-------------------------Saturday Rock Show
----------Cobalt Doll
//We wanted to go to the Maul show
It was the Saturday rock show
It was just a nice little pop show//
Saturday night, and Taichi had nowhere to go. This wasn't particularly
unusual. Ever since high school had hit, the charm of being the overly friendly
goofball had started to wear off. That wasn't to say he was a loser. There was
something about Taichi that prevented him from ever being a loser. It was
probably sheer determination, but such was life. And he wasn't an unhappy
individual, either. He had friends, but they weren't close. He did okay at
school, but it wasn't fun. He loved his family, but they were drifting from him.
Of course he still played soccer. There would always be soccer. If he were a
ninety-year-old paraplegic he would find a way to play soccer with this teeth.
Unless he wore dentures. Then he was probably screwed. But such avenues of
thought were depressing, and Taichi wasn't in a depressive mood. Yet. Damn it,
where were the endorphins when he could use them? He needed somewhere to go, a
person to meet. Something to break him out of the routine and give him a little
jolt. Sitting in his darkened room burning incense was not having the desired
effect.
"Tai!" called a high-pitched voice from another part of the apartment.
"Taichi! Put whatever you're burning out! It smells disgusting!"
"It's incense!" he yelled back, annoyed.
"It stinks! Take-chan's coming over, and I don't I don't want the flat to
smell like a dying animal!"
"Flat..." muttered Taichi under his breath. Hikari had recently decided
that using British slang sounded trendy, and he was about ready to kill himself.
Or her. Not having a younger sister was beginning to sound increasingly
appealing. "It does not smell like a dying animal!" he retorted. "It's called
'ocean breeze!' It smells salty!" The door to his room burst open, and Hikari
walked in. Without greeting him, she reached for the incense stick on his desk
and smothered the burning spark between two fingers.
"Hey!" protested Taichi indignantly. Hikari glared at him.
"The smell was going to stick to me," she accused. "Take-chan and I are
going to a rock concert. The pot smoke will be bad enough, I don't need that
stuff to smell my hair up too."
"You're supposed to knock before coming in," muttered Taichi sulkily.
"You wouldn't have let me in," said Hikari matter-of-factly.
"Exactly," muttered Taichi. Hikari giggled, and he smiled back at her
without really meaning to. "So," he asked, "who are you going to see?"
Hikari shrugged. "Take-chan wouldn't say. He just says the band will be a
surprise I'm going to love."
"I bet that'll be exciting." Taichi sounded bored just thinking about it.
"And where are you going to tonight, Mr. Popular?" Hikari mocked. Taichi
was saved having to come up with a retort by the sound of the doorbell.
"That's him!" Hikari shrieked happily.
"Whoopee," muttered Taichi. Hikari didn't even bother to give him a dirty
look. Instead, she rushed for the door. Her voice carried back to Taichi, still
sitting his room and staring absently at his dead incense.
"Hi Take-chan!"
"Hello Kari-chan. How are you tonight?"
"I'm great! Come on in! Want something to drink, or anything?"
"Nah, I'm fine. Thanks though. Is Taichi-senpai home?"
"Yeah, he's in his room. Why?"
"He's invited to come with us."
A moment of silence, and then Hikari's voice came again, considerably
quieter then before.
"Are you serious? You want to drag my older brother along?"
"Taichi-senpai's not that bad. Besides, he'll like this a lot."
"If you say so..." Footsteps approaching his door. Two heads popped around
the corner.
"Hi Taichi-senpai!" said Takeru cheerfully.
"Hey Takeru," replied Taichi. He chose to pretend he hadn't overheard
their entire conversation.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and Kari-chan to see a rock
show," said the short blond politely.
"Who's playing?" asked Taichi without looking up. He could feel Takeru's
grin.
"It's a surprise!"
"I don't like surprises," said Taichi dryly.
"You'll like this one!" Takeru promised. Taichi said nothing.
"Oh just come," said Hikari impatiently. Both boys turned to look at her
with surprise. "Well," she pressed, "It's not like you've got somewhere to be,
Taichi. Just come, and give it a shot. You might even have fun." Both young
teens gave him their best puppy-dog faces. Taichi found himself sighing and
agreeing to go. Hikari didn't know whether to be pleased or disappointed, and
Takeru just smiled.
//Let's go, let's go
Round and around you go
Always the last to know//
"So the surprise is that you're actually taking us to a condemned shit-
hole instead of a rock concert, huh?" asked Taichi, observing with a cynical eye
the brick building they had arrived at.
"I promise you'll be glad you came." Takeru had been repeating this
promise ever since they'd left the apartment. Taichi still didn't believe him.
"Oh, c'mon," encouraged Hikari. "This plays is hardly bad enough to be
condemned." She was right, but it was hard to believe. The old brick was
crumbling, and the only visible window held cracked glass in each pane. Graffiti
adorned the walls: the symbol for anarchy, 'no more prisons,' and a hundred
different tags. Over all of this, a skilled hand had painted 'Maul Show' in neon
lettering. A big metal door stood between them and their destination. Takeru
stepped up and knocked boldly on it. Taichi had half-hoped he wouldn't bother,
and they'd all head back home now. To his surprise, a panel in the door opened
and a face poked out. Taichi wondered idly whether Takeru had ended up involved
with Yakuza. That would be a surprise. Not that Yamato would let his little
brother fall in with mobsters. Where the hell was Ishida anyway? Taichi hadn't
seen him around in forever. Meanwhile, Takeru had moved closer to the doorkeeper
and was conversing with her in low tones.
"Do you know what this damn surprise of his is?" Taichi asked Hikari. The
brunette shook her head.
"No, but I have a good idea."
"Mind sharing your knowledge?"
"Yes I do. Either figure it out yourself or suffer in silence. Knowing
you, you'll just suffer very loudly." Taichi shrugged in casual agreement. Their
conversation cut off as the large door swung open and Takeru disappeared inside,
motioning them to follow.
"It's awfully nice of Take-chan to pay for your ticket," murmured Hikari
absently. Taichi realized with some surprise that admission prices hadn't even
been discussed. Not that they could be too expensive, coming from a place like
this. Still... He slapped himself in the forehead and sped to catch up with
Takeru.
"Dude, Takeru, how much do I owe you?" he asked, tapping the blond's
shoulder.
"Owe me?" repeated Takeru blankly.
"For the tickets..."
"Oh! That! You don't owe me anything, Taichi-senpai. We get in for free."
"Is that the surprise?" asked Taichi. "We get in for free because you know
someone in the band? Some hot chick, perhaps?" He elbowed the shorter boy in the
ribs lightly. "Little Takeru gettin' it on with the ladies? Hikari's gonna be
pissed." Takeru was somewhere between annoyed and embarrassed.
"It's not a hot chick," he grumbled.
"A hot guy?" teased Taichi. Takeru gave him an extremely weird look.
"Just wait and see, ne Taichi-senpai?" he pleaded. Taichi shrugged.
"Hey Hikari!" he called over his shoulder. "Are you going to catch up with
us or what?" They had reached the end of the hall, and were once again facing a
door. Taker pulled it open and held it for Hikari.
"Thanks," she murmured, grinning at him. Takeru's smile was a little bit
stupid and blissful as he cut in front of Taichi to walk in behind her. Taichi
muttered to himself as he caught the door before it slammed shut and stepped
inside. He found himself awed by the crowd he found there.
//Come on down wait around
But it's early, not a lot to do
So you stand in the chill of the doorway
With the people pushing through//
He knew instantly that this was not his kind of place. He loved crowds,
sure, but this wasn't his crowd. Teenagers in dark clothing and morose young
adults mingled to make a dark scene, and Hikari hadn't been joking about the pot
smoke. It stung his nose. He wondered how Takeru had stumbled on a place like
this, and at the fact that people seemed to know him. He waved and chatted with
the strangest looking people, Hikari following him comfortably and occasionally
laughing at what someone said. The whole place almost felt rave-ish, but it
lacked that kind of energy. Yamato would kill when he found out where his little
brother hung out on the weekends. He didn't know who Yamato would kill, but
somebody was going down. He looked around carefully, suddenly wondering if
perhaps Yamato had introduced Takeru to this place. It didn't seem particularly
likely, but Yamato hadn't even been predictable. From the song writing to
cooking in a pink apron, he'd been rather full of surprises. In fact, the
biggest surprise of all was the blond was his best friend. It only made him feel
even guiltier that he hadn't kept track of the other boy lately. But Yamato had
been...odd... Avoiding not just Taichi, but pretty much everyone he knew. Of
course, Yamato was the official loner... It was probably his duty to run off and
play it solitary every once in awhile to leave everyone else to worry. Not that
Taichi was worried about him or anything... But why the hell was he wasting time
thinking about Yamato? He was at a rock concert, damn it! Unwillingly, but here
he was. He should be enjoying himself and moshing with the crack-heads. Then
again, if there were music that would probably help. The stage was set for a
show, but empty.
He stayed where he was, leaning against the doorway and people-watching.
Most of the populace faded into the same cheerless blur, but once in awhile a
face stood out. A dark haired young man dressed all in black and wielding a
machete walked by, followed closely by another boy with a styrofoam carryout
container. A girl with vivid orange hair and wearing equally high-octane orange
socks skipped by, nearly knocking him flat in her hyper procession of one. An
Asian girl with a queue was dancing slowly with another girl, despite the lack
of music. His eyes lingered on them for a moment. Both girls were pretty, and
lesbians made Taichi happy on multiple levels. Damn his hormones. He turned
around as he heard someone call his name.
"Taichi-senpai!" came Takeru's voice. "C'mere! The show's gonna start
soon!" The blond boy, who looked more and more like his older brother with each
passing day, was standing up near the stage with Hikari. Both of them were
watching it with twin expressions of anticipation. Sighing, Taichi pushed his
way through the apathetic crowd to join them.
//Hang around but it's loud and there's no way
They can know you
So you stand in the crowd near the stage
Water leaking through the roof//
The lights went out. The effect was impressive. Total darkness had fallen,
and the crowd was unnaturally silent. The impassive atmosphere had been almost
instantly replaced by one of eerie expectation. The hair on the back of Taichi's
neck stood up, and he reached back to smooth it down again. The sensation
tickled uncomfortably. His hand encountered someone else's skin on the way down,
and he only barely resisted the urge to screech. Instead he started forward,
banging headlong into Hikari.
"Itai!" his little sister called in surprise.
"Gomen ne," he whispered, the sound magnified by the area's stillness.
Suddenly, the lights over the stage flicked on at full illumination. The
cerulean lighting momentarily blinded him. Gradually, the lights began to dim,
until they were at the same brightness as the room had been before. The stage,
abandoned before, now held a band. Sound exploded from the drum set, and all
spotlights highlighted the young man playing it. The other members were left in
darkness. The drummer seemed to be pounding on his instrument randomly, making
noise purely to make noise. But after nearly a moment, a rhythm began to make
itself discernable. A crazy, violent, wild rhythm. Cheers erupted behind Taichi
like the slow revving of an engine, quiet at first and then almost loud enough
to drown out the drummer. To his surprise, Taichi found his own voice joining
all the others. Suddenly the drummer stopped, and the lights flicked off again.
Blackness once more swallowed everyone in the grip of obscurity. The crowd fell
silent as gradually as they had grown loud. More sound came from the stage. The
strange, steady underbeat of a bass guitar, followed closely by the complex
acoustic rhythms of the lead. The lights did not come on again. Then, for no
reason, the guitars stopped too.
"What the hell is this?" muttered Taichi, beginning to get exasperated. He
wanted to hear the music, not be teased by it.
"Shut up," said someone next to him, her eyes still fixed on the stage.
Taichi wondered if she had access to night vision. Then came the singing. Hidden
in the darkness, not backed up by any instruments, a young man's voice fell from
the stage like cool summer rain. Taichi recognized it instantly.
"Yamato-kun!" he yelled, his voice backed up by nearly a hundred others
from the crowd. The same cerulean spotlights all snapped on and lit Yamato up,
casting five different versions of his shadow behind him. His eyes were closed
against the bright lighting, and he looked serene and beautiful. His fingers
moved along the frets and strings of his bass with a life of their own, and all
the spotlights left him but one, lighting up the other members of the band.
Outlined in blue, each person bent over their instrument, they began to play. It
was the most amazing live music Taichi had ever seen. They moved through angry,
fast rock and heart-rending ballads with equal grace, Yamato's voice carrying it
all. He was absolutely amazing. For as long as he lived, Taichi would never
forget the first time he ever saw his best friend perform live. It would stay
with him as a strange memory of beautiful noise and shades of blue.
"Well?" asked Takeru, meeting up with Hikari and Taichi after the last
song had ended.
"That was so fucking cool!" exclaimed Taichi. "I didn't know we were
coming to see Yamato play! They kicked ass! How long have they been rehearsing?
So that's why he's been avoiding all of us! He's had to practice! Dude, why
didn't you bring Sora and Mimi and Jyou and Koushiro? They'd love this so much!
Well, maybe not... But we gotta bring 'em anyway! Are they playing again, like,
soon?"
"Slow down there, tiger," teased Hikari, bursting into giggles. Turning to
Takeru, she added, "that was really good. I didn't know your brother was that
talented."
"Can we go backstage?" continued Taichi obliviously. "We gotta go see him
and tell him how cool that was!" Without waiting for an answer, he dashed off,
presumably to find a way backstage.
"Typical," muttered Hikari, looking down the way he'd disappeared. Her
smile was fond, even as she mocked him. Takeru looked considerably less mellow.
"Wait!" he yelled. "Yamato doesn't know you guys are here!" But his
yelling wasn't doing anyone any good. Taichi was gone. Hoping for the best,
Takeru raced in the direction the older boy had gone.
"What are you doing?" called Hikari. Takeru didn't answer. Sighing, she
prepared to chase after him. Figured. Just when they would have been alone...
It hadn't taken Taichi long to find his way backstage. He had a sixth
sense for finding places that he wasn't supposed to be, and it had yet to fail
him. He poked around looking for Yamato, pretending he belonged backstage, and
glaring at everyone else like they didn't. It was an attitude that usually
worked, and today was no exception. He turned a corner casually, and there was
the man of the hour. Being shoved against the wall by someone Taichi didn't
know.
"Hey!" he yelled loudly. Neither boy turned to look at him. Taichi
narrowed his eyes and stepped up to them. Nobody messed with his friends. He
reached out and grabbed the boy's shoulder, pulling him away from Yamato and
drawing back his fist. And then he realized quite suddenly that he wasn't
interrupting any kind of threat on his friend. He was interrupting a kiss.
"Who the hell are you?" asked the boy.
"Taichi-kun?" asked Yamato, squinting at his friend. Taichi was reduced to
speechlessness, blinking repeatedly. What the hell? Two sets of footsteps came
crashing down the hall, and Takeru and Hikari appeared. Takeru took in the
situation with one quick glance.
"Oh fuck," he muttered. That was about right.
//I could see your gazing face
See your new boyfriend starcased
I want to be back in that place
So I'll be here just in case//
"Takeru," said Yamato slowly. His voice was surprisingly calm and
collected. "What the fuck are Taichi and Hikari doing here?" His face betrayed
his anger, and something else. It took a minute, but Taichi managed to place
that strange look in his eyes as fear.
"I brought them to see you play," replied his little brother, meeting
Yamato's glare unflinchingly.
"And did you bring them backstage?"
"No, Taichi-senpai ran back here himself. He was really excited about how
good you were, and wanted to tell you."
"Oh. Well... I'm glad you liked it, Taichi-kun." Yamato looked at his
friend, not meeting his eyes. Taichi forced a smile, and swallowed the question
pressing against his tongue.
"You looked great up there!" he gushed, trying to recapture his hyper-
enthusiastic mood of a few moments ago. Yamato looked up in surprise, his deep
blue eyes searching Taichi's face. Taichi didn't look away.
"Thanks..." said Yamato slowly. Hikari jumped in.
"You were really good," she agreed. "I really liked that second song,
especially."
"Walk on the Edge," supplied Yamato absently.
"Yeah!" said Taichi fervently. "It just made me think of you."
"It is me."
"Well, that explains it!" There was a moment of crushing, uncomfortable
silence. The boy Taichi had pegged as Yamato's attacker tapped the blond's
shoulder.
"Care to introduce me?" he asked softly. He had a voice like the whisper
of pieces of corduroy being rubbed together.
"Oh!" said Yamato, turning back to face him. It was the first time his
eyes had left Taichi's face. "Everyone, this is my...friend, Akio."
"Friend?" asked Akio, placing a hand on Yamato's shoulder. He sounded
amused. Yamato shrugged his hand off.
"Yes," he said firmly. "Friend. Akio, you know my little brother Takeru."
They nodded at each other, but Takeru didn't look too pleased to be breathing
the same air as the older boy. "And this is my best friend Taichi, and his
little sister Hikari."
"Oh!" said Akio, looking at Taichi. "You're 'Taichi-kun.' I've heard a lot
about you."
"That's...cool," said Taichi, wondering what exactly this guy had heard.
"Well," said Yamato, before another silence could fall, "I'm going to go
change into some street clothes. I'll be with you guys in a minute, okay?"
"Sure," said Akio, touching his arm briefly. Yamato pretended he hadn't
noticed.
"We'll be right here," said Takeru, glaring daggers at Akio. The older boy
smiled arrogantly at the smaller blond.
"Yeah," echoed Hikari, "right here." She looked as confused as Taichi
felt.
"Can I see your dressing room?" asked Taichi, still faking the spastic
fanboy. "Does it have a star on it and everything?" He looked straight at
Yamato, and the blond correctly translated that to mean 'we have to talk.'
"Sure," said Yamato. "It's this way. I'll be back with the rest of you in
a minute." He gestured for Taichi to follow him, and the brunet did so. They
disappeared around the corner.
"So," said Akio to Takeru, "who's that guy? Some ex-boyfriend of Yama-
kun's or something? Should I be worried?"
"Oh, you should be worried alright," muttered Takeru to himself.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I didn't say anything at all." Hikari, meanwhile, was tugging at
his sleeve. He turned to face her.
"You so owe me an explanation here," she muttered. Takeru sighed.
//Let's go, let's go
Come on down wait around
In the doorway on the last day//
"So what was that?" asked Taichi as Yamato closed the door to the dressing
room behind them. There was no star on the front.
"What was what?" asked Yamato.
"Don't give me that bullshit," snapped Taichi. "So, what, you're like gay
now? He's your boyfriend? That would sure as hell explain some things."
"Explain things? What does that explain that you've been wondering about?"
"Well, for one thing it says why you've been avoiding everyone."
"And for another?" Yamato pressed.
"Well, that's all I can think of right now," said Taichi defensively.
"Jesus Christ..." He reached up and ran his fingers through his impossible hair.
"Just, fuck. Fuck."
"Fuck?" repeated Yamato. "What are you getting upset about?"
"You're GAY!" exploded Taichi. "Just give me a minute, okay? This is gonna
take some adjustment..."
"Sorry to be an inconvenience to your day," snapped Yamato.
"Don't get all pissy with me," retorted Taichi. "This is just weird for
me, okay?"
"Weird for you?" repeated Yamato. "Right. Lemme tell you it was pretty
weird for me, too."
"Yeah, well...."
"Yeah."
"So why didn't you just tell me? Come out, or whatever. Ellen did it,"
said Taichi. Yamato turned and gave him a searing look.
"I dunno why," he said mockingly. "I thought maybe you'd freak out, or
overreact. Silly me..."
"I'm not freaking out!" yelled Taichi. Yamato calmly raised an eyebrow,
and Taichi colored. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Taichi sat
down hard on the floor. Yamato sighed and leaned against the wall.
"So..." he prompted.
"So..." Taichi repeated.
"Any questions you, like, wanna ask, or whatever?"
"Well, how long have you been dating what's-his-name?"
"Akio. About three months."
"Three months!?" Taichi was on his feet again. "Three months! And you
didn't even tell me?"
"Well, apparently not, since you didn't know about it."
"Oh shut up, Mr. Sarcasm."
"Mr. Sarcasm...?"
"Fuck you. Does Takeru know? He doesn't seem to like your boytoy."
"Akio. His name is Akio. And he's not my boytoy."
"You're his?"
"You're being a jerk, Taichi-kun." There was another moment of silence. It
was beginning to become their trademark.
"Sorry..." muttered the brunet. "It's just, I dunno... You started
avoiding everybody, and I haven't talked to you in forever. I was starting to
worry about you and everything, just because you were never around. And so now I
see you again, and you're kissing some guy. It's just...surreal, or something.
Weird. Fucking weird."
"It's okay. I'm sorry too, I guess. But seriously, you're saying it's
weird, and you don't even know the half of it. I've known there was something
fucked up about me for a long time, but I never thought it was this."
"You're not like, one of those kids that used to put on your mom's make-up
when you were little, and wanted to be a girl and stuff, are you?"
"I dunno. Maybe I would have been. I live with my dad, remember? And the
only make-up he has is this bottle of the perfume mom used to wear when they
were happily married. I've got the pink apron..." He turned and smiled at
Taichi. There was a lot of emotion in that smile. Hope, and fear, and regret,
and a strange pleading Taichi hadn't ever seen in Yamato's face before. Taichi
hesitated a minute, and then returned the expression.
"Yeah, well, the pink apron is pretty gay," he said with a grin.
"So am I," Yamato shrugged. They laughed, and it was the best sound Taichi
had ever heard.
"So we're still friends and everything, right Yamato-kun?"
"We're always friends, Taichi-kun." For a second Taichi thought they were
going to hug, but both boys were way too cool for any Kodak moments. Instead
they just laughed again, and there was freedom in the sound.
//Watch the cars rush past on the freeway
Nothing stays the same//
When Taichi and Yamato emerged from the dressing room as obvious friends,
there were mixed reactions in the group that waited for them. Takeru was visibly
relieved. Hikari gave Yamato a few long, hard looks when she thought the blond
wouldn't notice, but decided she was okay with what Takeru had told her. Really.
Akio, on the other hand, looked annoyed. He wasted no time wrapping an arm
around Yamato's shoulder, but the blond brushed him off.
"So, is anyone else hungry?" he asked the group cheerfully.
"I could go for a burger," said Takeru cheerfully.
"Some greasy, crappy fast food sounds really good right now," chimed in
Hikari. Yamato winced.
"If that's what you're all in the mood for..." he sighed.
"We don't have to go to the same place as everyone else," said Akio
instantly. Yamato waved his hand dismissively.
"No, it's cool. I can get a salad or something. You up for a late-night
dinner, Taichi-kun?"
"Are you kidding?" asked the brunet. "Food? I am always ready for food."
Taichi and Yamato smiled at each other. Akio grew increasingly uneasy.
"You know," he said, "I have to get home. I go in early for work
tomorrow." He pulled Yamato into a hug, and they exchanged a brief kiss. Takeru
attempted to kill Akio with eye lasers. He was unsuccessful. Hikari looked away
politely, and Taichi watched them with a faraway expression on his face. The
taller man left rather unobtrusively, and the remaining four headed off to find
a place to eat.
They ended up at Wendy's, which is, after all, 'now open late.' Yamato was
picking at his salad, but the other three were enthusiastically tearing into
burgers, fries, and Frosties.
"Dude, you should eat more," encouraged Taichi, elbowing his friend
playfully in the ribs. Yamato gave him the finger. Taichi returned the gesture,
waggling his eyebrows ridiculously. Yamato shook his head and turned away,
hiding a smile. When he turned back, Taichi was dipping his fries into his
Frostie.
"That," accused Yamato mildly, "is disgusting."
"What?" asked the brunet, not at all bothered by the fact that his mouth
was full.
"Chew with your mouth closed," admonished Hikari. Taichi gulped down his
mouthful of food and stuck his tongue out at his little sister. Yamato hung his
head in exasperation.
"I'm going to get some sweet and sour sauce," muttered Takeru, standing
up.
"What for?" asked Hikari curiously.
"To dip my fries in. It's better then, say, my Frostie, for instance."
"You really dip your fries in sweet and sour sauce?" pressed Hikari.
"Sure, it's really good. Wanna try it?"
"I guess so."
"Cool. Be right back." Takeru was, indeed, right back, and he did have two
containers of sweet and sour sauce. He handed one of them to Hikari, and their
hands brushed.
"Thanks," she murmured, smiling at him.
"You guys are so adorable!" teased Taichi, completely ruining the moment.
Hikari glared menacingly at him.
"How about a toast," suggested Yamato, trying to prevent any impending
violence between the Yagami siblings.
"To friendship!" suggested Taichi brightly. He held up his coke. Two more
paper cups of soda, and one of iced tea, were lifted to join it.
"To friendship," the other three echoed. Taichi caught Yamato's eye and
smiled at him. Under the table, Takeru and Hikari were holding hands. It was a
wonderful night.
//Hang around with the friends
That I only see Saturday
And I can't help but wonder
Will they miss me when I've gone away?//
Taichi hated school. Yes sir, no doubt about it, school was the worst
thing ever to happen to him. The fact that he and Yamato were back to their old
best friend status and eating lunch together only made it marginally better.
Best friends were great, but they couldn't prevent the horror that was geometry.
Of course, Yamato did help him with his homework, and that was almost as good.
Numbers made sense to the taller blond, whereas they were completely lost on
Taichi.
He was wandering the high school campus rather aimlessly, searching for a
good place to spend his study hall. He was supposed to be in the library, but
Mr. Toriyama always marked everyone present, whether they actually were or not.
So he didn't really need to show up. He settled himself on the steps that lead
to the main building, pulling out a folder of sketches he'd been working on.
There was one of Hikari sleeping... Yamato as he'd looked on stage... Mom
cooking dinner... Hikari's stupid cat... Yamato trying to explain a math
problem... Takeru running in the middle of the street for no reason... Some
underclassman named Daisuke who stalked Hikari... There! He pulled out the one
he was currently working on. It was a half-finished ink sketch of Yamato,
sitting alone on a swing set. It was looking really good, but the hatching was
giving him a little bit of trouble... He bent over it intently, determined to
make this one the best yet. Of course, that was what he tried to do with every
sketch. He just wasn't usually this successful. He didn't even notice two sets
of footsteps walking by him until they were past him. He looked up curiously,
and found himself starting at the back of Akio. The boy had his arms wrapped
around someone, and Taichi opened his mouth to greet Yamato and his boyfriend.
But Akio moved in to give his companion a kiss, and the face he revealed was
that of a skinny young woman with sugar frosted eye shadow. It wasn't Yamato at
all.
//He wrote a sad song for you
I've written one or two
Mine sadder still cause I lost you
Soon it'll be my turn to play them all too
The Maul too//
"What the fuck?" asked Taichi, jumping to his feet. "Akio?" The couple
sprang apart, turning to look at him. The color drained right out of Akio's
face.
"Taichi?" he asked, trying to remember if that was the right name or not.
"What the fuck?" repeated Taichi. "I thought you were dating..." He
trailed off, not wanting to give Yamato away in front of a girl he didn't know.
"I am!" said Akio quickly, also glancing at the blonde girl he was with.
"And this is...?"
"This is Chiaki."
"Your...?"
"My friend."
"Do you usually kiss your friends?"
"We weren't kissing," said Akio quickly.
"Yes we were," said Chiaki, giving both boys a very odd look. "It's okay
to kiss your boyfriend, right? No law against that. Aki-chan, who is this guy
anyway?"
"He's not important," said Akio, angrily glaring at Taichi.
"Oh, the hell I'm not important," retorted the brunet. "You are so fucked,
Akio." He nodded to Chiaki. "Have a nice day, miss." She blinked at him, and
Taichi stalked off in the other direction, sketches in hand.
//Come on down look around
At the band that's set up to play//
Taichi went looking for Yamato, but who he found was Takeru.
"You look pissed enough to kill someone, Taichi-senpai," the blond
observed.
"That's about right," muttered Taichi.
"What happened?"
"I ran into Akio." He lowered his voice. "You know, Yamato-kun's
boyfriend." Instantly, Takeru's face darkened.
"I'm gonna go out a limb," said Takeru, "and guess that you look upset
because you found Akio kissing some guy that wasn't Yamato." Taichi's eyes
widened at the accuracy of this guess.
"Almost," he replied. "It was a girl." Takeru frowned.
"Well," he muttered, "that's a first."
"Hold up. You've found him kissing other people before? Does Yamato-kun
know?"
"Sort of," muttered Takeru. It came out as a snarl.
"What the hell does that mean?" snapped Taichi. Takeru shrugged.
"I caught Akio once, with some guy. Doing a lot more then kissing. I
confronted the asshole about it, and he denied it completely. So I told Yamato,
and he didn't believe me. In fact, he really got pissed. He started going on
about how I never gave Akio a chance, hated him from the start. Then he said I
blamed Akio for him being gay, and went on about internalized homophobia and
shit like that. Then he said it wasn't Akio's fault he was gay, that was just
how he was, and I was going to have to learn to deal with it. He was really
upset by the time he finished. Like, almost crying upset. I didn't bring it up
again, but I guess you probably noticed I hate Akio."
"You make it hard to miss," Taichi muttered, thinking about what Takeru
had just said. The smaller blond shrugged. He looked bitter. The expression
didn't sit well on his generally cheerful face.
"If Yamato had to find someone to be gay with," Takeru muttered, "I wish
it weren't Akio. It wish it were anyone but Akio." And with that comment, Taichi
realized he was starting to understand. The real reason Takeru hated Akio, and
why Yamato wouldn't admit Akio cheated on him, and maybe even why Akio cheated.
For a few fractured moments, all the pieces came together and made sense.
//Well I can't be apart of this moment
When I watch it slip away//
"Hikari," said Taichi, "does it freak you out that Yamato's gay?" They
were sitting in their room, Hikari doing homework and Taichi staring blankly at
the wall.
"Mm," murmured Hikari, "a little bit, I guess. I mean he's sort of a femme
and all, so it's not really surprising... I just don't wanna think about him
having sex or anything, 'cause then I'll gross myself out. Other then that I
just think it's weird."
"It is weird," agreed Taichi, thinking about more then just Yamato. "Did
you know his boyfriend cheats on him?" he asked suddenly. Hikari looked up,
startled.
"What?"
"Akio cheats on Yamato. Takeru found him having sex with some other guy,
and I caught him kissing this girl who said she was his girlfriend. Apparently
this guy has the sex-drive of a family of rabbits."
"Does Yamato know?"
"Takeru told him. He refused to believe it. I don't know why, yet. He's
always believed in Takeru, and trusted him more then he ever trusted anyone
else. I think he's pretty fucked up right now. I mean, so's Takeru. He's looked
up to his brother as this demigod ever since they were beyond tiny, and now
Yamato's a fag."
"Don't say that!" said Hikari sharply.
"He is," repeated Taichi. "Fag. Fairy. Queen. Queer. Somebody's bitch. I
mean, what do you hear about gay people? A lot of shit, and most of it's mean as
hell. Now Takeru has to look at his older brother the same as all that. I bet
he's unbelievably pissed. I bet Yamato's twice as mad. Pretty fucked, huh? And I
wonder what Akio's been through. I be he's got a shitty back-story too. And just
to round out the story, I think I'm getting to be pretty strange too. I've been
thinking some weird, weird things."
"Like what?" asked Hikari. This whole conversation had an unfamiliar edge
to it, and she wasn't sure whether she wanted it to go on or not.
"Like when I watched Akio kiss his girlfriend, Chiaki, or whatever. I
wondered how he could possibly want to do that when he had Yamato-kun to kiss.
And I thought maybe I'd like to give Yamato-kun a kiss."
"What!?"
"I dunno. I said it was strange, ne? Well, I wasn't joking." He jumped to
his feet. "I'm going to go visit Yamato-kun. I guess now I need to talk to him,
or something." Without another word he walked out of the room. Hikari started
after him, mouth hanging slightly open. Then, slowly, she turned back to her
homework. That, at least, made perfect sense.
//Hang around but I hang around still
On the last day//
Taichi didn't knock on the door to the Ishida apartment. He knew for a
fact that the door was unlocked, Yamato was home, and Mr. Ishida wasn't. He was
right on all three accounts.
"Hey!" he yelled, kicking off his shoes as he entered the living room.
There was a thump from Yamato's room, as if someone had been balancing a chair
on its back two legs and lost his balance with the unexpected entrance of
someone into his home. Yamato got slowly to his feet and brushed his knees off
as though they were dusty.
"Taichi-kun?" he called. "Aki-kun?" Taichi smiled to himself, feeling a
strange little jolt of pride that Yamato had called his name first.
"Oi Yamato-kun! What's up?"
"Normal people call before just showing up on a doorstep," said Yamato,
gracefully sliding out of his room.
"Dude, who told you I was normal?" teased Taichi. Yamato didn't answer. He
just looked at Taichi, blue eyes waiting for him to explain his presence. Almost
sighing, Taichi jumped right in. "Akio's fucking around behind your back," he
said brusquely. Yamato's reaction surprised him.
"So?" asked the blond. "Everyone fucks everyone over. That's how it
works."
"You're in a cynical mood."
"I'm in a realistic mood." Silence met this remark. Taichi could have
taken the hint and left. Instead, he waltzed into Yamato's room and plopped
himself down on the bed. Yamato followed him in, picking up the toppled chair
and turning it around so he was straddling it and facing Taichi. They stared at
each other. Yamato wished they were back at Wendy's, laughing and making fun of
Takeru and Hikari's almost-relationship.
"You've been weird since this whole gay thing started with you," said
Taichi finally.
"I've been weird longer then that.'
"You know what I mean."
"So?"
"So stop it, Yamato-kun! I don't know what the hell you're trying to do,
but it's not working. Be my best friend again. You were my best friend a couple
days ago. Why do you keep weirding out?"
"Takeru hates me."
"What!?" asked Taichi with disbelief.
"He does. He's disgusted, and he doesn't know what to think. Akio said he
loved me. He even fucked me. But he doesn't care, dude. Nobody cares, and to
make it worse now people are gonna know I'm a freak."
"God you're retarded! You are so retarded, Yamato-kun. If nobody cared,
would I be here?"
"It took you four months to even notice I was acting different. You'd
probably still be oblivious if Takeru hadn't had the ingenious idea to bring you
and Hikari to my concert."
"So what, you were testing me?"
"I was testing everyone. You'd be amazed at the failure rate. Nobody
noticed, and even less people cared. Then Takeru found out. I left a letter from
Akio at his house, on accident. Not a good letter for him to read. You should
have seen him flip out. Twice as bas you did. And it's not better yet, either.
When he brought you and Hikari to the concert, it wasn't so you could watch me
sing some fucked up songs. It was so you would find out. Maybe he didn't even
know it, but that was what it was. And you did. He probably thought you could
fix me. You gonna make me ungay, Taichi-kun? Takeru would be grateful. Maybe I
would be too." There was silence for a moment, as Taichi digested his best
friend's unusual outburst.
"Takeru does not hate you," he said finally. "He's just confused. You're
his idol, man. And now you're gay. Of course he's pissed. The universe just
pulled a cosmic joke on him."
"Thanks."
"You know what I mean."
"And you manage to word it so diplomatically and tastefully."
"Just cut the sarcasm. If you didn't make it so god damn hard, more people
would help you out."
"People always help me when it's easy!" Yamato spat. "I've never needed
help when it was easy, but the minute I get in trouble everybody disappears."
"So now it's hard, and I'm right here helping you."
"You're doing a shitty job of it.'
"I'm trying. Notice I'm the only one." Taichi cursed himself the moment
the words left his mouth. Yamato was staring at the ground. Even though he was
taller then Taichi, he looked tiny. Breakable. Taichi changed the subject,
trying to recover himself. "So why stay with Akio if you know the fucker's
cheating on you?" he asked.
"He does care about me, sometimes. And he's willing to help me out. Gay
subculture doesn't come with guides, and I'm pretty fucking lost. He helps me. I
don't wanna lose my only rock."
"I'll do it."
"Do what?"
"Help you."
"That's nice," muttered Yamato dryly. Cynical distrust was written in
every line of his face. Taichi was torn between wanting to punch him for being
such an aloof jerk, and wanting to hold him for being so exposed.
"I'll be gay with you," said Taichi, looking straight into Yamato's face.
The blond refused to meet his eyes.
"Stop it, Taichi-kun. That's the nicest thing anybody's said to me in a
long time. Ever. But just don't."
"Why not?"
"You're straight."
"Am I?" asked Taichi. Yamato was still deliberately not meeting his eyes.
"Don't fuck with my head like this, okay?" he pleaded. "Just leave me
alone."
"I'm not fucking with your head! I'm trying to help. Damn it, Yamato,
you're my friend! My best friend! Half the time you're my only friend. I love
you for it. Maybe I just love you period."
"Stop being ridiculous. You have tons of friends, and I don't see you
confessing your sudden affection for Jyou."
"Sure, I had tons of friends. In middle school. That's pretty much gone.
And of course I'm not confessing any fucking feelings for Jyou. I don't have
any."
"You need to go home now, Taichi-kun. It's late, and you have no idea what
you're saying. You will be so pissed at yourself when you wake up in the
morning. Anyway, you have no idea what a jerk you're being, barging in like
this." Taichi got to his feet, and Yamato rested his head against the chair.
There was a sad, defeated kind of air hanging over him. A hand touched his blond
hair, and he looked up. Taichi bent down and kissed him. The movement was
awkward and clumsy. Their noses bumped and their lips barely brushed together.
Yamato jumped to his feet, knocking the chair over for the second time that
evening. It lay between them like the impenetrable Wall of Jericho.
"What the hell was that?" burst Yamato.
"I kissed you," said Taichi succinctly.
"God damn it! I know that! I meant... I mean... Fuck, even if you are half
as gay as me, who says I want to kiss you anyway? Maybe I'm a little pickier
then that." From the look on Taichi's face, this thought had never crossed his
mind. Yamato wasn't sure if the arrogance was endearing or pathetically self-
absorbed. "I mean," the blond whispered, "maybe I'm not that picky." Taichi
brightened visibly.
"Maybe," he suggested tentatively, "we should kiss again. Just to see if
we like it." Yamato nodded, the movement barely perceptible if Taichi hadn't
been desperately hoping for it. Leaning over the tumbled chair, they kissed
again. They tilted their heads and worked together so that this time everything
worked. Yamato opened his mouth just a little, and Taichi slid his tongue in
with uncharacteristic shyness. They pulled away and looked at each other.
"Well?" he asked. He was pretty sure he'd liked it. Yamato stepped over
the chair so that they were side by side.
"Maybe," he said slowly. "I dunno, but maybe. We can try it." And he let
Taichi pull him into his arms as they kissed again.
//Cause I know you'll leave a space in me
When you go away//
Author's Note: This was my first Digimon fic, and the one I'm the most proud of.
It's also my first attempt at romance, so don't bite my head off. Unless you
think I deserve it. Then I'm willing to listen. I'm a little bit unsatisfied
with the last third. I'm not sure if I pushed it too fast. I like my romance to
be a little bit on the subtle side, but I'm not sure how that worked out. Tell
me what you think, ne?
----------Cobalt Doll
//We wanted to go to the Maul show
It was the Saturday rock show
It was just a nice little pop show//
Saturday night, and Taichi had nowhere to go. This wasn't particularly
unusual. Ever since high school had hit, the charm of being the overly friendly
goofball had started to wear off. That wasn't to say he was a loser. There was
something about Taichi that prevented him from ever being a loser. It was
probably sheer determination, but such was life. And he wasn't an unhappy
individual, either. He had friends, but they weren't close. He did okay at
school, but it wasn't fun. He loved his family, but they were drifting from him.
Of course he still played soccer. There would always be soccer. If he were a
ninety-year-old paraplegic he would find a way to play soccer with this teeth.
Unless he wore dentures. Then he was probably screwed. But such avenues of
thought were depressing, and Taichi wasn't in a depressive mood. Yet. Damn it,
where were the endorphins when he could use them? He needed somewhere to go, a
person to meet. Something to break him out of the routine and give him a little
jolt. Sitting in his darkened room burning incense was not having the desired
effect.
"Tai!" called a high-pitched voice from another part of the apartment.
"Taichi! Put whatever you're burning out! It smells disgusting!"
"It's incense!" he yelled back, annoyed.
"It stinks! Take-chan's coming over, and I don't I don't want the flat to
smell like a dying animal!"
"Flat..." muttered Taichi under his breath. Hikari had recently decided
that using British slang sounded trendy, and he was about ready to kill himself.
Or her. Not having a younger sister was beginning to sound increasingly
appealing. "It does not smell like a dying animal!" he retorted. "It's called
'ocean breeze!' It smells salty!" The door to his room burst open, and Hikari
walked in. Without greeting him, she reached for the incense stick on his desk
and smothered the burning spark between two fingers.
"Hey!" protested Taichi indignantly. Hikari glared at him.
"The smell was going to stick to me," she accused. "Take-chan and I are
going to a rock concert. The pot smoke will be bad enough, I don't need that
stuff to smell my hair up too."
"You're supposed to knock before coming in," muttered Taichi sulkily.
"You wouldn't have let me in," said Hikari matter-of-factly.
"Exactly," muttered Taichi. Hikari giggled, and he smiled back at her
without really meaning to. "So," he asked, "who are you going to see?"
Hikari shrugged. "Take-chan wouldn't say. He just says the band will be a
surprise I'm going to love."
"I bet that'll be exciting." Taichi sounded bored just thinking about it.
"And where are you going to tonight, Mr. Popular?" Hikari mocked. Taichi
was saved having to come up with a retort by the sound of the doorbell.
"That's him!" Hikari shrieked happily.
"Whoopee," muttered Taichi. Hikari didn't even bother to give him a dirty
look. Instead, she rushed for the door. Her voice carried back to Taichi, still
sitting his room and staring absently at his dead incense.
"Hi Take-chan!"
"Hello Kari-chan. How are you tonight?"
"I'm great! Come on in! Want something to drink, or anything?"
"Nah, I'm fine. Thanks though. Is Taichi-senpai home?"
"Yeah, he's in his room. Why?"
"He's invited to come with us."
A moment of silence, and then Hikari's voice came again, considerably
quieter then before.
"Are you serious? You want to drag my older brother along?"
"Taichi-senpai's not that bad. Besides, he'll like this a lot."
"If you say so..." Footsteps approaching his door. Two heads popped around
the corner.
"Hi Taichi-senpai!" said Takeru cheerfully.
"Hey Takeru," replied Taichi. He chose to pretend he hadn't overheard
their entire conversation.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and Kari-chan to see a rock
show," said the short blond politely.
"Who's playing?" asked Taichi without looking up. He could feel Takeru's
grin.
"It's a surprise!"
"I don't like surprises," said Taichi dryly.
"You'll like this one!" Takeru promised. Taichi said nothing.
"Oh just come," said Hikari impatiently. Both boys turned to look at her
with surprise. "Well," she pressed, "It's not like you've got somewhere to be,
Taichi. Just come, and give it a shot. You might even have fun." Both young
teens gave him their best puppy-dog faces. Taichi found himself sighing and
agreeing to go. Hikari didn't know whether to be pleased or disappointed, and
Takeru just smiled.
//Let's go, let's go
Round and around you go
Always the last to know//
"So the surprise is that you're actually taking us to a condemned shit-
hole instead of a rock concert, huh?" asked Taichi, observing with a cynical eye
the brick building they had arrived at.
"I promise you'll be glad you came." Takeru had been repeating this
promise ever since they'd left the apartment. Taichi still didn't believe him.
"Oh, c'mon," encouraged Hikari. "This plays is hardly bad enough to be
condemned." She was right, but it was hard to believe. The old brick was
crumbling, and the only visible window held cracked glass in each pane. Graffiti
adorned the walls: the symbol for anarchy, 'no more prisons,' and a hundred
different tags. Over all of this, a skilled hand had painted 'Maul Show' in neon
lettering. A big metal door stood between them and their destination. Takeru
stepped up and knocked boldly on it. Taichi had half-hoped he wouldn't bother,
and they'd all head back home now. To his surprise, a panel in the door opened
and a face poked out. Taichi wondered idly whether Takeru had ended up involved
with Yakuza. That would be a surprise. Not that Yamato would let his little
brother fall in with mobsters. Where the hell was Ishida anyway? Taichi hadn't
seen him around in forever. Meanwhile, Takeru had moved closer to the doorkeeper
and was conversing with her in low tones.
"Do you know what this damn surprise of his is?" Taichi asked Hikari. The
brunette shook her head.
"No, but I have a good idea."
"Mind sharing your knowledge?"
"Yes I do. Either figure it out yourself or suffer in silence. Knowing
you, you'll just suffer very loudly." Taichi shrugged in casual agreement. Their
conversation cut off as the large door swung open and Takeru disappeared inside,
motioning them to follow.
"It's awfully nice of Take-chan to pay for your ticket," murmured Hikari
absently. Taichi realized with some surprise that admission prices hadn't even
been discussed. Not that they could be too expensive, coming from a place like
this. Still... He slapped himself in the forehead and sped to catch up with
Takeru.
"Dude, Takeru, how much do I owe you?" he asked, tapping the blond's
shoulder.
"Owe me?" repeated Takeru blankly.
"For the tickets..."
"Oh! That! You don't owe me anything, Taichi-senpai. We get in for free."
"Is that the surprise?" asked Taichi. "We get in for free because you know
someone in the band? Some hot chick, perhaps?" He elbowed the shorter boy in the
ribs lightly. "Little Takeru gettin' it on with the ladies? Hikari's gonna be
pissed." Takeru was somewhere between annoyed and embarrassed.
"It's not a hot chick," he grumbled.
"A hot guy?" teased Taichi. Takeru gave him an extremely weird look.
"Just wait and see, ne Taichi-senpai?" he pleaded. Taichi shrugged.
"Hey Hikari!" he called over his shoulder. "Are you going to catch up with
us or what?" They had reached the end of the hall, and were once again facing a
door. Taker pulled it open and held it for Hikari.
"Thanks," she murmured, grinning at him. Takeru's smile was a little bit
stupid and blissful as he cut in front of Taichi to walk in behind her. Taichi
muttered to himself as he caught the door before it slammed shut and stepped
inside. He found himself awed by the crowd he found there.
//Come on down wait around
But it's early, not a lot to do
So you stand in the chill of the doorway
With the people pushing through//
He knew instantly that this was not his kind of place. He loved crowds,
sure, but this wasn't his crowd. Teenagers in dark clothing and morose young
adults mingled to make a dark scene, and Hikari hadn't been joking about the pot
smoke. It stung his nose. He wondered how Takeru had stumbled on a place like
this, and at the fact that people seemed to know him. He waved and chatted with
the strangest looking people, Hikari following him comfortably and occasionally
laughing at what someone said. The whole place almost felt rave-ish, but it
lacked that kind of energy. Yamato would kill when he found out where his little
brother hung out on the weekends. He didn't know who Yamato would kill, but
somebody was going down. He looked around carefully, suddenly wondering if
perhaps Yamato had introduced Takeru to this place. It didn't seem particularly
likely, but Yamato hadn't even been predictable. From the song writing to
cooking in a pink apron, he'd been rather full of surprises. In fact, the
biggest surprise of all was the blond was his best friend. It only made him feel
even guiltier that he hadn't kept track of the other boy lately. But Yamato had
been...odd... Avoiding not just Taichi, but pretty much everyone he knew. Of
course, Yamato was the official loner... It was probably his duty to run off and
play it solitary every once in awhile to leave everyone else to worry. Not that
Taichi was worried about him or anything... But why the hell was he wasting time
thinking about Yamato? He was at a rock concert, damn it! Unwillingly, but here
he was. He should be enjoying himself and moshing with the crack-heads. Then
again, if there were music that would probably help. The stage was set for a
show, but empty.
He stayed where he was, leaning against the doorway and people-watching.
Most of the populace faded into the same cheerless blur, but once in awhile a
face stood out. A dark haired young man dressed all in black and wielding a
machete walked by, followed closely by another boy with a styrofoam carryout
container. A girl with vivid orange hair and wearing equally high-octane orange
socks skipped by, nearly knocking him flat in her hyper procession of one. An
Asian girl with a queue was dancing slowly with another girl, despite the lack
of music. His eyes lingered on them for a moment. Both girls were pretty, and
lesbians made Taichi happy on multiple levels. Damn his hormones. He turned
around as he heard someone call his name.
"Taichi-senpai!" came Takeru's voice. "C'mere! The show's gonna start
soon!" The blond boy, who looked more and more like his older brother with each
passing day, was standing up near the stage with Hikari. Both of them were
watching it with twin expressions of anticipation. Sighing, Taichi pushed his
way through the apathetic crowd to join them.
//Hang around but it's loud and there's no way
They can know you
So you stand in the crowd near the stage
Water leaking through the roof//
The lights went out. The effect was impressive. Total darkness had fallen,
and the crowd was unnaturally silent. The impassive atmosphere had been almost
instantly replaced by one of eerie expectation. The hair on the back of Taichi's
neck stood up, and he reached back to smooth it down again. The sensation
tickled uncomfortably. His hand encountered someone else's skin on the way down,
and he only barely resisted the urge to screech. Instead he started forward,
banging headlong into Hikari.
"Itai!" his little sister called in surprise.
"Gomen ne," he whispered, the sound magnified by the area's stillness.
Suddenly, the lights over the stage flicked on at full illumination. The
cerulean lighting momentarily blinded him. Gradually, the lights began to dim,
until they were at the same brightness as the room had been before. The stage,
abandoned before, now held a band. Sound exploded from the drum set, and all
spotlights highlighted the young man playing it. The other members were left in
darkness. The drummer seemed to be pounding on his instrument randomly, making
noise purely to make noise. But after nearly a moment, a rhythm began to make
itself discernable. A crazy, violent, wild rhythm. Cheers erupted behind Taichi
like the slow revving of an engine, quiet at first and then almost loud enough
to drown out the drummer. To his surprise, Taichi found his own voice joining
all the others. Suddenly the drummer stopped, and the lights flicked off again.
Blackness once more swallowed everyone in the grip of obscurity. The crowd fell
silent as gradually as they had grown loud. More sound came from the stage. The
strange, steady underbeat of a bass guitar, followed closely by the complex
acoustic rhythms of the lead. The lights did not come on again. Then, for no
reason, the guitars stopped too.
"What the hell is this?" muttered Taichi, beginning to get exasperated. He
wanted to hear the music, not be teased by it.
"Shut up," said someone next to him, her eyes still fixed on the stage.
Taichi wondered if she had access to night vision. Then came the singing. Hidden
in the darkness, not backed up by any instruments, a young man's voice fell from
the stage like cool summer rain. Taichi recognized it instantly.
"Yamato-kun!" he yelled, his voice backed up by nearly a hundred others
from the crowd. The same cerulean spotlights all snapped on and lit Yamato up,
casting five different versions of his shadow behind him. His eyes were closed
against the bright lighting, and he looked serene and beautiful. His fingers
moved along the frets and strings of his bass with a life of their own, and all
the spotlights left him but one, lighting up the other members of the band.
Outlined in blue, each person bent over their instrument, they began to play. It
was the most amazing live music Taichi had ever seen. They moved through angry,
fast rock and heart-rending ballads with equal grace, Yamato's voice carrying it
all. He was absolutely amazing. For as long as he lived, Taichi would never
forget the first time he ever saw his best friend perform live. It would stay
with him as a strange memory of beautiful noise and shades of blue.
"Well?" asked Takeru, meeting up with Hikari and Taichi after the last
song had ended.
"That was so fucking cool!" exclaimed Taichi. "I didn't know we were
coming to see Yamato play! They kicked ass! How long have they been rehearsing?
So that's why he's been avoiding all of us! He's had to practice! Dude, why
didn't you bring Sora and Mimi and Jyou and Koushiro? They'd love this so much!
Well, maybe not... But we gotta bring 'em anyway! Are they playing again, like,
soon?"
"Slow down there, tiger," teased Hikari, bursting into giggles. Turning to
Takeru, she added, "that was really good. I didn't know your brother was that
talented."
"Can we go backstage?" continued Taichi obliviously. "We gotta go see him
and tell him how cool that was!" Without waiting for an answer, he dashed off,
presumably to find a way backstage.
"Typical," muttered Hikari, looking down the way he'd disappeared. Her
smile was fond, even as she mocked him. Takeru looked considerably less mellow.
"Wait!" he yelled. "Yamato doesn't know you guys are here!" But his
yelling wasn't doing anyone any good. Taichi was gone. Hoping for the best,
Takeru raced in the direction the older boy had gone.
"What are you doing?" called Hikari. Takeru didn't answer. Sighing, she
prepared to chase after him. Figured. Just when they would have been alone...
It hadn't taken Taichi long to find his way backstage. He had a sixth
sense for finding places that he wasn't supposed to be, and it had yet to fail
him. He poked around looking for Yamato, pretending he belonged backstage, and
glaring at everyone else like they didn't. It was an attitude that usually
worked, and today was no exception. He turned a corner casually, and there was
the man of the hour. Being shoved against the wall by someone Taichi didn't
know.
"Hey!" he yelled loudly. Neither boy turned to look at him. Taichi
narrowed his eyes and stepped up to them. Nobody messed with his friends. He
reached out and grabbed the boy's shoulder, pulling him away from Yamato and
drawing back his fist. And then he realized quite suddenly that he wasn't
interrupting any kind of threat on his friend. He was interrupting a kiss.
"Who the hell are you?" asked the boy.
"Taichi-kun?" asked Yamato, squinting at his friend. Taichi was reduced to
speechlessness, blinking repeatedly. What the hell? Two sets of footsteps came
crashing down the hall, and Takeru and Hikari appeared. Takeru took in the
situation with one quick glance.
"Oh fuck," he muttered. That was about right.
//I could see your gazing face
See your new boyfriend starcased
I want to be back in that place
So I'll be here just in case//
"Takeru," said Yamato slowly. His voice was surprisingly calm and
collected. "What the fuck are Taichi and Hikari doing here?" His face betrayed
his anger, and something else. It took a minute, but Taichi managed to place
that strange look in his eyes as fear.
"I brought them to see you play," replied his little brother, meeting
Yamato's glare unflinchingly.
"And did you bring them backstage?"
"No, Taichi-senpai ran back here himself. He was really excited about how
good you were, and wanted to tell you."
"Oh. Well... I'm glad you liked it, Taichi-kun." Yamato looked at his
friend, not meeting his eyes. Taichi forced a smile, and swallowed the question
pressing against his tongue.
"You looked great up there!" he gushed, trying to recapture his hyper-
enthusiastic mood of a few moments ago. Yamato looked up in surprise, his deep
blue eyes searching Taichi's face. Taichi didn't look away.
"Thanks..." said Yamato slowly. Hikari jumped in.
"You were really good," she agreed. "I really liked that second song,
especially."
"Walk on the Edge," supplied Yamato absently.
"Yeah!" said Taichi fervently. "It just made me think of you."
"It is me."
"Well, that explains it!" There was a moment of crushing, uncomfortable
silence. The boy Taichi had pegged as Yamato's attacker tapped the blond's
shoulder.
"Care to introduce me?" he asked softly. He had a voice like the whisper
of pieces of corduroy being rubbed together.
"Oh!" said Yamato, turning back to face him. It was the first time his
eyes had left Taichi's face. "Everyone, this is my...friend, Akio."
"Friend?" asked Akio, placing a hand on Yamato's shoulder. He sounded
amused. Yamato shrugged his hand off.
"Yes," he said firmly. "Friend. Akio, you know my little brother Takeru."
They nodded at each other, but Takeru didn't look too pleased to be breathing
the same air as the older boy. "And this is my best friend Taichi, and his
little sister Hikari."
"Oh!" said Akio, looking at Taichi. "You're 'Taichi-kun.' I've heard a lot
about you."
"That's...cool," said Taichi, wondering what exactly this guy had heard.
"Well," said Yamato, before another silence could fall, "I'm going to go
change into some street clothes. I'll be with you guys in a minute, okay?"
"Sure," said Akio, touching his arm briefly. Yamato pretended he hadn't
noticed.
"We'll be right here," said Takeru, glaring daggers at Akio. The older boy
smiled arrogantly at the smaller blond.
"Yeah," echoed Hikari, "right here." She looked as confused as Taichi
felt.
"Can I see your dressing room?" asked Taichi, still faking the spastic
fanboy. "Does it have a star on it and everything?" He looked straight at
Yamato, and the blond correctly translated that to mean 'we have to talk.'
"Sure," said Yamato. "It's this way. I'll be back with the rest of you in
a minute." He gestured for Taichi to follow him, and the brunet did so. They
disappeared around the corner.
"So," said Akio to Takeru, "who's that guy? Some ex-boyfriend of Yama-
kun's or something? Should I be worried?"
"Oh, you should be worried alright," muttered Takeru to himself.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I didn't say anything at all." Hikari, meanwhile, was tugging at
his sleeve. He turned to face her.
"You so owe me an explanation here," she muttered. Takeru sighed.
//Let's go, let's go
Come on down wait around
In the doorway on the last day//
"So what was that?" asked Taichi as Yamato closed the door to the dressing
room behind them. There was no star on the front.
"What was what?" asked Yamato.
"Don't give me that bullshit," snapped Taichi. "So, what, you're like gay
now? He's your boyfriend? That would sure as hell explain some things."
"Explain things? What does that explain that you've been wondering about?"
"Well, for one thing it says why you've been avoiding everyone."
"And for another?" Yamato pressed.
"Well, that's all I can think of right now," said Taichi defensively.
"Jesus Christ..." He reached up and ran his fingers through his impossible hair.
"Just, fuck. Fuck."
"Fuck?" repeated Yamato. "What are you getting upset about?"
"You're GAY!" exploded Taichi. "Just give me a minute, okay? This is gonna
take some adjustment..."
"Sorry to be an inconvenience to your day," snapped Yamato.
"Don't get all pissy with me," retorted Taichi. "This is just weird for
me, okay?"
"Weird for you?" repeated Yamato. "Right. Lemme tell you it was pretty
weird for me, too."
"Yeah, well...."
"Yeah."
"So why didn't you just tell me? Come out, or whatever. Ellen did it,"
said Taichi. Yamato turned and gave him a searing look.
"I dunno why," he said mockingly. "I thought maybe you'd freak out, or
overreact. Silly me..."
"I'm not freaking out!" yelled Taichi. Yamato calmly raised an eyebrow,
and Taichi colored. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Taichi sat
down hard on the floor. Yamato sighed and leaned against the wall.
"So..." he prompted.
"So..." Taichi repeated.
"Any questions you, like, wanna ask, or whatever?"
"Well, how long have you been dating what's-his-name?"
"Akio. About three months."
"Three months!?" Taichi was on his feet again. "Three months! And you
didn't even tell me?"
"Well, apparently not, since you didn't know about it."
"Oh shut up, Mr. Sarcasm."
"Mr. Sarcasm...?"
"Fuck you. Does Takeru know? He doesn't seem to like your boytoy."
"Akio. His name is Akio. And he's not my boytoy."
"You're his?"
"You're being a jerk, Taichi-kun." There was another moment of silence. It
was beginning to become their trademark.
"Sorry..." muttered the brunet. "It's just, I dunno... You started
avoiding everybody, and I haven't talked to you in forever. I was starting to
worry about you and everything, just because you were never around. And so now I
see you again, and you're kissing some guy. It's just...surreal, or something.
Weird. Fucking weird."
"It's okay. I'm sorry too, I guess. But seriously, you're saying it's
weird, and you don't even know the half of it. I've known there was something
fucked up about me for a long time, but I never thought it was this."
"You're not like, one of those kids that used to put on your mom's make-up
when you were little, and wanted to be a girl and stuff, are you?"
"I dunno. Maybe I would have been. I live with my dad, remember? And the
only make-up he has is this bottle of the perfume mom used to wear when they
were happily married. I've got the pink apron..." He turned and smiled at
Taichi. There was a lot of emotion in that smile. Hope, and fear, and regret,
and a strange pleading Taichi hadn't ever seen in Yamato's face before. Taichi
hesitated a minute, and then returned the expression.
"Yeah, well, the pink apron is pretty gay," he said with a grin.
"So am I," Yamato shrugged. They laughed, and it was the best sound Taichi
had ever heard.
"So we're still friends and everything, right Yamato-kun?"
"We're always friends, Taichi-kun." For a second Taichi thought they were
going to hug, but both boys were way too cool for any Kodak moments. Instead
they just laughed again, and there was freedom in the sound.
//Watch the cars rush past on the freeway
Nothing stays the same//
When Taichi and Yamato emerged from the dressing room as obvious friends,
there were mixed reactions in the group that waited for them. Takeru was visibly
relieved. Hikari gave Yamato a few long, hard looks when she thought the blond
wouldn't notice, but decided she was okay with what Takeru had told her. Really.
Akio, on the other hand, looked annoyed. He wasted no time wrapping an arm
around Yamato's shoulder, but the blond brushed him off.
"So, is anyone else hungry?" he asked the group cheerfully.
"I could go for a burger," said Takeru cheerfully.
"Some greasy, crappy fast food sounds really good right now," chimed in
Hikari. Yamato winced.
"If that's what you're all in the mood for..." he sighed.
"We don't have to go to the same place as everyone else," said Akio
instantly. Yamato waved his hand dismissively.
"No, it's cool. I can get a salad or something. You up for a late-night
dinner, Taichi-kun?"
"Are you kidding?" asked the brunet. "Food? I am always ready for food."
Taichi and Yamato smiled at each other. Akio grew increasingly uneasy.
"You know," he said, "I have to get home. I go in early for work
tomorrow." He pulled Yamato into a hug, and they exchanged a brief kiss. Takeru
attempted to kill Akio with eye lasers. He was unsuccessful. Hikari looked away
politely, and Taichi watched them with a faraway expression on his face. The
taller man left rather unobtrusively, and the remaining four headed off to find
a place to eat.
They ended up at Wendy's, which is, after all, 'now open late.' Yamato was
picking at his salad, but the other three were enthusiastically tearing into
burgers, fries, and Frosties.
"Dude, you should eat more," encouraged Taichi, elbowing his friend
playfully in the ribs. Yamato gave him the finger. Taichi returned the gesture,
waggling his eyebrows ridiculously. Yamato shook his head and turned away,
hiding a smile. When he turned back, Taichi was dipping his fries into his
Frostie.
"That," accused Yamato mildly, "is disgusting."
"What?" asked the brunet, not at all bothered by the fact that his mouth
was full.
"Chew with your mouth closed," admonished Hikari. Taichi gulped down his
mouthful of food and stuck his tongue out at his little sister. Yamato hung his
head in exasperation.
"I'm going to get some sweet and sour sauce," muttered Takeru, standing
up.
"What for?" asked Hikari curiously.
"To dip my fries in. It's better then, say, my Frostie, for instance."
"You really dip your fries in sweet and sour sauce?" pressed Hikari.
"Sure, it's really good. Wanna try it?"
"I guess so."
"Cool. Be right back." Takeru was, indeed, right back, and he did have two
containers of sweet and sour sauce. He handed one of them to Hikari, and their
hands brushed.
"Thanks," she murmured, smiling at him.
"You guys are so adorable!" teased Taichi, completely ruining the moment.
Hikari glared menacingly at him.
"How about a toast," suggested Yamato, trying to prevent any impending
violence between the Yagami siblings.
"To friendship!" suggested Taichi brightly. He held up his coke. Two more
paper cups of soda, and one of iced tea, were lifted to join it.
"To friendship," the other three echoed. Taichi caught Yamato's eye and
smiled at him. Under the table, Takeru and Hikari were holding hands. It was a
wonderful night.
//Hang around with the friends
That I only see Saturday
And I can't help but wonder
Will they miss me when I've gone away?//
Taichi hated school. Yes sir, no doubt about it, school was the worst
thing ever to happen to him. The fact that he and Yamato were back to their old
best friend status and eating lunch together only made it marginally better.
Best friends were great, but they couldn't prevent the horror that was geometry.
Of course, Yamato did help him with his homework, and that was almost as good.
Numbers made sense to the taller blond, whereas they were completely lost on
Taichi.
He was wandering the high school campus rather aimlessly, searching for a
good place to spend his study hall. He was supposed to be in the library, but
Mr. Toriyama always marked everyone present, whether they actually were or not.
So he didn't really need to show up. He settled himself on the steps that lead
to the main building, pulling out a folder of sketches he'd been working on.
There was one of Hikari sleeping... Yamato as he'd looked on stage... Mom
cooking dinner... Hikari's stupid cat... Yamato trying to explain a math
problem... Takeru running in the middle of the street for no reason... Some
underclassman named Daisuke who stalked Hikari... There! He pulled out the one
he was currently working on. It was a half-finished ink sketch of Yamato,
sitting alone on a swing set. It was looking really good, but the hatching was
giving him a little bit of trouble... He bent over it intently, determined to
make this one the best yet. Of course, that was what he tried to do with every
sketch. He just wasn't usually this successful. He didn't even notice two sets
of footsteps walking by him until they were past him. He looked up curiously,
and found himself starting at the back of Akio. The boy had his arms wrapped
around someone, and Taichi opened his mouth to greet Yamato and his boyfriend.
But Akio moved in to give his companion a kiss, and the face he revealed was
that of a skinny young woman with sugar frosted eye shadow. It wasn't Yamato at
all.
//He wrote a sad song for you
I've written one or two
Mine sadder still cause I lost you
Soon it'll be my turn to play them all too
The Maul too//
"What the fuck?" asked Taichi, jumping to his feet. "Akio?" The couple
sprang apart, turning to look at him. The color drained right out of Akio's
face.
"Taichi?" he asked, trying to remember if that was the right name or not.
"What the fuck?" repeated Taichi. "I thought you were dating..." He
trailed off, not wanting to give Yamato away in front of a girl he didn't know.
"I am!" said Akio quickly, also glancing at the blonde girl he was with.
"And this is...?"
"This is Chiaki."
"Your...?"
"My friend."
"Do you usually kiss your friends?"
"We weren't kissing," said Akio quickly.
"Yes we were," said Chiaki, giving both boys a very odd look. "It's okay
to kiss your boyfriend, right? No law against that. Aki-chan, who is this guy
anyway?"
"He's not important," said Akio, angrily glaring at Taichi.
"Oh, the hell I'm not important," retorted the brunet. "You are so fucked,
Akio." He nodded to Chiaki. "Have a nice day, miss." She blinked at him, and
Taichi stalked off in the other direction, sketches in hand.
//Come on down look around
At the band that's set up to play//
Taichi went looking for Yamato, but who he found was Takeru.
"You look pissed enough to kill someone, Taichi-senpai," the blond
observed.
"That's about right," muttered Taichi.
"What happened?"
"I ran into Akio." He lowered his voice. "You know, Yamato-kun's
boyfriend." Instantly, Takeru's face darkened.
"I'm gonna go out a limb," said Takeru, "and guess that you look upset
because you found Akio kissing some guy that wasn't Yamato." Taichi's eyes
widened at the accuracy of this guess.
"Almost," he replied. "It was a girl." Takeru frowned.
"Well," he muttered, "that's a first."
"Hold up. You've found him kissing other people before? Does Yamato-kun
know?"
"Sort of," muttered Takeru. It came out as a snarl.
"What the hell does that mean?" snapped Taichi. Takeru shrugged.
"I caught Akio once, with some guy. Doing a lot more then kissing. I
confronted the asshole about it, and he denied it completely. So I told Yamato,
and he didn't believe me. In fact, he really got pissed. He started going on
about how I never gave Akio a chance, hated him from the start. Then he said I
blamed Akio for him being gay, and went on about internalized homophobia and
shit like that. Then he said it wasn't Akio's fault he was gay, that was just
how he was, and I was going to have to learn to deal with it. He was really
upset by the time he finished. Like, almost crying upset. I didn't bring it up
again, but I guess you probably noticed I hate Akio."
"You make it hard to miss," Taichi muttered, thinking about what Takeru
had just said. The smaller blond shrugged. He looked bitter. The expression
didn't sit well on his generally cheerful face.
"If Yamato had to find someone to be gay with," Takeru muttered, "I wish
it weren't Akio. It wish it were anyone but Akio." And with that comment, Taichi
realized he was starting to understand. The real reason Takeru hated Akio, and
why Yamato wouldn't admit Akio cheated on him, and maybe even why Akio cheated.
For a few fractured moments, all the pieces came together and made sense.
//Well I can't be apart of this moment
When I watch it slip away//
"Hikari," said Taichi, "does it freak you out that Yamato's gay?" They
were sitting in their room, Hikari doing homework and Taichi staring blankly at
the wall.
"Mm," murmured Hikari, "a little bit, I guess. I mean he's sort of a femme
and all, so it's not really surprising... I just don't wanna think about him
having sex or anything, 'cause then I'll gross myself out. Other then that I
just think it's weird."
"It is weird," agreed Taichi, thinking about more then just Yamato. "Did
you know his boyfriend cheats on him?" he asked suddenly. Hikari looked up,
startled.
"What?"
"Akio cheats on Yamato. Takeru found him having sex with some other guy,
and I caught him kissing this girl who said she was his girlfriend. Apparently
this guy has the sex-drive of a family of rabbits."
"Does Yamato know?"
"Takeru told him. He refused to believe it. I don't know why, yet. He's
always believed in Takeru, and trusted him more then he ever trusted anyone
else. I think he's pretty fucked up right now. I mean, so's Takeru. He's looked
up to his brother as this demigod ever since they were beyond tiny, and now
Yamato's a fag."
"Don't say that!" said Hikari sharply.
"He is," repeated Taichi. "Fag. Fairy. Queen. Queer. Somebody's bitch. I
mean, what do you hear about gay people? A lot of shit, and most of it's mean as
hell. Now Takeru has to look at his older brother the same as all that. I bet
he's unbelievably pissed. I bet Yamato's twice as mad. Pretty fucked, huh? And I
wonder what Akio's been through. I be he's got a shitty back-story too. And just
to round out the story, I think I'm getting to be pretty strange too. I've been
thinking some weird, weird things."
"Like what?" asked Hikari. This whole conversation had an unfamiliar edge
to it, and she wasn't sure whether she wanted it to go on or not.
"Like when I watched Akio kiss his girlfriend, Chiaki, or whatever. I
wondered how he could possibly want to do that when he had Yamato-kun to kiss.
And I thought maybe I'd like to give Yamato-kun a kiss."
"What!?"
"I dunno. I said it was strange, ne? Well, I wasn't joking." He jumped to
his feet. "I'm going to go visit Yamato-kun. I guess now I need to talk to him,
or something." Without another word he walked out of the room. Hikari started
after him, mouth hanging slightly open. Then, slowly, she turned back to her
homework. That, at least, made perfect sense.
//Hang around but I hang around still
On the last day//
Taichi didn't knock on the door to the Ishida apartment. He knew for a
fact that the door was unlocked, Yamato was home, and Mr. Ishida wasn't. He was
right on all three accounts.
"Hey!" he yelled, kicking off his shoes as he entered the living room.
There was a thump from Yamato's room, as if someone had been balancing a chair
on its back two legs and lost his balance with the unexpected entrance of
someone into his home. Yamato got slowly to his feet and brushed his knees off
as though they were dusty.
"Taichi-kun?" he called. "Aki-kun?" Taichi smiled to himself, feeling a
strange little jolt of pride that Yamato had called his name first.
"Oi Yamato-kun! What's up?"
"Normal people call before just showing up on a doorstep," said Yamato,
gracefully sliding out of his room.
"Dude, who told you I was normal?" teased Taichi. Yamato didn't answer. He
just looked at Taichi, blue eyes waiting for him to explain his presence. Almost
sighing, Taichi jumped right in. "Akio's fucking around behind your back," he
said brusquely. Yamato's reaction surprised him.
"So?" asked the blond. "Everyone fucks everyone over. That's how it
works."
"You're in a cynical mood."
"I'm in a realistic mood." Silence met this remark. Taichi could have
taken the hint and left. Instead, he waltzed into Yamato's room and plopped
himself down on the bed. Yamato followed him in, picking up the toppled chair
and turning it around so he was straddling it and facing Taichi. They stared at
each other. Yamato wished they were back at Wendy's, laughing and making fun of
Takeru and Hikari's almost-relationship.
"You've been weird since this whole gay thing started with you," said
Taichi finally.
"I've been weird longer then that.'
"You know what I mean."
"So?"
"So stop it, Yamato-kun! I don't know what the hell you're trying to do,
but it's not working. Be my best friend again. You were my best friend a couple
days ago. Why do you keep weirding out?"
"Takeru hates me."
"What!?" asked Taichi with disbelief.
"He does. He's disgusted, and he doesn't know what to think. Akio said he
loved me. He even fucked me. But he doesn't care, dude. Nobody cares, and to
make it worse now people are gonna know I'm a freak."
"God you're retarded! You are so retarded, Yamato-kun. If nobody cared,
would I be here?"
"It took you four months to even notice I was acting different. You'd
probably still be oblivious if Takeru hadn't had the ingenious idea to bring you
and Hikari to my concert."
"So what, you were testing me?"
"I was testing everyone. You'd be amazed at the failure rate. Nobody
noticed, and even less people cared. Then Takeru found out. I left a letter from
Akio at his house, on accident. Not a good letter for him to read. You should
have seen him flip out. Twice as bas you did. And it's not better yet, either.
When he brought you and Hikari to the concert, it wasn't so you could watch me
sing some fucked up songs. It was so you would find out. Maybe he didn't even
know it, but that was what it was. And you did. He probably thought you could
fix me. You gonna make me ungay, Taichi-kun? Takeru would be grateful. Maybe I
would be too." There was silence for a moment, as Taichi digested his best
friend's unusual outburst.
"Takeru does not hate you," he said finally. "He's just confused. You're
his idol, man. And now you're gay. Of course he's pissed. The universe just
pulled a cosmic joke on him."
"Thanks."
"You know what I mean."
"And you manage to word it so diplomatically and tastefully."
"Just cut the sarcasm. If you didn't make it so god damn hard, more people
would help you out."
"People always help me when it's easy!" Yamato spat. "I've never needed
help when it was easy, but the minute I get in trouble everybody disappears."
"So now it's hard, and I'm right here helping you."
"You're doing a shitty job of it.'
"I'm trying. Notice I'm the only one." Taichi cursed himself the moment
the words left his mouth. Yamato was staring at the ground. Even though he was
taller then Taichi, he looked tiny. Breakable. Taichi changed the subject,
trying to recover himself. "So why stay with Akio if you know the fucker's
cheating on you?" he asked.
"He does care about me, sometimes. And he's willing to help me out. Gay
subculture doesn't come with guides, and I'm pretty fucking lost. He helps me. I
don't wanna lose my only rock."
"I'll do it."
"Do what?"
"Help you."
"That's nice," muttered Yamato dryly. Cynical distrust was written in
every line of his face. Taichi was torn between wanting to punch him for being
such an aloof jerk, and wanting to hold him for being so exposed.
"I'll be gay with you," said Taichi, looking straight into Yamato's face.
The blond refused to meet his eyes.
"Stop it, Taichi-kun. That's the nicest thing anybody's said to me in a
long time. Ever. But just don't."
"Why not?"
"You're straight."
"Am I?" asked Taichi. Yamato was still deliberately not meeting his eyes.
"Don't fuck with my head like this, okay?" he pleaded. "Just leave me
alone."
"I'm not fucking with your head! I'm trying to help. Damn it, Yamato,
you're my friend! My best friend! Half the time you're my only friend. I love
you for it. Maybe I just love you period."
"Stop being ridiculous. You have tons of friends, and I don't see you
confessing your sudden affection for Jyou."
"Sure, I had tons of friends. In middle school. That's pretty much gone.
And of course I'm not confessing any fucking feelings for Jyou. I don't have
any."
"You need to go home now, Taichi-kun. It's late, and you have no idea what
you're saying. You will be so pissed at yourself when you wake up in the
morning. Anyway, you have no idea what a jerk you're being, barging in like
this." Taichi got to his feet, and Yamato rested his head against the chair.
There was a sad, defeated kind of air hanging over him. A hand touched his blond
hair, and he looked up. Taichi bent down and kissed him. The movement was
awkward and clumsy. Their noses bumped and their lips barely brushed together.
Yamato jumped to his feet, knocking the chair over for the second time that
evening. It lay between them like the impenetrable Wall of Jericho.
"What the hell was that?" burst Yamato.
"I kissed you," said Taichi succinctly.
"God damn it! I know that! I meant... I mean... Fuck, even if you are half
as gay as me, who says I want to kiss you anyway? Maybe I'm a little pickier
then that." From the look on Taichi's face, this thought had never crossed his
mind. Yamato wasn't sure if the arrogance was endearing or pathetically self-
absorbed. "I mean," the blond whispered, "maybe I'm not that picky." Taichi
brightened visibly.
"Maybe," he suggested tentatively, "we should kiss again. Just to see if
we like it." Yamato nodded, the movement barely perceptible if Taichi hadn't
been desperately hoping for it. Leaning over the tumbled chair, they kissed
again. They tilted their heads and worked together so that this time everything
worked. Yamato opened his mouth just a little, and Taichi slid his tongue in
with uncharacteristic shyness. They pulled away and looked at each other.
"Well?" he asked. He was pretty sure he'd liked it. Yamato stepped over
the chair so that they were side by side.
"Maybe," he said slowly. "I dunno, but maybe. We can try it." And he let
Taichi pull him into his arms as they kissed again.
//Cause I know you'll leave a space in me
When you go away//
Author's Note: This was my first Digimon fic, and the one I'm the most proud of.
It's also my first attempt at romance, so don't bite my head off. Unless you
think I deserve it. Then I'm willing to listen. I'm a little bit unsatisfied
with the last third. I'm not sure if I pushed it too fast. I like my romance to
be a little bit on the subtle side, but I'm not sure how that worked out. Tell
me what you think, ne?