Dear Diary,
I didn't write for a while 'cause a couple things and stuff have happened. Like Rubella has been really mean about me being around. I think she really doesn't want me here. I'm just in the way all the time. I tried to see Master Quatre when he as walking in the garden, I guess to Master Trowa who was there, but Rubella caught me and scolded me. My writing is sloppy 'cause she hit my hand really hard with the wooden part of those feather duster thingies. I dunno, but she must really hate me. I guess it is better than school. 'cept the only people who ever talk to me here are Rubella and the cook. And sometimes Rasheed, but he is very busy too.
Everybody seems to be on edge. At least, to me. Everyone's always mad at me. And I got in trouble every day this week sometimes twice a day. With Master Quatre and his friends here I can't go around the estate like I used to. My home is my room now, and Rubella says to get used to it. She's like the evil step mom in that story Cinder-whatsherface. 'cept my prince charming isn't a pumpkin ride away. Hehe.
I'm to stay in my room for the rest of the day and for most of the weekend too. Everybody's getting ready for something, I just dunno what. I heard Ruth Ann ( the maid who is next door) talking 'bout how Master Quatre's friends are leaving except his boyfriend. I guess she means Master Trowa. Does that mean Master Trowa and Master Quatre are gonna get married now? He's still my prince though, well not MY... he could never be mine. I wish I had blue eyes.
----
The paper was wrinkled. Not from his tears, but from tears long dried. Another heavy sigh. Quatre wasn't exactly the heartbreaker type like Duo, but... He had thought the years would kill the guilt. No. Never. He knew what it felt to hurt like this. When Trowa was hurt by his own hands. When Quatre had been overjoyed when he finally found Trowa but Trowa just... stared. And then Trowa's sister, Catharine began screaming at him.
"Haven't you done enough?" He had. Too much. He was not to blame for all of Trowa's pain, but it still hurt Quatre to ever think he would ever lose control like that again. When the end of the war came, Quatre was so happy, he didn't have to pilot anymore. He loved Sandrock, yes, but he didn't NEED the Gundam anymore. There wasn't a necessity to destroy things or blow them apart. And he wouldn't have to use that god awful Zero program ever again. He thought all the pain he would ever cause would end with the war. He should've known better. He had neglected his own naivety and punished this innocent. Why was it that firing a beam cannon and ending hundreds of lives die with the war... but the crimes against one single person would carry you to the grave?
----
Dear Diary,
It was a weird day today. 'cause Master Quatre's friends are leaving, all of us are on different schedules. And some of the others even got new jobs other places. Like Ruth Ann now helps out at one of the Winner companies. And Rubella made us all move around rooms 'cause she said the full rooms should be on one side of the dorm, and the empty rooms on the other. I guess that makes sense.
I'm not the only one switchin' rooms, either, Diary. Master Quatre's things are being moved to a super big master bedroom along with Master Trowa's things. I didn't help 'cause Rubella said that she couldn't trust me with such a big job. And when I asked her why Master Quatre and Master Trowa had to share a bedroom, she got really weird and told me to go play outside. Can you imagine that? I got ordered to play!! 'course. I didn't have much to play since everyone was busy or working or doing something.
Master Duo took Master Heero shopping this morning, and should be back soon. I can't imagine what they went shopping for. I guess clothes. 'cause they always wear the same thing. If I wore the same clothes every day, Rubella would yell at me. I wonder if Master Duo gets hot wearing all that black and stuff. And those funny shaped pants make him shaped like a pear. And he has this funny stiff collar thingie around his neck like one of those Catholic priests or whatever. It's weird. But so's Master Duo. Master Heero and Master Duo are friends too, and Master Heero isn't moving his stuff.
I wonder if Master Woofie feels weird being the fifth guy. He's kinda out there, ain't he? Odd one out, I guess. He doesn't seem to mind so much. I guess I shouldn't, too.
----
Quatre... blinked. Twice. Surely he'd never imagined that he and Trowa would have... let alone what she must have been thinking. He had been confused, too... Quatre was smiling as his fingertips brushed the pages. He almost laughed when he remembered the days when his thoughts jumped around or he fidgeted nervously around Trowa. It wasn't like that anymore, hasn't been in forever... but when his feelings first began, his heart would flutter when Trowa appeared, and sank when he left... it broke when Trowa was harmed... and mended when Trowa inevitably bounced back. It hadn't taken very long to get over the whole "Trowa's-a-guy" thing. What they had was pure. So how could it be wrong, right? It was still confusing as hell, but not wrong...
Then he wondered of the nine-year old perspective. Your idol... your prince has found someone else. And that someone was of the same sex. Quatre supposed it didn't matter what sex Trowa was in that case either - the heartbreak would be the same. She didn't hate Trowa... not from her words, anyway. And she certainly didn't now. She just hurt. And continued to love.
His lips turned into a beautiful smile... though the tears brimmed in his crystalline eyes... his eyes beamed with pride as he turned the page.