A/N: Hey this is the new, E-Z Read, not-really-improved version for all you lovely people out there! I'm taking this series up again, so stay tuned for more on the Insanity Channel with your host, me
Disclaimer: If this story confuses you, don't say I didn't warn you. The plot is mine, alas the characters are not. Wouldn't it be fun, though-- I could direct Episode Two :)
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It was a lovely day in the galaxy…well, if you can call it a day. A lovely little bird, weightless in the vacuum of space, floated through the not-air. Lovely stars, lovely black…heck everything had 'lovely' nailed to it-it got really annoying after a sentence.
Why, every race with even the slightest bit of raw nerve ending were lobbying to replace the word 'lovely' with 'shiny.' The universe was in chaos-it was a bold and daring move on their part. Nothing had been changed for, uh… well as long as anyone could remember-and then some. It was, said one Kazakian citizen of Gecht'phhbt, "bold, new and fresh!" …But he also said the same thing when asked about the state of the inter galactic restrooms *ahem*
"Darn hippies," was yet another popular response.
Tragically, as lawsuits became popular during this time of officious business wear, the population of lawyers throughout the galaxy dropped, due to severe poaching. No-one seemed to care until the need for a underhanded, underlie liked and overpaid subhuman species to represent the lobbying gentle creatures of the galaxy in their quest for a Better Word Choice for the Entire Sentient Race Thingie. Whatever that means.
…Anyways, after a long and grueling debate, it was generally agreed upon that the Jedi were the obvious replacement for the vanishing Lawyer kind. As one Foobeckghtergahgckecht ambassador pointed out, they were so similar it blew his sckootbeckers (shorts) off.
"…Which is why we're out here in the tail end of the Goober solar system, Obi wan." Master Qui Gon Jin smiled his trademarked grimace at his apprentice, who sat in the passenger seat of their little ship.
"I have a bad feeling about this, Master."
Qui Gon gave Obi wan an unreadable look. "Obi wan…did I ever mention the glass half empty phenomenon?"
"Why no, Master. I know nothing of such transparent remarks referring to one's general outlook or philosophy in life, sir." Obi wan turned to look at Qui Gon, eyes wide in innocence.
Master Qui Gon looked heavenward, beseeching whatever gods might be listening, *why me? Why ME? A normal boy--that's all I ever wanted! Where did this galactic blunder come from?!*
Just then, something made a spectacular --SPAAT!-- sound as it exploded all over the windshield.
"Drat…It must be a sign…" Qui Gon swore. "How am I going to get that off? Yet another…" he shuddered, "lovely bird has somehow managed to avoid all other traffic and pick my air conditioning to clog! Drat, I say!"
The master turned to glare at his apprentice.
"Obi wan, my boy, get --the Squeegee--…You know what to do."
"Yes sir…"
Qui Gon pulled out the cleaning tool, handed it to Obi wan and shoved him out the air lock with a "don't forget to exhale!"
He returned to his seat, using the lever to spring the footrest, and leaned back, just as Obi wan floated into view. Qui Gon watched the apprentice rip, hack and scrape at the nasty mess on the glass, and he shook his head. *Kids these days*, he thought. *What do they teach them in school-martial arts?* Judging from the skill that Obi wan was applying to his back handed chops with the Squeegee, with the round house that looked ridiculous in the zero gee, that must be what it was they did all day.
*Well, at least he's not playing one of those violent holo games*, he grumped.
END OF EPISODE ONE
A/N: head to the next chapter for more of my standard insanity you've all come to admire and respect!
Disclaimer: If this story confuses you, don't say I didn't warn you. The plot is mine, alas the characters are not. Wouldn't it be fun, though-- I could direct Episode Two :)
---
It was a lovely day in the galaxy…well, if you can call it a day. A lovely little bird, weightless in the vacuum of space, floated through the not-air. Lovely stars, lovely black…heck everything had 'lovely' nailed to it-it got really annoying after a sentence.
Why, every race with even the slightest bit of raw nerve ending were lobbying to replace the word 'lovely' with 'shiny.' The universe was in chaos-it was a bold and daring move on their part. Nothing had been changed for, uh… well as long as anyone could remember-and then some. It was, said one Kazakian citizen of Gecht'phhbt, "bold, new and fresh!" …But he also said the same thing when asked about the state of the inter galactic restrooms *ahem*
"Darn hippies," was yet another popular response.
Tragically, as lawsuits became popular during this time of officious business wear, the population of lawyers throughout the galaxy dropped, due to severe poaching. No-one seemed to care until the need for a underhanded, underlie liked and overpaid subhuman species to represent the lobbying gentle creatures of the galaxy in their quest for a Better Word Choice for the Entire Sentient Race Thingie. Whatever that means.
…Anyways, after a long and grueling debate, it was generally agreed upon that the Jedi were the obvious replacement for the vanishing Lawyer kind. As one Foobeckghtergahgckecht ambassador pointed out, they were so similar it blew his sckootbeckers (shorts) off.
"…Which is why we're out here in the tail end of the Goober solar system, Obi wan." Master Qui Gon Jin smiled his trademarked grimace at his apprentice, who sat in the passenger seat of their little ship.
"I have a bad feeling about this, Master."
Qui Gon gave Obi wan an unreadable look. "Obi wan…did I ever mention the glass half empty phenomenon?"
"Why no, Master. I know nothing of such transparent remarks referring to one's general outlook or philosophy in life, sir." Obi wan turned to look at Qui Gon, eyes wide in innocence.
Master Qui Gon looked heavenward, beseeching whatever gods might be listening, *why me? Why ME? A normal boy--that's all I ever wanted! Where did this galactic blunder come from?!*
Just then, something made a spectacular --SPAAT!-- sound as it exploded all over the windshield.
"Drat…It must be a sign…" Qui Gon swore. "How am I going to get that off? Yet another…" he shuddered, "lovely bird has somehow managed to avoid all other traffic and pick my air conditioning to clog! Drat, I say!"
The master turned to glare at his apprentice.
"Obi wan, my boy, get --the Squeegee--…You know what to do."
"Yes sir…"
Qui Gon pulled out the cleaning tool, handed it to Obi wan and shoved him out the air lock with a "don't forget to exhale!"
He returned to his seat, using the lever to spring the footrest, and leaned back, just as Obi wan floated into view. Qui Gon watched the apprentice rip, hack and scrape at the nasty mess on the glass, and he shook his head. *Kids these days*, he thought. *What do they teach them in school-martial arts?* Judging from the skill that Obi wan was applying to his back handed chops with the Squeegee, with the round house that looked ridiculous in the zero gee, that must be what it was they did all day.
*Well, at least he's not playing one of those violent holo games*, he grumped.
END OF EPISODE ONE
A/N: head to the next chapter for more of my standard insanity you've all come to admire and respect!