I can't believe that little witch made bail. New evidence they said.
That's why she got
out---new evidence. What the hell evidence could they have found? I
covered my tracks
well. I know I did. This no time to panic. There is no way I can ever
be tied to any of this.
In fact, I've managed to find the perfect dupe. Poor, stupid Larry.
He called me last night
and told me that he wanted no part of the plan anymore. He said that
he was starting to
have second thoughts. He claimed that he didn't realize how serious
this was, he thought
that I was just going to give Donna few minor inconveniences. HA.
Well, this is what it's
like when you play in the big leagues Larry. And if you try to back
out now, this whole
thing is going to land right in your lap. Because you see, I've
finally found a use for that
little piece of info you gave me about the great anniversary flower
debacle of 2001.
Donna may be getting out today, but I have one more trick up my
sleeve before she goes.
They say it pays to know people in high places-but sometimes it pays
to know people in
low places too.
Donna was stunned when Ainsley called her with the news that she was
getting out. The
judge had granted her request for bail. She had no idea where Josh
had come up with that
much money but she was grateful that he had. All she had to do now
was be fitted with an
electronic monitoring device and she could be on her way. She wasn't
happy about the
idea of someone being able to track her movements 24 hours a day, but
if it meant getting
out of this horrible place, she would find a way to handle it.
Two unfamiliar guards led her to a room, ostensibly to be processed
for release. She saw
the electronic "ankle bracelet" lying on the table. It was smaller
than she thought it would
be. Maybe it would become a fashion statement. She smiled as she
wondered how it
would look with three-inch heels. Suddenly one of the guards crossed
to the door and
locked it. Donna immediately felt uncomfortable.
"What's going on?" she asked backing away.
"Didn't they tell you?" the guard asked not even bothering to attempt
to hide a smile.
"We have to do a search to make sure that you aren't smuggling any
contraband out of
the prison. We have had prisoners who tried to hide electronic
scramblers on their body
so that we couldn't calibrate the monitoring equipment correctly. We
have to be sure we
do this right because we certainly don't want to lose track of you
Blondie."
"No you can't do this" Donna cried. "I'm going home today. I want to
see my lawyer.
You can't do this."
"As long as you're still a prisoner here, we can do anything we want.
Now please remove
all of your clothes or I'll do it for you." the guard said, taking a
menacing step forward.
Donna sobbed as she fought to get her clothes off. Her hands were
shaking and the splints
on her fingers made dealing with the buttons almost impossible. She
couldn't lift her
arms over her head because of the pain from her broken ribs.
Suddenly, the guard stepped
forward and yanked the prison jumpsuit from Donna's shoulders. Donna
screamed out in
pain. All she could think of was that Josh was waiting for her, she
was going home, and
she couldn't believe this was going to happen again.
"Maybe if you're good," the guard leered "I'll send you flowers next
year to
commemorate our anniversary, but I'll make sure that I get the date
right."
Donna's head swam. How did the guard know about the flowers Josh had
sent her?
Suddenly it was all very clear. MANDY. She was behind this. Somehow
she had
arranged for this search. Donna began to shake uncontrollably.
Someone in the west wing
must have told her about Josh's flowers. But who?
The search itself was almost unbearable and made worse by the fact
that Donna knew
that it had been arranged simply to hurt her. She winced as the guard
roughly patted her
broken ribs. Donna's already bruised and battered body couldn't stand
any more
punishment. She cried out several times unable to stand the pain.
When the guard forced
her to lean over and grab her ankles, she very nearly passed out from
a mixture of pain
and humiliation.
As the brutal search continued, the guard leered at Donna. "Well, I
guess we won't be
seeing you around here anymore Blondie. Unless of course you're
starting to like this"
After the search was over, the guard tossed Donna a paper bag; inside
were the clothes
that she had been wearing when she was arrested and said, "Put these
on."
Donna opened the bag. The sight of Josh's Harvard t-shirt made her
cry even harder. She
stared at the wall, sobbing, until a technician entered the room to
attach the ankle
bracelet. Donna didn't hear a word he said as he explained the rules
she had to follow.
She just took the papers that he handed her and continued to stare at
the wall.
**********************************************************************
**
Ainsley stood waiting impatiently for Donna at the release desk.
After what seemed like
an eternity, she spoke to the officer on duty.
"Could you kindly tell me what is taking so long?" she asked
The guard peered at Donna's paperwork and said, "It looks like they
have her scheduled
for a final search and the attachment of the monitoring device. She
should be out any
minute."
"What do you mean a final search?" Ainsley voice rose sharply "That
cant be."
"Its policy ma'am." the guard said. "We do a final search to make
sure that nothing is
being smuggled out of the prison. We also make sure that the prisoner
is not hiding any
item that may be used to block the signal of the monitoring device.
If we don't get the
frequency right the first time, the device is useless. I assure you
ma'am, it's all perfectly
legal."
"Get me the warden RIGHT NOW." Ainsley screamed trying to fight the
rising panic in
her stomach. She had to stop this. She couldn't let it happen again.
Not now, not when
they had finally arranged for Donna to be free. The warden had
promised that this
wouldn't happen. Ainsley still knew very little about Mandy Hampton,
but somehow she
knew that she was behind this. Her rage burned white hot as she vowed
revenge against
this woman she had never even met.
As the guard at the desk picked up the phone to summon the warden, a
door down the
corridor opened and Ainsley heard the sound of a Donna sobbing. She
wheeled around
and saw Donna emerging from the room in near hysteria. Ainsley ran to
her. She tried to
speak to Donna, tried to comfort her but she was battling tears of
her own. She looked at
the guards standing in the doorway and said, "you haven't heard the
last of this. I assure
you of that."
Ainsley led Donna to the desk where the guard shoved an envelope
containing her
personal effects at her and said, "you'll have to sign for these".
Donna could barely hold the pencil let alone sign her name. Between
her taped fingers
and her wracking sobs, her signature came out as nothing more than
chicken scratch.
Ainsley placed her arm around Donna's shoulder and said, "Let's go".
Josh and Sam had been pacing outside for over 45 minutes. Josh was
just about to go in
to see what was taking so long when the door opened and Ainsley and
Donna appeared.
Josh tensed immediately when he saw Donna crying. Crying wasn't
really an apt
description, her entire body was shaking and she seemed to be having
trouble catching
her breath. Josh ran towards them with Sam hot on his heels.
He placed his arm around Donna's shoulders and felt her
recoil. "Donna honey, what's
wrong?" he said softly into her ear. She turned to look at him and he
was overwhelmed
by the fear and sadness in her eyes. There was a fresh trickle of
blood coming from one
of the cuts on her lip.
"What the hell happened?" he asked Ainsley through clenched teeth.
"They did another search"Ainsley screamed no longer able to control
her own anger
"those sons of bitches did another search. I swear I didn't know they
were doing it until it
was over. I would have stopped it. Somehow I would have stopped it. I
had an agreement
with the warden. Mandy had to have gotten to someone. It had to have
been her."
Sam surveyed the people in front of him and knew he had to make a
quick decision
before the situation became totally unmanageable. He could see that
Donna was clearly in
terrible condition. The last thing she needed right now was to be
confronted with any
more anger. He mentally agreed with Ainsley's assessment, this stunt
had Mandy written
all over it. Worse than anything, Sam wanted Mandy to feel some of
the pain that he saw
in Donna's eyes right now. However he had more immediate problems to
deal with, as
both Josh and Ainsley seemed to be bordering on losing control. He
stepped over beside
Josh and placed one hand on Ainsley's shoulder and one hand on
Donna's elbow. He
cringed when Donna let out a small yelp. He pulled his hand back. He
wasn't sure
whether he had caused her physical pain or emotional pain but either
way, it broke his
heart. "Its ok, Donna." He said as soothingly as he possibly
could "It's gonna be ok now,
we're gonna take you home."
"You two take Donna to my place." Josh said through clenched
teeth. "I have something
to take care of. I'll meet you there as soon as I can."
"Josh wait" Sam said grabbing his friends arm "this isn't going to
help anything".
"I'm gonna find Mandy, Sam-and I swear I'm gonna make her pay."
"You can't do that Josh."
"I have to Sam. I can't let her get away with this."
"She wont get away with it-you have my word." Sam said trying to find
a way to deal
with the blind fury in his friend's eyes.
"Listen to me Josh" Sam said in a stern tone that he couldn't
remember ever using with a
friend before. He grabbed Josh's shoulders forcing him to look him in
the eyes. "Listen to
me" he repeated "This is it buddy. This is the big test. This is
where we separate the men
from the boys. Donna needs you now. Are you gonna be there for her,
or are you more
concerned about Mandy and the idiots inside that building. Who is
more important Josh?
You have to decide. Because you're not gonna get two chances to make
the right
decision."
"But look at her Sam. I can't let Mandy get away..." gesturing towards
Donna and
battling with his own rage at the same time.
"She won't." Sam said. "I promise. But we will take care of her
later. Right now Donna
is our main concern."
"You're right. I'm sorry. I just lost my head for a minute." Josh
said returning his
attention to Donna.
He wrapped his arms lightly around her shoulders and steered her
across the lot to Sam's
car. Sam unlocked the doors as they approached. Josh opened the back
door and helped
Donna inside. She was still sobbing and shaking. Josh winced as he
saw her gingerly sit
down. He secured her seat belt before carefully closing the door. He
went quickly around
to the other side of the car and slid in beside Donna as Sam and
Ainsley got into the front
seat. Donna was doubled over with her head on her knees. She was
still sobbing and was
taking in breath in large gulps. Josh leaned his head close to her
ear and spoke in tones as
soothing as he could muster. "Its ok, Donna. You're safe now. Try to
breathe deep. Try to
calm down angel. You're making yourself sick. Please try to calm
down."
"I'm sorry, Josh." she sobbed. "I'm sorry."
"SShhhhhh. You have nothing to be sorry for. Everything is going to
be ok now. I know
it might not feel like that right now but it is. I promise."
They rode in silence for several minutes, everyone in the car
struggling to regain control.
As they made their way toward Josh's apartment, he leaned over and
stroked Donna's
hair. "I love you, Donna." he said softly "I'm sorry about this, but
I won't let anyone
hurt you ever again. I promise. I'm so sorry this happened angel."
Donna raised her head up off of her knees and looked directly into
Josh's eyes. " This
wasn't your fault Josh, you have nothing to apologize for." she
said, "You promised me
that you would get me out and you did. This isn't your fault. I love
you, too. I just
can't...I mean right now...it just hurts so much." she said dissolving
again into wracking
sobs.
"I know." Josh said "Its ok. You just tell me what you need. I'll
take care of it for you."
"I don't know what I need," she whispered
"Well then we'll figure it out together," he said
By the time they reached the apartment, Josh and Ainsley were calmer
but only
marginally. They helped Donna, who was still crying but had managed
to calm down a
bit, inside and sat her on the couch. Josh immediately sat down
beside her. He wanted
desperately to take her in his arms but he had a sense that being
touched right now was
not what she needed. Ainsley appeared with a glass of water and some
pills that the
prison doctor had prescribed for the pain.
"Take these," she said, "they'll make you feel a little better."
Donna reached for the pills but was unable to grasp them because of
the splints on her
fingers. Her frustration was evident.
"Let me help you." Josh said as he reached up and gently placed the
pills in Donna's
mouth. He lifted the water glass to her lips as she drank just enough
to get the pills down,
wincing at the pain that the newly opened cut on her lip was causing.
"Those should help her get some rest." Ainsley said to Sam
Sam hoped that was true because he knew that Donna needed to sleep,
but he also knew
that both Josh and Ainsley needed some time to pull themselves
together. Ainsley
signaled to Sam to join her on the terrace. Once there, she pulled
out the cell phone and
began angrily punching numbers.
"I'm not letting this go, Sam." she said, "This is unforgivable".
It only took her a moment to get CJ on the line. She quickly
recounted the mornings
events growing angrier by the minute. "We need to start avenging the
sisterhood." Sam
heard her say "and we need to do it right now. I need you to get me
all available
background info on Mandy- I have some digging to do."
As Ainsley disconnected the phone she turned to Sam and said. "My
daddy always said
you should know your enemy well-and that's exactly what I intend to
do."
"Are you tired, angel?" Josh asked. "Maybe you should lay down and
try to get some
sleep." He hoped that sleep might give Donna some much-needed relief
from the pain.
Even if it was only temporary.
"Ok." Donna said curling up into a very tight ball on the corner of
the couch.
"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in bed?" Josh asked
"I don't think so."
"Ok, I'll get you a pillow and a blanket."
"Thanks."
Josh returned with her pillow, the one he had been sleeping with
since her things were
delivered to his apartment, and a blanket. He lifted her head gently,
trying hard not to
hurt her and placed the pillow underneath her. He then covered her
with a blanket.
"Josh??" she said sleepily, trying hard to fight the effects of the
pills she had taken.
"What?" he said.
"Is everything really going to be ok?"
"I promise." he said meaning it with every fiber of his being. "Now
you sleep, and I'll be
right here when you wake up".
When Donna awoke several hours later, Josh was sitting in the chair
across from her
thumbing through a file. She watched him for a moment before he
glanced up and
realized that she was awake.
"Feeling better?" he asked dropping the file and kneeling on the
floor in front of her.
"A little." she said trying to sit up but being stopped by both the
pain and the dizziness.
Josh placed his hands on her shoulders to steady her and felt Donna's
entire body tense.
"I'm sorry." he said, "did I hurt you?"
"No" she said "its just..."
"What?"
"Oh God. I'm sorry."
"What? Tell me."
"Its just that.... every time I feel a hand on me... I get taken right
back to those horrible
searches and..." Donna trailed off as she tried to hold back the tears.
"Its ok, sweetheart. Its just gonna take some time that's all."
"I'm sorry, Josh- I know that you're not them but..."
"I understand, Donna." he said, "We'll find a way to work this out".
Josh looked deeply into Donna's eyes searching for some sign of which
direction he
should go. He wanted so desperately to do or say the right thing. He
knew that the old
Donna spirit was still in there, he could feel it, he just needed to
find a way to help her get
it back. A knock on the door broke the spell. Josh looked out the
peephole to see Toby
and CJ carrying a pizza box and a six-pack of beer. He opened the
door and welcomed
them, at the same time shooting them a look that clearly said that
Donna was not yet in a
party mood. Sam had already filled them in, so they were prepared.
Donna rose from the couch and tried to welcome them with a smile. She
knew that they
had worked very hard to get her released and it was important to her
that they realize how
much she appreciated it. She knew how lucky she was to have such good
friends.
Unfortunately, her fear and anger were preventing her from allowing
herself to feel the
comfort that they wanted to give her.
She began to feel an increasing sense of panic as the noise level in
the apartment rose but
she kept reminding herself that these were her friends, not the other
inmates at the jail.
Soon they were all settled comfortably in the living room. CJ noticed
that Josh was sitting
very close to Donna on the couch, but was avoiding touching her as
much as possible.
She gave him credit for understanding. It was going to be a tough
road back but at that
moment, when she saw that Donna's comfort was more important to Josh
than his own,
she knew that they would find a way to make it through. She looked
over at Toby and
when their eyes met, a small smile crossed his lips and she knew that
he was thinking
exactly the same thing. 'He really is a nice person' she
thought 'Even if he won't let
anybody see it.'
Josh went into the kitchen and returned with a can of soda for Donna.
He knew that she
shouldn't have a beer because of her pain medications. He had managed
to scrape up a
straw from somewhere, probably left over from a takeout meal long
forgotten. He retook
his seat on the couch and held the can out towards Donna.
"Thanks." she said
"No problem." he said not removing his hand from the can when she
grabbed it between
hers, but rather casually leaving it there to steady the can while
she took a drink. He then
placed the can on the table and handed her a piece of pizza, which
she refused. She knew
that she couldn't possibly eat it without help and she refused to be
fed like a child.
"You need to eat something," Josh said
"I'm just not hungry now-maybe later." she said
She rose unsteadily off the couch and said, "I'm going to use the
powder room. I'll be
right back."
A few minutes passed and Donna called for CJ, who stood up and bolted
back to the
bathroom.
"Everything ok?" she asked as she slipped in the door.
"I can't get these sweat pants retied." Donna said as two tears
slipped down her face.
"No problem." CJ said. "We'll get you fixed right up."
When the women returned to the living room, Josh and Toby were both
sitting in an
awkward silence. They were both dealing with the same guilt, even
though neither one
knew of the others feelings. They were each thinking that they should
have done
something sooner. They should have found a way to keep Donna out of
jail altogether,
and then she wouldn't be suffering like this. They noticed Donna's
red eyes but neither
one commented.
Donna couldn't believe what was happening to her. She had worked so
hard to win these
peoples respect and now she was reduced to being like a three year
old in front of them,
unable to complete the smallest task without help.
"Donna," Toby began " Leo and the president would like to see you as
soon as possible,
maybe even tomorrow if you feel up to it".
"See me?? For what? Are they going to fire me?" she asked unable to
hide the fear in her
voice.
"No." Toby said, "It would be a cold day in hell before I'd let you
lose your job over a
bitch like Mandy. They just need to discuss the special arrangements
for your electronic
monitoring while you are inside the White House".
Donna automatically looked down at the intrusive black box around her
ankle and
attempted to pull the leg of her sweat pants down.
"Special arrangements?" she asked.
"Yes." Toby answered. "For security reasons, the signal on your ankle
bracelet will be
jammed when you are inside the White House".
"Does that mean I cant go back to work?"
"No, but it means that special arrangements have to be made. The
President himself
called the judge and worked out the details. I'm not exactly sure
what they are but I'm
sure the he will explain it to you when he sees you."
"Along with all pertinent trivia related to the subject." CJ snorted
trying to lighten the
mood.
"Was there any special time he wanted to see me?" Donna asked
"He said that he could fit you in first thing in the morning if you
felt up to it."
"I'll be there."
"Are you sure Donna?" Josh asked "I think it might be a little soon.
Maybe you should
wait until Monday."
"No I'm sure. The sooner I can get back to my normal life-the better.
Besides I didn't
say I was coming back to work-I mean-look at me-I can hardly type. I
just want to
try to get back to my normal routine ASAP."
"Ok-but its gonna be a short day. And if you get tired, you let me
know."
"Deal."
After a few hours, Toby and CJ departed for home to try to get much-
needed good nights
sleep. They were both glad they had come though. They had needed to
see Donna, to
convince themselves that she was in fact home. To see that the tide
had turned and that
Mandy was no longer calling the shots. They both knew that they would
somehow need
to take an active role in her recovery. But as they looked at her and
saw the destruction
that Mandy had caused, each of them began to formulate thoughts of
revenge.
Josh carried the dishes to the kitchen and threw the empty bottles
in the recycling. Then
he came back in and sat down beside Donna.
"Tired?" he asked knowing that she needed to catch up on her sleep.
"Kind of." she said "But what I would really like is a nice hot
bath." Donna couldn't help
but remember the humiliation of the guard watching her while she took
showers. It would
be nice to have a little privacy.
"Ok." Josh said remembering the box marked bathroom from her
apartment. " I even
know exactly where all that stuff you use is."
"Stuff?"
"You know-all that girly stuff."
A small smile crossed Donna's lips. "How did all of my stuff get
here?" she asked
noticing for the first time the stacks of boxes in the hallway.
"I had it brought here because your smarmy landlord was threatening
to throw it out on
the street."
"Did you pack it up?" she asked.
"No I hired a company."
Donna blanched at the thought of perfect strangers going through her
belongings.
"Is that ok?" he asked eyeing her warily " I would have done it
myself but I just couldn't
find the time. Between going through the records trying to find some
evidence and trying
to keep up with work...."
"It's ok." Donna said, "Don't worry about it." but she made a mental
note to wash all of
her clothes as soon as she got a chance.
"Ok-I'll run a bath for you." he said.
As the hot water began to flow, Josh added the contents of a bottle
and watched as the
bubbles filled the tub. He turned around and saw Donna standing in
the doorway behind
him. Her hands were crossed over her chest. She looked very ill at
ease. She seemed to be
waiting for him to leave before she entered the room.
"I'll be in the living room if you need anything." he said looking
down.
"Thanks." she said
After a few minutes, Josh heard Donna struggling. He hesitated at the
door before
entering.
"Can I come in?" he said trying to respect her privacy. Then he heard
her softly crying
from the other side of the door. He poked his head in and saw her
sitting on the edge of
the tub. Her sweat pants were thrown over the towel rack and she was
struggling to get
her socks off. Her fingers had swelled from the activity of the day
and were unable to
remove the remainder of her clothing. Josh froze momentarily not
exactly sure what to
do. He took note of the helpless look in her eyes and knew exactly
how she felt. It was
the same way he had felt after the shooting. He knew he needed to
find a way to help her
without making her feel even worse.
"I can't even get my stupid clothes off so that I can take a bath
myself" Donna spit out
angrily.
Josh reached behind her and shut off the water, which was threatening
to overflow. Then
he carefully knelt down in front of Donna and removed her
socks. "It's just going to take
a little while." he said "This is your first day home, don't put too
much pressure on
yourself." Then he took Donna's hand gently and stood her up. He
proceeded to remove
the remainder of her clothes as gingerly as possible and without
breaking eye contact. He
then steadied her while she stepped in to the tub and sank down in
the relaxing water.
"Thank you." she said turning her eyes to the wall.
"No problem," he said "just call me when you're ready to get out. I
don't want you to
slip."
Tears stung Donna's eyes. She hated being this helpless. She was used
to being the strong
one, the caregiver. She hated feeling weak and out of control. She
laid her head back and
wondered when this nightmare was going to be over. By the time water
began to turn
cooler, Donna's muscles had loosened up considerably. She managed to
get out of the tub
herself and put on Josh's robe. She emerged from the bathroom and
almost ran straight
into Josh who was leaning against the wall just outside the door.
"You scared me." he said as she crossed the room and stood against
the opposite wall.
She looked down and noticed that her hands were trembling. "Please
don't do that
anymore."
"Is something wrong?" he asked
Donna's tears began to fall again. 'God, I'm sick of crying she
thought to herself.' "The
shower in the prison didn't have a curtain on it." she said suddenly
needing to try to share
the horror of her ordeal with him. "There was a guard standing right
outside of it
watching the entire time I took a shower. It was awful." she said
" I'm sorry." Josh said, "I didn't know. I just wanted to be close
in case you needed me.
I'll never do it again. I'll respect your privacy, I promise."
"Thanks" Donna said. She wanted to so badly to reach out and hug him
but she just
couldn't bring herself to do it. She knew that Josh was only trying
to help. He was really
being very sweet. She wondered if he had felt this helpless after the
shooting. He had
been so angry during those first few weeks and she wondered if that
anger was anything
like the anger she was feeling now. Was it fueled by the same kind of
feelings of
helplessness?
"Well the bath did the trick." she said "I'm really tired now."
"Good." he said "I put the boxes marked clothes in the bedroom so
maybe we can find
you a pair of pjs."
"Um...I really don't want to wear any of that stuff until I wash it."
she said " I'm
probably overreacting but I cant stand the thought of a strangers
hands all over my
things...." She said choking back tears.
"I'm sorry. I never thought of that," he said. "Do you want me to
grab you some sweats
to sleep in?"
"That'd be great thanks," Donna said as Josh went to the dresser and
tossed a pair of
sweats on to the bed.
"Um ...Josh, "she said nervously". I can't...I mean I just don't feel
comfortable.... I
mean its not you but..."
"I understand," he said moving to stand beside her but not touching
her. "I've already put
my stuff out on the couch. You sleep in here where you'll be more
comfortable."
"I'm sorry," she said looking down at the ground.
"Not a problem." he said "You'll call me if you need anything?"
"Absolutely." she said as Josh retreated to the living room.
Josh waited a while until it sounded as though Donna had managed to
get settled and he
took his pillow and blanket and stretched out on the floor in front
of the bedroom door.
He wanted to be as close as possible in case she needed him. When
sleep wouldn't come,
he began formulating a plan to get back at Mandy.
Donna arose in the morning, still looking haggard but having
definitely been helped by
her best nights sleep since the ordeal began. She dug through the
boxes of her clothing
carefully looking for something to wear to work. She found a spring
sweater set and a
pair of pants that were still sealed in dry cleaning bags and so she
decided to wear those.
She tried valiantly to dress herself but once again her sore and
swollen fingers didn't
want to cooperate. Josh helped her willingly, trying to be as
nonchalant as possible. She
tried to control it, but every time his hand brushed her skin she
flinched. She just couldn't
get the memory of the guard's hands out of her mind.
"I'm sorry," she said "its not you, its me."
"Please stop apologizing." Josh told her "You just tell me what YOU
want, what YOU
need."
"I just wish I could turn time to before this all started."
"Me too." Josh said as he finished tying her shoes. "Are you ready to
go?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." she said as Josh picked up his backpack
and they moved
towards the door.
Donna perched nervously on the edge of a chair in the oval office as
Leo and the
president explained the internal monitoring procedures to her. She
would be under the
direct supervision of the assigned security guard. She would need to
report her
movements to him as well as check in with him personally several
times a day. Under no
condition could she leave the premises without him knowing. Donna
felt like she was
back in prison. The thought of someone having to know her whereabouts
every minute
disturbed her.
"I know these rules seem harsh Donna," Leo said "but it's the only
way. Without these
concessions, you wouldn't be able to come back to work."
"I understand," she said somewhat bitterly.
"Look Donna," the president spoke softly as if addressing one of his
own daughters
"what happened to you isn't fair, and it certainly wasn't your fault,
but we need to just
play by the rules until we can get the whole thing straightened out."
"I know sir, and I appreciate all your help. Both of you." she said
indicating Leo "I'm just
grateful that you aren't firing me."
"Firing you?" the president asked incredulously "Where would you get
a crazy idea like
that?"
"Well I just thought that after everything. I might be..you know..a
liability."
"You are no such thing, Donna and I don't want to hear anymore talk
like that. This is all
gonna work out fine."
"Go home, Donna and enjoy the weekend. Get some sleep and spend some
time healing.
Start back fresh on Monday morning-if you're ready." Leo said
"Ok thanks, I think I will"
Just then, Mrs. Landingham poked her head in to say that the senior
staff was waiting
outside. As they filed in, Donna pulled Josh aside and told him that
she was going to go
back to the apartment.
"I'll call and check on you in a little bit." Josh said as she turned
to go
Josh called two hours after Donna got home with the news that there
was a hostage
standoff at a courthouse in Illinois. He didn't know how long it was
going to take to
resolve but it looked like it might be awhile. He said that he was
sending someone by to
pick up a few things.
"Do you want me to ask Bonnie or Ginger to come by and stay with
you?" he asked.
"No that's ok, I'll be fine." she assured him thinking that she could
actually use some
time to herself. "But will you promise me that you'll try to get a
little rest?" she added
"I'll do what I can," he said. "I'll call you as soon as I get a
chance."
"Ok."
Donna sat in the apartment mentally replaying the events of the last
few weeks in her
head. Was there anything she could have done differently? Was there
any way she could
have seen it coming? How could she not have seen the depth of Mandy's
hatred?
Josh finally arrived home late Saturday night and found Donna sitting
in the darkened
living room crying. He rushed to her side.
"Donna, are you ok? Did something happen?"
"I ran out of laundry detergent." she sobbed.
Josh smiled. "Well Donna, that's hardly worth crying over. We'll just
go the store and get
some more tomorrow."
"That's just my point." she said "I went to the store to get it, and
I was almost in the
checkout line before I realized that I couldn't do it. I don't have
any money, I don't have
a bank account, I can't write a check and all of my credit cards have
been cancelled. I
can't even go to the store and buy laundry detergent." she sobbed.
Josh continued to smile, mostly a smile of relief that this was an
easily fixable problem.
"Do you think this is funny?" Donna said, "Does this amuse you?"
"I'm not laughing at you." Josh said suddenly sensing that Donna was
taking this very
seriously. "I'm just glad that it wasn't something more serious you
were upset over."
"Well it may be a simple thing to you but it isn't to me. It took me
all morning to get the
laundry unpacked and separated. I worked really hard at it. Then I
realized I can't even
go to the store and buy detergent!!" she said as her voice escalated.
"I know, Donna. I'm sorry that I laughed." Josh said trying to calm
her all the while
trying to push down his own feelings of dread. The old Donna-his
Donna-would never
have been so thrown by such a minor detail.
"Listen," he said, "When you get your next check, we'll open a new
account for you so
you'll have a checkbook. We'll get your credit cards straightened out
eventually. And in
the mean time, I'll give you a little money to tide you over."
"You don't have to do that." Donna said, drying her tears.
"I want to." Josh replied. "And you just let me know if there's
anything else you need
ok?"
"Ok." Donna said with a sigh that said more than her words ever could.
Donna was feeling a bit better by the time she walked into the west
wing on Monday
morning. Josh left the apartment very early so she came in alone.
Though she had
managed to get dressed by herself, she was wearing no jewelry because
she absolutely
couldn't handle the clasps by herself. She wore a small amount of
makeup, which had
taken her nearly an hour to apply.
She walked out to the bullpen to find Larry standing beside her desk.
He took one look at
the bruises on her face and the cast on her arm and all of the color
drained from his face.
"Larry?" Donna asked, "Are you ok?"
"Fine" Larry said as he fled the bullpen without a backward glance
Donna glanced at Josh's schedule and saw that he was conducting a
tour for the
Georgetown interns right before lunch. She noticed that the rest of
his day was fairly light
and she thought that she might be able convince him to go home early
since she was
certain that he hadn't got much rest all weekend.
A shadow crossed over Donna's desk and she looked up to see a
uniformed guard
standing over her. Donna recognized him; she had seen him around the
grounds many
times. Despite that, her heart was racing and her hands began to
shake. He introduced
himself and said that he would be in charge of monitoring her
movements while she was
in the White House. He assured her that he anticipated no problems
and didn't want to
intrude on her work activities. He asked her to simply make sure she
let him know when
she intended to leave the building etc... Donna could barely hear him
speaking over the
roaring in her ears. There was something about his uniform that sent
her mind flying back
to those guards...those horrible guards.
"Are you all right?" he asked
"I'll be fine," she said
By the time that Josh returned from his meeting, Donna was sitting at
her desk trying to
regain control. He motioned for her to follow him into his office and
closed the door
behind them.
"Are you ok? Are you sure you're ready to come back?"
"I'm sure," she said, giving him a small smile to show that she
appreciated his concern.
The writing in your schedule book will be even more distinctive than
usual for a while
though. At least until I get these stupid splints off."
"Don't worry about that." Josh said crossing to stand in front of her
but being careful to
give her some space "If there's anything you can't do, anything you
need help with, you
let me know ok?"
"Ok." She said switching quickly into assistant mode "The interns
will be here any
minute. Is there anything you need me to do while you are giving them
the tour?"
"You could get me some research on the transportation thing if you
feel up to it."
"Ok."
"But don't over do it Donna. Take it slow."
"Yes boss."
Donna was sitting at her desk when it began. Toby and CJ were
standing just outside of
her office arguing over how to best handle a rogue senator from
Texas. Josh and Sam
were showing a large group of interns the way the bullpen system
worked. The noise
suddenly became overwhelming. All of the sudden Donna's heart began
to pound like it
was going to explode. Her hand went instinctively to her chest. She
wanted to get away-
needed to escape but she couldn't make her legs work. Suddenly she
couldn't catch her
breath. The room began to spin and Donna felt sick to her stomach. CJ
was the first to
notice.
"Donna are you ok?" she said "Donna-say something!!"
Donna tried to speak but no words would come out.
"Donna!!" CJ said loudly enough that she caught Josh's attention
across the room. Josh
looked up, saw the fear in Donna's eyes and immediately ran to her
side."
"Donna, are you ok?" he asked in a panicked voice but there was still
no answer.
"Let's get her in your office." Toby said trying to keep the
situation from spinning out of
control.
"Get a Dr." Josh said to Carol as he lifted Donna from her chair and
steered her towards
his office.
Once inside the office, away from the crowd and the noise, Donna
seemed to calm down
a little. She said she was all right but Josh still insisted that the
staff Dr. check her over.
Sam managed to pass the interns off to a junior staffer and made his
way over to Josh's
office in time to hear the Dr. say that he believed Donna had
suffered a panic attack.
"Has this ever happened to you before?" the Dr. asked
"Just once," Donna admitted "the morning I woke up in the infirmary."
"Well its not an unusual occurrence for a person who has been through
what you've been
through" the Dr said. "Still, its nothing to take lightly. If it
happens again, you will need
to see your physician immediately."
"Thank you Dr. I will"
After the Dr left, the office was silent for a few minutes then CJ
spoke.
"Donna, I think you need to talk about what happened to you in
prison. You can talk to
us, or you can talk to a professional but you definitely need to talk
it out. You're holding
it inside and it's starting to eat you up."
"I'm fine CJ."
"You're not fine Donna. That's quite obvious."
"It's just the noise. It threw me that's all."
"Well noise is something you can't escape around her Donna" Toby
said, "if you're
having trouble dealing with it, then we need to do something about
it. Maybe talking to
someone would be the best thing."
"I told you, I'm fine! Can we please just forget this and get back to
work?"
"No, Donna" Toby said, "We can't just pretend everything is normal.
It isn't"
"So you're saying that you think I can't handle it?" Donna asked as
tears began to flow
down her cheeks "you think I can't do my job anymore?"
"No one said that" Sam said stepping in to try to restore calm. "We
just think you might
need to talk to someone. Let's not forget the lessons we learned
after Rosslyn. Holding
things in only leads to trouble Donna. Were just trying to head it
off at the pass."
"What about you?" Donna wheeled around and faced Josh "Do you think I
need help
too?"
"I think that you are very frightened right now Donna. And I want to
give you what you
need but I'm just not sure what that is. I just don't want you to be
in this much pain
anymore. I've been in that place Donna and I know how lonely and
scary it is. I want to
help you get out of that place. And if I can't get you out-I want to
find someone who
can."
"I'm going home," Donna said turning on her heels. "Obviously you
don't think I can do
my job so I may as well leave."
Josh chased after her and caught up with her in the hallway.
"They---we----all of us-----we're only trying to help you Donna. We
all want you to feel
better. I'll do anything to make you feel better. I just need you to
figure out what you
want so you can tell me"
"I understand that Joshua, but right now I just don't feel like I can
talk to anyone."
"I felt that way too Donna. But once I talked to Stanley, things
started looking up. I want
things to start getting better for you before you put your hand
through a window?"
"I appreciate that."
"Good, let me grab my stuff and I'll take you home. After this
weekend I deserve to get
out of here early."
Donna felt somewhat silly by the time she arrived back at work on
Tuesday. She knew
that the others were only trying to help her. She had very little
time to think about it
though.
The day became a swirl of activity when a few key house members
decided to withdraw
their support of the president's newest crime initiative. Sam, Toby
and Josh all spent the
biggest part of the day running back and forth to the hill trying to
marshal support.
They found themselves in the mural room at 10 PM comparing notes.
They all felt
confident that they would be able to get the votes they needed and
the mood began to
lighten, another crisis averted.
Josh and CJ were bickering over the way that the entire situation
should be spun to the
press. Toby was watching CNN trying to gauge the opposition's
response to the day's
events. Sam began singing some silly show tune to try to annoy Toby.
Toby responded
by increasing the volume on the TV. Suddenly Sam grabbed the remote
and began
flipping quickly through all of the channels. He began taunting Toby
by holding the
remote just out of his reach. CJ joined the fray yelling, "Boys, lets
show a little decorum"
and trying to wrestle the remote away from Sam.
Finally, Donna snapped. "Stop it. Just stop it." she yelled as she
began picking up cans,
folders and anything in sight and throwing them at Sam and Toby "Why
do you always
have to act like children? Can't you just behave like adults for
once? I am so tired of
this..."
There was a dull thud as an unopened can of soda made contact with
Sam's head. His
hand flew up to feel the spot and when he pulled it back, he saw a
small spot of blood. He
turned to stare at Donna.
"What is happening to you?" he asked incredulously
"What is happening to me?" she screamed "Do you really want to know
what is
happening to me?" she said as she resumed the search for something
else to throw. Her
eyes landed on the remains of the Chinese food that had eaten for
dinner. Suddenly, she
began throwing the containers at the wall.
Josh jumped up and grabbed Donna's arms but she continued to flail
away.
"Calm down Donna" he said but she continued to rage on unabated.
Finally Josh had to restrain her in a bear hug." Donna stop" he said
over and over "they
were only kidding. Stop" but she continued to struggle to get free.
CJ stepped directly in front of her. "Donna, you need to calm down.
Everyone here is
trying to help you. Just tell us what we can do."
"We want to help you" Toby said standing up "but you have to tell us
what you need."
Donna returned her eyes to CJ. "They can't possibly understand," she
said indicating the
men in the room. "They can't know what it feels like to have every
inch of your body
violated by total strangers. They can't know how it feels to have
your breast squeezed so
hard that they end up bruised. They can't know what its like to have
a stranger stick their
entire hand into the most intimate corners of your body. To have
swelling and bruising so
bad that you can't sit down. To know that the whole event is being
looked on as a source
of amusement. You say you want to help me? Well how come you couldn't
help me
then? How come you couldn't help me to avoid those searches? Where
were you when
those guards had their hands all over me? How am I supposed to get
over that CJ?" she
asked, begging for an answer. "How am I ever supposed to forget
that?" Donna said as
she collapsed in angry sobs.
All three of the men in the room were stunned. None of them had ever
stopped to
consider the physical realities of a body cavity search. They
suddenly realized that what
Donna had been through amounted to rape, and it had happened to her
three separate
times. They would never know what she had felt like during those
searches. But each of
them could see how deeply it had affected her and each wanted nothing
more than to take
away her pain.
"You just don't understand. You have no idea what it was like" she
said breaking free
and fleeing out the door and towards the ladies room.
A silence hung over the room, everyone trying to deal with what had
just happened.
"We have to get her some help" CJ said "and I mean NOW, Josh. She
can't get past this
alone."
Josh was having trouble speaking. He was still trying to come to
grips with Donna's
anger and her fear. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know
what to say. She was
right in that he would never be able to know how she felt during
those horrible searches.
He had to find someone who could help her through this.
"This is bigger than any of us knew, Josh." Toby said, "She looked
like a caged animal.
I've never seen that much fear in one person's eyes before. We need
to get her some
help."
"Josh, I love Donna. We all do." Sam said. "And that's why we are so
worried about her.
We need to take care of this before she really hurts someone-or
before she really hurts
herself."
Sam's words hung ominously in the air.
"I'll talk to her about it tonight" Josh said grabbing his things and
turning to go
Donna was in no shape to discuss seeing a therapist. She stared out
the window of the car
and sobbed all the way home. As soon as they entered the apartment,
she collapsed on the
bed without a word and was sound asleep in no time. Josh sat on the
sofa all night
contemplating his next move. He decided that he would call Stanley in
the morning and
get Donna an appointment. She might resist at first but he knew that
it would be the best
thing for her.
When Josh and Donna arrived in the bullpen the next morning they were
greeted by
complete silence. Donna felt every eye in the place watching her for
any sign that she
was about to have another meltdown. Leo appeared outside of her
cubicle only minutes
after they arrived.
"Donna. My office. Now." Leo said.
Donna turned and looked at him.
"NOW." he repeated.
Josh began to walk down the hallway towards Leo's office but Leo
stopped him with a
glare. "I want to talk to her alone." he said
Josh began to protest but quickly realized it was no use. "Please
Leo, take it easy on her.
I'm gonna get her an appointment with Stanley as soon as I can."
Once they were inside his office, Leo turned to Donna and his voice
softened a bit.
"Donna, I heard what happened last night. I don't want you to think
that anyone was
tattling on you, they are simply concerned. You need to get yourself
some help," he said.
"I can't allow anything like that to ever happen inside this building
again. I want you to
take some more time off. Do whatever you need to do. If you want to
talk, I'm here. If
you need professional help, I'll find someone for you. But you need
to do something
Donna. I don't want you back at work till you've done something."
"Are you firing me?" she asked
"I hope it doesn't come to that" Leo said solemnly "but I can't have
you working here in
your current condition. I think maybe you should consider an
inpatient care facility."
"What?" she screamed.
"Just for an evaluation, Donna. Just so you can get a handle on this
thing."
"Fine" Donna said as she fled the office. She didn't even bother to
return to the bullpen
but rather headed straight for the door. She headed off down the
street not having any
idea where she was going-and not really caring.
She wasn't sure how long she had been running when she finally found
herself in a little
park. Her feet hurt and she was looking for a place to sit down. The
monitoring device on
her ankle banged into the bench and she suddenly remembered that she
had left without a
word to the security guard. She wondered if anyone was looking for
her. She sat down on
the bench and buried her head in her hands. She had no idea what to
do next. She was
suddenly unable to see any options. Leo thought she was crazy. Sam,
CJ, and Toby
probably did too. She didn't even want to think about what Josh
thought of her after last
night. They had barely spoken a word since the incident. Maybe they
were all right-
maybe she was crazy. Maybe they would all be better off if she wasn't
around anymore.
She was desperately trying to clear her head and figure out what her
next move should be
when she looked up and couldn't believe who she saw. Standing almost
right in front of
her was ----MANDY.
"Hello Donna" she said flatly.
"Wh..wh..What are you doing here?"
"Why Donna, you don't seem happy to see me!!!" Mandy said in a mock-
wounded tone
Donna stood her ground." Why are you doing this to me? What did I
ever do to you?"
Mandy threw her head back and laughed derisively." Don't play
innocent with me" she
said. "I knew my days were numbered as soon as you walked into that
office. All of the
sudden it was Donna this and Donna that. Everyone thought that you
were so refreshing
and so wonderful and so delightfully quirky."
"What are you saying Mandy? How could you have been jealous of me?
You had
everything. An education, power, influence and a man who loved you"
"Josh never loved me. We had a relationship yes, but it was never
love. And he barely
noticed me after you arrived."
"That's not true"
"Oh but it is. And deep down you know it. I worked hard to be a
player in politics. I
thought I'd finally made it. I was going to have the ear of the
president and a major role
in his administration. But you took that all away from me. And now
I'm going to take
everything away from you"
As Donna looked at Mandy, she couldn't believe how cold her eyes
were. It was as if
something inside of Mandy had died. Donna recoiled at the thought
that her eyes might
someday look like that.
Suddenly, like being hit by the proverbial lightning bolt from the
sky, it all became
perfectly clear to Donna. Mandy was only winning because Donna was
letting her. She
was playing right into Mandy's hands. She was letting her anger;
fear, frustration and
confusion cloud her own better judgment. CJ, Sam, Toby and Leo
weren't the enemy.
They were her friends. They had fought hard to get her out of jail.
They cared about her
and they wanted her to be happy. They were only trying to look out
for her best interests.
She probably did need to see someone-someone who could help her find
her way out of
all this fear and anger.
And then there was Josh. She loved him with all her heart and yet
she continued to keep
him at a distance. She had been doing everything she could to push
him away ever since
she had gotten released and he had been nothing but patient and
supportive. She had
waited her whole life for someone to love her like that. She realized
with amazing clarity
that she had a long way to go to get back to normal, but running
away from her friends
and the man she loved was definitely taking things in the wrong
direction.
Donna looked back at Mandy who was still talking, then turned and ran
back in the
direction off the White House.
They had searched the west wing top to bottom to no avail. There was
no sign of Donna.
They were desperately trying to convince the security guard to give
them more time
before he reported her missing.
All of the sudden, they heard a commotion and turned to see Donna as
she came sailing
across the bullpen, tears streaming down her face and directly into
Josh's arms. He was
momentarily shocked by the move but quickly wrapped his arms around
her.
"Its ok." he murmured in her ear "its ok."
She pulled back but left her arms wrapped around his neck. "I'm so
sorry" she said " the
words tumbling out of her mouth like a waterfall " I shouldn't have
shut you out.
Shouldn't have pushed you away. I was so confused. There is just so
much pain and so
much anger. I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm still not sure I
know how. I know that
I need to talk to someone-a counselor of some kind- but I also know
that it will be easier
if I let you help me."
He looked into her eyes and to his great delight; he saw that the
light was back. It wasn't
full strength by any means but it was back. He knew that Donna was
ready to fight and
that she was determined to win. He pulled her back into his embrace
and said, "I love you
Donna. Everything is gonna be ok."
"I love you too," she said, crying tears of happiness and relief.
Suddenly, she turned to Sam, Toby and CJ. "I owe you all an apology"
she said, "I'm
sorry for the way I've been acting. I should have had as much faith
in you as you had in
me. I'm so so sorry."
"Its ok." CJ said wrapping Donna in a warm embrace "We were just
worried about you."
"I know."
Donna turned towards Toby and said, "I appreciate everything you've
done for me. You
deserved better treatment. Can you ever forgive me?"
"It's already done. You can see the right path now and that's all
that matters." Toby said
opening his arms and giving Donna a nervous hug." Now that that's out
of the way" he
growled " I will be reverting immediately to the nasty cynical man I
used to be."
"Sam" Donna said taking his hand and looking sadly at the bruise on
his head. "thanks so
much for everything you've done. You're a good friend and I'm sorry
if I don't tell you
that enough."
"Seeing the light starting to come back to your eyes is all the
thanks I need," he said
as he kissed her on the forehead.
"Where's Ainsley?" Donna asked. "I need to thank her too"
"She's working on a bit of a project," Sam said casting a nervous
glance at CJ. "She'll be
by to see you later.
"Ok."
"So," Josh asked pulling Donna back in his arms, and pressing his
forehead to hers, "Not
that I'm complaining but what brought on this change of heart?"
"I saw Mandy in the park today" Donna said
"WHAT????" they all said in unison
Mandy's Hotel
I can't believe that little witch walked away from me! I was right in
the middle of a
sentence and she just turned around and ran. Who the hell does she
think she is? I saw the
look in her eyes when she came in to the park and saw me-it was pure
fear. God, I love
that look. The one that tells you that you are in charge because the
person you are looking
at is too scared to challenge you. But that wasn't the look she had
on her face when she
left. She looked like she had just realized something. Like a light
bulb had just gone on. I
wonder what the hell was going on in that little blonde head of hers.
Well, since my
presence here isn't a secret anymore, I guess it's time for me to
prepare to confront Josh
and whomever else he might have dragged in on his little project. Oh
goody-this should
be interesting!!
That's why she got
out---new evidence. What the hell evidence could they have found? I
covered my tracks
well. I know I did. This no time to panic. There is no way I can ever
be tied to any of this.
In fact, I've managed to find the perfect dupe. Poor, stupid Larry.
He called me last night
and told me that he wanted no part of the plan anymore. He said that
he was starting to
have second thoughts. He claimed that he didn't realize how serious
this was, he thought
that I was just going to give Donna few minor inconveniences. HA.
Well, this is what it's
like when you play in the big leagues Larry. And if you try to back
out now, this whole
thing is going to land right in your lap. Because you see, I've
finally found a use for that
little piece of info you gave me about the great anniversary flower
debacle of 2001.
Donna may be getting out today, but I have one more trick up my
sleeve before she goes.
They say it pays to know people in high places-but sometimes it pays
to know people in
low places too.
Donna was stunned when Ainsley called her with the news that she was
getting out. The
judge had granted her request for bail. She had no idea where Josh
had come up with that
much money but she was grateful that he had. All she had to do now
was be fitted with an
electronic monitoring device and she could be on her way. She wasn't
happy about the
idea of someone being able to track her movements 24 hours a day, but
if it meant getting
out of this horrible place, she would find a way to handle it.
Two unfamiliar guards led her to a room, ostensibly to be processed
for release. She saw
the electronic "ankle bracelet" lying on the table. It was smaller
than she thought it would
be. Maybe it would become a fashion statement. She smiled as she
wondered how it
would look with three-inch heels. Suddenly one of the guards crossed
to the door and
locked it. Donna immediately felt uncomfortable.
"What's going on?" she asked backing away.
"Didn't they tell you?" the guard asked not even bothering to attempt
to hide a smile.
"We have to do a search to make sure that you aren't smuggling any
contraband out of
the prison. We have had prisoners who tried to hide electronic
scramblers on their body
so that we couldn't calibrate the monitoring equipment correctly. We
have to be sure we
do this right because we certainly don't want to lose track of you
Blondie."
"No you can't do this" Donna cried. "I'm going home today. I want to
see my lawyer.
You can't do this."
"As long as you're still a prisoner here, we can do anything we want.
Now please remove
all of your clothes or I'll do it for you." the guard said, taking a
menacing step forward.
Donna sobbed as she fought to get her clothes off. Her hands were
shaking and the splints
on her fingers made dealing with the buttons almost impossible. She
couldn't lift her
arms over her head because of the pain from her broken ribs.
Suddenly, the guard stepped
forward and yanked the prison jumpsuit from Donna's shoulders. Donna
screamed out in
pain. All she could think of was that Josh was waiting for her, she
was going home, and
she couldn't believe this was going to happen again.
"Maybe if you're good," the guard leered "I'll send you flowers next
year to
commemorate our anniversary, but I'll make sure that I get the date
right."
Donna's head swam. How did the guard know about the flowers Josh had
sent her?
Suddenly it was all very clear. MANDY. She was behind this. Somehow
she had
arranged for this search. Donna began to shake uncontrollably.
Someone in the west wing
must have told her about Josh's flowers. But who?
The search itself was almost unbearable and made worse by the fact
that Donna knew
that it had been arranged simply to hurt her. She winced as the guard
roughly patted her
broken ribs. Donna's already bruised and battered body couldn't stand
any more
punishment. She cried out several times unable to stand the pain.
When the guard forced
her to lean over and grab her ankles, she very nearly passed out from
a mixture of pain
and humiliation.
As the brutal search continued, the guard leered at Donna. "Well, I
guess we won't be
seeing you around here anymore Blondie. Unless of course you're
starting to like this"
After the search was over, the guard tossed Donna a paper bag; inside
were the clothes
that she had been wearing when she was arrested and said, "Put these
on."
Donna opened the bag. The sight of Josh's Harvard t-shirt made her
cry even harder. She
stared at the wall, sobbing, until a technician entered the room to
attach the ankle
bracelet. Donna didn't hear a word he said as he explained the rules
she had to follow.
She just took the papers that he handed her and continued to stare at
the wall.
**********************************************************************
**
Ainsley stood waiting impatiently for Donna at the release desk.
After what seemed like
an eternity, she spoke to the officer on duty.
"Could you kindly tell me what is taking so long?" she asked
The guard peered at Donna's paperwork and said, "It looks like they
have her scheduled
for a final search and the attachment of the monitoring device. She
should be out any
minute."
"What do you mean a final search?" Ainsley voice rose sharply "That
cant be."
"Its policy ma'am." the guard said. "We do a final search to make
sure that nothing is
being smuggled out of the prison. We also make sure that the prisoner
is not hiding any
item that may be used to block the signal of the monitoring device.
If we don't get the
frequency right the first time, the device is useless. I assure you
ma'am, it's all perfectly
legal."
"Get me the warden RIGHT NOW." Ainsley screamed trying to fight the
rising panic in
her stomach. She had to stop this. She couldn't let it happen again.
Not now, not when
they had finally arranged for Donna to be free. The warden had
promised that this
wouldn't happen. Ainsley still knew very little about Mandy Hampton,
but somehow she
knew that she was behind this. Her rage burned white hot as she vowed
revenge against
this woman she had never even met.
As the guard at the desk picked up the phone to summon the warden, a
door down the
corridor opened and Ainsley heard the sound of a Donna sobbing. She
wheeled around
and saw Donna emerging from the room in near hysteria. Ainsley ran to
her. She tried to
speak to Donna, tried to comfort her but she was battling tears of
her own. She looked at
the guards standing in the doorway and said, "you haven't heard the
last of this. I assure
you of that."
Ainsley led Donna to the desk where the guard shoved an envelope
containing her
personal effects at her and said, "you'll have to sign for these".
Donna could barely hold the pencil let alone sign her name. Between
her taped fingers
and her wracking sobs, her signature came out as nothing more than
chicken scratch.
Ainsley placed her arm around Donna's shoulder and said, "Let's go".
Josh and Sam had been pacing outside for over 45 minutes. Josh was
just about to go in
to see what was taking so long when the door opened and Ainsley and
Donna appeared.
Josh tensed immediately when he saw Donna crying. Crying wasn't
really an apt
description, her entire body was shaking and she seemed to be having
trouble catching
her breath. Josh ran towards them with Sam hot on his heels.
He placed his arm around Donna's shoulders and felt her
recoil. "Donna honey, what's
wrong?" he said softly into her ear. She turned to look at him and he
was overwhelmed
by the fear and sadness in her eyes. There was a fresh trickle of
blood coming from one
of the cuts on her lip.
"What the hell happened?" he asked Ainsley through clenched teeth.
"They did another search"Ainsley screamed no longer able to control
her own anger
"those sons of bitches did another search. I swear I didn't know they
were doing it until it
was over. I would have stopped it. Somehow I would have stopped it. I
had an agreement
with the warden. Mandy had to have gotten to someone. It had to have
been her."
Sam surveyed the people in front of him and knew he had to make a
quick decision
before the situation became totally unmanageable. He could see that
Donna was clearly in
terrible condition. The last thing she needed right now was to be
confronted with any
more anger. He mentally agreed with Ainsley's assessment, this stunt
had Mandy written
all over it. Worse than anything, Sam wanted Mandy to feel some of
the pain that he saw
in Donna's eyes right now. However he had more immediate problems to
deal with, as
both Josh and Ainsley seemed to be bordering on losing control. He
stepped over beside
Josh and placed one hand on Ainsley's shoulder and one hand on
Donna's elbow. He
cringed when Donna let out a small yelp. He pulled his hand back. He
wasn't sure
whether he had caused her physical pain or emotional pain but either
way, it broke his
heart. "Its ok, Donna." He said as soothingly as he possibly
could "It's gonna be ok now,
we're gonna take you home."
"You two take Donna to my place." Josh said through clenched
teeth. "I have something
to take care of. I'll meet you there as soon as I can."
"Josh wait" Sam said grabbing his friends arm "this isn't going to
help anything".
"I'm gonna find Mandy, Sam-and I swear I'm gonna make her pay."
"You can't do that Josh."
"I have to Sam. I can't let her get away with this."
"She wont get away with it-you have my word." Sam said trying to find
a way to deal
with the blind fury in his friend's eyes.
"Listen to me Josh" Sam said in a stern tone that he couldn't
remember ever using with a
friend before. He grabbed Josh's shoulders forcing him to look him in
the eyes. "Listen to
me" he repeated "This is it buddy. This is the big test. This is
where we separate the men
from the boys. Donna needs you now. Are you gonna be there for her,
or are you more
concerned about Mandy and the idiots inside that building. Who is
more important Josh?
You have to decide. Because you're not gonna get two chances to make
the right
decision."
"But look at her Sam. I can't let Mandy get away..." gesturing towards
Donna and
battling with his own rage at the same time.
"She won't." Sam said. "I promise. But we will take care of her
later. Right now Donna
is our main concern."
"You're right. I'm sorry. I just lost my head for a minute." Josh
said returning his
attention to Donna.
He wrapped his arms lightly around her shoulders and steered her
across the lot to Sam's
car. Sam unlocked the doors as they approached. Josh opened the back
door and helped
Donna inside. She was still sobbing and shaking. Josh winced as he
saw her gingerly sit
down. He secured her seat belt before carefully closing the door. He
went quickly around
to the other side of the car and slid in beside Donna as Sam and
Ainsley got into the front
seat. Donna was doubled over with her head on her knees. She was
still sobbing and was
taking in breath in large gulps. Josh leaned his head close to her
ear and spoke in tones as
soothing as he could muster. "Its ok, Donna. You're safe now. Try to
breathe deep. Try to
calm down angel. You're making yourself sick. Please try to calm
down."
"I'm sorry, Josh." she sobbed. "I'm sorry."
"SShhhhhh. You have nothing to be sorry for. Everything is going to
be ok now. I know
it might not feel like that right now but it is. I promise."
They rode in silence for several minutes, everyone in the car
struggling to regain control.
As they made their way toward Josh's apartment, he leaned over and
stroked Donna's
hair. "I love you, Donna." he said softly "I'm sorry about this, but
I won't let anyone
hurt you ever again. I promise. I'm so sorry this happened angel."
Donna raised her head up off of her knees and looked directly into
Josh's eyes. " This
wasn't your fault Josh, you have nothing to apologize for." she
said, "You promised me
that you would get me out and you did. This isn't your fault. I love
you, too. I just
can't...I mean right now...it just hurts so much." she said dissolving
again into wracking
sobs.
"I know." Josh said "Its ok. You just tell me what you need. I'll
take care of it for you."
"I don't know what I need," she whispered
"Well then we'll figure it out together," he said
By the time they reached the apartment, Josh and Ainsley were calmer
but only
marginally. They helped Donna, who was still crying but had managed
to calm down a
bit, inside and sat her on the couch. Josh immediately sat down
beside her. He wanted
desperately to take her in his arms but he had a sense that being
touched right now was
not what she needed. Ainsley appeared with a glass of water and some
pills that the
prison doctor had prescribed for the pain.
"Take these," she said, "they'll make you feel a little better."
Donna reached for the pills but was unable to grasp them because of
the splints on her
fingers. Her frustration was evident.
"Let me help you." Josh said as he reached up and gently placed the
pills in Donna's
mouth. He lifted the water glass to her lips as she drank just enough
to get the pills down,
wincing at the pain that the newly opened cut on her lip was causing.
"Those should help her get some rest." Ainsley said to Sam
Sam hoped that was true because he knew that Donna needed to sleep,
but he also knew
that both Josh and Ainsley needed some time to pull themselves
together. Ainsley
signaled to Sam to join her on the terrace. Once there, she pulled
out the cell phone and
began angrily punching numbers.
"I'm not letting this go, Sam." she said, "This is unforgivable".
It only took her a moment to get CJ on the line. She quickly
recounted the mornings
events growing angrier by the minute. "We need to start avenging the
sisterhood." Sam
heard her say "and we need to do it right now. I need you to get me
all available
background info on Mandy- I have some digging to do."
As Ainsley disconnected the phone she turned to Sam and said. "My
daddy always said
you should know your enemy well-and that's exactly what I intend to
do."
"Are you tired, angel?" Josh asked. "Maybe you should lay down and
try to get some
sleep." He hoped that sleep might give Donna some much-needed relief
from the pain.
Even if it was only temporary.
"Ok." Donna said curling up into a very tight ball on the corner of
the couch.
"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in bed?" Josh asked
"I don't think so."
"Ok, I'll get you a pillow and a blanket."
"Thanks."
Josh returned with her pillow, the one he had been sleeping with
since her things were
delivered to his apartment, and a blanket. He lifted her head gently,
trying hard not to
hurt her and placed the pillow underneath her. He then covered her
with a blanket.
"Josh??" she said sleepily, trying hard to fight the effects of the
pills she had taken.
"What?" he said.
"Is everything really going to be ok?"
"I promise." he said meaning it with every fiber of his being. "Now
you sleep, and I'll be
right here when you wake up".
When Donna awoke several hours later, Josh was sitting in the chair
across from her
thumbing through a file. She watched him for a moment before he
glanced up and
realized that she was awake.
"Feeling better?" he asked dropping the file and kneeling on the
floor in front of her.
"A little." she said trying to sit up but being stopped by both the
pain and the dizziness.
Josh placed his hands on her shoulders to steady her and felt Donna's
entire body tense.
"I'm sorry." he said, "did I hurt you?"
"No" she said "its just..."
"What?"
"Oh God. I'm sorry."
"What? Tell me."
"Its just that.... every time I feel a hand on me... I get taken right
back to those horrible
searches and..." Donna trailed off as she tried to hold back the tears.
"Its ok, sweetheart. Its just gonna take some time that's all."
"I'm sorry, Josh- I know that you're not them but..."
"I understand, Donna." he said, "We'll find a way to work this out".
Josh looked deeply into Donna's eyes searching for some sign of which
direction he
should go. He wanted so desperately to do or say the right thing. He
knew that the old
Donna spirit was still in there, he could feel it, he just needed to
find a way to help her get
it back. A knock on the door broke the spell. Josh looked out the
peephole to see Toby
and CJ carrying a pizza box and a six-pack of beer. He opened the
door and welcomed
them, at the same time shooting them a look that clearly said that
Donna was not yet in a
party mood. Sam had already filled them in, so they were prepared.
Donna rose from the couch and tried to welcome them with a smile. She
knew that they
had worked very hard to get her released and it was important to her
that they realize how
much she appreciated it. She knew how lucky she was to have such good
friends.
Unfortunately, her fear and anger were preventing her from allowing
herself to feel the
comfort that they wanted to give her.
She began to feel an increasing sense of panic as the noise level in
the apartment rose but
she kept reminding herself that these were her friends, not the other
inmates at the jail.
Soon they were all settled comfortably in the living room. CJ noticed
that Josh was sitting
very close to Donna on the couch, but was avoiding touching her as
much as possible.
She gave him credit for understanding. It was going to be a tough
road back but at that
moment, when she saw that Donna's comfort was more important to Josh
than his own,
she knew that they would find a way to make it through. She looked
over at Toby and
when their eyes met, a small smile crossed his lips and she knew that
he was thinking
exactly the same thing. 'He really is a nice person' she
thought 'Even if he won't let
anybody see it.'
Josh went into the kitchen and returned with a can of soda for Donna.
He knew that she
shouldn't have a beer because of her pain medications. He had managed
to scrape up a
straw from somewhere, probably left over from a takeout meal long
forgotten. He retook
his seat on the couch and held the can out towards Donna.
"Thanks." she said
"No problem." he said not removing his hand from the can when she
grabbed it between
hers, but rather casually leaving it there to steady the can while
she took a drink. He then
placed the can on the table and handed her a piece of pizza, which
she refused. She knew
that she couldn't possibly eat it without help and she refused to be
fed like a child.
"You need to eat something," Josh said
"I'm just not hungry now-maybe later." she said
She rose unsteadily off the couch and said, "I'm going to use the
powder room. I'll be
right back."
A few minutes passed and Donna called for CJ, who stood up and bolted
back to the
bathroom.
"Everything ok?" she asked as she slipped in the door.
"I can't get these sweat pants retied." Donna said as two tears
slipped down her face.
"No problem." CJ said. "We'll get you fixed right up."
When the women returned to the living room, Josh and Toby were both
sitting in an
awkward silence. They were both dealing with the same guilt, even
though neither one
knew of the others feelings. They were each thinking that they should
have done
something sooner. They should have found a way to keep Donna out of
jail altogether,
and then she wouldn't be suffering like this. They noticed Donna's
red eyes but neither
one commented.
Donna couldn't believe what was happening to her. She had worked so
hard to win these
peoples respect and now she was reduced to being like a three year
old in front of them,
unable to complete the smallest task without help.
"Donna," Toby began " Leo and the president would like to see you as
soon as possible,
maybe even tomorrow if you feel up to it".
"See me?? For what? Are they going to fire me?" she asked unable to
hide the fear in her
voice.
"No." Toby said, "It would be a cold day in hell before I'd let you
lose your job over a
bitch like Mandy. They just need to discuss the special arrangements
for your electronic
monitoring while you are inside the White House".
Donna automatically looked down at the intrusive black box around her
ankle and
attempted to pull the leg of her sweat pants down.
"Special arrangements?" she asked.
"Yes." Toby answered. "For security reasons, the signal on your ankle
bracelet will be
jammed when you are inside the White House".
"Does that mean I cant go back to work?"
"No, but it means that special arrangements have to be made. The
President himself
called the judge and worked out the details. I'm not exactly sure
what they are but I'm
sure the he will explain it to you when he sees you."
"Along with all pertinent trivia related to the subject." CJ snorted
trying to lighten the
mood.
"Was there any special time he wanted to see me?" Donna asked
"He said that he could fit you in first thing in the morning if you
felt up to it."
"I'll be there."
"Are you sure Donna?" Josh asked "I think it might be a little soon.
Maybe you should
wait until Monday."
"No I'm sure. The sooner I can get back to my normal life-the better.
Besides I didn't
say I was coming back to work-I mean-look at me-I can hardly type. I
just want to
try to get back to my normal routine ASAP."
"Ok-but its gonna be a short day. And if you get tired, you let me
know."
"Deal."
After a few hours, Toby and CJ departed for home to try to get much-
needed good nights
sleep. They were both glad they had come though. They had needed to
see Donna, to
convince themselves that she was in fact home. To see that the tide
had turned and that
Mandy was no longer calling the shots. They both knew that they would
somehow need
to take an active role in her recovery. But as they looked at her and
saw the destruction
that Mandy had caused, each of them began to formulate thoughts of
revenge.
Josh carried the dishes to the kitchen and threw the empty bottles
in the recycling. Then
he came back in and sat down beside Donna.
"Tired?" he asked knowing that she needed to catch up on her sleep.
"Kind of." she said "But what I would really like is a nice hot
bath." Donna couldn't help
but remember the humiliation of the guard watching her while she took
showers. It would
be nice to have a little privacy.
"Ok." Josh said remembering the box marked bathroom from her
apartment. " I even
know exactly where all that stuff you use is."
"Stuff?"
"You know-all that girly stuff."
A small smile crossed Donna's lips. "How did all of my stuff get
here?" she asked
noticing for the first time the stacks of boxes in the hallway.
"I had it brought here because your smarmy landlord was threatening
to throw it out on
the street."
"Did you pack it up?" she asked.
"No I hired a company."
Donna blanched at the thought of perfect strangers going through her
belongings.
"Is that ok?" he asked eyeing her warily " I would have done it
myself but I just couldn't
find the time. Between going through the records trying to find some
evidence and trying
to keep up with work...."
"It's ok." Donna said, "Don't worry about it." but she made a mental
note to wash all of
her clothes as soon as she got a chance.
"Ok-I'll run a bath for you." he said.
As the hot water began to flow, Josh added the contents of a bottle
and watched as the
bubbles filled the tub. He turned around and saw Donna standing in
the doorway behind
him. Her hands were crossed over her chest. She looked very ill at
ease. She seemed to be
waiting for him to leave before she entered the room.
"I'll be in the living room if you need anything." he said looking
down.
"Thanks." she said
After a few minutes, Josh heard Donna struggling. He hesitated at the
door before
entering.
"Can I come in?" he said trying to respect her privacy. Then he heard
her softly crying
from the other side of the door. He poked his head in and saw her
sitting on the edge of
the tub. Her sweat pants were thrown over the towel rack and she was
struggling to get
her socks off. Her fingers had swelled from the activity of the day
and were unable to
remove the remainder of her clothing. Josh froze momentarily not
exactly sure what to
do. He took note of the helpless look in her eyes and knew exactly
how she felt. It was
the same way he had felt after the shooting. He knew he needed to
find a way to help her
without making her feel even worse.
"I can't even get my stupid clothes off so that I can take a bath
myself" Donna spit out
angrily.
Josh reached behind her and shut off the water, which was threatening
to overflow. Then
he carefully knelt down in front of Donna and removed her
socks. "It's just going to take
a little while." he said "This is your first day home, don't put too
much pressure on
yourself." Then he took Donna's hand gently and stood her up. He
proceeded to remove
the remainder of her clothes as gingerly as possible and without
breaking eye contact. He
then steadied her while she stepped in to the tub and sank down in
the relaxing water.
"Thank you." she said turning her eyes to the wall.
"No problem," he said "just call me when you're ready to get out. I
don't want you to
slip."
Tears stung Donna's eyes. She hated being this helpless. She was used
to being the strong
one, the caregiver. She hated feeling weak and out of control. She
laid her head back and
wondered when this nightmare was going to be over. By the time water
began to turn
cooler, Donna's muscles had loosened up considerably. She managed to
get out of the tub
herself and put on Josh's robe. She emerged from the bathroom and
almost ran straight
into Josh who was leaning against the wall just outside the door.
"You scared me." he said as she crossed the room and stood against
the opposite wall.
She looked down and noticed that her hands were trembling. "Please
don't do that
anymore."
"Is something wrong?" he asked
Donna's tears began to fall again. 'God, I'm sick of crying she
thought to herself.' "The
shower in the prison didn't have a curtain on it." she said suddenly
needing to try to share
the horror of her ordeal with him. "There was a guard standing right
outside of it
watching the entire time I took a shower. It was awful." she said
" I'm sorry." Josh said, "I didn't know. I just wanted to be close
in case you needed me.
I'll never do it again. I'll respect your privacy, I promise."
"Thanks" Donna said. She wanted to so badly to reach out and hug him
but she just
couldn't bring herself to do it. She knew that Josh was only trying
to help. He was really
being very sweet. She wondered if he had felt this helpless after the
shooting. He had
been so angry during those first few weeks and she wondered if that
anger was anything
like the anger she was feeling now. Was it fueled by the same kind of
feelings of
helplessness?
"Well the bath did the trick." she said "I'm really tired now."
"Good." he said "I put the boxes marked clothes in the bedroom so
maybe we can find
you a pair of pjs."
"Um...I really don't want to wear any of that stuff until I wash it."
she said " I'm
probably overreacting but I cant stand the thought of a strangers
hands all over my
things...." She said choking back tears.
"I'm sorry. I never thought of that," he said. "Do you want me to
grab you some sweats
to sleep in?"
"That'd be great thanks," Donna said as Josh went to the dresser and
tossed a pair of
sweats on to the bed.
"Um ...Josh, "she said nervously". I can't...I mean I just don't feel
comfortable.... I
mean its not you but..."
"I understand," he said moving to stand beside her but not touching
her. "I've already put
my stuff out on the couch. You sleep in here where you'll be more
comfortable."
"I'm sorry," she said looking down at the ground.
"Not a problem." he said "You'll call me if you need anything?"
"Absolutely." she said as Josh retreated to the living room.
Josh waited a while until it sounded as though Donna had managed to
get settled and he
took his pillow and blanket and stretched out on the floor in front
of the bedroom door.
He wanted to be as close as possible in case she needed him. When
sleep wouldn't come,
he began formulating a plan to get back at Mandy.
Donna arose in the morning, still looking haggard but having
definitely been helped by
her best nights sleep since the ordeal began. She dug through the
boxes of her clothing
carefully looking for something to wear to work. She found a spring
sweater set and a
pair of pants that were still sealed in dry cleaning bags and so she
decided to wear those.
She tried valiantly to dress herself but once again her sore and
swollen fingers didn't
want to cooperate. Josh helped her willingly, trying to be as
nonchalant as possible. She
tried to control it, but every time his hand brushed her skin she
flinched. She just couldn't
get the memory of the guard's hands out of her mind.
"I'm sorry," she said "its not you, its me."
"Please stop apologizing." Josh told her "You just tell me what YOU
want, what YOU
need."
"I just wish I could turn time to before this all started."
"Me too." Josh said as he finished tying her shoes. "Are you ready to
go?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." she said as Josh picked up his backpack
and they moved
towards the door.
Donna perched nervously on the edge of a chair in the oval office as
Leo and the
president explained the internal monitoring procedures to her. She
would be under the
direct supervision of the assigned security guard. She would need to
report her
movements to him as well as check in with him personally several
times a day. Under no
condition could she leave the premises without him knowing. Donna
felt like she was
back in prison. The thought of someone having to know her whereabouts
every minute
disturbed her.
"I know these rules seem harsh Donna," Leo said "but it's the only
way. Without these
concessions, you wouldn't be able to come back to work."
"I understand," she said somewhat bitterly.
"Look Donna," the president spoke softly as if addressing one of his
own daughters
"what happened to you isn't fair, and it certainly wasn't your fault,
but we need to just
play by the rules until we can get the whole thing straightened out."
"I know sir, and I appreciate all your help. Both of you." she said
indicating Leo "I'm just
grateful that you aren't firing me."
"Firing you?" the president asked incredulously "Where would you get
a crazy idea like
that?"
"Well I just thought that after everything. I might be..you know..a
liability."
"You are no such thing, Donna and I don't want to hear anymore talk
like that. This is all
gonna work out fine."
"Go home, Donna and enjoy the weekend. Get some sleep and spend some
time healing.
Start back fresh on Monday morning-if you're ready." Leo said
"Ok thanks, I think I will"
Just then, Mrs. Landingham poked her head in to say that the senior
staff was waiting
outside. As they filed in, Donna pulled Josh aside and told him that
she was going to go
back to the apartment.
"I'll call and check on you in a little bit." Josh said as she turned
to go
Josh called two hours after Donna got home with the news that there
was a hostage
standoff at a courthouse in Illinois. He didn't know how long it was
going to take to
resolve but it looked like it might be awhile. He said that he was
sending someone by to
pick up a few things.
"Do you want me to ask Bonnie or Ginger to come by and stay with
you?" he asked.
"No that's ok, I'll be fine." she assured him thinking that she could
actually use some
time to herself. "But will you promise me that you'll try to get a
little rest?" she added
"I'll do what I can," he said. "I'll call you as soon as I get a
chance."
"Ok."
Donna sat in the apartment mentally replaying the events of the last
few weeks in her
head. Was there anything she could have done differently? Was there
any way she could
have seen it coming? How could she not have seen the depth of Mandy's
hatred?
Josh finally arrived home late Saturday night and found Donna sitting
in the darkened
living room crying. He rushed to her side.
"Donna, are you ok? Did something happen?"
"I ran out of laundry detergent." she sobbed.
Josh smiled. "Well Donna, that's hardly worth crying over. We'll just
go the store and get
some more tomorrow."
"That's just my point." she said "I went to the store to get it, and
I was almost in the
checkout line before I realized that I couldn't do it. I don't have
any money, I don't have
a bank account, I can't write a check and all of my credit cards have
been cancelled. I
can't even go to the store and buy laundry detergent." she sobbed.
Josh continued to smile, mostly a smile of relief that this was an
easily fixable problem.
"Do you think this is funny?" Donna said, "Does this amuse you?"
"I'm not laughing at you." Josh said suddenly sensing that Donna was
taking this very
seriously. "I'm just glad that it wasn't something more serious you
were upset over."
"Well it may be a simple thing to you but it isn't to me. It took me
all morning to get the
laundry unpacked and separated. I worked really hard at it. Then I
realized I can't even
go to the store and buy detergent!!" she said as her voice escalated.
"I know, Donna. I'm sorry that I laughed." Josh said trying to calm
her all the while
trying to push down his own feelings of dread. The old Donna-his
Donna-would never
have been so thrown by such a minor detail.
"Listen," he said, "When you get your next check, we'll open a new
account for you so
you'll have a checkbook. We'll get your credit cards straightened out
eventually. And in
the mean time, I'll give you a little money to tide you over."
"You don't have to do that." Donna said, drying her tears.
"I want to." Josh replied. "And you just let me know if there's
anything else you need
ok?"
"Ok." Donna said with a sigh that said more than her words ever could.
Donna was feeling a bit better by the time she walked into the west
wing on Monday
morning. Josh left the apartment very early so she came in alone.
Though she had
managed to get dressed by herself, she was wearing no jewelry because
she absolutely
couldn't handle the clasps by herself. She wore a small amount of
makeup, which had
taken her nearly an hour to apply.
She walked out to the bullpen to find Larry standing beside her desk.
He took one look at
the bruises on her face and the cast on her arm and all of the color
drained from his face.
"Larry?" Donna asked, "Are you ok?"
"Fine" Larry said as he fled the bullpen without a backward glance
Donna glanced at Josh's schedule and saw that he was conducting a
tour for the
Georgetown interns right before lunch. She noticed that the rest of
his day was fairly light
and she thought that she might be able convince him to go home early
since she was
certain that he hadn't got much rest all weekend.
A shadow crossed over Donna's desk and she looked up to see a
uniformed guard
standing over her. Donna recognized him; she had seen him around the
grounds many
times. Despite that, her heart was racing and her hands began to
shake. He introduced
himself and said that he would be in charge of monitoring her
movements while she was
in the White House. He assured her that he anticipated no problems
and didn't want to
intrude on her work activities. He asked her to simply make sure she
let him know when
she intended to leave the building etc... Donna could barely hear him
speaking over the
roaring in her ears. There was something about his uniform that sent
her mind flying back
to those guards...those horrible guards.
"Are you all right?" he asked
"I'll be fine," she said
By the time that Josh returned from his meeting, Donna was sitting at
her desk trying to
regain control. He motioned for her to follow him into his office and
closed the door
behind them.
"Are you ok? Are you sure you're ready to come back?"
"I'm sure," she said, giving him a small smile to show that she
appreciated his concern.
The writing in your schedule book will be even more distinctive than
usual for a while
though. At least until I get these stupid splints off."
"Don't worry about that." Josh said crossing to stand in front of her
but being careful to
give her some space "If there's anything you can't do, anything you
need help with, you
let me know ok?"
"Ok." She said switching quickly into assistant mode "The interns
will be here any
minute. Is there anything you need me to do while you are giving them
the tour?"
"You could get me some research on the transportation thing if you
feel up to it."
"Ok."
"But don't over do it Donna. Take it slow."
"Yes boss."
Donna was sitting at her desk when it began. Toby and CJ were
standing just outside of
her office arguing over how to best handle a rogue senator from
Texas. Josh and Sam
were showing a large group of interns the way the bullpen system
worked. The noise
suddenly became overwhelming. All of the sudden Donna's heart began
to pound like it
was going to explode. Her hand went instinctively to her chest. She
wanted to get away-
needed to escape but she couldn't make her legs work. Suddenly she
couldn't catch her
breath. The room began to spin and Donna felt sick to her stomach. CJ
was the first to
notice.
"Donna are you ok?" she said "Donna-say something!!"
Donna tried to speak but no words would come out.
"Donna!!" CJ said loudly enough that she caught Josh's attention
across the room. Josh
looked up, saw the fear in Donna's eyes and immediately ran to her
side."
"Donna, are you ok?" he asked in a panicked voice but there was still
no answer.
"Let's get her in your office." Toby said trying to keep the
situation from spinning out of
control.
"Get a Dr." Josh said to Carol as he lifted Donna from her chair and
steered her towards
his office.
Once inside the office, away from the crowd and the noise, Donna
seemed to calm down
a little. She said she was all right but Josh still insisted that the
staff Dr. check her over.
Sam managed to pass the interns off to a junior staffer and made his
way over to Josh's
office in time to hear the Dr. say that he believed Donna had
suffered a panic attack.
"Has this ever happened to you before?" the Dr. asked
"Just once," Donna admitted "the morning I woke up in the infirmary."
"Well its not an unusual occurrence for a person who has been through
what you've been
through" the Dr said. "Still, its nothing to take lightly. If it
happens again, you will need
to see your physician immediately."
"Thank you Dr. I will"
After the Dr left, the office was silent for a few minutes then CJ
spoke.
"Donna, I think you need to talk about what happened to you in
prison. You can talk to
us, or you can talk to a professional but you definitely need to talk
it out. You're holding
it inside and it's starting to eat you up."
"I'm fine CJ."
"You're not fine Donna. That's quite obvious."
"It's just the noise. It threw me that's all."
"Well noise is something you can't escape around her Donna" Toby
said, "if you're
having trouble dealing with it, then we need to do something about
it. Maybe talking to
someone would be the best thing."
"I told you, I'm fine! Can we please just forget this and get back to
work?"
"No, Donna" Toby said, "We can't just pretend everything is normal.
It isn't"
"So you're saying that you think I can't handle it?" Donna asked as
tears began to flow
down her cheeks "you think I can't do my job anymore?"
"No one said that" Sam said stepping in to try to restore calm. "We
just think you might
need to talk to someone. Let's not forget the lessons we learned
after Rosslyn. Holding
things in only leads to trouble Donna. Were just trying to head it
off at the pass."
"What about you?" Donna wheeled around and faced Josh "Do you think I
need help
too?"
"I think that you are very frightened right now Donna. And I want to
give you what you
need but I'm just not sure what that is. I just don't want you to be
in this much pain
anymore. I've been in that place Donna and I know how lonely and
scary it is. I want to
help you get out of that place. And if I can't get you out-I want to
find someone who
can."
"I'm going home," Donna said turning on her heels. "Obviously you
don't think I can do
my job so I may as well leave."
Josh chased after her and caught up with her in the hallway.
"They---we----all of us-----we're only trying to help you Donna. We
all want you to feel
better. I'll do anything to make you feel better. I just need you to
figure out what you
want so you can tell me"
"I understand that Joshua, but right now I just don't feel like I can
talk to anyone."
"I felt that way too Donna. But once I talked to Stanley, things
started looking up. I want
things to start getting better for you before you put your hand
through a window?"
"I appreciate that."
"Good, let me grab my stuff and I'll take you home. After this
weekend I deserve to get
out of here early."
Donna felt somewhat silly by the time she arrived back at work on
Tuesday. She knew
that the others were only trying to help her. She had very little
time to think about it
though.
The day became a swirl of activity when a few key house members
decided to withdraw
their support of the president's newest crime initiative. Sam, Toby
and Josh all spent the
biggest part of the day running back and forth to the hill trying to
marshal support.
They found themselves in the mural room at 10 PM comparing notes.
They all felt
confident that they would be able to get the votes they needed and
the mood began to
lighten, another crisis averted.
Josh and CJ were bickering over the way that the entire situation
should be spun to the
press. Toby was watching CNN trying to gauge the opposition's
response to the day's
events. Sam began singing some silly show tune to try to annoy Toby.
Toby responded
by increasing the volume on the TV. Suddenly Sam grabbed the remote
and began
flipping quickly through all of the channels. He began taunting Toby
by holding the
remote just out of his reach. CJ joined the fray yelling, "Boys, lets
show a little decorum"
and trying to wrestle the remote away from Sam.
Finally, Donna snapped. "Stop it. Just stop it." she yelled as she
began picking up cans,
folders and anything in sight and throwing them at Sam and Toby "Why
do you always
have to act like children? Can't you just behave like adults for
once? I am so tired of
this..."
There was a dull thud as an unopened can of soda made contact with
Sam's head. His
hand flew up to feel the spot and when he pulled it back, he saw a
small spot of blood. He
turned to stare at Donna.
"What is happening to you?" he asked incredulously
"What is happening to me?" she screamed "Do you really want to know
what is
happening to me?" she said as she resumed the search for something
else to throw. Her
eyes landed on the remains of the Chinese food that had eaten for
dinner. Suddenly, she
began throwing the containers at the wall.
Josh jumped up and grabbed Donna's arms but she continued to flail
away.
"Calm down Donna" he said but she continued to rage on unabated.
Finally Josh had to restrain her in a bear hug." Donna stop" he said
over and over "they
were only kidding. Stop" but she continued to struggle to get free.
CJ stepped directly in front of her. "Donna, you need to calm down.
Everyone here is
trying to help you. Just tell us what we can do."
"We want to help you" Toby said standing up "but you have to tell us
what you need."
Donna returned her eyes to CJ. "They can't possibly understand," she
said indicating the
men in the room. "They can't know what it feels like to have every
inch of your body
violated by total strangers. They can't know how it feels to have
your breast squeezed so
hard that they end up bruised. They can't know what its like to have
a stranger stick their
entire hand into the most intimate corners of your body. To have
swelling and bruising so
bad that you can't sit down. To know that the whole event is being
looked on as a source
of amusement. You say you want to help me? Well how come you couldn't
help me
then? How come you couldn't help me to avoid those searches? Where
were you when
those guards had their hands all over me? How am I supposed to get
over that CJ?" she
asked, begging for an answer. "How am I ever supposed to forget
that?" Donna said as
she collapsed in angry sobs.
All three of the men in the room were stunned. None of them had ever
stopped to
consider the physical realities of a body cavity search. They
suddenly realized that what
Donna had been through amounted to rape, and it had happened to her
three separate
times. They would never know what she had felt like during those
searches. But each of
them could see how deeply it had affected her and each wanted nothing
more than to take
away her pain.
"You just don't understand. You have no idea what it was like" she
said breaking free
and fleeing out the door and towards the ladies room.
A silence hung over the room, everyone trying to deal with what had
just happened.
"We have to get her some help" CJ said "and I mean NOW, Josh. She
can't get past this
alone."
Josh was having trouble speaking. He was still trying to come to
grips with Donna's
anger and her fear. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know
what to say. She was
right in that he would never be able to know how she felt during
those horrible searches.
He had to find someone who could help her through this.
"This is bigger than any of us knew, Josh." Toby said, "She looked
like a caged animal.
I've never seen that much fear in one person's eyes before. We need
to get her some
help."
"Josh, I love Donna. We all do." Sam said. "And that's why we are so
worried about her.
We need to take care of this before she really hurts someone-or
before she really hurts
herself."
Sam's words hung ominously in the air.
"I'll talk to her about it tonight" Josh said grabbing his things and
turning to go
Donna was in no shape to discuss seeing a therapist. She stared out
the window of the car
and sobbed all the way home. As soon as they entered the apartment,
she collapsed on the
bed without a word and was sound asleep in no time. Josh sat on the
sofa all night
contemplating his next move. He decided that he would call Stanley in
the morning and
get Donna an appointment. She might resist at first but he knew that
it would be the best
thing for her.
When Josh and Donna arrived in the bullpen the next morning they were
greeted by
complete silence. Donna felt every eye in the place watching her for
any sign that she
was about to have another meltdown. Leo appeared outside of her
cubicle only minutes
after they arrived.
"Donna. My office. Now." Leo said.
Donna turned and looked at him.
"NOW." he repeated.
Josh began to walk down the hallway towards Leo's office but Leo
stopped him with a
glare. "I want to talk to her alone." he said
Josh began to protest but quickly realized it was no use. "Please
Leo, take it easy on her.
I'm gonna get her an appointment with Stanley as soon as I can."
Once they were inside his office, Leo turned to Donna and his voice
softened a bit.
"Donna, I heard what happened last night. I don't want you to think
that anyone was
tattling on you, they are simply concerned. You need to get yourself
some help," he said.
"I can't allow anything like that to ever happen inside this building
again. I want you to
take some more time off. Do whatever you need to do. If you want to
talk, I'm here. If
you need professional help, I'll find someone for you. But you need
to do something
Donna. I don't want you back at work till you've done something."
"Are you firing me?" she asked
"I hope it doesn't come to that" Leo said solemnly "but I can't have
you working here in
your current condition. I think maybe you should consider an
inpatient care facility."
"What?" she screamed.
"Just for an evaluation, Donna. Just so you can get a handle on this
thing."
"Fine" Donna said as she fled the office. She didn't even bother to
return to the bullpen
but rather headed straight for the door. She headed off down the
street not having any
idea where she was going-and not really caring.
She wasn't sure how long she had been running when she finally found
herself in a little
park. Her feet hurt and she was looking for a place to sit down. The
monitoring device on
her ankle banged into the bench and she suddenly remembered that she
had left without a
word to the security guard. She wondered if anyone was looking for
her. She sat down on
the bench and buried her head in her hands. She had no idea what to
do next. She was
suddenly unable to see any options. Leo thought she was crazy. Sam,
CJ, and Toby
probably did too. She didn't even want to think about what Josh
thought of her after last
night. They had barely spoken a word since the incident. Maybe they
were all right-
maybe she was crazy. Maybe they would all be better off if she wasn't
around anymore.
She was desperately trying to clear her head and figure out what her
next move should be
when she looked up and couldn't believe who she saw. Standing almost
right in front of
her was ----MANDY.
"Hello Donna" she said flatly.
"Wh..wh..What are you doing here?"
"Why Donna, you don't seem happy to see me!!!" Mandy said in a mock-
wounded tone
Donna stood her ground." Why are you doing this to me? What did I
ever do to you?"
Mandy threw her head back and laughed derisively." Don't play
innocent with me" she
said. "I knew my days were numbered as soon as you walked into that
office. All of the
sudden it was Donna this and Donna that. Everyone thought that you
were so refreshing
and so wonderful and so delightfully quirky."
"What are you saying Mandy? How could you have been jealous of me?
You had
everything. An education, power, influence and a man who loved you"
"Josh never loved me. We had a relationship yes, but it was never
love. And he barely
noticed me after you arrived."
"That's not true"
"Oh but it is. And deep down you know it. I worked hard to be a
player in politics. I
thought I'd finally made it. I was going to have the ear of the
president and a major role
in his administration. But you took that all away from me. And now
I'm going to take
everything away from you"
As Donna looked at Mandy, she couldn't believe how cold her eyes
were. It was as if
something inside of Mandy had died. Donna recoiled at the thought
that her eyes might
someday look like that.
Suddenly, like being hit by the proverbial lightning bolt from the
sky, it all became
perfectly clear to Donna. Mandy was only winning because Donna was
letting her. She
was playing right into Mandy's hands. She was letting her anger;
fear, frustration and
confusion cloud her own better judgment. CJ, Sam, Toby and Leo
weren't the enemy.
They were her friends. They had fought hard to get her out of jail.
They cared about her
and they wanted her to be happy. They were only trying to look out
for her best interests.
She probably did need to see someone-someone who could help her find
her way out of
all this fear and anger.
And then there was Josh. She loved him with all her heart and yet
she continued to keep
him at a distance. She had been doing everything she could to push
him away ever since
she had gotten released and he had been nothing but patient and
supportive. She had
waited her whole life for someone to love her like that. She realized
with amazing clarity
that she had a long way to go to get back to normal, but running
away from her friends
and the man she loved was definitely taking things in the wrong
direction.
Donna looked back at Mandy who was still talking, then turned and ran
back in the
direction off the White House.
They had searched the west wing top to bottom to no avail. There was
no sign of Donna.
They were desperately trying to convince the security guard to give
them more time
before he reported her missing.
All of the sudden, they heard a commotion and turned to see Donna as
she came sailing
across the bullpen, tears streaming down her face and directly into
Josh's arms. He was
momentarily shocked by the move but quickly wrapped his arms around
her.
"Its ok." he murmured in her ear "its ok."
She pulled back but left her arms wrapped around his neck. "I'm so
sorry" she said " the
words tumbling out of her mouth like a waterfall " I shouldn't have
shut you out.
Shouldn't have pushed you away. I was so confused. There is just so
much pain and so
much anger. I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm still not sure I
know how. I know that
I need to talk to someone-a counselor of some kind- but I also know
that it will be easier
if I let you help me."
He looked into her eyes and to his great delight; he saw that the
light was back. It wasn't
full strength by any means but it was back. He knew that Donna was
ready to fight and
that she was determined to win. He pulled her back into his embrace
and said, "I love you
Donna. Everything is gonna be ok."
"I love you too," she said, crying tears of happiness and relief.
Suddenly, she turned to Sam, Toby and CJ. "I owe you all an apology"
she said, "I'm
sorry for the way I've been acting. I should have had as much faith
in you as you had in
me. I'm so so sorry."
"Its ok." CJ said wrapping Donna in a warm embrace "We were just
worried about you."
"I know."
Donna turned towards Toby and said, "I appreciate everything you've
done for me. You
deserved better treatment. Can you ever forgive me?"
"It's already done. You can see the right path now and that's all
that matters." Toby said
opening his arms and giving Donna a nervous hug." Now that that's out
of the way" he
growled " I will be reverting immediately to the nasty cynical man I
used to be."
"Sam" Donna said taking his hand and looking sadly at the bruise on
his head. "thanks so
much for everything you've done. You're a good friend and I'm sorry
if I don't tell you
that enough."
"Seeing the light starting to come back to your eyes is all the
thanks I need," he said
as he kissed her on the forehead.
"Where's Ainsley?" Donna asked. "I need to thank her too"
"She's working on a bit of a project," Sam said casting a nervous
glance at CJ. "She'll be
by to see you later.
"Ok."
"So," Josh asked pulling Donna back in his arms, and pressing his
forehead to hers, "Not
that I'm complaining but what brought on this change of heart?"
"I saw Mandy in the park today" Donna said
"WHAT????" they all said in unison
Mandy's Hotel
I can't believe that little witch walked away from me! I was right in
the middle of a
sentence and she just turned around and ran. Who the hell does she
think she is? I saw the
look in her eyes when she came in to the park and saw me-it was pure
fear. God, I love
that look. The one that tells you that you are in charge because the
person you are looking
at is too scared to challenge you. But that wasn't the look she had
on her face when she
left. She looked like she had just realized something. Like a light
bulb had just gone on. I
wonder what the hell was going on in that little blonde head of hers.
Well, since my
presence here isn't a secret anymore, I guess it's time for me to
prepare to confront Josh
and whomever else he might have dragged in on his little project. Oh
goody-this should
be interesting!!