Chapter 9
The mind of the one
Trigs sat by her-self on top of the Space needle. She needed some space, a place where she could think, where her mind could understand what it was being put through. She wouldn't have to worry about being seen, or being found out. She could worry about the things in her life that mattered.
She was dying. She knew that, and had known it since she was fifteen. Chimera Syndrome, as Renfro had called it. Due to the fact that Renfro had messed with her genes, she was slowly dying. The medication had helped at first, but by the time Trigs rounded all her Siblings up; it was causing her pain. Trigs made the decision to stop taking the drugs completely just before she left Oklahoma. She decided she would rather die with dignity.
She had it all planned out. She would send her siblings to the tropics, and stay behind, and die. Manticore would find only her, and her siblings would be far away, out of the line of fire. She only wished she could have helped more of them. Zack, Max, Krit and Syl. Those people, but she knew she couldn't. Zack wouldn't listen to her. He never had listened to her.
Trigs looked down at her hands. They were shaking. She remembered in the book that it said that seizures were the first sign of the final stage of Chimera Syndrome. Hurst had found it for her. She told him she had a friend in Toronto with it. She lied to him. She lied to all of them. None of them knew she was dying. Carn didn't even know. Only Renz. Brin thought she had a mild case of Anemia. She had lied to Brin too.
Trigs pulled her knees up to her chest and stared out into the night sky. She wondered when she would die. She wondered if she would ever be in the high place again, if that night was the last time she would be able to climb the stairs and look at the stars.
She knew it wouldn't. She would go to the good place after and join her family. Tinga, Ben, Eva, Peeps, and Jack would all be waiting, and would welcome her with open arms. They would be together, and they would wait for the others. One day, all the X5's would be together and no one would yell at them, or make them get out of bed, and none of them would ever disappear.
"I've got to stop thinking like that," thought Trigs, "I'm a grown woman. I'm acting like a little kid."
Trigs stood up and stared out over the city. Lights blinked on and off like little fireflies in the distance. Trigs wondered which one Max was in. She wondered if Jondy was reading, or if she was talking to Zane. Trigs wanted to know if Zack had any leads where she was. Trigs shook her head, no. Zack had taught Trigs how to hide. Zack wouldn't be able to track her, not for a few more weeks, and in a few weeks, she would be dead.
Death was not something Trigs feared. Death was not something scary off in the distance. Death was what Trigs stared at in the mirror every morning. She was death, because she knew that there was a chance that Carn had the Syndrome too. She wanted to tell him, but she never could figure out how. She couldn't just walk up and say, 'hey, I've got an incurable disease, and you may have it, because we've been together.' She wished things were simple like that. If she had the guts to say it like that, Carn could get help. She knew that once she was dead, Renz would tell Carn. She only worried he wouldn't want to go on once she was gone.
Her relationship with the X2 had once been simply one of Convienience. She went into heat, and so did he. They kept each other from doing people off the street. For three years, Trigs and Carn lived like that, being together when needed. It left both empty, wanting more, craving each other's attention and Affection. It took a the first stage of Chimera Syndrome in the form of a heavy Seizure to knock some sense into them.
"It won't be," said Trigs, taking the dog tags from the pocket inside her long trench and turning them over. Carn had talked about wanting to have a family when it was all over. Trigs knew he would be a wonderful father. Carn was a great man.
"Too bad he got mixed up with someone like me," said Trigs, tossing the dog tags forward towards the edge of the space needle. She wondered then if she should just end it, rather than deal with goodbyes. She knew that Renz was going to tell Carn if he hadn't already, and Trigs wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. She would do anything to stay with him if he said the word, including returning to her mother. She would do anything to please him.
"Can't end it here. Ben would be mad," she said as she walked silently back towards the exit.
The dog tags shimmered once in the moonlight, begging to be picked up, and returned to the neck of some unknown soldier. They were lucky. Unlike Trigs, the worst that would happen to them is being melted down.
Sorry so Short. More later.