Authors' Note: We're thinking of continuing this fic as a series, but we want to know if people will actually read it, so if you review, please tell us if you want to see more or not. Thanks ^.^
Enjoy!! And don't laugh too much. o.O
To Contact Us:
Cleo [IRebelFlameI@aol.com]
Silver [Boris_1515@yahoo.com]
THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO TRAVELING THE UNIVERSE
by Cleo and Silver
Cleo: I had waaaaaaaaaaay to much pepsi.
Silver: I can see. *grins*
*a moment goes by, then suddenly....*
Silver: Aliens...Green...Aliens
Cleo: GREEN ALIENS!!! WHERE, WHERE, WHERE!!
Silver: *points* Over there. IN THE SKY!!
Cleo: GREEN ALIENS!!! *runs over with her camera* Smile pretty!
Silver: TAKE ME WITH YOU ALIENS!!! *Aliens run after her* Nooooo! I didn't mean it!
Cleo: TAKE ME WITH YOU!! *runs after aliens, aliens run away* NOOO ABDUCT MEEEEEE!!
Silver: *takes out an uzi* Im'a goin' alien huntin!
Cleo: TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!!! *aliens run back on space ship and blast off* NOOOO YOU FORGOT ME!
Silver: All we have to do is phone home! ET PHONE HOME!
Cleo: Okey dokey! *picks up phone* Whats the number?
Silver: 327-985-107-351-908-578-123-905-631-265-290-561-235-862-317-531-258-612
Cleo: *dials it* *busy signal* Damn.
Silver:: ARGH! Then we'll have to follow them!
Cleo: *takes out her mega-ultra-super-cool spaceship* *tries to start it* Aw, it's outta gas!
Silver: WE NEED TO FOLLOW DEM, BUT HOW!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? *bangs head* Oot can help!!!
Cleo: OOT!
Silver: Oot also serves as a transporter!
Cleo: *grabs on to Oot* TAKE ME TO UMM...WHERE EVER THE ALIENS WENT!
Silver: *zip*
**WE HAVE ENTERED THE SPACE SHIIIIP!**
Cleo: *no oxygen* CANT....BREATHE...*passes out*
Silver: Nooooo!
Oot: Oot!
Cleo: *wakes up* Just kidding! *grins*
Silver: Let's find de aliens!
Cleo: *walks int othe cockpit* *sees the steering wheel* Ooh...
Silver: Shiny!!!
Cleo: *sits down and starts driving, hitting moons and stars and stuff* FUN!
Silver: Oooh! Let's make some planets explode!
Cleo: Oki doki! *hits a button and earth explodes* *raises brow* Oops..
Silver: ....Ben Browder was on earth....
Cleo: *starts crying* NOOOOOOO BEN BROWDER!!!!!!!!!!!! *grins* But John
Crichton's in another galaxy! *grins wider* TO THE WORMHOLE!
Silver: TO THE WORMHOLE!!.... *stops* Wazzat?
Cleo: *points to big blue swirly thing* Wormhole! *flies the ship through*
Silver: AHHHHHH! WORMHOLE!!!
Cleo: *comes out on the other side* Okay, where are you John Crichton?
Silver: *presses random buttons*
Cleo: *sees a giant living ship with 'john waz here' spray painted on side* BINGO!
Silver: Wooo! That didn't take too long!
Cleo: *grins* well thats my Johny.
Silver: *nods*
Cleo: *flies the ship into the hanger and lands it* OH JOHNY POO!
Silver: Wait.. if we're in the ship, where are the aliens!?
Cleo: I dunno but im finding John! *runs out of the ship*
Silver: *turns around and realizes there's an alien behind her* Hi!
Cleo: *runs through the corridors* JOHN WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUU?!
Alien: fahdsflha;tjekwal;tkjeawlt;
Silver: *presses a green button and the alien explodes* COOOL!
Cleo: *gets on the intercom and contacts her ship* SILVER!!! Get your butt out here!
Silver: *Talks into the intercom in a narrator-like voice* OK
Cleo: GOOD.
Silver: *runs out of the ship*
Cleo: *hangs up intercom and continues looking for John*
Silver: *looking for John or Cleo* MARCO!!!
*John suddenly appears behind Silver, and looks suprised to see another human*
Silver: HI!
John: Whoa, whoa. Are you a human?
Silver: ARE YOU JOHN!?
John: Uh...who wants to know?
Silver: ME! :_D
John: Well, are you with Scorpy? Crais?
Silver: *thinks* Yeah... they sent me!
John: *picks up the pulse riffle* I KNEW YOU WEREN'T A HUMAN *starts
shooting at her*
Silver: AHHHH! *ducks* I'M WITH CLEO!!! *waves white flag*
John: *stops shooting* Cleo's here? WHERE!?
Silver: I dunno. *Takes out intercom* CLEO! I FOUND HIM!
John: *aims the rifle at her* Well take me to her or i'll shoot you pull of these little yellow bolts of light.
Cleo: WHERE?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!!?!?!??!?!
Silver: Near da ship, get here NOW!
Cleo: OKAY! *starts running and singing*
Silver: Sure, I'll take you to her.... *mutters* If I can find her...
John: *grins* Okey dokey!
*Cleo comes running through the corridor and runs into Silver*
Silver: THANK GOD! *sings and dances* I'm not gunna get killed.
Cleo: *talking very very very fast* WHERE IS HE-WHERE IS HE-WHERE IS
HE?!
Silver: Uh, right here. *points to the guy next to her*
Cleo: JOHN!!!!!!!!!!! *runs up to him and hugs him for dear life*
Silver: *pleads* Can we go and kick some alien butt now?
John: Whoa, whoa, what aliens?
Silver: The ones on da ship *points to a green alien near the space ship*
John: Oh no not these guys again! *starts shooting at them*
Silver: *ducks*
*John runs back, with alien guts on the gun* All taken care of
Silver: Good! Shall we go home then? *pauses* Crap...
John: *looks wide eyed* YOU MEAN EARTH?! YOU CAN GET ME TO EARTH?!
Silver: *cough* Someone here blew it up.
Cleo: *looks around* DO NOT LOOK AT ME!!!
Silver: Well, it wasn't me.
John: *frowns* Wait theres no EARTH?! Im stuck out here with lunatic
Scorpy?!
Silver: Sorri dude.
John: *sighs* Guess I'm never going home.
Silver: A-HA! *runs to the ship* *goes in the cockpit and looks at the
buttons* There has to be a recreate earth button here.... *looks at the
thousands of buttons* Now which one....
*John and Cleo walk into the ship and John points to an electric blue one* I
think thats it.
Silver: Well... I ain't pressing it, it looks EEEVIL!
*Cleo grins evily and presses it*
*dun dun dun*
Cleo: *looks around* Nothin happened.
Silver: DUN DUN DUN
*John hits his head* Nooo it was the electric PINK one.
Silver: Wait... that button *is in shock*
Cleo: *looks at Silver* What? What?! WHAT?!?!
Silver: IT RECREATES CLEO'S GARBAGE PAIL!
Cleo: Oh, that all?
Silver: THAT'S GREAT!
*garbage pail appears and John walks over to it and starts opening it and
closing it*
Silver: *dances*
John: *grins like a kid* This is GREAT!
Silver: Who needs earth when you have a garbage pail!
*Cleo presses button again and again and again, ect, ect, making
4905840968 garbage pails*
Silver: MY GOD! I'M IN HEAVEN!!! *starts opening and closing garbage
pails*
Cleo: *laughs evily* Now I can sell them all and be as rich as....BILL
GATES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Silver: *sings* SILVER GARBAGE PAILS!!!
Cleo: *looks at electric green button* Wonder what this does... *presses it
and all the garbage pails disappear* Aw, crap...
Silver: DAMN YOU! *cries*
John: *turns* Okay who made the pails disappear!?!
Silver: *points at Cleo*
Cleo: *Cleo's eyes widden* ILL GET THEM BACK! *presses the red
button...or was it the yellow...or the silver...*
Silver: Oops *ducks*
Cleo: *looks at Silver* Did I do something wrong?
Silver: THE SILVER BUTTON!! *hides*
Cleo: What's the silver button?!!?
Silver: It's evil I tell ya! *a big screen TV and big speakers pop up* *The
screen turns on and....BARNEY SINGS AND DANCES*
*John screams and starts blasting the tv away*
Silver: *hides* EEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL!!
EEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!!!!
*as the dust clears, we see John breathing heavily and the remains of the big scream tv scattered around, Cleo and Silver jumping on the little tiny pieces*
Silver: It's gone!
Cleo: *suddenly looks back to the control pannel and is drawn in by a rainbow colored button*
Silver: Wazzat do? *ducks*
Cleo: Dunno. *presses rainbow colored button and sirens start going off* Aw, man, that cant be good...
*suddenly, a big green beam of light appears and in it's place stands........GEORGE W. BUSH*
*a blue beam follows and places REGIS PHILBIN next to him*
Silver: *faints*
*then a purple beam and Kathy Lee is there*
Silver: I'm in hell...I'M IN HELL!! I'M IN THE 6th RING!
*a pink and red one follows and BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON appear*
Silver: *goes into a comatic state*
*next is an orange and yellow beam and BILL GATES and BRITNEY SPEARS are standing there*
Silver: *hides* Oh...My...God...! *almost dies*
Cleo: *stares blankly and looks at the rainbow button and pounds it* WHY WERE YOU EVER CREATED?!
Silver: You had to press da button, ne?
Cleo: No I didnt have to press it but I did. *looks at John* Use the pulse rifle dammit!!
*John starts to aim and fire, then realizes he's out* Aw, crap.
Silver: *Gets a shoe* I can take 'em!
Cleo: *looks at the buttons and sees a button marked 'only use in extreme really desperate emergencies' and presses it*
Silver: dun dun dun *Is in shock*
*suddenly....PIKACHU THE POKEMON appears and chaises them out of the ship and into space where they suffacate to death*
Silver: Now how do we kill da rat?
*Pikachu runs back to the cockpit*
Cleo: *looks at the button next to the last button that says 'counter to last button' and presses it* *nothing happens* *presses it again* Aw crap I think its broken..
Silver: WAIT!
Cleo: Wha?!
Silver: *Stares at a disco ball* OMG! *Elvis appears in a loin cloth doing 'The Hussle'*
Cleo: *stares* Aw, man..
*Pikachu dies of boredom*
Cleo: ALRIGHT! COOL!!
Silver: It's dead but....DANG IT.
Cleo: What now?!*
Silver: *takes out an Uzi* I can take care of Elvis.
Cleo: ALRIGHT! Go Silver!!! *claps*
Silver: *Shoots the disco ball* *The disco ball falls on Elvis' head*
Cleo: WHOOO! *starts dancing* Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh!
Silver: They're all dead! Wooo! Woooooo!
Cleo: ALRIGHT! Okay... so...Mow where do we go? Earth is blown up, ya
know.
Silver: Um...yea.
John: *shrugs* Guess you're staying here on moya with us.
Silver: NOOOO!! NEVA!!! AHHHHH! I NEED THE INTERNET!
Cleo: But, uh, the Earth is blown up, there's no internet.
Silver: I don't care! *thinks* Hmm... Star Trek.... they had the internet on
that ship....
John: *looks at her* But if you stay on Moya, you get your very own blue
alien, monochrome alien, fat ugly alien, big scary alien and DRDs...HEY! DRDs are like the internet! You can use them!
Silver: Um.... okay. INTERNET GOOD!
Cleo: *grabs John's arm* C'mon lets go! I wanna meet Zhaan, and Chiana,
and D'Argo...
Silver: *Follows them* Where are these DRDs?
John: *points at a little yellow thingy moving on the floor* DRD.
Silver: Hmm...*Picks it up* *Sits down and stares at the DRD*
*they continue down the hall and suddenly you hear* ITS AERYN!!!! OH MY
GOOOOOOOOD!
Silver: *blinks* I guess I should follow... *runs after them*
*as Silver turns the corner you see a human-like female trying to pry Cleo
from a hug*
Cleo: BUT AERYN YOU'RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER!!! *John glares*
Besides John of course..
Silver: *blinks* Hi!
*Aeryn looks over to the strange person and shakes her head thinking 'Not another one!'*
*a drd runs over and injects Merri with the translater microbes*
Silver: What the HELL!?!?! *trys to bash the DRD*
Cleo: *finally lets go of Aeryn and looks at Silver* Oh, those just let you understand Aeryn and people, cause ya know, they speak another language.
Silver: *blinks* Oh.
Cleo: And dont hurt the DRDs!
Silver: Too late *points to the smashed DRD*
John: Ah! *runs over and consoles the broken DRD*
Silver: Oops.
Cleo: *jumps up and down* Where ya wanna go Silver?! Huh Huh!! I got the layout to Moya off the internet!
*Aeryn looks at her then to john and mouthes 'layouts? internet?'*
Silver: *blinks* You don't know about the internet!?!?!
Aeryn: *shakes her head*
Silver: Well... Do you have a pool?
Aeryn: A what?
Silver: A swimming pool... water.... H2O. Ne?
Aeryn: Umm...we dont have anything like that on Moya.
Silver: AHHHH! *runs for the ship*
Cleo: *chaises after her* NOOOO I WANNA STAY ON MOYA!
Silver: *stops* Well... what do they have here?
Cleo: Umm...John Crichton!
Silver: *blinks* Anything else?
Cleo: Uh....DRD's?
Silver: *Stares blankly for a second then runs to the ship* NOOOOO!
Cleo: *runs after her again* Well where are you gonna go?! No EARTH.
Silver: I'm going to the Star Ship Enterprise! *Does the Spock thing*
Cleo: OH!!! *looks around* Can we go to Voyager next?!
Silver: Sure. They actually have stuff to do there!
Cleo: COOL! *turns* Wait!!!! I have to go an get John!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Silver: Okay. *waits*
Cleo: *runs through Moya, grabs John, hugs Aeryn, and runs back* OKAY..*pant pant*..IM HERE..*pant pant*
Silver: *Takes a DRD and runs into the ship* Let's go!
Cleo: *smirks at the DRD* Can I name him George?
Silver: Sure.
Cleo: Cool! Hi George! *waves*
Silver: Just not George Bush!
Cleo: NOOOO!! Just George.
Silver: *sigh* Good!
Cleo: Okay, want me to drive, or you?
Silver: You can. I don't like this ship!
Cleo: *smirks* Okay, everyone buckle up!
Silver: *ducks*
Cleo: *grabs the steering wheel and backs out of the hanger, and hits the first moon they see, barely escaping death* ...oops...
Silver: *hides under a box*
Cleo: *laughs nervously and continues on* Hey, Silver, you got any idea where the Enterprise is?
Silver: In deep space!! With the bald captain!
Cleo: Uh...ya...I know that...but I was talking about an exact location...we
cant just travel the entire universe.
Silver: How about ova there *points to a large ship*
Cleo: Oh...ya I think thats it. *starts heading towards the ship* *grabs the intercom and contacts the ship* SCOTTY BEAM US UP!
Silver: Doo dee doo. *The ship is transported to a parking garage in the
Enteprise's hull*
Cleo: cool! *grins* Gotta love the beam.
Silver: Yep. Now we have to take the elevator. *presses elevator button*
Cleo: But thats so...so...so 21st century!
Silver: Yep. *kicks wall*
Cleo: *kicks the side of the elevator*
Silver: Which floor?
Cleo: The bridge, of course!
Silver: A-ha. *pushes the 'bridge' button* Here we gooo!
*the elevator goes super fast*
Cleo: *holds head* Motion sicknes...
Silver: EEK!
Cleo: *the elevator stops* Awwwww that sucked.
Silver: Yep. OhmyGpg! Captain KIRK!!! *points to bald guy*
*Captain Kirk turns*
Kirk: Erm...wh- *realizes he doesnt have an accent and changes it* Who
are you?
Silver: I AM SILVER WHO HAS TRAVELED FROM AFAR TO COME TO THIS
SHIP! And this is Cleo and some other people...
Kirk: *looks at Warf who shrugs* so ... uh ... what is your business on The Enterprise?
Silver: To go in your swimming pool and use your internet.
Kirk: Oh, you must mean the holodeck.
Silver: Oh, my bad.
Kirk: Well *points to the elevator* Take that to the 47th floor and down the corridor, thats the holodeck.
Silver: *nods* Thank you sir!
John: *stays behind* whoa....Captain Kirk....cool.
Silver: Oh wait, I forgot to tell ye somthing.... we kinda destroyed Earth. It was an accident... you see there were these aliens and.... *tells the whole boring story*
Kirk: *looks really pissed* YOU DESTROYED EARTH?!!? NO HOLODECK FOR YOU!!! *seals off the holodeck level*
Silver: *Bitchslaps Kirk* GROW SOME HAIR BUCKNER JR!
*Warf comes running over and pulls the weapon thingy he uses* Do not harm the Captain.
Silver: I can do anything I want. *sticks out her tounge*
*Warf grabs them and throws them into the elevator and presses the
button for the garage*
Silver: DAMN YOU WARF! *motion sickness sets in*
Cleo: *sighs* Guess we're going to VOYAGER!
Silver: *nods* Sorri...
Cleo: I like voyager better. *grins*
Silver: Yep, these dudes are old!!! Ooolllddd.
Cleo: *when the elevator stops she runs over to the ship* IM DRIVING! *gets in the ship and starts out into space and looks for Voyager* Where areeeeee youuuuuuu...
Silver: *Goes over to the radar* Just through that balck hole. *points*
Cleo: Oh cool black hole! *drives the ship towards the black hole*
Silver: *hides under the same box*
Cleo: *comes out the other side of the hole and grins* COOL!!
Silver: There it is. *points to an even bigger ship*
Cleo: Whoa....AWESOME! *heads for the ship*
Silver: I wonder if this one has an elevator...
Cleo: I think so...hopefully its not so fast. *makes a face*
Silver: *nods*
Cleo: *looks at the giant ship* This place is SO cool.
Silver: Yep! Shiny too!
Cleo: *looks around* Aw, crap, I think I left John on The Enterprise.
Silver: Noooo!
Cleo: *looks from their ship the the entrance to Voyager* Decisions, decisions..
Silver: How about I'll land and you go back and get whatshisname.
Cleo: JOHN CRICHTON!
Silver: Oops.
Cleo: Okay, you get on Voyager, im going back for John!
Silver: OK *Beams onto the Voyager*
Cleo: *grins* IM COMING FOR YA JOHN! *heads back to the blackhole*
Silver: *waves* Good luck!
*goes back through the wormhole and finds John discussing alien species with Capt. Kirk*
*Cleo pulls John away from his discussion and heads back to Voyager*
*Cleo and John get beamed on Voyager and look for Silver*
Cleo: Silver, WHERE ARE YA?!
Silver: Here. *is sitting next to a computer* These people still have online!
Cleo: *sits down next to her and looks at computer screen* COOL! Can we contact Shadow?
Silver: I think so, if she wasn't destroyed...
Cleo: Aw crap...*forgot the earth was blown up* Well, she's an alien, maybe she survived...
Silver: *nods* OMG! I FOUND HER!
Cleo: REALLY?! Cool! Where is she?
Silver: *Beams her onto the ship with the computer* Here!
Cleo: *runs over and hugs Shadow* YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE!
*Shadow is in shock*
Silver: Hi!!
Cleo: How did you survive after I...erm...blew up the Earth?
Shadow: Wha? You didn't blow up the earth... you blew up Mercury!
Cleo: ...........*stares blankly*
Silver: Uhh...
Cleo: Oh no...then a bunch of people are gonna be really mad at us.
Silver: Yep.
Cleo: *looks at John* Guess you can go home after all....guess we should tell Capt. Kirk too, huh? *mumbles* That's if he doesnt blow us up first. Hmm...*suddenly grins evily* WAIT! We should get *revenge* on Captain Kirk for throwing us off the Enterprise.
Silver: MWAHAHAHA! Aiight!
Cleo: *sits down next to Silver at the computers* So....how do we do this?
Silver: *Clicks a button marked 'history', then points to computer screen*
Cleo: *looks at the computer* Whats dat?
Silver: Instuctions. Computer, show me how to get to the Enterprise please.
Computer: Directions to the Star Ship Enterprise.
Cleo: *looks around and grins* Cool.
Silver: *nods* Yep.
Cleo: Well, it's not too far away, but we need a plan...*thinks*
Silver: How about we blow it up!
Cleo: *grins* Good idea! We need a weapon...
Silver: Hmm...That's a big ship...We'll need an even BIGGER ship.
Cleo: I don't think Voyager could handle it so....*looks at the computer*
Computer, show us a bunch of really big ships that could blow up the Enterprise.
Computer: Database shows: 2 ships big enough.
Silver: Computer, show us these ships.
Computer: Showing the ships. *thinks: damn humans, cant do anything for
themselves*
Cleo: Well...there's the....Ultima Ship...*shakes head* never heard of it....Uh...*grins* The Death Star! COOL!
Silver: DEATH STAR!!
Cleo: *gets up and jumps up and down* I WANNA MEET HAN SOLO!
Silver: I wanna meet... CHEWY!
Cleo: Okay, Computer we need directions to...*bum da dum* THE DEATH
STAR!
Computer: Downloading location to the datacard.
Cleo: *looks to Silver* Cap'n Kirk's gonna be sorry.
Silver: MWAHAHA! Yep! And... I'm going to meet CHEWY! :-D
Cleo: *grins and grabs her hand* C'mon, let's go grab the Delta Flyer and
blow this joint.
Silver: WOOOOOO!
Cleo: *runs for the elevator then stops* Do you feel like we forgot
something?
Silver: OMG! JOHN! *runs back*
Cleo: Dammit! *runs back and sees John flirting with Seven of Nine* *grabs John and hits Seven upside the head then runs back to the elevator*
Silver: So... which button?
Cleo: Hmm...*hits a random button*
Silver: *The elevator drops at a fast rate* AHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
Cleo: *cowers in the corner* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Silver: *pushes another button and the elevator returns to a normal speed*
Hehe.
Cleo: *stands up* Erm...I knew that.
*elevator comes to a stop and...what a coincidence...Cleo pressed the
right button and they arrived in the hangar bay*
Silver: Wow, what luck!
Cleo: *grins* Must be my lucky day! *runs over to the Delta flyer and gets
in the pilot's seat then realizes...* Aw, crap, I dunno how to fly this thing!
Silver: *shrugs* I dunno either.
Cleo: Oh well, guess we're going with the random button theory again.
Silver: Okay! *prepares to die*
Cleo: *presses a random button and the lights flash on and off*
Silver: Well... at least we didn't die!
Cleo: ...yet *presses another button and one of the phasers goes off
making a huge hole in the hangar bay doors* Janeway is gonna KILL me.
Silver: Oops.
Cleo: *quickly presses another button and they head out of Voyager* Phew...*loads the datachip into the computer and puts it on autopilot*
Silver: *sits for a second* Are we there yeeet?
Cleo: *shakes head* No.
Silver: Oh *frowns* *Looks out the window* *points* A SPACE COW!
Cleo: WHERE?!?!?! *looks out the window*
Silver: By that moon!
Cleo: *looks at the moon* It jumped over that moon!
Silver: *points at a group of Space Cows floating aimlessly*
Cleo: Ummm...shouldn't it be dead...ya know...no oxygen?
Silver: No... they're SPACE COWS!
Cleo: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *leans back and starts humming and
bopping back and forth*
Silver: COMPUTER! How long until our arrival?
Computer: 2.5 minutes
Silver: NOOOO! *bangs head* That's sooo long!
Cleo: *stops suddenly* Aw crap...we forgot something else at Voyager... Shadow!! *bangs head*
Silver: *bangs head*: Shoot.
Cleo: *looks back* Uh....should we go back for her?
Silver: Nah, I have a plan
Cleo: What's the plan, Stan?
Silver: COMPUTER! Beam Shadow onto our ship!
Computer: Do it yourself
Silver: Wha!?
Cleo: *mumbles* Smartass computer..
Computer: Feed me!
Silver: Uh....
Cleo: Computer....are you...ok?
Computer: HUMANS, I want a cheese sandwich... NOW!
Silver: Do we have cheese on board?
Cleo: *looks at sivler and whispers* We dont have *any* food.
Silver: Wait...*reaches into her pocket and pulls out blue cheese*
Cleo: *crosses arms* Did you steal that from Moya?
Silver: Um... hehe...I was gonna return it and... uh.... well we have cheese
John: Be happy Aeryn isn't here, she'd probably shoot ya for stealing.
Silver: Does anyone have bread?
John: *reaches into his pocket and pulls out two pieces of rye bread* Here
ya go.
Silver: *Places the blue cheese in between the two slices of rye bread*
WOOOO! Computer, we have your cheese sandwich!
*A vacum-like tube takes the cheese sandwich*
Computer: Thank you.
Silver: Now COMPUTER, please send Shadow here.
*Shadow beams behind them on the ship, looking very confused*
Shadow: What happened to Paris? He was so cute and we were chating and...
Silver: Well... we thought we might need your help in destroying the Enterprise.
Shadow: We're gonna blow stuff up?!
Silver: Yep! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cleo: Shadow: Cool!!! Count me in! *sits down*
Computer: 1 minute until arrival.
Silver: Ooh, I don't have to wait much longer.
Cleo: *starts bopping head again*
Computer: WARNING! Being trailed by enemy ships.
Cleo: What enemy?
Computer: Death Star guards.
Cleo: But...but...we want their help!! *sighs* Fine, can you hail one of
them, Computer?
Computer: Say please.
Cleo: Pretty please with cherries ontop?
Computer: OK.
Cleo: Thank you computer.
Computer: Contacting guard ship.
Cleo: *humms elevator music while waiting*
*A guard shows up on computer screen*
Cleo: *waves* Hi guard person!!!
Silver: Hey, um we need your help... could you stop tailing us?
Guard: State your reason for approaching our ship.
Cleo: Um...um...we wanted to uh, kinda use the Death Star to blow up the
Enterprise....
Guard: You'll have to talk to our commander
Cleo: Oki doki! Where is he?
Guard: Inside the ship... please dock at the nearest entrance and we will be
with you shortly.
Cleo: Thank you! *grins and turns the screen off*
Weeeeeeee'reeeeeeeeeeeee off to see the Commander, the wonderful
commander of the Death Star.
Silver: Um... isn't that...Eh, neva mind.Let's park this thing
Cleo: *shrugs and heads for the docking bay* *lands and gets out, pulling
John behind her* Where's Han? Huh huh huh huh?!
*Death Star guards meet up with the passengers*
Cleo: *waves hyper activly* Hi hi hi hi hiiiiiii!
Guard #1: Please come with us, our commander will see you now.
Cleo: Oki doki!
Guard #2: Please board the elevator.
Cleo: *skips over to the elevator*
*John leans over to Shadow*
John: I think we should switch Cleo's soda to Caffiene Free...
*Shadow nods*
Silver: NOT ANOTHER ONE! *walks into the elevator*
*everyone piles in the elevator* *elevator music starts playing*
Silver: So.. this captain.. who is he?
Guard #3: He will see you shortly
Silver: But WHO IS HE
Guard #2: YOU WILL FIND OUT SHORTLY WHEN YOU MEET HIM
Cleo: *looks at Guard #2* *coughsmartasscough*
Silver: But I wanna know NOOOOOW!
Guard #3: WHAT IS IT WITH THESE QUESTIONS!?!?!?
Cleo: *glares at Guard #3* *coughbastardcough*
Elevator: Ding.
Cleo: *screeches* ARE WE THERE?!?!?!?!
Guard #1: Yes, we are here. Please watch your step exiting the elevator.
Cleo: *skips off the elevator knocking Guard #1 down*
John: *hits his forehead and mumbles* Decaf...
Guard #1: Please do not step on me.
*Everyone walks over guard #1 to get out of the elevator*
*stands outside the elevator tapping her foot* SLOW POKES!
Guard #2: Follow us to the captains quarters.
Silver: WHO IS THE CAPTAIN!?
Guard #3: SHUT UP! I CAN'T TAKE THESE QUESTIONS ANY LONGER!
Guard #2: WHAT IS THIS 20 QUESTIONS?!
Guard #1: Please don't shout.
Cleo: *glares at Guard #1* *coughSOBcough*
Guard #1: Please don't say that. It offends me.
John: *takes out his pulse riffle* Your stupidity offends me. Now. Shut. Up.
Guard #2: *shivering* Follow me *enters the control room*
*Everyone enters*
Cleo: *jumping up and down* Where is he? Huh huh huh?? *hits Guard #2*
WHERE IS HE?!?!
Voice: *muffled machine-like voice* Ah, there you are....
Silver: IS THAT YOU, CAPTAIN?
Weird Voice: Duh.
Cleo: *runs over and jumps up and down* HI HI HI HI HIIIIIIIIIIII!
John: *hits his head again* Too much sugar..
Silver: *to Cleo* Where is he?
Cleo: *points* THERE!
Silver: Ohhh.
Cleo: Hey um Captain Person Thingy? Can we uh...borrow the Death Star?
Weird Voice: Why? State your purpose.
Cleo: *jumps up and down again* WE WANNA BLOW UP THE ENTERPRISE AND KILL CAPTAIN KIRK!!
John: *looks at his pulse rifle, and wonders if he can use it as a stun gun
for Cleo*
Weird Voice: Killing? Sounds like a noble cause.
Cleo: REALLY?! COOL! I love you Captain Thingy with the Weird Voice!!!
Weird Voice: My name is NOT Captain Thingy!
Cleo: Then what IS it?
Weird Voice: MY NAME IS.....
Cleo: *leans foward* Yes...?
Weird Voice: ANAKIN SKYWALKER, but you may call me DARTH VADER!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cleo: oh....*hits head* DUH! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Darth Vader person thingy? Do you happen to know where Han Solo is?!
Vader: Why are you discussing my ENEMY!?!?!
Cleo: Ermm....sorry...it's just that I think Han Solo is REALLY cute!
*John glares*
Cleo: *looks at John* Erm....oops.
Vader: No, he isn't here.
Cleo: Damn *sniffles*
Silver: So, are we gonna kick some Kirk or not!?
Cleo: *jumps up and down again* YA!!! *runs around knocking Guard #1
down again*
Guard #1: Please refrain from doing that if at all possible. Thank you.
John: *coughfrellingidiotcough*
Vader: You have an hour to destroy this 'Enterprise'... take the controls.
Cleo: COOL! *runs for the controls and starts pressing buttons*
Vader: For the time being, I will go to the kitchen and have a cheese
sandwich.
John: *mutters* He should hook up with the Computer..
Silver: Death Star Computer, locate the Starship Enterprise!
Computer: Located. Would you like to travel now?
Silver: Yep, let's go!
*The ship starts to move, crushing small planets in it's way*
Cleo: *grabs John and starts dancing in circles* WE'RE GONNA KILL KIRK, WE'RE GONNA KILL KIRK!
Silver: You know, they might put up a fight. Let's get the weapons redy!
Cleo: *stops* I'LL MAN THE WEAPONS! *runs over to the controls* *tests them out by blowing up Guard #1* Hehe...oops.
Silver: Aww, he was the nice one... *shoots Guard #3*
Cleo: *grins at Guard #2* Hasta la vista. *shoots*
Silver: That was fun~
Computer: Enterprise withing range.
Shadow: Alright! *grins*
Computer: Enterprise would like to contact.
*Captain Kirk appears on computer screen*
Cleo: *waves at Capt. Kirk*
Capt. Kirk: What is the meaning of this?!
Silver: Um, we think your a rude *coughSOB* and we're gonna blow your
ship to bits.
Capt. Kirk: But...but *drops the totally fake accent, his voice really a high pitched whine* We're peaceful!
Silver: YOU KICKED US OFF YOUR SHIP!
Capt. Kirk: *clears throat* Umm...we..realize that but...do you have to blow us up?
Cleo: YEP! *fires a cannon*
Silver: Yes. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Capt. Kirk: AHH! SHIELD'S UP.....I SAID SHIELD'S UP YOU IDIOT!!
Cleo: *waves byebye to the Capt. then ends the transmission* *aims the big big big big weapon at the enterprise* SAY NIGHT-NIGHT! *fires*
*The Enterprise is blown to bits*
Silver: I think we should give them a moment of silence...
*silence for a second*
Cleo: *grins* PART-AAAAAAY!
Silver: WOOOO!
*balloons and streamers fly around*
Cleo: *puts on disco music and starts doing the hussle with John*
Silver: *jumps up and down*
Cleo: No more Captain Kirk!!! *looks at the remains of Guard #1 and runs
over them*
Silver: So... where's Mr. Dark Helmet?
*Guard #4 enters*
Cleo: *stops partying* Probably asked the computer on a date...
Silver: *laughs*
Cleo: *grins and resumes partying* *does the conga* Captain Kirk is de-ead! Captain Kirk is de-ead!
Guard #4: Lord Vader would like to know if you are done.
Cleo: *grabs Guard #4 and starts the conga with him*
Guard #4: PARRRTY!
Cleo: *grabs Silver and makes her join them*
*Computer screen pops up*
Computer: The captain wishes to return to the controls.
Cleo: *stops and runs to the computer, pouting* Fine, Mr. Poopy-Party-Ruining-Computer. We'll leave.
Silver: So... *sniffle* Where's the elevator?
Cleo: *grabs John and Shadow and slowly heads to the elevator, refusing to get out any faster*
Silver: *runs ahead of the others then jumps up and down* I get to push the elevator button!!!
Cleo: *pouts* Aw....well....alright, but I get to fly the space ship!!!
Elevator: *Ding*
Silver: *waves to Guard #4* Cya dude!
Cleo: *grabs John's hand and skips towards the ship*
Silver: *walks into the ship* Where to now captain?
Cleo: Uh...*presses a button and music comes on* To Zanzabar to meet the Zanzabarbarians!
*Cleo and Silver, along with John Crichton and the very confused Shadow, blasted away from the Death Star, off on new adventures...and nearly blowing themselves up on a moon*