Dominance: 2. Fear
By Ria
He wasn't quite sure what had possessed him that day. Had no idea what had convinced him to willingly give himself completely to the Digimon Kaiser. To let his enemy kiss him, to give him complete control and dominance over him. What the hell had happened to him?!
Daisuke Motomiya still had no idea. Absently running a hand through his red hair and inevitably messing up the dark, flame coloured spikes, he couldn't help but feel the raw panic course through him, as he frantically paced up and down his room. His eyes darted throughout his familiar surroundings. He was home. He was safe. He could relax.
But he knew, deep down, that he couldn't.
How could he be safe when the very person he wanted to be safe from regularly invaded his dreams? When he was in his mind every moment of every day? He was never free from him. Literally, he was always on his mind. Ken Ichijouji, the Digimon Kaiser, had complete dominance over him and Daisuke was still figuring out how he could have let that be so. It didn't make sense, it had to have been a moment of weakness or something.
"Daisuke?" a voice squeaked. "What's wrong? You look scared." Daisuke jumped as he whirled around to see a tiny blue figure sitting on his bed, staring up at him, with big red eyes filled with concern. Breathing a sigh of relief - for one wild moment he had thought it had been his parents or God forbid, Ken himself. Even though it was extremely unlikely Ken would come to his house, he was a boy genius. He could do anything. Hurrying over to his bed, he scooped up the little digimon in his arms and hugged him tightly to his chest. To his shame, he felt tears sting his eyes.
"Dai-san? What's wrong?!" Chibimon asked, beginning to feel afraid at how strange Daisuke looked. Daisuke never acted like this. He never cried. He had never seen him cry like this before, the tears running down his face. Squeezing out of Daisuke's arms, he scrambled up his partner's arm until he was level with his face. Carefully nudging Daisuke's cheek, he asked, "Why are you so sad? You can tell me."
Daisuke shook his head fiercely, the motions almost knocking Chibimon from his shoulder. "I'm not sure I can Chibi." He didn't realise exactly what Chibimon was seeing. Didn't see the tear tracks running down his face, didn't see the fear in his brown eyes. Perhaps if he had, he would have been able to understand his digimon's concern.
As it happened, he didn't. And all he cared about was how scared he felt, as he realised exactly what he had done that day. He had given the Kaiser him, his mind, his body, his soul and his heart. And the Kaiser had given him nothing in return. What had he been thinking?! Few people were stupid enough to do that, but then, this was him he was on about. He did stupid things regularly. It was a fact of life.
But he had thought he hadn't been stupid enough to give his heart to a ruthless conqueror. He had been terribly wrong.
Momentarily forgetting Chibimon was perched on his shoulder, Daisuke buried his head in his hands. What have I done?! How am I ever going to explain this to the others? Seriously. You don't give yourself to your sworn enemy after a stupid battle that didn't mean anything!
But he knew it had. Ken had been deadly serious about it, if he hadn't accepted the consequences the Kaiser could have become furious enough to kill him even. Ken was a firm believer in fair play. Even though half the time he didn't follow it himself, the hypocrite.
He could only realise again and again how much an idiot he had been. Not that it was helping him that much. He was still stuck with it. He was Ken's 'lock, stock and chain' as he himself had put it. There was no denying it, when all it was ... was true. He was Ken's. A part of him, the part he really wasn't liking around now, was glad to be. That part didn't care about dignity. All it wanted was Ken to kiss him again ...
Daisuke felt his lips tingle, as he remembered that kiss. Dear God, what had come over him?! He had kissed a boy, another boy who just happened to be his sworn enemy. Normal people didn't do things like that. Was he gay? Oh man, this was becoming too much! He was supposed to like Hikari, to have the absolutely hopeless crush on her. He wasn't sure if he did anymore. If he had to be completely honest - and he had to be he guessed - his feelings for her had slowly dwindled after that soccer match against Ken. That was when he had first noticed the other boy, without realising he was in fact, the Kaiser. If he was utterly honest he might even have admitted having feelings for him even then.
But he never had been utterly honest. But what was he know? A servant or something? He wasn't sure. But that part of his mind was only concerned with the fact that that kiss had been wonderful - what the hell was wrong with him?!?
And let's not forget, the nasty voice inside his head hissed. What started the whole thing off shall we? Lifting his head from his hands, Daisuke sighed and shuddered. He couldn't forget what had happened to start the whole thing. Which would lead to him meeting the Kaiser and agreeing to something he only barely understood. Takeru was only slightly speaking to him.
Staring emptily at the wall opposite him, Chibimon slowly climbing down his arm onto his lap, Daisuke remembered.
Daisuke stared incredulously from a pale Hikari to a crimson Takeru. He was shaking but only dimly realised it. "I can't believe this!" he hissed, face white with anger. "You went on a date?!"
"Daisuke-" Hikari began, stepping towards him, but Takeru gripped her arm and shook his head slightly. Giving Daisuke a defeated look, she stepped back to where she had been standing beside Takeru.
"That's right!" Daisuke snarled, glaring at her. "Do just what he says, be his slave! It doesn't matter anymore does it?!" He was becoming just slightly hysterical, but he didn't really care. All he knew was that the one reliable thing in his life - the fact he still had an unfulfilled crush on Hikari - had just been shattered. How could she have chosen him, without even considering him?! How?!
"Shut up Daisuke!" Takeru snapped, becoming angry now. "You don't have to blame her for this! If anything, blame me! I was the one who asked her!" He stepped towards Daisuke, fists raised. Daisuke stepped towards him as well, his own fists clenched tightly by his sides, waiting.
"She still said Yes Takaishi!" he yelled. "She's partly responsible!"
"My God!" he exclaimed mockingly. "You even know the word!"
"Guys stop!" Miyako yelled, looking alarmed by now. "This isn't a time to fight remember? We still have the Digimon Kaiser to defeat! We can't let a trivial thing like this get in our way!"
Takeru and Daisuke both rounded up on her. "Trivial?!" they roared in unison. Miyako shrank back, seemingly regretting her words. Hikari only looked on, worried, her face pale. What had she done?
"You don't have the nerve to him me Motomiya!" Takeru jeered, tensing. He didn't think Daisuke would hit him, but then, he'd also had a pretty big crush on Hikari. He could do anything.
Something inside Daisuke snapped.
Daisuke wasn't actually sure what exactly happened. All he knew was that suddenly he had let out an outraged cry and had lunged at him, fists raised. And then, when he got the ability to think coherently back, he had found Takeru on the ground, his cheek reddening from a blow ... he had given him?! Al he had been able to do was back away, staring in horror.
Takeru had glared at him, his eyes sparking in hatred. "Just leave Daisuke!" he had snapped, getting to his feet. "Come back when you're sane again!" The look in his eyes had warned Daisuke not to argue.
"Daisuke, wait -" Hikari began again, reaching for him. Instead of waiting for some feeble excuse from her, he whirled around, racing through the trees, away from them and the pain and everything. Dimly he heard Veemon bolt after him, desperately trying to keep up.
But he hadn't cared, not really. All he knew was that everything had yet again crumbled around him. Even though he had known Hikari would never choose him, he had still held onto the weak hope she might one day. But now that hope was gone. It was gone forever, it would never come back. Never.
Gasping for breath, he finally stopped running. Leaning against a nearby tree, he tried to get his breath back, whilst waiting for Veemon to catch up. As the consequences of what he had done finally sank into him, Daisuke felt a single tear slid down his cheek. What had he done?
What had he done? He hadn't done something smart, that was for sure. You never hit the brother of Yamato Ishida, it was an unspoken rule. Besides no one wanted Yamato against them. Not even him. Daisuke didn't like the older boy much, nor his younger brother, but he wasn't stupid enough to get both of them mad at him. Plus Jun would kill him for making Yamato Ishida furious at their family. But the pain was still there. He kept it well hidden most times, but it was still there. The pain of rejection, of Hikari's rejection.
You weren't thinking about Hikari when you were letting Ken have dominance over you though, were you? that annoying voice sneered. Daisuke shuddered, still unable to believe Ken had complete control over him. He was such an idiot, but what else was new? It had nothing to do with the fact he had enjoyed the experience ... Nothing at all ...
Hearing a terrified squeak, he looked down and gasped. He had been so busy wallowing in self-pity he hadn't realised he had unknowingly wrapped his hands around Chibimon and had been squeezing the little blue digimon tightly. "Are you okay?" he asked, loosening his grip immediately.
"I'm okay," his partner answered, looking a bit out of sorts still. "But what's wrong Dai-san? You never act like this. If I knew any better I'd say you were scared."
"You may be right Chibi," he replied absently, scratching the digimon behind the ears. "I think I am scared." Not only of Ken, but of myself as well. I'm scared I might just go too far.
"But why?"
"Something ... something happened and I'm not sure if it was a good or bad thing," Daisuke said at last, glancing up as his sister's annoying voice reached his ears. What did she want now? "What did you say?!" he yelled.
"I said dinner's ready! Come on, we're all waiting for you!" was the angry reply. Daisuke only sighed and dropping Chibimon onto his bed, quickly went downstairs for dinner.
The meal passed uneventfully, except Daisuke noticed his parents exchanging curious glances as well as darting looks towards him. Did it actually mean they were finally noticing something was up with him? It had taken them long enough. But they didn't say anything about it, and once the meal was finished, they allowed him to take everything to be washed. It was his turn to wash everything yet again.
It was then, when he was up to his elbows in water and dirty dinnerware, did he hear a polite knock on the door. He took no notice as his mother went to answer, muttering that none of them had expected company. It was probably someone for them or one of Jun's giggly, annoying friends. He didn't expect any of the Digidestined to call around to see him.
But, to his surprise, his mother popped her head around the doorway, saying, with a surprised note in her voice, "It's for you Daisuke. Will I leave him in here?"
"Sure," he replied absently, concentrating more on rinsing the bowls than on what he was saying.
"You never told me you were on friendly terms with him," she went on carefully, as if she expected some reaction from him. "Jun's practically having a heart attack."
He shrugged. "It's a beginning friendship," he answered, still completely in the dark as to what she was on about. There was no need for such a fuss. Takeru wasn't anything to get excited about and neither was Taichi. Well he might get excited, but Jun wouldn't have been having a heart attack concerning him. It was probably Yamato, coming around to bash his head in. Great. Hold on ... there was only one person he knew could get adults into a flurry like that. Only one person he knew (well besides Yamato anyway) that could get girls like Jun into states like that. Realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. Hold everything. It couldn't be -
His heart leaping to his throat, he whirled around, just in time to meet a pair of cool, calculating azure eyes. His eyes widened as his mouth dropped open. Oh hell, this was just brilliant. His already miserable day had just got even worse. What was he doing here?!
"Hello Daisuke," Ken Ichijouji said and smiled at him. The smile was about as comforting as pain.