In the Depths of a Shaken Nightmare
By Katie
In the
Depths of a Shaken Nightmare my life has seemed to pass and my love has seemed
to disappear. My life means nothing in this shaken pit of depression as I realize
the nightmare I have caused and the love I fought so hard with greed for. If
only I could have realized a moment earlier…
I gave
it all up to be with him.
I gave my life to hold him in my arms.
I gave
up my soul, my being just to have him look into my eyes.
But it
was all for nothing.
We lived
in different environments, me the daughter of one of the most high-powered and
wealthy women in the world, him the son of the greatest warrior this universe had
ever seen.
I
thought we would be a match made in heaven.
I guess
we just aren't made to be. But I wish we were, oh how I pray that we actually
are. But how can we be? When you are so, unlike me, yet we have one major
similarity, a similarity I prayed that we didn't have.
Dende
why do you torture me so? Why do you tare at my heart like a rag doll and throw
me to the ground tattered and torn, like a rag doll that a dog got a hold of?
But I
still love him, I don't know how, and why, I just do. But its not like I have a
choice. In my heart I know that if he was unalike me in that one little quality
than we could be together.
Well now
I'm probably confusing you. Let me start from the beginning of my fairy tale,
and yes, through out the heartache and unfulfilled romantic needs I still call
it a fairy tale, for this type of thing could never happen in reality, so I
think it must be a dream, a fairy tale. Now to start from the beginning, it was
fourteen years ago when I was three…
*
I was
sitting on the swings awaiting Trunks to exit Capsule Corp. He promised to take
me to the park today so that I could go and play on the play ground with my
friends. We had all decided to show up down there and play some games. There
would be me and Pan and a few other friends of ours.
When
Trunks finally exited Capsule Corp. I saw someone I had never seen before in my
life. He was really handsome in my eyes, standing tall and proud, kind of long
black hair spiked, but not like my daddy's, it was spiked downwards. He was
REALLY cute! His dark black eyes captured my gaze as I watched him and Trunks
walk off towards the exit of the backyard.
Finally
I snapped out of my daydream.
"TRUNSK!"
Trunks
covered his ears and turned towards me, his face pinched in a grimace.
"Not so
loud! I've got sensitive hearing ya know!" He yelled back at me. "What do you
want anyways?"
"Remember
you promise dot take me to the park today? You said you would stay while I
played with Panny-chan and my other friends!"
"I did?"
"Yes."
"Well
sorry, I've made other plans. No Goten lets go."
Goten,
that was his name, and a suiting one at that. It was such a pretty name to me
at the time. His carefree face, his daydreaming eyes, his silly Son grin that
captured me in a light smile.
"But you
promised!"
"Get mom
to take you."
"But
Mommy's working!"
"Than
get Dad to."
"But
Dad's training."
"Well
than you'll just have to stay home. Play here, we've got what looks like a
playground to me in our backyard. Enjoy it."
My eyes
welled up with tears and I ran off to my perch on my swing. I cried my eyes
out. I really wanted to see Panny-chan and my other friends.
Goten
felt a little sorry for me. He walked over to me and took the seat next to me
on the other swing.
"What
are you doing Goten? Come on man! Let's go!"
"No Trunks
go without me. I'll take your sister to the park. I might as well. Hey, it'd be
nice to see my niece and either Gohan or Videl again, or maybe both. At least
one of them will be there. Don't worry about your sister I'll have her back by
dinnertime. Go pick up girls at the mall by yourself."
Trunks
sighed.
"Come on
Goten."
Goten
just shook his head than turned to look at me.
"Hi! My
name's Son Goten, Pan's uncle."
"I
Goten! My name is Bra!"
"Ya I
know. I saw you playing with my niece a few months ago, and I saw you when you
were just a little baby, but I've never gotten the chance to talk to you
before."
"Well
I've never seen you before. My brother doesn't have you over that much does
he?"
"Well he
has university to go to and I have college. We just got off for summer vacation
so we'll be seeing a bit more of each other."
"Does
that mean I'll get to see more of you."
"I guess
so."
"Yay!" I
cried and flung my arms around his neck.
"How
about going to the park now Bra-chan?"
I nodded
my head thanking him profusely while cheering loudly.
I could
see Trunks standing at the exit in the fence.
"I guess
I'll come along." He said calmly, a bit disappointed. I just stuck my tongue
out at him and Goten took off into flight, Trunks right behind us.
We
arrived at the park where I saw Pan, her Daddy Gohan-sama and a few other
people. I laughed and turned to Goten. He knelt down to my level and I gave him
a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"I love
you Goten-kun!" I cried.
"I love
you too Bra-chan." He hugged me back then I ran off to join Pan. She just
looked at me like I was some sort of alien from another world, which partly I
was.
"That
was gross, that's my uncle!"
"I know
he's so cute and sweet! I love him!"
"Ewwy!"
she barked out, sticking her tongue out at that fact. I just laughed and ran
off.
I
managed to get close enough to hear Goten, Trunks and Gohan talking at the
picnic table watching us play. I heard them talking about Goten and I.
"Do I
see you've got a little admirer there Goten." Gohan laughed. "She seems to be
quite taken by you."
"Well
what can I say? When you've got it, you've got it!" the three just laughed. I
smiled and ran off to find Pan to tell her what Goten had said.
*
Now when I look back at that time in my life I realize that
this was the point in my life when I realized I love Son Goten. I didn't just
have a crush on him, well maybe at the time I did, but as time went on I
realized I loved him. This hit me the most eleven years later on my fourteenth
birthday. Trunks, Pan and Goku were out in space and Goten was dating Paris
(boy I hated that girl).
Everyone (who wasn't out in space) was at my party. There
were the Chestnuts (Krillian's family), the Son's (including Goten and Paris),
excluding Goku and Pan, my family excluding Trunks, Yamcha, Master Roshi, Tien,
Lunch, Choatzu, Oolong, Puar, Mr. Satan, Uub, even Piccolo, Dende and Mr. Popo
made an appearance. It wasn't just my birthday; it was a reunion.
Everyone pilled gifts in front of me. I ran my hands over
everyone of them, looking at the tags on the gifts. If there was no tag saying
whom it was from I would put it off to the side knowing there MUST be a card in
it or that person would identify himself or herself. I reluctantly didn't find
the one I was looking for, the one I wished to open last, the one from Goten.
I opened the ones that I knew the givers of. I received a
new tank top and skirt from Marron, the matching shoes and accessories form
Krillian and Juuhachigou, some makeup form ChiChi, a watch from Yamcha and
Puar, a magazine subscription of my choice for five years from Master Roshi and
Oolong (where they got the money for it I don't know), a new training gi from
Tien, Lunch and Choatzu, Piccolo, Dende and Mr. Popo had organized me to stay
with King Ki up in heaven for a month and train with him, a pass to Mr. Satan's
fighting dojo where I could fight any competitor in the gym there and use any
of the facilities and some new textbooks from Gohan and Videl. The rest of the
gifts didn't have tags. Uub, Paris, and Goten identified there's. I opened them
up one by one reading the cards. The first one was from Paris.
Dear Bra,
You are a great friend to my dearest Goten and have been
here for him since Trunks, Pan and Goku went away on that trip they had to go
to (into space or something like that, Goten never told me the details, do you
know any of the details?). I really appreciate you being such a great friend to
Goten for all of these years, I doubt he could have been as king, sweet and generous
as he is today without your friendship. I really hope that we can be friends.
Anyways have a great birthday and I'll talk to you later. I hope you like my
gift!
Love lots,
Paris
For some reason I had a soft spot for Paris after that
moment. She really seemed to love Goten, but I knew that he didn't mean as much
to her as he meant to me, even though I didn't quite recognize it at the time.
All went smoothly throughout the giving of Uub's present (he gave me this
really pretty necklace. one I had said I had wanted. One day we had seen each
other in the mall, we were both shopping for a present for Marron's birthday
(he had fit into our group and made friends with everyone so quickly) and I had
mentioned how much I liked that necklace. It was a beautiful crescent moon back
onto a heart. It was gold platted. I had thanked him profusely for it,
realizing it must have been very expensive for him to buy. Next I took a big
decorative bag from the pile, the last present. I took out a rapped box from it
and unwrapped it. There was another box. I took out box after box after box
until finally I came down to a small velvet case. I took it out and opened up
the case to see a beautiful heart shaped locket. I opened it up and there was a
picture of all of my friends and I together. There was Pan, Uub, Goten, Marron,
Trunks and I all together. This picture had been taken the day that Trunks,
Goten and Goku were supposed to go into space but instead Goten staid behind
and Pan went. On the other side of the locket was a picture of all of the older
people, Krillian, Juuhachigou, Goku, ChiChi, Gohan, Videl, Tien, Lunch,
Choatzu, Master Roshi, Oolong, Papa, Mama, Yamcha, Puar, Dende, Piccolo, Mr.
Popo, and Mr. Satan. It was a picture taken at the last Tenkachi Bodoukai, the day
that Goku went to train Uub. The locket flipped once again to reveal another
picture, one of my family, Trunks, Papa, Mama, Grandma, Grandpa, and me. We
were all so young; this was before Grandpa and Grandma died. It brought back so
many memories; I must have been two or three at the time. There was one last
side but it was blank. I looked up questioningly at Goten.
"This is for you and the man you love. That is why where
the picture would be their is engraved a heart with BVB (which stood for Bra
Vegeta Briefs)+ in it. When you meat the man of your dreams have his initials
carved in here." He smiled at me before turning back to Paris. I smiled at him
and brushed away tears that threatened to flow down my cheeks. I realized right
then and there whose initials I wanted to carve in there. It felt like love
inside my heart and I knew, that I would have GS written in their or die trying
to make him mine.
*
A few weeks later I ran into Paris at the mall. We both ran
into each other in one of the clothes stores and we got to talking. She
revealed that she and Goten had just broken up and she had said they just
weren't meant to be. Deep inside I was jumping with joy but on the exterior I
showed myself to be kind and I comforted her. She really didn't need much comforting
for she said she had been looking at him for a while and had realized something
about him, something that made their relationship impossible, for both of them.
'Maybe its because she realized that he has a crush on me.'
I thought deviously in my mind.
But when I approached Goten on the matter of why he and
Paris broke up he just said "Its because we had a similarity that made our
relationship impossible."
That was the end of Paris and Goten. I have run into Paris
a few times at the mall and on the street and we've gotten together a few times
as a result of that. But its not really been a very good friendship. I used to
hate her and she knew that and now the issue over Goten just makes things
awkward. However I have seen Goten and Paris talking together before on the
streets and in the mall once. They've become friends, its plain to see. But I
know there's no physical or mental attraction between them anymore, and I knew
it the day I found out they had broken up.
*
It was a few years that I actually found a time when I
could actually tell Goten I loved him. It had been three years since Paris and
him had broken up. He hadn't had the courage to go out with another girl since
her. I'm not sure if it was because he was afraid to ask a girl out, or whether
he really didn't find an attraction in any of the girls he saw, or, as I prayed
to be so, he liked me but couldn't admit it because she's fourteen years older
than me.
Goten, Trunks, Pan, Marron, Uub and I were at the beach.
Marron and I were sun tanning while Pan, Uub, Goten and Trunks were playing
football in the water (it sounds stupid and impossible but actually its quite
fun, I played against Goten once, and won, but that's because he let me win, it
was his favorite beach activity).
I had my head tilted towards the water where Goten and Uub
were trying to defend against Pan and Trunks. Pan had the ball and was swimming
towards the imaginary lien that was the end line while Trunks tried to defend
her. But as an advantage to playing in the water Goten ducked underneath the
surface and swam past Trunks who was busy trying to get Pan passed Uub. Goten
suddenly jumped up in between Trunks and Pan and grabbed Pan around the waste,
slamming her into the water. It was a funny seen as Pan came up in shock gasping
for air, complaining about water going up her nose. She hit Goten hard in the
back of the head and took up position for the next try at the end line.
I laughed at Goten. The play started and Pan swam up
quickly to get the pass from Trunks. Goten was trying to distract Pan by doing
some sort of really weird dance and screaming "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'M A
SEAL!" Then he would do an act as though he was a seal, clapping his hands and
making seal sounds. He acted like a few different animals; Marron and I had
broken into laughter long ago, holding our sides. I felt as though my sides
were going to split with laughter. Goten just kept up his antics. I looked at
Pan's face; she was trying hard to keep a strait face, to no success. She
started laughing and so did Uub and Trunks swam in for the touch down, laughing
his head off as he went. Once there he slammed the ball down onto the surface
of the water and everyone in the water lay flat on the surface holding his or
her sides with laughter.
It was a blast. I can't remember having so much fun before
in my life.
"I'm going to marry that guy." I said after we had calmed
down and the game had started again.
"Which guy? Uub?" Marron questioned.
"No,"
"You can't mean Goten?"
"Yes I mean him. I'm going to marry him." I stated sharply
just as Pan came up to fetch her towel. She had just received an elbow in the
head by accident from Goten and had a slight headache. Now Trunks, Uub, and
Goten were down playing monkey in the middle. Goten was in the middle and
pretending to be a monkey as he dove to try and get the ball, to no success. I
giggled.
"Who are you going to marry?" Pan asked as she sat down
beside us, a head towel in her hair. She laid out her other towel to lie on and
lay down beside me.
"She's going to marry Goten." Marron answered for me.
"No your not." Pan stated looking at me strangely.
"Yes I am." I reassured her. I was sure going to marry that
guy. "He likes me and I like him."
"Are you sure about that Bra?" Marron asked, a tone of
worry dripping in her voice.
"Yes I am."
Pan and Marron both looked at each other than back down at
me.
"Bra I want you to do something for me."
"What is it?" I asked Pan.
"I want you to take two weeks to just watch him. I want you
to watch my uncle as I have for the past eighteen years. I know you will see
something about him. If your still in love with him after the two weeks than so
be it, but if your not, I want you to tell me why."
"Alright, alright." I stated securely.
This was only a year and a half ago.
*
I did as Pan said. For two weeks I just looked at him, I
watched him. I watched what he did. I watched it all, not seeing what she was
talking about.
"Pan I don't know hat your talking about," I stated after
two weeks. "I still love him and your little game isn't going to do a thing
about that.
Pan just shook her head at me. Marron just stared at the
ground.
"Fine then Bra, if you're so in love with him than try to
marry him."
"I will Son Pan, I will. Soon enough I will be your aunt,
or die trying."
Pan grimaced at my last comment. I just laughed and walked
off.
"Oh and Bra!"
I turned.
"Ya?"
"Don't swear to that last comment."
I turned angrily away from Pan. I did swear to it, I would
become Pan's aunt, not because I wanted to be her aunt, but because I loved her
uncle, we were meant to be.
*
That night I wrote in blood my oath. This is what I wrote:
I Briefs Bra, daughter of Vegeta and Briefs Bulma swear on
my life, that I will marry Son Goten for I love him with all of my heart. I
will try everything to get him to love me, to get him to feel the same way;
there is nothing that will stop me. If I do not succeed I shall die, that is
the only way I shall not succeed is if death separated the two of us. I love
him and will die trying to get him.
Signed,
Briefs Bra
I had pricked my finger with a needle and written with the
needle, pricking my finger again once the blood on the end-ran out. It was
something that hurt, but was for a good cause, my happiness and his.
*
I finally found the courage to tell Goten that I liked him.
We were all at the beach again, for the second time that week. I was excited.
All the night before I had been resisting and memorizing a sexy, sleek, and
irresistible way of telling Goten that he's the one for me. I even went out and
bought the skimpiest string bikini I could find. It barely showed any of the
parts that made me a woman. Trunks hadn't approved but he knew that I didn't
give a damn what he said.
That's the truth, I didn't give a damn what anyone said. I
was in love, truly in love; there was nothing I was going to give up.
To my surprise as I walked up to him, in a sleek and sexy
way, shacking my hips, not too much to make it look like I was trying to
attract his attention and to make everyone think I was doing this unnaturally,
but just enough to make him notice how sexy and thin I looked in my new string
bikini. I pulled off the moves as if the hip shaking came naturally, like it was
always there in my walk, even when I was a child.
Much to my surprise I didn't catch the eyes of Goten per
say, but Uub, who was standing right next to him. He couldn't seem to take his
eyes off of my face, which almost scared me. I wanted to tell him to get away
from me, but I didn't since he was one of my best friends, even though he was
checking me out. I could feel his gaze follow me, but never shifting away from
my face. I could feel his piercing gaze slice through me, as though I were
transparent, my intentions at get Goten were almost pasted flat on my face to
him. My hips swaying gently back and forth made no difference to me. I smiled
subconsciously; it was nice to be wanted, even though it was only Uub who
wanted me.
I stopped right in front of Goten who didn't seem to be
paying much attention to my body. I could have exploded at him, but I kept my
cool. I looked into his eyes than moved in front of his face.
"Can I talk t you a moment?" I asked with a tone to die for
tingeing my voice. He nodded and followed me.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked once we had
stopped. I made sure that we were out of Saiyan earshot before answering.
"I have to tell you something."
"What is it?"
Boy, this guy could be as naive as his father.
"Goten I want to say, that out of all of the guys that
throw themselves at my feet everyday that you are the one that I want. Nothing
is ever going to change that."
There was an awkward, unexpected silence after that last
comment. Goten seemed to be thinking up something to say to me.
"Listen Bra, I've known this for a while, you didn't have
to tell me."
"I know but I just wanted to get it out and tell you how
much you mean to me, face to face."
"Listen, you're a great girl, and I love you. But just not
the way you want me to love you. You are like the sister I never had. I love
you like that Bra, not like a romance, a spark. There's something inside 0of me
Bra that keeps me from turning to you and that something is too strong."
"Goten please! We can overcome that."
"No, its something I don't want to overcome. I'm happy as I
am because of it. Without it I probably would have married Paris or some other
earlier girlfriend. You just have to truth me on this, I can't ever be yours
and you can't ever be mine."
"Is it because my father and your father are sworn to
battle each other until one is the victor? We can overcome that!"
"That wouldn't have stopped me from marrying Paris. Listen
I can't love you like that. Nor any girl like you. I'm sorry Bra."
"Is it because of my looks, my money, my life? Please tell
me."
"I just can't love like you love Bra. We've just got
something in common that can't be overcome, maybe by you, but not by me. I
couldn't ever live like that, it would be living a lie."
"Goten…"
"I'm sorry Bra." Goten turned and started to walk away from
me.
Tears stung my cheeks.
"I will always be yours Goten, always."
"No Bra, you wont." And with that Goten took off into the
air, not even looking into my eyes as he took off.
*
I loved him; I loved him with all of my heart! I can
remember taking off into flight, not knowing where I was going; just knowing I
had to leave. There was nothing that would keep me there. I had left everything
back at the beach, my purse, my change of clothing, my friends, and my life. It
didn't matter.
I just kept flying.
"If only there were a way to make him love me."
I suddenly stopped.
"Maybe there is." I smirked and blasted off to Capsule Corp
to pick up something.
*
I headed quickly around the planet collecting what I never
thought I would ever collect the Dragonballs. Dende had just recently recreated
them this year after Goku absorbed them. I felt an extreme power surge through
me as I lay the last one amongst the pile. I pulled out something out of my
pocket; a piece of paper stained with my own blood and then closed my eyes, my
final tears gracing my cheeks before falling amongst the Dragonballs.
I held my eyes closed as I began my chant to call upon the
dragon Shenlong.
I had never seen such a magnificent sight. The sky grew
dark and the world seemed different. I couldn't bear to look and kept my eyes
shut until a warm glow emanated towards me.
I opened my eyes and removed my hands from in front of my
face.
There before me loomed the giant eternal dragon Shenlong.
"Make your wish Saiyan." He through down the comment at me.
I felt twelve inches tall as I listened to his gruff voice.
But my hopes and dreams of the future swallowed up that fear and I cleared my
voice.
"I wish that what's on this paper come true."
The dragon closed his eyes and the paper glowed with a
brightening light. I was blown back by the power emanating from the paper. I
closed my eyes and swept my arms in front of my eyes to protect them.
As soon as it had come on, it was gone. The paper lay
flattened out on the ground. I stumbled forwards reaching it, clutching it to
my chest.
"Your wish has been granted. Now I leave you, good bye."
And with that Shenlong disappeared into the dragonballs, which dispersed in
different direction, each flying off to another place.
I smiled to my self.
This wasn't going to be as bad a day as I had thought.
*
I went back to the beach to find the others comforting a
sobbing Goten. I ran up to him as I landed and pulled him into my embrace.
"What's wrong?" I questioned worryingly.
"Oh Bra, I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry. I was just scared,
that's all. I can't stand the fact of not being with you. Please say you will
forgive me and become my girlfriend?"
I smiled as I felt tears of joy run down my face.
"I thought you'd never ask."
And with that Goten pulled me closer to him and kissed me.
As Goten and I broke apart Pan and Marron grabbed a hold of
me and pulled me away.
"What did you do?" they asked. Pan shot me a warning glance
and Marron just looked at me as if she were disappointed.
"Nothing, eh just loves me."
"We know he doesn't Bra."
"How?"
Pan cleared her throat. She didn't seem to be ashamed of
what she was about to tell me at all.
"We heard what he said to you, your conversation."
"The whole thing?"
"Yes."
I was shocked. I stared at both of them, anger welling up
inside me.
"How could you?"
"Bra listen we were worried about you…"
"No Pan! You were jealous because I found happiness within
your uncle and you hated the idea of my family mixing with your own, isn't that
right?"
"Oh ya, than how come you had to use the dragonballs to get
Goten to like you?"
"Love me. Wait a second, how did you know that I called
upon Shenlong."
"The sky went dark and a dragonball flew over my head, a
bit to close for call. I grabbed it in my hands and I knew that the only person
who could gather the dragonballs quick enough that's actually out looking for
them is you."
That still didn't justify her listening in.
"What I do is none of your business! Now just stay out of
my life!"
I stormed away from them angrily and grabbed a hold of
Goten's hand, dragging him off He came with me happily and we spent the whole
day together, not to mention night, I f you know what I mean. It was glorious
but something never felt right on his part, his face never seemed to show a
natural love for me that way that I wanted it to. Especially since the next day
he proposed to me.
*
He loved me I loved him. That's always something that I had
with me. I never knew how much inside he was shaking and trembling in his
presence.
He took me to places I had never been before, to the sea
shore of a far off deserted island, to the cold world under the arctic sky,
while holding my tightly to his body to keep me warm. These were just the feelings
I had inside. I never knew how much I loved him until then.
He took me to the sea and to the sun, ever night to the
moon. It was like a dream come true, but it was really just a mask, a mask of
frightened lies; a nightmare that was waiting to be born.
I loved him he loved me. But not the way I wanted him to
love me.
*
Pan stood in the distance as we dated. She didn't want to
inter fear but deep inside, I knew, she was going to eventually.
That day that was the two-week mark before Goten and I were
to be wed.
"Bra please, your not too late."
"Too late for what?"
"To watch."
"Pan listen, we love each other."
"Its an artificial love Bra. Born underneath a wish created
by the dragon. Can't you understand, if you continue this way your fate will
have been decided. There's still time to revoke your wish."
"Pan listen! Of all people I thought you would be beside me
through all of this!"
"Bra, Goten gave this to me. As he arrived at the beach he started
to feel different. He knew what was happening; he knew what you were doing. He
looked into my eyes and told me something. 'I love him Pan. I know bra doesn't
know it. She's going to do anything for me, I don't know why. Pan give this to
Bra for me, please promise to give it to Bra two weeks before our wedding. I
know I can trust you Pan, please?' and I answered him by saying 'I promise Uncle
Goten.' Now it is exactly two weeks to the moment before you two say your vows."
"I don't believe you."
"You don't have to but please just read it."
I took the book and opened it to the first page. Goten had
signed his name, an undignified scribble, but a scribble that could not be
duplicated. I was shocked so I turned away to hide my expression from Pan. I
walked away, leaving her to just look on in hope that I would change my mind. I
read the first few page from when he was first out of high school. There was a
large break and he started to right again. It started again the day he started
to date Paris. Then a year and a half later he wrote this entry:
Paris has found out my secret, why we can never be
together. I tried to over come it for her, she was the perfect girl for so many
guys. But I can't so we must break up. She doesn't seem to upset about it and
I'm not. We're going to remain close friends, and that's it.
A few months later it actually mentions me.
Bra's in love with me. I wish I could tell her I felt that
way, but I just don't. I can't love her, its just, I'm in love with someone
else. She reminds me of that person, yet I love that person. She won't ever
understand me. She won't ever understand how much I love this person. Not even
you journal will understand. I think tomorrow at the beach I'll tell her this.
The next day was to my surprise, the day that we got
together.
Bra announced that she loved me today. I told her that I
didn't and couldn't love her like that. I love her, but as a sister. I don't
think she'll ever understand that.
You see, dear journal, today I'm going to tell you who I'm in
love with. I'm in love with Trunks, yes, I am gay. I never thought I would ever
come out and say it to anyone, I wanted so keep it inside. Now its time to come
out of the closet, or so to speak.
Yet Trunks is in love with my niece, and even if he weren't
than he would still be with some girl. He's the reason why I've been dating
girls all this time, not to make him think that I'm gay and in love with him.
I think he knows it though. Pan and Marron sure do, so doe
Uub. Uub isn't scared though; he knows I'm not attracted to him. Sure Uub's
okay but he's not Trunks.
Bra reminds me so much of Trunks, yet I know, I can't ever
love her.
Life is too complicated for me. I think, journal, I'm going
tot ell this to her later. I hope it wont hurt her too much. I don't want to
hurt her; I still want to be close to her, but not like this.
So good-bye for now journal, I'm going back to the beach.
I couldn't breath. I stumbled forward and then fell flat on
my face. I scrabbled up onto my knees then slammed the book closed. I closed my
eyes and leaned my head into my hands and cried.
*
For the next two weeks I did as Pan had originally asked to
spend two weeks just watching him. Although his body and voice belonged to me,
his heart belonged to my brother. He still subconsciously stared at him,
without really realizing it. For two weeks I realize dhow much he loved him.
Too bad it was my wedding day when the two weeks were up.
I was dressed to the toe with a beautiful white satin gown,
brought in especially from Paris for me. I loved the feel of it against my skin
but yet it sent needles down my whole body, as though to tell me I shouldn't be
wearing that dress. My hair was hair sprayed and pinned up in a bun, a vale
placed over my head. The wedding march began and Daddy linked arms with me. I
began to walk, staring around at the people around me, whipping away tears at
my appearance. I too began to cry and people just thought it was because I was
so happy. The truth was I couldn't handle destroying Goten's life, as well as
living a lie. I just couldn't. I looked into his eyes at the end of the aisle,
standing next to Trunks and I gave in.
I thought of all the times he had helped me with going
somewhere, how he had talked Trunks into taking me to the places he had promised
to take me, how he had kept Pan and I close, how he had introduced me to
Marron, how he had beat up guys that tried to do stuff that wasn't allowed with
me along with Trunks, how he had been like a second brother who I was almost as
close to as Trunks. I just couldn't ruin this guy's life when he had tried so
hard to make mine wonderful.
I let go of Daddy
and looked at him.
"I've lived a lie for the past year. Pan and Marron tried
to pull me out of it but they couldn't. I manipulated Goten with the
Dragonballs. He doesn't love me. He loves Trunks, and there's nothing I can do
about it. I can't go on like this."
And with that I turned and ran from the church.
*
I ran fast and strong with the wind pushing against me. I
ran until my legs were numb and I couldn't run any more. Luckily for me I was
deep within a forest by then and I couldn't see a thing. My dress was ripped
and tattered and my vale long since fallen off. My hair lay in a jumble on my
head and in my eyes, my eyes clouded over in tears.
This wasn't happening, it couldn't be happing.
But yet it was.
After a moment of thinking it suddenly hit it. My wish had
come true. I wished for everything on the paper to come true. That includes the
part about dying trying to make him mine.
I was dying.
I felt a strong pain in my heart and I fell to my knees.
Now here I am now, feelings the incredible pain shooting through my body. But
yet that's not what hurts so much. What hurts so much is the pain n my heart
and the fact that I can see and hear Uub, standing next to me, kneeling down to
help me.
I gave it all for him. I gave it all to love him. Yet it
was never worth it, my brother had him all along, although Trunks is in love
with Pan, and in turn she is in love with him. This is a fairy tale you see,
for this can't be real life. I'm dying at my own hands, my own greed and
selfishness blinding me from seeing that I was in love with a gay man.
I love you Son Goten, and I know, you can never love me.
In the Depths of a Shaken Nightmare my life has seemed to
pass and my love has seemed to disappear. My life means nothing in this shaken
pit of depression as I realize the nightmare I have caused and the love I
fought so hard with greed for. If only I could have realized a moment earlier
before I finally close my eyes and die.
The End
I know it's not great, but it's late (1 am to be exact) and
I'm about to die with tiredness. I'm sorry if the ending was rushes, I wanted
to get all of my ideas out. I'm going to do maybe one or two or maybe even
three sequels, one from Uub's point of view for sure, maybe one from Pan's,
maybe one from Goten's, maybe one from Trunks. I'm not sure yet. The next one
will be from Uub's point of view.
Sorry if this wasn't for G/B lovers. But I did warn you
all. I did warn you. Sorry about the depressing bit about Bra dying at the end.
Anyways I have to go. Goodbye and thanks for reading, and
PLEASE review!
Katie
