Part 18
Two weeks later
Friday, 5 pm
Cordelia was doing the last of the paperwork for Angel
Investigations' last job, a completely un-supernatural stalking case,
when Angel walked into the office. "I'm sending the bill out in the
mail to Julianna first thing in the morning," she said, and noticed
the face Angel made. "Don't start," she warned. "I swear, after over
twenty years, you think you'd have gotten used to the fact that
people paying us for our work is quite normal and accepted behavior."
"Somehow I just don't think that my need to make amends included my
getting money out of doing it," Angel replied shrugging. "But I guess
I do agree it helps keep things uncomplicated. People don't feel as
indebted to me - us - if they can pay us back in some way."
"That's right," Cordelia said. "And besides, now you've joined the
land of the living, you have to have the basic necessities. How else
are you gonna get them if you don't have a job?"
"It doesn't mean I have to _enjoy_ taking other people's money,"
Angel replied. "Unlike some people--" he was cut off by the phone
ringing, and he grabbed it before Cordy could.
"Hello?"
Cordelia smiled as she saw his face light up, knowing exactly who it
was before he said another word.
"That's good, Buffy. I'll be waiting for you all to get here around
eight, then? Okay. See you."
Angel couldn't help the silly smile he knew was on his face when he
hung up the phone. He always felt better just hearing Buffy's voice.
The last two weeks they'd made real progress in rebuilding their
friendship. The first week, he'd called her on Monday and Wednesday,
and they'd found that they were more comfortable talking on the phone
to each other than face to face. Then he'd visited Sunnydale that
weekend. They'd spent their time together in the company of their
other friends, as it made Buffy feel more comfortable not to be alone
with him. This past week, he'd called her Monday, and then had wanted
to give her her space the next night. She'd surprised him by calling
him then, but it had been a pleasant surprise. They'd somehow fallen
into the habit of talking to each other on the phone every night that
week, due to one calling the other.
Through the visits and the phone calls, they'd become close again,
but in a different way than before. When they'd both lived in
Sunnydale twenty-some years earlier, they'd been lovers, they'd been
dependent on each other, but had never really been friends. And he
was discovering that had been a great loss on his part. He liked
Buffy, she was an intelligent, strong woman, she had a great sense of
humor and ability to make him laugh even when he'd had a miserable
day.
True to his promise to her two weeks earlier, though, he hadn't even
approached the subject of their being anything more than friends. He
valued the friendship which was developing between them too much to
jeopardize it by frightening her away. If they would never be
anything more than friends, he could live with that.
"So?" Cordelia finally asked, pulling him out of his reverie, "She
coming or not?"
"Buffy, Willow, and Xander are driving here tonight," Angel
replied. "She wasn't sure she'd be able to leave, but things on the
Hellmouth have been slow enough that Giles told them to take the
night off."
"So when is she going to stop using Willow and Xander as chaperones?"
Cordelia questioned.
"Cordy..." Angel's voice was warning. "Don't start."
Cordelia laughed at that, and Angel just stared at her in
amazement. "I'm sorry, Angel, but after I dared to harm your precious
car and still lived through it; I've figured you out. You're a big
softy and you just don't have it in yourself to do anything bad to
me."
"You can thank WESLEY for that and not me," Angel said. "He reminded
me that, like it or not, you're my seer. I'm stuck with you.
Otherwise, you'd have been back job hunting again after attacking my
car, Miss Chase.
"Yeah right," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Angel, The Powers haven't
sent me a vision since you discovered you can still tan. So that
argument just doesn't fly. It begs the question of why you really
haven't fired me, and the answer is very simple. You like me, you
don't want to fire me."
"I admire your persistence and your fearlessness," Angel admitted
with a sigh. "And I appreciate the fact that your actions are always
well-intentioned, Cordy, but most of the time they cause me to
seriously consider wringing your neck."
Cordy laughed again, "The thought of you even trying to hurt me is
just not something I can get my mind around. You, the one who gets a
guilt trip over setting mouse traps here in the hotel. You'd never
hurt me, Angel, anymore than I'd ever hurt you.
"And to get back to our previous topic; you can growl all you want at
me, but you know as well as I do that it's silly how Buffy insists on
someone else being around when you two get together. It's almost as
if she doesn't trust herself to be alone with you."
Angel shook his head, "That's not it at all."
"Oh, really?" Cordelia raised an eyebrow. "What is it, then?"
"It's just ..." Angel fumbled for an explanation, "Buffy's just..."
Angel trailed off and tried again. "It would just be too awkward if
we were alone."
"Why?" Cordelia challenged.
"Because," Angel said, "Buffy knows how I still feel about her, but
she just doesn't feel the same way--"
"Oh, God," Cordelia cut him off, shaking her head. "Angel, don't take
this the wrong way, but you're an idiot. When I found out that Buffy
went off on you back in Sunnydale, I thought, for a while anyway,
that maybe she HAD moved on. But then I saw the way she looked at
you, that night at the bar, and every other time since then when i've
seen you together. And let me fill you in on something. She still
loves you, Angel, and if you don't see that, it's because you're not
paying close enough attention."
Angel thought about what she'd said and wondered if she could be
right. He sighed, and said, "I can't think that way, Cordy."
"Why not?" Cordelia asked. "Angel, if you leave things the way they
are, pretending you're okay with just friendship between the two of
you, you're going to regret it. The kind of lives we lead, we can't
just take things like these slowly. Take it from me, Angel, you'll
wake up one day and find out you waited too long, and she's gone
before you had a chance."
Angel knew immediately she was talking about Doyle. It was amazing
how twenty years hadn't changed the guilt both of them felt over
Doyle's death. Cordelia's guilt was of the 'I never told him'
variety, and his was more of the 'I should've stopped him' variety.
But they both missed him, all the same.
"I understand what you're saying," Angel replied softly. "But I can't
push her, it'll push her away."
"I'm not saying 'push her'," Cordelia said. "I'm just saying, if you
get an opportunity to say things that matter, don't ignore it." She
stood then, with a smile. "But the lecture's over for now. Have fun
tonight. I'll see you Monday, unless a vision decides otherwise."
Angel smiled, knowing that as she'd hinted at earlier, chances of
that happening were getting slimmer every day. She hadn't had a
vision since the one that led them back to the Scourge. They were
beginning to think the same thing, although none of them had voiced
it yet as a probabability. That thing being: The Powers That Be
apparently had released Angel from his obligation to them. "Okay,
Cordy. See you," Angel replied. When she'd left, he turned to the
phone again, to make dinner reservations for himself and the others.
***************
Two weeks later
Friday, 5 pm
Cordelia was doing the last of the paperwork for Angel
Investigations' last job, a completely un-supernatural stalking case,
when Angel walked into the office. "I'm sending the bill out in the
mail to Julianna first thing in the morning," she said, and noticed
the face Angel made. "Don't start," she warned. "I swear, after over
twenty years, you think you'd have gotten used to the fact that
people paying us for our work is quite normal and accepted behavior."
"Somehow I just don't think that my need to make amends included my
getting money out of doing it," Angel replied shrugging. "But I guess
I do agree it helps keep things uncomplicated. People don't feel as
indebted to me - us - if they can pay us back in some way."
"That's right," Cordelia said. "And besides, now you've joined the
land of the living, you have to have the basic necessities. How else
are you gonna get them if you don't have a job?"
"It doesn't mean I have to _enjoy_ taking other people's money,"
Angel replied. "Unlike some people--" he was cut off by the phone
ringing, and he grabbed it before Cordy could.
"Hello?"
Cordelia smiled as she saw his face light up, knowing exactly who it
was before he said another word.
"That's good, Buffy. I'll be waiting for you all to get here around
eight, then? Okay. See you."
Angel couldn't help the silly smile he knew was on his face when he
hung up the phone. He always felt better just hearing Buffy's voice.
The last two weeks they'd made real progress in rebuilding their
friendship. The first week, he'd called her on Monday and Wednesday,
and they'd found that they were more comfortable talking on the phone
to each other than face to face. Then he'd visited Sunnydale that
weekend. They'd spent their time together in the company of their
other friends, as it made Buffy feel more comfortable not to be alone
with him. This past week, he'd called her Monday, and then had wanted
to give her her space the next night. She'd surprised him by calling
him then, but it had been a pleasant surprise. They'd somehow fallen
into the habit of talking to each other on the phone every night that
week, due to one calling the other.
Through the visits and the phone calls, they'd become close again,
but in a different way than before. When they'd both lived in
Sunnydale twenty-some years earlier, they'd been lovers, they'd been
dependent on each other, but had never really been friends. And he
was discovering that had been a great loss on his part. He liked
Buffy, she was an intelligent, strong woman, she had a great sense of
humor and ability to make him laugh even when he'd had a miserable
day.
True to his promise to her two weeks earlier, though, he hadn't even
approached the subject of their being anything more than friends. He
valued the friendship which was developing between them too much to
jeopardize it by frightening her away. If they would never be
anything more than friends, he could live with that.
"So?" Cordelia finally asked, pulling him out of his reverie, "She
coming or not?"
"Buffy, Willow, and Xander are driving here tonight," Angel
replied. "She wasn't sure she'd be able to leave, but things on the
Hellmouth have been slow enough that Giles told them to take the
night off."
"So when is she going to stop using Willow and Xander as chaperones?"
Cordelia questioned.
"Cordy..." Angel's voice was warning. "Don't start."
Cordelia laughed at that, and Angel just stared at her in
amazement. "I'm sorry, Angel, but after I dared to harm your precious
car and still lived through it; I've figured you out. You're a big
softy and you just don't have it in yourself to do anything bad to
me."
"You can thank WESLEY for that and not me," Angel said. "He reminded
me that, like it or not, you're my seer. I'm stuck with you.
Otherwise, you'd have been back job hunting again after attacking my
car, Miss Chase.
"Yeah right," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Angel, The Powers haven't
sent me a vision since you discovered you can still tan. So that
argument just doesn't fly. It begs the question of why you really
haven't fired me, and the answer is very simple. You like me, you
don't want to fire me."
"I admire your persistence and your fearlessness," Angel admitted
with a sigh. "And I appreciate the fact that your actions are always
well-intentioned, Cordy, but most of the time they cause me to
seriously consider wringing your neck."
Cordy laughed again, "The thought of you even trying to hurt me is
just not something I can get my mind around. You, the one who gets a
guilt trip over setting mouse traps here in the hotel. You'd never
hurt me, Angel, anymore than I'd ever hurt you.
"And to get back to our previous topic; you can growl all you want at
me, but you know as well as I do that it's silly how Buffy insists on
someone else being around when you two get together. It's almost as
if she doesn't trust herself to be alone with you."
Angel shook his head, "That's not it at all."
"Oh, really?" Cordelia raised an eyebrow. "What is it, then?"
"It's just ..." Angel fumbled for an explanation, "Buffy's just..."
Angel trailed off and tried again. "It would just be too awkward if
we were alone."
"Why?" Cordelia challenged.
"Because," Angel said, "Buffy knows how I still feel about her, but
she just doesn't feel the same way--"
"Oh, God," Cordelia cut him off, shaking her head. "Angel, don't take
this the wrong way, but you're an idiot. When I found out that Buffy
went off on you back in Sunnydale, I thought, for a while anyway,
that maybe she HAD moved on. But then I saw the way she looked at
you, that night at the bar, and every other time since then when i've
seen you together. And let me fill you in on something. She still
loves you, Angel, and if you don't see that, it's because you're not
paying close enough attention."
Angel thought about what she'd said and wondered if she could be
right. He sighed, and said, "I can't think that way, Cordy."
"Why not?" Cordelia asked. "Angel, if you leave things the way they
are, pretending you're okay with just friendship between the two of
you, you're going to regret it. The kind of lives we lead, we can't
just take things like these slowly. Take it from me, Angel, you'll
wake up one day and find out you waited too long, and she's gone
before you had a chance."
Angel knew immediately she was talking about Doyle. It was amazing
how twenty years hadn't changed the guilt both of them felt over
Doyle's death. Cordelia's guilt was of the 'I never told him'
variety, and his was more of the 'I should've stopped him' variety.
But they both missed him, all the same.
"I understand what you're saying," Angel replied softly. "But I can't
push her, it'll push her away."
"I'm not saying 'push her'," Cordelia said. "I'm just saying, if you
get an opportunity to say things that matter, don't ignore it." She
stood then, with a smile. "But the lecture's over for now. Have fun
tonight. I'll see you Monday, unless a vision decides otherwise."
Angel smiled, knowing that as she'd hinted at earlier, chances of
that happening were getting slimmer every day. She hadn't had a
vision since the one that led them back to the Scourge. They were
beginning to think the same thing, although none of them had voiced
it yet as a probabability. That thing being: The Powers That Be
apparently had released Angel from his obligation to them. "Okay,
Cordy. See you," Angel replied. When she'd left, he turned to the
phone again, to make dinner reservations for himself and the others.
***************