Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, yada yada yada…
Session Eight: There's a Light in Your Eyes...
There's a light in your eyes,
And it's too bright to see,
And a pain in my heart, where you used to be.
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me?
There's a light in your eyes,
Did you leave that light burning for me?
Two weeks later…
Mira sat on the bridge of the Bebop with her cup of coffee and watched the stars as they flew past. She had taken Jet's advice and thought long and hard about her engagement. Her feelings for Spike were nothing more than a childhood crush. Or so she had told herself. Julia had been his one true love. And a love like that only came around once in a lifetime. Or did it? Taking a sip of coffee she brushed all that aside. She couldn't allow herself to be thinking about Spike. But she couldn't help it. She hung her head. Perhaps she had made yet another wrong choice.
The quiet sound of bare feet padding across the metal floor gently disrupted her thoughts. She didn't even have to turn to know who it was. Spike stopped next to her with his own cup of coffee. He had shed all his bandages and all the remained were a few bruises. He was back and up on his feet. He had even brought in a bounty yesterday with Jet and Faye. Mira greeted him without looking at him.
"How are you feeling?"
"Great. How are you feeling?"
Mira looked up at him in surprise. "Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You seem to be spending a lot of time in here."
"I just like to think, that's all."
"Nothing wrong with that. But I think Gren is feeling a little left out."
Mira remained silent.
"So, what's on your mind?"
"Nothing, just thinking."
She turned to ask him something and found that he had sat down next to her. Mira moved over, giving him room. He merely smirked.
"I don't bite."
Mira laughed. "I know. But I'm a soon to be married woman. Can't do anything that looks suspicious."
Spike grew serious. He set down his coffee mug and laced his fingers together. "That's why I came to talk to you."
Mira fixed her eyes on the yellow streams of light that flew past them. She had fought for the past few weeks to keep her mind focused on Gren. She couldn't let Spike raise false hope in her in heart now. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Why are you marring him?"
"Because I love him. And he loves me."
Spike let out a short laugh. "That's a bunch of garbage and you know it."
Mira turned offended eyes to Spike. "He does love me."
"I wasn't contridicting that statement. You don't love him."
She turned away. "How do you know that?"
"I was in love once, I know the look. You don't have it."
"What look is that?"
"It's a wistful gleam in the eye when a hopeful thought passes through the mind. And when you look at Gren, all I see in your eyes is doubt."
"It's a big decision of my life. Of course I'm going to have some doubt."
"Some doubt, yes. But that's all you show is doubt."
Mira turned away and returned to her gaze out the window. He had seen what she was really going through and she wondered if he saw her feelings towards him as well. If he had, then now was the time for him to carry her off into the sunset.
"Mira, when we were in the Syndicate together, I never noticed you much. You always seemed like you didn't want to be noticed. In those five years that I knew you, I think I heard you say all of ten words. And since you came with Vicious, everyone knew to stay away."
Mira saw, out of the corner of her eye, Spike's head turn towards her. Gritting her teeth, she kept facing forward. Spike conintued.
"You had that look in your eyes while you were in the Syndicate. Who was it? Was it Gren? Or was it someone else?"
So he hadn't noticed her feelings for him. It was probably for the better. "It was Gren."
Silence became tangible and hung between the two ex-syndicate members like humidity hangs in trees. Mira swallowed the rest of coffee, now cold, and took a deep breath.
"Where is Gren?"
"He's watching the telescreen."
Mira left before Spike could say anything else to her. She brushed past Jet just as he was about to enter the bridge, but she merely nodded and moved on. True to what Spike had said, Gren was channel surfing in the living space of the Bebop. He saw her come into the room and stood up.
"What's wrong?"
She moved over to him. "Nothing. Why?"
"You look like something has you flustered."
Mira smiled and banished all looks of her mental state away, allowing the usual sedate appearance to fall into place.
"No, I'm fine. Just," she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Hold me."
__________________________________
Jet stepped up the same spot he had a few weeks ago when he and Spike had their last serious talk on the bridge. Spike still sat, pensive and withdrawn as he had before. Jet looked down at the younger man for a moment.
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"We need to talk."
"About what?"
"About Mira."
Spike hung his head. "Not now Jet."
"I think now is the best time. Ed just intercepted a message from the Red Dragons. It's encoded and she's trying to figure it out. I have a feeling things are going to start getting out of hand again. And there a few matters at hand that need to be dealt with."
"Like what?"
"Like Mira. She's backed herself into a corner with Gren. She doesn't want to marry him."
"Now there's surprise. I knew that already. She talked to you?"
"Yeah, she did. She doesn't love him because she loves another person. What do you think she should do?"
"I think she should break off the enguagement and tell the one she loves her feelings."
Jet watched as Spike pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. He took a deep breath and calmly blew out a long stream of smoke into the cabin.
"It's you."
Spike stood up, slowly unfurling his lanky height. "I know."
Jet watched as Spike picked up one of the transmitters laying down and opened the channel.
"Mira, we have an encoded message from the Dragons. Meet me in the bridge." He turned to Jet. "Would you leave us alone for a few minutes. And take Gren and Faye with you?"
Jet let out a low chuckle. "Sure thing."
Just as Jet was leaving, Mira re-entered the bridge. Spike called up the message and stared at it. Mira peered over his shoulder.
"It's an old code."
Spike nodded his head. "I can't place it though."
"Vicious sent it."
"How do you know?"
"It says: 'It is time for the rogue dragons to come home. To take power, or to have power taken, the choice is up to them.' And it's written in a code that I created for Mao Yenrai. It was a code that was only to be used between you, Mao and...someone else. The trio was to be the leaders of the Syndicate. That way, Mao could retire but by using the code, he could still keep up with the events."
"Who was the third person?"
Mira rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. Spike knew that to be her nervous gesture. She was hiding something.
"Mira, I'm through with the secrets and the vague answers. Tell me now."
She dropped the hand and stared at him with open shock. "Spike-"
"Tell me."
She paced around the bridge for a few minutes, searching for words or for the courage to speak them, Spike didn't know. But he did know that his answer was coming soon and to pressure her now would only make her clam up even more. Finally she stopped and lowered her eyes to the floor.
"Mao wanted you and me to take over the leadership of the Syndicate. He wanted you to lead the people. He wanted me to take care of the business side. He thought we would work well together."
"He didn't want Vicious on this at all?"
"No. He wanted Vicious dead. He just hadn't found the proper set up." She let out a short laugh, that surprised Spike with it's bitterness. "I warned Mao. I told him that if he didn't deal with Vicious, Vicious was going to deal with him. I warned Mao so often, I believe he grew sick of it. I even told your sister, Annie, to see if she could talk some sense into Mao, but she couldn't. None of us could."
"Why didn't he listen to you?"
When Mira looked back up at him, he almost didn't reconize her. Her eyes had clouded over with an emotion that was a cross between bitterness and rage. The shadows in the cabin played with her angled face, making her facial lines appear sharper than normal.
"Mao was waiting for you to come back. He never believed you were dead. And he believed that you would never let Vicious take over the Syndicate. And I soon began to believe that too. However that dream ended when I learned of Mao's assassination. I didn't have to guess who the murderer was."
Spike gazed down at the coded message that Mira had just read. The pain of losing a mentor had his chest hurt with a dull ache. Mao had been a father to him. And he failed him. Spike looked up to see Mira staring at the ground, all signs of emotion had been washed from her face again.
"Are you crying?"
She looked up at him with dispassionate eyes. "I haven't cried for over ten years. Why start now?"
He may have failed Mao, Annie, and Julia, but he wouldn't fail this woman before him. He couldn't let anyone else suffer because of him. "I understand what you said."
"When?"
"Back in the Syndicate. Those ten little words. 'I know what it is with men and forbidden fruit.' That was all you said before you left."
"What do they mean Spike?"
"I know why you left the Syndicate too. The one that gave you that light in your eyes, the one that you loved, it was me. You saw me with Julia and left, knowing that, at the time, you would be the forbidden fruit. And men are always attract to the forbidden fruit. So you left."
Mira's emotionless mask remained intact as she listened to his explanation. "If you're expecting a gold medal for your deduction, don't hold your breath."
"Am I right?"
"I'm tired. I have to go. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
Mira went to walk to past him but reached out and grabbed her arm as she passed. "Am I right? Was it me, Mira?"
She let out a defeated sigh. "It was you."
"Don't marry him."
She emitted another bitter laugh and Spike felt as if someone had scraped their finger nails down a chalk board. "And do what, Spike? Marry you? Julia died three weeks ago and you dare stand here and tell me not to marry a man who has waited years for this!"
"That night that Julia found me after the firefight? I wasn't going to her apartment. I was headed toward yours. I knew that you would keep my injured presence a sercret. I trusted you. However, I was to weak and I didn't make it and Julia found me. You weren't the forbidden fruit, you never were. Julia had been. But after time, yes, I grew to love her. You disappeared shortly after I had healed and I couldn't find you. I search for weeks. But Julia was there. She had filled the gap that you had left. And yes, I did love her, very much. And I do grieve for her because I did love her. But I ache for you. I always did. I waited years for you to resurface."
Mira yanked her arm out of his grip. She couldn't take her heart being yanked around like this. She had decided to marry Gren. She was staying with that decision. "Well you don't have to wait any longer. I got sick of waiting for you. I'm done. No more. I'm marrying Gren when this thing is over."
Spike leaned down to stare into her firey blue eyes. "There is no more waiting. I'm right here."
"You're late."
"Am I too late?"
Mira took a step back from him, defiance shining through her eyes. "You most certainly are. I suggest you get some sleep. You'll need your rest and strength for tomorrow when we meet Vicious."
Spike bit back the bitter taste of rejection. "Where is he?"
"Home. On Mars. Good night."
Spike watched as she dissapeared through the doorway. Silently he sat down in front of the viewport and stared out at the blinking stars. He had said he had grieved for Julia, but others had gone unmourned. An unfamiliar stinging came from the back of eyes. Pools of moisture gathered in his eyes and gently overflowed onto to his cheeks. He covered his face with his hand, covering the wet tracks. Faces of the dead haunted his mind as he continued to shed tears for them. His older sister Annie. His mentor Mao Yenrai. His loyal friends from the syndicate, the twins, Lin and Shin. And many others. The one loss that brought the most tears was that of Mira. She wasn't dead, but she was lost to him. Because, as always, he had waited too long.