Yes! I am back from a nice refreshing day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I even traveled the globe just to bring you an all exclusive special! SIRUS BLACK'S DIARY! You won't believe the juicy tidbits I found in Harry, Draco, Moaning Myrtle, Hermione, Gary, and Ron's diaries! See for yourself...

"Gary fricken' Sotter... Won't this kid leave me alone?! I mean, I got a valentine from him and it's fricken' September! I've been so freaked out... I think he stalking me! He... he just wont leave me alone!! Maybe I can cast a spell... no... Not a spell... that's mean... what would Dumbledore do?! I should just forget about this right now... I mean, I have an 11-year-old me stalking me, and Ron is in the hospital wing for his never ending cheese fetish! Hermione's growing popularity is giving me a headache, and I've been seeing this strange ladybug that reminds me of Rita Skeeter... It... It's just so creepy! What am I to do?! I'm... I'm... I'M GOING FREAKIN' INSANE!!"

- Harry Potter, Diary of

"This Diary is stupid. I bet that muggle loving Harry Potter keeps a wimpy Diary like this. I should burn this thing. It gives me a migraine... Well, I'll give it a shot... Theirs a new kid in school, I forget his name but he looks just like that lightning scarred harlot. He acts just like him too. On top of that two new students have joined the ranks of the pathetic Gryiffindor team. Mirror images of those fools Ron and Hermione. But I shouldn't get worked up into those pathetic Gryiffindor problems. I have my own anxieties. Who would have guessed that Hermione Granger would be pining for my affection? That poor excuse for a human being has been hanging out with all MY friends. Crabbe and Goyle cease to follow me, but insist on that mudblood. To think I would ever hang out with that filthy piece of- I don't like this Diary at all. AVADA KADAVRA! Ha ha ha. I shouldn't do that, mother purchased it for me... but she also should have known not to get me something so- so... mind bendingly stupid."

-Draco Malfoy, Diary of

"Life is so terrible. Everyday is just another kick in the ass. This toilet is really getting on my nerves. I miss Harry. He hasn't come to visit in a while. I wish he died in his second year, boy is that kid hott. Well, I've gotten rather drab haven't I? One time, I almost saw him naked. I've herd that there's a Harry Potter look alike now. Maybe he'll visit me."

-Moaning Myrtle, Diary of

"I can't believe it! Even the Slytherins are growing fonder of me! I wish that I could just be everyone's friend but I have my limitations! Like, if they're ugly I can't be seen with them. This teeth shrinking thing really works! I just love this! Oh! Even Pansy invited me shopping! The only Slytherin that's been really like, not nice is Draco. I think He likes me. I wish he did. Then I'd be SUPER popular! And, everyone would so love me because I hang out with a hot guy! And, you know, HARRY is just like, bogus compared to ME now, so, like, long live me!"

-Hermione Granger, Diary of

"Dear Diary,

This is my first year in Hogwarts. I'm kinda nervous. I have, like, a small problem, though. My idol... I grew up around my house learning about him every second! My idol Harry Potter goes to my school! At first I was psyched and asked him to go shopping for shoes with me after school got out. He looked at me funny and ran away! He doesn't even look at me anymore! It's not my fault I look like him right down to the scar on his head. I know that he cares for me too deep down inside, but he's just afraid right now. I'm sure he'll warm up to me soon. Well, it,s getting kinda late, good night!

PS: My two best friends understand me, Bermione and Don. Imagine what Harry would think if he found out I could turn into a ladybug."

-Gary Sotter, Diary of

EXCLUSIVE!:

" BUCKBEAK ATE MY SOCKS! AGAIN! WHAT KIND OF LOSER ANIMAL IS THIS?! AND I AM STARTING TO GET REALLY SICK OF EATING RATS! I'M NOT ON AN EPISODE OF SURVIVOR! WHY PUT ME THROUGH THIS SHT?!"

-Sirus Black, Diary of

"I like cheese.

A lot."

-Ronald Weasly, Diary of