back." He told her.


She seethed with anger and confusion. Everything in her life had been orchestrated from the very beginning. Nothing seemed real.


"You wanted me to die for her?"


"Yes. It proved that you possessed a mother's love. So strong, you were willing to die for it. Even if she wasn't real, or even entirely human. You loved her no matter her origins. That was essential. It was essential so that when the time came, your own child would know that love despite her fathers condition. And it was also essential for the vampire to love your sister."


"What?" She asked shaking her head.


"The vampire. He had to be tested as well. He had already grown fond of you, but we were not yet sure he was the one. If he was, then he would be able to truly love, without limits. Without any romantic overtures. If he could overcome his nature and open his heart, then he would be the one. His devotion to your sister proved once and for all that it was in fact he that was chosen. He felt a father's love for the first time with your sister. Ordinary vampires are not capable of this. He proved himself." Lynok said with a small smile. The girl certainly had a lot of questions. He was beginning to tire of them.


"I can't believe all of this. It's insane. Everything that's happened has been some sort of game to you? Do you sit back with some popcorn and watch your little magic crystal and enjoy the show? Or is it more like a choose your own adventure book, where you can change the way something's gonna end when you don't like what's happening?"


"I do not understand what you mean. This is the way of the universe. As I told you, life is a test. For everyone, not just you."


"Well forget it. I'm not doing it. Not any of it. I'm through playing. I want my wish now. Undo it." She said, trying to block out everything that he had just told her. She was tired of everything.


Lynok was becoming increasingly impatient. Perhaps she was not the one after all? He had been so certain. She had passed the tests, but she was beginning to irritate him.


"Fine then. You want me to undo things, I will. You want the child gone? I will do it. But you must know, if I grant your wish you will die as well. The only way to destroy the child is to let you die." He told he grimly.


"Let me die?" She asked, not knowing what he meant.


"Of course. You don't remember." He said with a small smile. He waved his hand over the crystal once more and images returned.


Buffy looked on as she witnessed the demon attacking her in the cemetery. Her neck slashed wide open. The next flash was of Willow and Xander crying in the hospital, another flash of Dawn sobbing in Giles' arms. The images shifted once more and focused on her body lying in a hospital bed. She was hooked up to tubes and monitors.


"Oh my god." She said with a sob caught in her throat.


"Your friends found you in the cemetery. I'm afraid it doesn't look good. They are very worried for you." Lynok said provoking her emotions..


She watched as the image stayed fixed on her body. She went to look away when she saw him approaching. She had silently wondered where he was through all this. She figured he was still so disgusted by her that he didn't even care she was dying. She saw him take her limp hand and sit next to the bed.


She saw the tears running down his face and watched as he laid his head down on her still body and began to sob. Her heart ached. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she reminded herself that she was angry with him. She had promised herself, she'd never forgive him. She shrugged off the emotions and looked back at Lynok.


"So you think showing me this is going to change my mind, is that it? How do I know this isn't some sort of trick? How do I know that any of this is real? I don't even remember being attacked. Maybe this another test?" She said putting on her brave face. She was so confused, but she had reason to mistrust these people, or whatever they were. They had been messing with her life all along.


"You are not an easy person to convince, now are you?" Lynok said with irritation.


"No, I'm not. And I-I'm not convinced." She said starting to doubt her own doubts.


"If you are still certain that you want your wish granted, then I will do it." Lynok said with a grim smile. "Just observe one more thing for me, and then you give me your final decision."


"There seems to be a lot of 'one more things'. You seem to be all talk, don't you? Just undo this already!" She said growing more impatient and upset.


"Just watch." He bellowed at her. He was not pleased with her attitude.


Buffy took a deep breath and tried to be firm in her resolve. The crystals image faded to a funeral. Her funeral again. The second one that her friends had had to endure. She saw the anguish and the pain on their faces. Dawn was huddled in a ball on the ground sobbing. Buffy wiped away the tears from her face. Her heart was breaking.


The picture changed to Spike sitting alone at her gravesite. The sky was pinking up in the background. She turned to look at Lynok.


"What is he doing?" She asked with a horrified look.


"He's waiting for the sun. It shouldn't be long now." Lynok told her casually.


Buffy watched as Spike lay down next to her grave marker and wept. The sun started to rise in the sky behind him and Buffy started crying. She turned her head away just as he was incinerated by the rays of light.


"Stop it! I don't want to see that. Turn it off." She cried. She was completely devastated by what she just witnessed.


"This is what will happen. He could not take the pain of your death again. He felt responsible, just as he did the last time. He was also mourning the loss of the child that he wanted so badly with you. You were to give him the life he was robbed of over a century ago. The life he wanted. You took that from him." Lynok told her.


"Stop it. It's not true. He didn't even believe that the baby was his. He hated me for it." She cried shaking her head.


"You didn't give him enough time." Lynok told her.


"He hurt me." She whispered sadly.


"And now you have killed him." He told her realizing that his words were harsh, but they were meant to be. He wanted her to understand the full impact of her decision.


Buffy lunged forward and attempted to attack Lynok, but there was a force field of some sort protecting him. She bounced back and landed on the floor. The anguish and rage burning from her eyes.


"I didn't kill him. I loved him. I still love him." She said through her tears.


"So then what is your choice? Shall we undo your destiny?" Lynok asked her knowing what her answer would be.


"You know I don't have a choice. I never did. I can't let any of them suffer like that. Not again. Not if I can help it." She said softly.


"So then you will return and fulfill your destiny? You will allow this child to born and loved? You will resume your duty?" Lynok asked with a sly smile.


He had hoped all along that she would come to her senses. It had been a drastic measure dragging her to their realm, but he felt it was necessary. The Powers would hopefully be lenient on him for bringing in an outsider.


"Yes. I will go back and do your bidding. I still say it isn't fair. I wanted a normal life. I didn't want any of this. I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be happy." She said sadly, wiping the tears from her eyes.


"You are being given a normal life. You are not without happiness, my child. We are not making you to suffer. You are bringing that on yourself. We have given you more than enough chances at life. We have given you friends, a sister, and a man who loves you without end. You will soon have a child of your own to love, your own family. We have not stripped you of anything. You must make your peace with that. Enjoy your destiny. It's a gift, not a burden." Lynok told her sincerely.


She looked up at him and his words moved her deep inside. She knew he was right. She did complain an awful lot about her role in life. She always whined about being normal, but the truth was that she was normal. Normal was just a relative term. You had to find your own definition.


Lynok saw how she absorbed his words and took them to her heart. He was pleased with himself and sighed. He decided to give her one final gift for her troubles.


"Slayer." He said to her with a smile.


She looked up at him questioning him with her eyes.


"Would you like to see what you are fighting for. Perhaps it will give you a little perspective. It is my gift to you." He said happily waving his hand over the mystical crystal once more.


Buffy was almost afraid to look but her curiosity got the best of her. She gazed into the glass and saw the image of a little girl. She was sitting on a swing laughing. She appeared to be around four or five. She had wavy blonde hair, blue eyes and the cutest smile Buffy had ever seen. She reached out and touched the crystal gently.


"Is that..." She started softly.


"That is your daughter."


"She's beautiful." Buffy said emotionally, tears running down her cheeks. "She looks like him." She added softly.


"Yes." Lynok said proudly. He waved his hand over the crystal and the image disappeared.


"I want to see more." She said turning to him.


"If you want to see more my child, then you must return to live it." He told her.


She looked at him sadly. He motioned for her to return through the door she had come from. She nodded her head and walked towards the other chamber. She walked through the wall of swirling light and in a sudden flash of light, she was gone.


Assam rushed up to Lynok.


"How could you have given her a choice. What if she had chosen to end it? What then?" He said angrily.


"I knew she would not take the wish. She may be an irritating person, but she's still the Chosen One. She's pure and good and full of love. There was no way she would have taken the wish given what she had seen."


"You are very fortunate to be correct. The Powers would have had your head for this one." Assam said shaking his head.


"I am always right." Lynok said smugly, silently thanking his lucky stars that the whole thing had not blown up in his face.

***********************************************************