Part Ten
5:30 am
Angel waited for Buffy to return, realizing she needed a moment to
think things through on her own. He took advantage of the time to
look around at Buffy's house. Buffy and Riley's house, that much was
obvious from the pictures of them on the walls and fireplace mantel.
He stood to get a better look and remembered why he hadn't liked
Riley. Oh, he'd seemed like a nice enough guy. He'd disliked Riley
because Riley was able to give Buffy the one thing he hadn't even
been able to try to give her: a future. Point proven by the fact
they'd been married for nineteen years, apparently happily. He was
glad Buffy had had that, he tried to convince himself of that,
anyway. Then he saw a wedding picture, and until that moment had been
at peace with all he had given up. As he stared at the love of his
life, in an exquisite wedding gown, in the arms of another man, he
realized that his years in hell had been nothing in comparison to the
pain felt at that moment.
He tore his eyes away finally and composed his emotions. He then
realized that Buffy had been gone for almost fifteen minutes. He
walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. She was standing
at the kitchen sink, her back to him. He knew that she was crying by
the slight shaking of her shoulders. He was torn, wanting to comfort
her but knowing she'd push him away if he tried. "Buffy?"
She stilled instantly. She cursed herself for letting him see her
like this. It had just been too much for her to take all in one
night, though. When he'd told her that he still loved her, that had
been the last straw. She'd had to get out of there to get a grip on
her emotions. A part of her wanted to run into those strong arms of
his and never leave them again. The other part of her though, that
part felt doing that would be the ultimate betrayal of Riley. Wasn't
that what he'd always been afraid of? That one day she would leave
him for Angel?
And besides, the problem with Angel was that he always left her. *He
may have loved me once, he may still love me, but it's never enough.
He never believed in our love, not really. Not enough to try to make
it work. I can't let him back in again, only to lose him when he gets
scared and runs away.*
"Please leave," she finally choked out the words, and slowly turned
to face him.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I will go," Angel replied softly. "I shouldn't
have laid all this on you at once. We can finish talking later, when
you've had time to process everything. I'm staying at the Holiday Inn-
-"
"No!" she cut him off quickly. "I mean really go, Angel. I want you to leave
my town. Now," she said quietly. Inside, her heart was breaking again, but
she controlled her facial expression with no small amount of effort. "And
don't come back," she choked out. At the stricken expression on his face,
she had to turn away. It tore her apart to see that she could still hurt him.
However, at the same time, it seemed only fair, since he could still hurt
her so much after all these years too.
Angel felt as if he couldn't hurt any more if she'd reached into his
chest and pulled his heart out. "Okay," he managed to say, though his
voice was husky with emotion. "I'll leave. I'm sorry, I... won't
bother you again." He turned and walked back outside.
The moment he shut the door behind himself, he heard Buffy let out a
heart-wrenching wail. He winced, wanting nothing more than to run
back inside, take her in his arms and never let go. But he couldn't.
She didn't want him anymore. He'd made his choices, and it had cost
him the only woman he would ever love. Now the only thing he could do
for her was to leave, this time for good.
*That was the plan from the beginning, wasn't it?* he reminded himself.
*Funny how fate ends up making you keep those promises you didn't really
want to keep in the first place.* He tried to regain his composure as the
tears started to fall. Finally, he'd gotten control of his emotions enough
to walk away. He had every intention of going back to the hotel, getting his
car, and return to L.A.
5:30 am
Angel waited for Buffy to return, realizing she needed a moment to
think things through on her own. He took advantage of the time to
look around at Buffy's house. Buffy and Riley's house, that much was
obvious from the pictures of them on the walls and fireplace mantel.
He stood to get a better look and remembered why he hadn't liked
Riley. Oh, he'd seemed like a nice enough guy. He'd disliked Riley
because Riley was able to give Buffy the one thing he hadn't even
been able to try to give her: a future. Point proven by the fact
they'd been married for nineteen years, apparently happily. He was
glad Buffy had had that, he tried to convince himself of that,
anyway. Then he saw a wedding picture, and until that moment had been
at peace with all he had given up. As he stared at the love of his
life, in an exquisite wedding gown, in the arms of another man, he
realized that his years in hell had been nothing in comparison to the
pain felt at that moment.
He tore his eyes away finally and composed his emotions. He then
realized that Buffy had been gone for almost fifteen minutes. He
walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. She was standing
at the kitchen sink, her back to him. He knew that she was crying by
the slight shaking of her shoulders. He was torn, wanting to comfort
her but knowing she'd push him away if he tried. "Buffy?"
She stilled instantly. She cursed herself for letting him see her
like this. It had just been too much for her to take all in one
night, though. When he'd told her that he still loved her, that had
been the last straw. She'd had to get out of there to get a grip on
her emotions. A part of her wanted to run into those strong arms of
his and never leave them again. The other part of her though, that
part felt doing that would be the ultimate betrayal of Riley. Wasn't
that what he'd always been afraid of? That one day she would leave
him for Angel?
And besides, the problem with Angel was that he always left her. *He
may have loved me once, he may still love me, but it's never enough.
He never believed in our love, not really. Not enough to try to make
it work. I can't let him back in again, only to lose him when he gets
scared and runs away.*
"Please leave," she finally choked out the words, and slowly turned
to face him.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I will go," Angel replied softly. "I shouldn't
have laid all this on you at once. We can finish talking later, when
you've had time to process everything. I'm staying at the Holiday Inn-
-"
"No!" she cut him off quickly. "I mean really go, Angel. I want you to leave
my town. Now," she said quietly. Inside, her heart was breaking again, but
she controlled her facial expression with no small amount of effort. "And
don't come back," she choked out. At the stricken expression on his face,
she had to turn away. It tore her apart to see that she could still hurt him.
However, at the same time, it seemed only fair, since he could still hurt
her so much after all these years too.
Angel felt as if he couldn't hurt any more if she'd reached into his
chest and pulled his heart out. "Okay," he managed to say, though his
voice was husky with emotion. "I'll leave. I'm sorry, I... won't
bother you again." He turned and walked back outside.
The moment he shut the door behind himself, he heard Buffy let out a
heart-wrenching wail. He winced, wanting nothing more than to run
back inside, take her in his arms and never let go. But he couldn't.
She didn't want him anymore. He'd made his choices, and it had cost
him the only woman he would ever love. Now the only thing he could do
for her was to leave, this time for good.
*That was the plan from the beginning, wasn't it?* he reminded himself.
*Funny how fate ends up making you keep those promises you didn't really
want to keep in the first place.* He tried to regain his composure as the
tears started to fall. Finally, he'd gotten control of his emotions enough
to walk away. He had every intention of going back to the hotel, getting his
car, and return to L.A.