Part Nine
5 am
Angel caught up with her after a few steps, and they walked side-by-
side in silence to her house.
"Oh, and Jack may act territorial about you being here," Buffy said,
partially talking to herself, not noticing Angel's confused
expression.
"Jack?" *Why is there a guy named Jack living here?* Angel wondered
briefly as he followed Buffy inside.
He got his answer soon enough. The afore-mentioned Jack was a very
large German Shepherd, and no, he was not happy in the least about
Angel being in his house. He lunged at Angel barking, but Buffy, with
her Slayer-speed, grabbed him mid-air by the collar, pulling him back
down to the ground. "This is just the strange man reaction he
displays with any guy he doesn't know," she explained and led Jack to
the room she used as a home office.
She turned to see Angel had followed her into the living room, and
gestured for him to sit down. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm
going to start some coffe brewing." Angel nodded, and she disappeared
into the kitchen briefly. After she'd gotten the pot started, she
returned to the doorway to the living room and stood for a moment,
looking at the man sitting on her couch. *This is just too surreal.
After all these years, he's here in my house? Drinking coffee with
me? Yeah, my life is completely sane.* She sighed tiredly, leaning
against the wall for a moment.
Angel heard her wearied sigh, and felt a pang of sorrow. He knew he
was the cause of it, his sudden arrival in "her town" dropping this
bombshell. "I'm sorry," he said, not turning to look at her.
"You're sorry," she repeated with another sigh. "See, I'm not sure
how to reply to that, because I don't know exactly _what_ you're
sorry for. Sorry for leaving me twenty-two years ago? Nah, you're not
sorry for that. You did it _for_ me, right? So...what then. Sorry for
showing up not long after and beating up my boyfriend? Probably not,
you apologized for that already. Um...oh I know! Sorry for giving up
your humanity for my own good twenty years ago?"
She had moved to stand in front of him, and Angel looked at her, in
shock. "You weren't supposed to--"
"What? Remember?" she supplied, and Angel had to look away from the
anger he saw in her eyes. "I know, it really sucked when I started
having those dreams, right after Riley and I got married. Really
disturbing dreams, Angel, about you and I making love in your
apartment in L.A., of feeling your heartbeat, of being the happiest
I've ever been in my life, and then of you telling me it all had to
end. I didn't know if they were dreams, or if they were real
memories. So Willow helped me out, to find out what the truth really
was. She cast a spell to break the last bit of whatever the Oracles
did to me to make me forget, and it all came rushing back. And let me
tell you, I hated you at first. I couldn't believe that would give up
EVERYTHING we ever wanted, just out of some stupid fear!" Buffy
brushed away the traitorous tears, and continued, "And then I gave
up, when I'd forced myself to take some time and think about things.
I realized there wasn't any reaching you, it was pointless when you'd
made it quite clear in so many ways that we were over. I finally
decided to accept it. I threw myself into my life with Riley, and it
was a good one. He made me happy, and _he_ never left when things got
tough."
Angel winced. "You're right," he said softly. "I did give up, but I
couldn't stand the thought of losing you." He looked over at her
then, saying, "I would have given anything in my power, Buffy, even
my life, if it would have kept you alive and safe."
Buffy met his eyes, and her anger began to dissolve despite her
intent to the contrary. "I know," she said. "I said I hated you _at
first_. And then I realized that you'd just done what you always do.
You always ignore what you want, in order to make someone you love
safe, if not happy. And I couldn't hate you anymore," she shrugged.
Angel just looked at her, wishing there was something he could say to
take away the pain and betrayal she must have felt, still felt, after
finding out what he'd let the Oracles take from her. "I am sorry,
Buffy. But I'm sorry that you remembered, not for what I did. I did
what I thought was right."
"You always do," Buffy shrugged. "But that's not what you were
talking about a minute ago, when you said you were sorry, was it? So
what are you sorry for?"
"So many things," Angel replied. "Not being able to let you go. Not
moving on like I insisted you should. Hoping there would still be a
chance for us, even after all these years." He forced himself to keep
looking at her, meeting her eyes, as he added, "I'm sorry that I was
never able to stop loving you." He realized then that one thing
telling the truth had accomplished was rendering Buffy Summers
speechless.
"I need that coffee," she finally said, abruptly walking out of the
room.
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