The Dentist Visits Hogwarts
By: DQ619
Author's Note: I was really bored and under the influence that this story just might come out funny. So, here it is....
Hermione, Harry, and Ron are waiting in the Dentist's waiting room.
Harry: Did you know that I'm famous.
Ron: *rolls eyes* Did you know that sometimes you can be really, REALLY ANNOYING WITH YOUR EGO PROBLEMS?!
Harry: I have just 3 words for you, ANGER-MAN-AGEMENT!
Ron: *gives Harry the cold shoulder*
Hermione: Guys! Don't do that! The dentist will be here in min-
The Dentist walks in and it's Snape.
Ron: YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THE DENTIST IS SNAPE! OH MY GOD WE'RE DEAD!
Snape: Get in my office, RON.....
Ron runs around the waiting room screaming.
Hermione: Shut up you muggle-wannabe who sleeps with their teddy bear!
Ron stops running and screaming and gaps at Hermione.
Harry: *starts to laugh* You...*takes a breath* sleep with a teddy bear?! *starts to laugh even more*
Hermione: Yep. I've seen it too. It's got a pretty red ribbon!
Ron is taken aback.
Ron: Oh I see how it is. *puts his hand up* Talk TO THE HAND!!!
Snape: ALL RIGHT ALL OF YOU GRYFINDOR GOODY GOODS! SHUT UP, AND RON, GET INTO THE OFFICE, OR YOU WILL HAVE A DETENTION....*evil grin* And I'll confiscate that teddy bear.
Ron's mouth gaps open and shakes his head and screams out-
Ron: NOOOOO!!!!!!
Ron runs into the office and plunks into the seat.
Snape: There now, aren't you glad I didn't say bananna? *he laughs evily*
Ron: Uh, Orange?
Snape: Okay, back to business!
Ron sits in the seat and shakes uncontrollably because of anxiety.
Snape: *stunned and angry* What are you doing?!
Ron: *shakes* I'M HYPERVENTILATING!!!!!!
Snape: O.o;;; You know what, why don't I just go into the other room and work on Harry's teeth......
Ron: *slowly shakes* THAT WOULD BEEEE GOOD!!!!
Snape walks out.
*back in the waiting room*
Harry: *twidles thumbs*
Hermione: *pulls on hair and flips through a "Parents" magazine*
Harry: *looks over* What are you reading?
Hermione: Nuthin....
Harry: No, seriously, what are you reading?....*looks at the cover* Are you reading a "Parents" magazine?
Hermione: Yep.
Harry: What for?
Hermione: Well....
Snape walks in.
Hermione: *whispers* I'll tell you later....
Harry: *nods indigently*
Snape: Uh, Ron is hyperventilat-a thingy ma bob, so I'll just take....*looks evily* Harry....
Harry: Uh, o-kay then....
Snape and Harry walk into the other office.
Harry: *sits in the seat* Who made you dentist?
Snape: I killed Dumbledore.
Harry: Oh....*shrugs*
Snape: Now then, I'll just take this....*holds up a toothpaste despenser with spikes on it*
Harry: Uh, what's that?
Snape: It's a profeudent paste cup.
Harry: And you are going to put that where?
Snape: On your teeth.
Harry: You're going to put something with spikes onto my teeth, into my mouth? AND YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO I DON'T TRUST?!
Snape: Precisely...
Harry: Oh, okay.
Snape picks up a drill.
Snape: There's a nice instrument right here....
Harry: *gulp* Yeah, it's so...uh...bootaful....
Snape: Uh huh....*twirls it between his fingers*
Harry: What are you gonna do with that?
Snape: I dunno, I feel like juggling...
Harry: THEN GO JOIN THE CIRCUS!
Snape: I'd rather teach potions for the rest of my life and die trying to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Harry: What about annoying me.
Snape: That too.
Harry: Ah.
Snape turns the on button on the drill and starts to juggle it and the toothpaste dispenser.
Snape: Hee hee! *laughs*
Harry: *claps* Uh, aren't you going to work on my teeth?
Snape: Huh? *the drill falls onto Harry's belly*
Snape: O.O uh oh....
Harry: EEK!!! *screams like a little girl, then jumps out of the chair just in time.*
Harry: *wipes the sweat off his brow* Thank goodness!
Snape: DARN IT! *screams out lots of profanity*
Harry: SHUT UP YOU POTTY MOUTH!
Hermione walks in.
Hermione: What the heck is going on here?
Harry: *screams out* Mommy!
Snape: *runs to Harry*
Harry runs behind Hermione.
Snape: COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!!
Harry: But I'm just a little boy!
Snape: I said fight LIKE a man you imbiscile!
Harry: O-kay....
Snape: *gets ready to smack Harry* Wait, Nevermind....
Ron walks in shaking like rubber.
Hermione: *laughs*
Ron: *shakes* I hea-rd a no-oise...*looks over at the frightened Harry* I ha-ate you Ha-arry, be-ecause you're so ha-airy!!!!
Harry: HEY! THAT'S A SECRET NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW!
Hermione: But Ron right?
Harry: *holds up finger matter-o-factly and takes a breath* Yeah...
Harry: I'LL BEAT YOU UP WEASLY!
Ron screams like a little girl and runs out of the Dentists office.
Harry: AND DON'T YOU COME BACK! *turns around* Heh...*sees Snape with a drill* AAAHHH! *screams like a little girl and runs out of the Dentists office*
Snape: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! *looks over at Hermione* Ready to go Dear?
Hermione: *rips off her uniform to reveal a black leather top with hoochy-mama shorts* Whenever you're ready hot daddy...
They kiss passionately and leave the Dentist's office.
***
THE END
DISCLAIMER: Okay, I don't own Harry Potter or anything of it, but I did try out for Hermione's role in the Harry Potter movie, so....yeah...
Anyway, I also got the idea of Snape being a dentist and all from the story by Mystica, called "Death Moo of a Dying Mister Thirsty", you all should read it.
I got some of the lines from various movies like "The Emporer's New Groove" and "Dude, Where's my Car" so, most of this is a huge crossover, but hey, I think it works.