[At Hogsmeade, inside of Honeydukes]

Ron: "Hey Harry! The sugar quills are on sale, five for a two sickles!"

Harry: (searching pockets) "Oh dear!" (pouts) "I have no more money!"

Ron: (incredulously) "What!? Your friggin rich, how can you not have a sickle on you!"

Harry: (sobbing into Ron's sweater) "Th-the mean o-old witch outside of Three Broomsticks
t-tricked me out of my money a-again!"

Ron: (sighs heavily) "So now we have thirty gallons of imitation butterbeer to finish again?"

Harry: (shaking head, sobbing harder) "N-no, now we have fifty pairs of anti-ripping socks!"

Ron: (vein bulging) "Grr..."(looks at quills, then slips two into his pocket)

Harry: (hiccuping) "R-hic-on! That's bad!"

Ron: (stuffing more candies in his pockets) "Oh, who are you then, my mum. Help me carry
these Fizzing Whizbee's"

Harry: (crying as he stuffs candy into his jacket) "(sob)...-sniff- ..(sob)!"

Wizard Behind the Counter: "Hey, what are you kids doing!" (advances on Harry and Ron)

Ron: "RUN!"

Harry: (dumbfounded) "Der!?" (Ron kicks him, and they both run away)

Harry: (screaming loudly and panting) "WE'RE-- FUGITIVES-"

Ron: (running as well) "No we're no-"

Harry: (crying out insanely) "CROOKS! CRIMINALS! DELINQUINTS! IT'S JUVY HALL FROM THIS POINT ON! (throws head back and laughs madly) ) Fures! Somos Rateros!!! Ay DIOS MIO!"

Wizard from the Counter: (roaring) "BACK HERE! Wild, pilfering YOUTHS!"

Ron: (yells a bunch of spells, pointing his wand behind him) "Crucio-furnunculus-densaugeo-avada kedavra!"

[Many are hit, a few killed]

McGonagall: (walking out of the Three Broomsticks, extremely intoxicated) "Whoa!" (pulls out wand) "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

[She makes a bunch of spoofy, blue, man-eating monkeys appear)

Seamus and Neville: "Argh! The MONKEYS!" (bow before the monkeys piteously) "Show mercy on us, oh GREAT HAIRY ONES!"

[The monkeys eat them]

McGonagall: (annoyed) "Well, they are MAN-eating..." (appears dazed)

[Harry and Ron bump into McGonagall]

McGonagall: (slurring) "Got a sickle on you?"

Ron: "Sure, trade you for your wand." (pulls out a knut)

McGonagall: (gives him the wand) " Okie-dokies."

[Ron and Harry take off again]

McGonagall: (salutes Ron and Harry) "G'bye, little gingerbread boys!" (hiccups, then walks back into the Three Broomsticks)

[The blue monkeys are now running amok, breaking windows, and eating more innocent bystanders]

Fred: "Oy, George look!" (sticks hand into the joke shop's broken window) "Five-finger discount!"

George: (yells loudly) "HEY! It's a FREE-FOR-ALL!!!!!"

Rita Skeeter: "Latest news, a riot has broken out at Hogsmeade..."

[Several Gryffindors pick up Rita Skeeter, and use her to break open a window]

Lee Jordan, Angelina, and others: " O'le! Ole Ole Ole!" (scramble about) "Tally hoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Everyone in sight begins grabbing various items out of broken windows]

Cho: (carrying a broom) "Oh HO! No more Comet-two sixty!"

Harry: (staring at Cho) "You're purty-ful." (takes her hand) "If I may profane...with my unworthiest hand....this holy shrine..."

Cho: "Er...."

[Harry receives another swift kick by Ron, and they continue running]

Harry: "Ron, we have to fix this mess!"

Ron: (sighs) " I think I have an idea--"

[They bump into Hermione, who is carrying a mountain of books]

Ron: (glancing at the bookshop) "Looks like your the only one taking from the bookshop..."

Hermione: (eyes darting around excitedly) "Yes....me, so many books...(laughs) "What FOOLS these mortals be!"

Harry: "Excuse me?"

Hermione: (screaming to the heavens) "Over two-THOUSAND years of magical history to SAVOR!" (begins frothing at the mouth) "I-I am the QUEEN of all written LITERATURE!!!!!" (begins to sob at her bountiful load, and dashes off)

Harry: (turns to Ron) "Sooo....what is your plan?"

Ron: "First, lets go to the middle of the village."

[They arrive at the center of Hogsmeade, only to bump into Sirius and Wormtail]

Sirius and Wormtail: (dressed like police men) "You kids--are under arrest!"

Harry: (disbelieving) "You-you have become a police man?" (shakes his godfather) "A POLICE MAN! What about all that you stand for!? Y-You were a marauder, and you're a fugitive- and (gasps) you're working with Wormtail!"

Wormtail: "Hey! That's OFFICER Wormtail!"(chuckles)

Ron: (slowly) "Hey, the wizarding world doesn't have police that wear muggle uniforms..." (points accussingly at Sirius) "And if your supposed to be on the run...how did they let you become a officer?"

Sirius: (ashamedly) "Alright, alright. We stole these outfits from one of the shops." (unholsters a water gun) "Wa HAAAA!"

Ron: (rolls eyes) "Okay...time for the magic." (grabs Harry's wand)

Harry: "Hey!"

Ron: (waving wands, including McGonagalls, furiously, and mutters a spell,)

KAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooM!!!!!!!!!!

[Silence]

Harry: (missing half his teeth) "W-what spell did you cast?" (a sparkly purple mist has settled over the village)

Ron: (hair sticking up) "J-just the s-spell my mum uses to wash the dishes..." (shrugs) "I thought it would clean up the mess here."

Harry: (near tears) "YOU USED THE--AUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

[A large cow has whipped past Harry, and other various items]

Cow: (forlorn) "MOOOOOOOOOOO!" (veers off toward the Shrieking Shack)

Harry: (looking at the cow like a long-lost brother) "M-moooo!!!!!!" (sniffles)

Ron: "It looks that everything is floating around..."

Lockhart: (accompanied by a cornish pixie) "Yes...we can fly now."

Harry: (brightens) "We can fly!?"

Lockhart: "You can fly!"

Cho, Ginny, and other students: "We can fly, we can fly, we can fly!!!!"

Lockhart: "COME CHILDREN! To Never-never land!"

Students: " ...It's the same as having winnngssss!'

[The pixie flutters down to Harry and Ron]

Harry: (spellbound) "It is like--the lovliest tinkle of bells..." (the pixie pinches Harry savagely)

[Lockhart and the foolish children fly off]

Harry: (likewise floating) "Oooooo...."

Ron: (pulling Harry's leg sharply) "Get down here, you stupid prat."

Harry: (eyes filling with tears) "I--want to go to Never-never land...(sob)"

[Fred, George, and Snape come floating into view]

Fred: (appears to be swimming in mid-air after a few floating chocolate frogs) "C'mere..." (chuckles)

George: (lying on his back, whistling) "Don't worry....Get happy..."

Snape: (floating two feet from the ground, in a fetal position) "I-I'm afraid of heights." (looks down, and wails loudly)

George: (snapping out of his reverie, looking out toward a distance) "Oy! Their back!" (He grabs Fred's elbow, and they fly away)

Harry: "Who-"

[Suddenly, a swarm of screeching blue monkeys appears]

Ron: "Jesu Maria! In the name of all that is good and holy!" (stares at monkeys, to stricken to move)

Harry: "Hmm...." (sticks his backside out to the monkeys, slapping the right side of his butt) "Ha HAAAAAAAAA!"

Monkeys: (infuriated) "Eek! Oookkkk Ackkkkkk! Eakkkkkk!"

Harry: "Oh crap."

[The monkeys begin chasing Harry and Ron]

Harry and Ron: "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

[The monkeys stop at Snape, sniffing him curiously]

Snape: (eyes shut) "Oh dear..." (the monkeys crowd around him)

Ron: "WHO HOOOOOO!"

[A weary 'Moo' is heard in the distance]

Harry: (perks up) "My BROTHER!" (eyes glitter)

Cow: "MOOOO-"(sound is cut off, followed by a loud crash, and splinters of wood and cowhide float above the Shrieking Shack)

Ron: "He must have finally reached the Shrieking Shack...."

Harry: (drops to his knees) "No.....no...NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ron: "Harry! Look, just over that wall and we'll be out of Hogsmeade!"

Harry: "Okay!" (runs headlong into the wall) "BAAAMMMMMMMMM!"

Ron: (shakes head) "No more cartoons for you."

Harry: (clutching head) "Oww...."

[They jump the wall]

Harry: "Phew! We're out! (looks at the mess that is Hogsmeade)

[People are floating everywhere, chasing after their hats. The purple mist is rising, and Draco is seen atop of the whole mess]

Draco: "I am ruler of all! BOW BEFORE MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

People: (shrug and bow)

Draco: "MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Harry: (flying back to Hogsmeade) "Oh no you don't--"

[Harry stops at the sound of a leaves rustling]

Ron: "What was that?"

[McGonagall stumbles into view]

McGonagall: (throws arms around Harry and Ron) "Hello! It's my little gingerbread friends!" (bites Harry's ear)

Harry: (yelps) "OW!"

McGonagall: (indifferent) "Don't make gingerbread boys like they used too...(looks around, bewildered) "Where the hell am I?!"

Ron: "Umm....just outside of Hogsmeade."

McGonagall: (nods importantly) "Oh...." (sways) "-thump-"

Harry: (pulls out invisability cloak, and places it over McGonagall) "Never should an eye behold such a disgraceful sight." (shakes head sadly)

[Hermione floats into view, books swirling around her]

Hermione: "Ohhh...You guys are in soooooo much trouble! Wait till Proffessor McGonagall finds out!"

Harry: "She's not in much a state to punish us..." (lifts corner of cloak, revealing a snoring McGonagall) "Uck! She spewed on my cloak!" (covers her up again)

Hermione: (floating higher) "Oh my!"

Ron: (twitching smile) "Hermione, ever heard of spontaneous human combustion?

Hermione: (higher, higher) "Yes...."

Harry: (crying as he watches her) "Tell me all about the Neverland!"

[They watch until she is a small dot against the night sky]

Harry: "NO FAIR! How come SHE gets to go to Never-never land!" (starts bawling)

Ron: (poking Harry) "Wanna go back to the castle now?"

Harry: (stops crying and shrugs) "Yeah, alright then..."

END

Hope you enjoyed the story...it was dug out from the deep crevices of my brain where not a single
sane neuron nor cell dwells..(cackles madly) Hehe...must go now... TO THE NEVERLAND! (flies away)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Peter Pan, Romeo and Juliet or anything else that made money in this fic...(pauses) Hear that? I........am.....making...no....money." (begins to cry)