Muffy Jane Attacks!: Part One
a humorous parody
A/N: BEWARE! This is supposed to be humorous. And it's sort of a parody of "Mary sue" fanfic. Where a perfect new girl comes to Hogwarts and everyone likes her. Except ____(fill in blank). They see right through her little act. They see that she's THE DEVIL!!!!! MU HAHAHA!!!!! Well, not quite. But you know, she's evil. This is going to be short. Just sorta "haha! your fic sucks. I'm going to laugh at you." No, just kidding. *ducks* Anyway, R/R. Flame if my story sucks. You know the drill. Oh yeah. I almost forgot, the characters are supposed to be horribly OOC.
"Oh my gosh!" Squealed Parvati Patil. "Look at the new girl's robes!"
"They are sooooo cute." Agreed Lavender Brown.
"Whatever," Whispered Hermione Granger to her friends, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter. "What a phony."
Her friends, however didn't answer her. They were taken by the new girl's beauty.
"Ugh." Muttered Hermione. Why were they staring at her? Ron was supposed to like her.
"Whoa." Said Ron. "She's a babe." (A/N: Muhahaha! I couldn't type that without laughing.)
"Yeah," Replied Harry. "Let's go talk to her."
"What about me?" Hermione asked Ron and Harry's retreating backs. "Jerks."
Hermione followed behind Ron, Harry, and the new girl as they walked to the Great Hall. She wasn't spying, she told herself. Just happened to be walking right behind them listening to everything they said.
"My name is Muffy Jane Smith," She heard the new girl tell Ron and Harry. "But you can call me Muffy." The new girl added with a sickening giggle.
Harry winked at her. "Whatever you say, babe." (A/N: Ok. This is more of a horribly OOC humor story than a parody. Sorry.)
Muffy giggled and flashed Ron and Harry a smile. Her teeth were so white Hermione needed sunglasses (muggle glasses that block the sun) and they were very straight. Her parents would love this girl, Hermione thought bitterly. Hermione never hated anyone before, but she bet this was what it felt like.
"Have you seen the new girl?" Seamus Finnigan asked Dean Thomas. "She's totally fine."
Hermione wanted to scream. Muffy wasn't "totally fine"! Okay, maybe she was all right. With her long, fluffy golden blond hair that cascaded down her back, and her sparkling, ocean blue eyes. Of course their was her petite ski slope (A/N: No clue...just the only description of a nose I've ever heard.)nose and her perfect smile. Oh and, the gorgeous robes of the same ocean blue as her eyes. All right, all right! She was drop dead gorgeous. But there was something not quite right about her. Hermione couldn't put her finger on it though.
Silently, Hermione slipped into the Great Hall. Everyone was discussing the new girl.
"Hello," Said Hermione sitting down next to Harry and Ron.
They barely looked up. "Hey," They both greeted her distractedly.
Hermione followed their (and everyone else in the Great Hall) eyes's. They were staring at Muffy, who was sitting on a stool in front of the Hall. She was about to put the Sorting Hat on her head. Oh no, Hermione thought. I missed it's song.
Muffy sat on the stool for about five minutes. "Probably," Muttered Hermione resentfully. "Because she has so many good qualities the Hat just doesn't know where she would belong."
Nobody heard Hermione because at that moment the hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR" and the whole table burst into a deafening applause. Hermione felt her heart sink. She didn't think that the Gryffindors had even given Harry this big of an applause when he got sorted.
Muffy sat down next across from them, next to Seamus and Dean. She giggled and pretended to be humble as she basked in everyone's attention. Hermione glanced around the room (before she got sick from looking at Muffy). The Ravenclaw's looked very disappointed, the Hufflepuff's looked sad, and the Slytherin's looked jealous.
"I think I'm in verrrry (she rolled her 'r') good company," Drawled Muffy in her sickeningly sweet voice. She fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously at Seamus. He was practically drooling all over himself.
"W-w-what ye-year are you in," Stuttered Ron, losing his sense of speech. Hermione wanted to reach over and slap him. But she retained herself.
"Sixth," Drawled Muffy in that way that made Hermione's skin crawl. She is evil, Hermione thought. I know it.
An hour later Muffy stood up, pushing out her enormous chest, and announcing loudly, "Well, I think I'll go get settled."
Muffy swept out of the Great Hall, followed by many girls offering to let her room with them. All the boys goggled after her.
"She's...incredible!" Gasped Dean.
All the other boys could do was nod weakly.
-----
Hermione heard an all too familiar sugar sweet drawl coming from her dormitory. She ran in.
"Noooooo!" She said softly. Muffy was laying on a bed between Parvati's and Lavender's. Her long blond hair was spread out over her back.
Muffy looked up when Hermione came in.
"Hello," Said Muffy. "I don't believe we met. You are Hermione right?"
"Yes." Croaked Hermione. "I hope you don't mind I'm rooming with you," Muffy said in a way which sounded like she thought the idea of not wanting to room with her was ludicrous. Hermione wanted very much to say 'Yes, get out!! So she did.
"Yes. Get out!!!!" Shrieked Hermione. "You are ruining my life all ready."
Muffy, Parvati, and Lavender stared at her in shock.
"I was invited," Drawled Muffy calmly, but her eyes flashed dangerously. "I think you should get out."
"Yeah," Agreed Parvati. "I can't believe you said that to her!"
"You should apologize, Her-my-ow-nee." Lavender pronounced every syllable of her name.
"Meanwhile get packing," Said Muffy coldly.
Hermione quickly packed up all her stuff. She threw one last glare at them and left the room.
Hermione popped back into the room. "I'LL GET YOU BACK! I'LL SHOW YOUR EVIL SIDE TO EVERYONE MUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!" She hollered.
Muffy, Parvati, and Lavender looked at her like she was insane.
Hermione left without a second glance. She dragged her stuff towards Ginny's room. She would left Hermione stay with her. Even if everyone else were coming out of their rooms to glare at her as she passed.
Now I am an outcast, Hermione thought angrily. I'll get her back if it is the last thing I do.
-----
AHAHAHAHA!!!! Done with this chapter. Enjoy it? Sorry for shortness! Review. Next part, I'll put lots of humor. Report typos to me in your review, please. I want to rid this charming peice of work of all mistakes. :-P
a humorous parody
A/N: BEWARE! This is supposed to be humorous. And it's sort of a parody of "Mary sue" fanfic. Where a perfect new girl comes to Hogwarts and everyone likes her. Except ____(fill in blank). They see right through her little act. They see that she's THE DEVIL!!!!! MU HAHAHA!!!!! Well, not quite. But you know, she's evil. This is going to be short. Just sorta "haha! your fic sucks. I'm going to laugh at you." No, just kidding. *ducks* Anyway, R/R. Flame if my story sucks. You know the drill. Oh yeah. I almost forgot, the characters are supposed to be horribly OOC.
"Oh my gosh!" Squealed Parvati Patil. "Look at the new girl's robes!"
"They are sooooo cute." Agreed Lavender Brown.
"Whatever," Whispered Hermione Granger to her friends, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter. "What a phony."
Her friends, however didn't answer her. They were taken by the new girl's beauty.
"Ugh." Muttered Hermione. Why were they staring at her? Ron was supposed to like her.
"Whoa." Said Ron. "She's a babe." (A/N: Muhahaha! I couldn't type that without laughing.)
"Yeah," Replied Harry. "Let's go talk to her."
"What about me?" Hermione asked Ron and Harry's retreating backs. "Jerks."
Hermione followed behind Ron, Harry, and the new girl as they walked to the Great Hall. She wasn't spying, she told herself. Just happened to be walking right behind them listening to everything they said.
"My name is Muffy Jane Smith," She heard the new girl tell Ron and Harry. "But you can call me Muffy." The new girl added with a sickening giggle.
Harry winked at her. "Whatever you say, babe." (A/N: Ok. This is more of a horribly OOC humor story than a parody. Sorry.)
Muffy giggled and flashed Ron and Harry a smile. Her teeth were so white Hermione needed sunglasses (muggle glasses that block the sun) and they were very straight. Her parents would love this girl, Hermione thought bitterly. Hermione never hated anyone before, but she bet this was what it felt like.
"Have you seen the new girl?" Seamus Finnigan asked Dean Thomas. "She's totally fine."
Hermione wanted to scream. Muffy wasn't "totally fine"! Okay, maybe she was all right. With her long, fluffy golden blond hair that cascaded down her back, and her sparkling, ocean blue eyes. Of course their was her petite ski slope (A/N: No clue...just the only description of a nose I've ever heard.)nose and her perfect smile. Oh and, the gorgeous robes of the same ocean blue as her eyes. All right, all right! She was drop dead gorgeous. But there was something not quite right about her. Hermione couldn't put her finger on it though.
Silently, Hermione slipped into the Great Hall. Everyone was discussing the new girl.
"Hello," Said Hermione sitting down next to Harry and Ron.
They barely looked up. "Hey," They both greeted her distractedly.
Hermione followed their (and everyone else in the Great Hall) eyes's. They were staring at Muffy, who was sitting on a stool in front of the Hall. She was about to put the Sorting Hat on her head. Oh no, Hermione thought. I missed it's song.
Muffy sat on the stool for about five minutes. "Probably," Muttered Hermione resentfully. "Because she has so many good qualities the Hat just doesn't know where she would belong."
Nobody heard Hermione because at that moment the hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR" and the whole table burst into a deafening applause. Hermione felt her heart sink. She didn't think that the Gryffindors had even given Harry this big of an applause when he got sorted.
Muffy sat down next across from them, next to Seamus and Dean. She giggled and pretended to be humble as she basked in everyone's attention. Hermione glanced around the room (before she got sick from looking at Muffy). The Ravenclaw's looked very disappointed, the Hufflepuff's looked sad, and the Slytherin's looked jealous.
"I think I'm in verrrry (she rolled her 'r') good company," Drawled Muffy in her sickeningly sweet voice. She fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously at Seamus. He was practically drooling all over himself.
"W-w-what ye-year are you in," Stuttered Ron, losing his sense of speech. Hermione wanted to reach over and slap him. But she retained herself.
"Sixth," Drawled Muffy in that way that made Hermione's skin crawl. She is evil, Hermione thought. I know it.
An hour later Muffy stood up, pushing out her enormous chest, and announcing loudly, "Well, I think I'll go get settled."
Muffy swept out of the Great Hall, followed by many girls offering to let her room with them. All the boys goggled after her.
"She's...incredible!" Gasped Dean.
All the other boys could do was nod weakly.
-----
Hermione heard an all too familiar sugar sweet drawl coming from her dormitory. She ran in.
"Noooooo!" She said softly. Muffy was laying on a bed between Parvati's and Lavender's. Her long blond hair was spread out over her back.
Muffy looked up when Hermione came in.
"Hello," Said Muffy. "I don't believe we met. You are Hermione right?"
"Yes." Croaked Hermione. "I hope you don't mind I'm rooming with you," Muffy said in a way which sounded like she thought the idea of not wanting to room with her was ludicrous. Hermione wanted very much to say 'Yes, get out!! So she did.
"Yes. Get out!!!!" Shrieked Hermione. "You are ruining my life all ready."
Muffy, Parvati, and Lavender stared at her in shock.
"I was invited," Drawled Muffy calmly, but her eyes flashed dangerously. "I think you should get out."
"Yeah," Agreed Parvati. "I can't believe you said that to her!"
"You should apologize, Her-my-ow-nee." Lavender pronounced every syllable of her name.
"Meanwhile get packing," Said Muffy coldly.
Hermione quickly packed up all her stuff. She threw one last glare at them and left the room.
Hermione popped back into the room. "I'LL GET YOU BACK! I'LL SHOW YOUR EVIL SIDE TO EVERYONE MUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!" She hollered.
Muffy, Parvati, and Lavender looked at her like she was insane.
Hermione left without a second glance. She dragged her stuff towards Ginny's room. She would left Hermione stay with her. Even if everyone else were coming out of their rooms to glare at her as she passed.
Now I am an outcast, Hermione thought angrily. I'll get her back if it is the last thing I do.
-----
AHAHAHAHA!!!! Done with this chapter. Enjoy it? Sorry for shortness! Review. Next part, I'll put lots of humor. Report typos to me in your review, please. I want to rid this charming peice of work of all mistakes. :-P