Final Fantasy IX
A Hidden Part of the Sky
It was a work of art unlike anything she has ever seen. And she couldn't get enough of staring at the magnificent and mighty weapon that some judicious craftsman felt compelled to call the Kain's Lance. Where did that name come from? Her past studies in the history of Burmecian warfare didn't yield anyone who wielded the same name, at least not in that line of work. She would delve deeper into the mystery if her limited time would afford her to.
Freya shrugged her shoulders. Why was she wasting her time thinking about a pursuit as mundane as that anyway? Looking in retrospect, it wasn't exactly a very appealing prospect to ponder on the merits of an object that proved its worth only during times when people had to raise arms against each other. No matter how strikingly beautiful her weapon of choice appeared, it cannot be denied that its very basic purpose was to hurt another living being.
She laughed in wry thought. Why the sudden transformation of attitude towards combat? Why did she feel a sudden repugnance when her lover, Sir Fratley, asked her a while ago if she intended to participate in this year's Festival of the Hunt in Lindblum? She used to be so eager to enlist herself in that event that she perennially used as a gauge to her fighting prowess. Why the sudden change of heart?
Too much blood She uttered almost subconsciously. Freya has had her share of rich adventures as a Dragoon in the past, but never did she find herself in a struggle as thick and desperate as the quest for that arms-dealer who was partly responsible for Burmecia's downfall. It was a quest that took her and her friends to the remotest parts of the world, and even beyond it. A crusade that subjected them in the most decisive battles they have ever fought, against such unbelievably malevolent and powerful adversaries that would have snuffed the life out of them if not for some deity that she believed preserved them in order to make possible the world's survival. Such a grand and noble endeavor they carried themselves through that simultaneously brought them to spend time in the company of death much longer than they would otherwise tolerate. She had waded deep in blood long enough, and now was the time to reconsider her principles regarding the next time that she will be required to take a life.
In her moments of meditation, Freya consequently realized that battles, no matter how noble the reason may exist behind them, were always an ugly thing. Look at what it did to her beloved land of birth. Now, though still proud to be known as a feared Dragoon Knight, she resolved never again to hold the purpose of such a title above anything than a necessity for her kingdom's survival. She had grown to hate wars. And even though she wouldn't hesitate in lifting her spear to combat when the need arose, she would never, ever revel in such an event again.
Hello, my love. You seem awfully immersed with something. A voice disturbed her reverie. I hope I'm not intruding into anything important.
Freya's expression was still stoic when she turned around. But no matter how grim the situation besetting her may be, the sight of Sir Fratley had always brought a smile into her face. This instance was no different.
Sir Fratley. She graciously replied with a dainty bow. No, not at all. As a matter of fact, your arrival couldn't be more opportune. Please come in. She furthered in beckoning him to enter her chamber.
Is that a fact? Is there anything that I can be of assistance?
Not really. I was just wondering about our life, the vocation that we chose, and why we chose it to start with. I don't know about you, but that adventure I took part in with Zidane has somewhat rendered me unable to recall my motivation. She came back, with that same dreamy eyes she always looked at him with. But that's all. Nothing too profound as to warrant another great quest.
Heh, witty as ever, my love. He quipped. Just like how I remembered you.
Freya's ears twitched upon hearing Sir Fratley's repartee. For a long time, she agonized intensely over his inability to remember their past life together. The unfortunate incident didn't merely served as a near tragedy for her, but more and more during the last couple of days she had begun to treat it as a puzzle. In serving as impromptu tutors for the young and somewhat disinterested Prince Puck, who now stood at the door of absolute sovereignty after his parents were killed in the Cleyra disaster, she had been witnessing snippets of his old habits and mannerisms surfacing sporadically, though his subsequent reactions that dismissed them as merely coincidental would always diminish whatever hopes she would have of his regaining his memory. Though they still ended up as lovers like the way they once were before he embarked on his journey, Freya still wished for Fratley to completely recall everything. It wasn't a nice feeling whenever she wanted to reminisce their past and find herself being the only one savoring the memories. She didn't know whether to feel left out or just plain stupid.
This was the first time that Sir Fratley vocalized any semblance of recollection. Freya felt her heart wanting to leap out from her chest in anticipation, but she nevertheless opted to contain her excitement. She had been frustrated too many times to allow any optimism at this point.
Really? Well, how do you remember me, anyway?
Sir Fratley almost regretted the uncontrolled remark. He admitted feeling a spark of hope in recognizing some familiarity in the way Freya displayed her wit. However, that was all he had going, and it wasn't adequate enough to allow for any trace of hope. The time that he spent with her erased whatever doubts that used to get the better of him whenever the female Dragoon insisted on the truth in their past lives together. He already knew that she was telling the truth, and that for some reason he had lost the memory of that life they used to lead.
And in the aftermath of his reckless remark, Fratley was aware that Freya was merely trying to contain her premature exuberance to avoid feeling disappointed, and he couldn't help but feel admiration for her strength of character. But he also knew that disappointment couldn't be avoided now. He had no choice but to let her know that his recollection was far from being complete. That all he had was a faint shadow, and nothing more.
I'm sorry. Forget I said anything.
He noticed the slight drooping of her shoulders, a gesture of frustration that Freya tried to avert at the last second. But it was too late, and Fratley was already defeated by the guilt she tried to spare him from.
I'm sorry
No, please don't apologize, my love. She returned with a smile. It is not your fault. I realize there are rough roads ahead for the both of us, and that there's always a danger that we will never find the answers to our question again. But if ever that happens, you know in your heart that I will still be here for you.
I know, and you have my gratitude, Lady Freya. He said, returning her smile of fortitude. However, I still would like to find out the mystery behind my appalling condition. We still have so much to do with the restoration of Burmecia's lost glory. But after all this is over, I would most certainly take the opportunity to discover the truth, and regain what I have lost.
Of course. And I would be more than happy to assist you in that endeavor.
Freya, you realize this is my problem. I do not want to burden you any further than I already have.
Her face became stern after Sir Fratley's utterance. And the words that followed carried the message that this time, she will not take no for an answer.
No, Sir Fratley. I acquiesced to your words the last time you uttered them to me. And that gave me nothing but five years of darkness, bereft of the light and warmth of your presence. You once promised that you will come back but all I had to show for that promise was the harrowing news of your apparent demise. And you must understand that I'd rather walk the fiery pits of hell than go through that again.
Fratley didn't respond. He knew that when Freya spoke with this tone of voice, no force on Gaia would be able to change her mind anymore. Another vague recollection, and one that he didn't dare to let her know to avoid hurting her again. He simply stood still as she continued to talk.
If you truly do not wish to burden me any further, then take me with you when you depart on your quest for the truth. You must promise me that.
I promise. He slowly replied.
That afternoon turned out to be too quiet for her. A rare occasion that Garnet once found so elusive in the midst of the pressing demands of her new duty as queen of Alexandria. There was still rebuilding that needed to be done in her kingdom, but her people have slowly begun prove to be more resilient that she thought, as lately each of them had taken the initiative to take charge of the tasks that were required for the reconstruction. A lot of work had been needed and practically all of them rose to the occasion and delivered, making it possible for the greater part of Alexandria to be restored in such a short time. Garnet couldn't be more proud of her constituents. And she didn't want to make a comparison but sometimes, she just couldn't help it. Her only wish was that Burmecia's process of rebuilding had been as expeditious as Alexandria's. Briefly, she wondered about her friend, Freya, and silently asked how she was holding out.
At this moment, she was simply bored. Due to the same efforts exerted by her subjects, she found herself in the middle of a stretch of time when her participation was hardly required at all. She would have wanted to take a more active role, yet it was no longer necessary. At this moment, she couldn't help but wish that she had accompanied Zidane on his trip to the Black Mage village. She had only visited the place once after they returned from the battle against Kuja. And that was when her kind friend Vivi, prior to his own demise, handed a letter to her personally. Garnet could still recall how she cried when the gentle black mage breathed his last, and up to now she could still feel the pinch in her heart whenever she remembered him. Other than Zidane, she didn't know of a kinder and more compassionate friend, one who in his limited life taught her that every second in her existence should be cherished, for none of it had the luxury of ever happening again. If only it was possible to impart a portion of her years to her friend, she wondered
Garnet smiled in the midst of bittersweet memories. So much had happened during the journey that started with the sweetest abduction, and carried forth in an adventure that took her and her friends to the farthest corners of the world in their quest to thwart Garland, who designed to assimilate their world into his own for the survival of his people; and Kuja, who wanted to take it with him to oblivion. And though she wished never to know the likes of such aggressors again, she definitely would not hesitate in embarking on another adventure if she were given the chance. But she knew such opportunity was virtually denied her forever now that she had to take the helm of Alexandria's affairs. She was now the queen, and as such, couldn't afford to prance around the world like she did before. She couldn't even take the time to accompany Zidane on his trip to the Forgotten Continent. Baring her deepest wishes would reveal that if she could, she would forsake her duties for even a few days just to spend time with him like she used to. She missed him. Yes, he could certainly see her anytime he wanted, but it also went with the understanding that her time with him was now limited since she had to divide it between personal endeavors and her responsibility as queen.
Lately, Garnet had been pondering on the prospect of marrying Zidane. They loved each other, and each day that elapsed had been almost unbearable whenever they spent it away from each other. She knew that the time was right. They should get married. No one was showing any objections to it anyway. Not even Steiner, who used to be so vocal in his disgust for the man he once considered to be nothing but a common thief. Funny how such an arrogant and lofty knight's opinion was completely reversed by the sheer dedication and selflessness of a mere criminal'. Garnet had always thought of it as one of the subtle benefits of their quest. Steiner had been deathly loyal to her for as long as she can remember, and the last thing that she wanted to see was a lingering friction between her protector and the man she loved. Besides, they were both her protectors. And she couldn't be happier to see Zidane and Steiner finally getting along.
So what had been stopping Zidane from proposing? Surely it wasn't his penchant for being a ladies' man. He's had his share of slip-ups in the form of reckless attempts at seemingly flirting with every cute girl he met, but she knew them to be nothing that required being taken seriously. Garnet had already gone beyond feeling jealous, knowing that it was just his nature to compliment women.
(Besides, no one would dare challenge a queen for her beau's affection.)
It had to be something else something deeper. Doctor Tot, in one of his courtesy visits, suggested that her royal station might still be intimidating him. Garnet thought it preposterous, she knew that Zidane was aware of how much she loved him. Then again, she didn't know what it was like to be a commoner, and consequently realized that he was entitled the benefit of her understanding. The young queen tried to let him know that she didn't care if he was a commoner or not by one time implying her desire to marry him. But he was either still too thick, like how Eiko described him (actually, both of them), or he was just deliberately avoiding the subject. Somehow, Garnet knew that she had to do something to remove this unreasonable feeling of inadequacy from Zidane. Maybe Baku could help her out on this. She had pondered on making the first move through the Tantalus chief but royal protocols strictly forbid such aggressiveness. Who invented those protocols in the first place? Can't she somehow find a way to circumvent them?
Funny how an uneventful afternoon could bring such a cacophony of thoughts in her mind. Garnet needed to do something to keep herself busy and away from moments of endless reminiscing. She considered reading a book, but the pastime that had been her perennial favorite felt somehow uninteresting at this very moment. So she thought of doing something else, and resuming her pursuit in learning about music seemed appealing at the moment. Garnet then remembered that she had already ordered one of her personal aides to bring her a copy of her favorite piano piece. Walking to the grand piano in the middle of the newly constructed recreation hall, she daintily sat down on the cushioned seat before flexing her soft fingers. Garnet then pressed gently on the row of ebony and ivory, from where a sweet echo of melodies began to emanate together with her angelic voice.
Whenever sang my song...
She then paused.
Ruben, this is the wrong piece!
A man garbed in colorful purple and silver went scurrying inside the room in response to her summons.
Your highness, you called for me?
Yes, Ruben. Garnet came back with a mellower tone. You brought me the wrong piano piece. This is the theme from that new play, The Lion and the Angel'. You know I hated that play.
The aide stuttered while rummaging through the unwanted pile of musical notes. Y-You're right, majesty. I am so sorry for my mistake. Please forgive me!
Don't worry about it Was her curt reply, after which Garnet quickly covered her mouth as if she had just uttered something bad. She subsequently felt amused, remembering that she still carried the colloquial speech habit that Zidane taught her. But as of late, the young queen thought it best to restore her old, regal way of speaking, due in no small part to an advise bestowed on her by Doctor Tot – who also now served as her sometimes counselor – that her royal station required for her to abide by certain formalities in order to command the right kind of respect from her people. Garnet didn't exactly agree with the Treno-based scholar. As far as she was concerned, she still wanted to behave in the way she had been accustomed to; to act in a manner that made her feel comfortable. After all, she did promise that even as a queen, she will always be herself.
But still, she knew that Doctor Tot meant only to help. And she had always believed in his counsel, for they were part of the road that she traversed en route to where she was now. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. Besides, how could a little noble accent hurt?
Do not trouble yourself with it. Garnet rephrased. Just make sure to get the correct piano piece this time.
Yes, your highness. You are so kind. I won't be long. Ruben hastened a reply before running off. Garnet sighed, wondering if she caused her aide undue pressure.
It wasn't long before Ruben came back with the correct set of musical notes. It took a few moments of silent recollection as Garnet read the lyrics that she composed for the tune that had been playing in her mind since she was a child. She had wondered then where that melody came from, and even thought at first that Queen Brahne sung it to her at her bedside whenever the late ruler tucked her to bed. It had to be that, she thought. But that was before she learned of her real past, and her legacy as a summoner from Madain Sari. It still didn't explain to her where the song came from, but it had to be at least associated with her real mother. It has got to be that. No tune can possibly more soothing than the loving lullaby of a caring mother.
She tried to recall her real mother, but she just couldn't remember her face. Garnet then brought to mind the last words of her adoptive mother, Queen Brahne. It still hurt her how the late queen was led astray by an otherworldly knave, but at least she had the consoling memory of Brahne's apparent repentance before her life was snuffed out of her. Garnet recalled the same gentle voice that she used to hear from her before she was engulfed by her greed. It was the same voice that she adored from Queen Brahne. And despite the tragedy, Garnet realized that she still had reason to rejoice, for even though her mother's last days were marked by the violent fruits of her avarice, she still had that gentle voice as the last thing to remember her by.
Now, she had this song, with its completion helped in no small way by her tragic experiences and harrowing pain brought about by her loss. It was a quiet night sometime ago when loneliness drove her to pick up her pen and scribble these same words. However, the loneliness she felt had already turned into an optimistic outlook just before the last word was written. Yes, she had lost two mothers, a dear friend, and was subject to the belief that the one who loved her with his life had gone on the same path. But if there was one way Garnet knew to cherish a loved one's memories, it was to live the words they had imparted on her. Zidane had always taught her that hardships in life were unavoidable, but she had to move on. For only by doing so will she be assured of a better future.
Maybe that was how she came up with a song that brimmed with optimism despite the loss it vividly projected. Maybe that was where she got the strength to move on, and in the process composed the lyrics that she dedicated to the beloved ones that enriched her life. Garnet stared at the lyric sheet once more, thankful that she was given the opportunity to know such love. She couldn't have come up with a more fitting way to cherish their memories. Her lips began to shape the words reminiscing the love that colored her life.
Alone for a while
I've been searching through the dark
For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart
To weave by picking up the pieces that remained
Melodies of Life – love's lost refrain
Though I cannot say just why
We met, we laughed, we held on fast
And then we said goodbye
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let then ring out loud til they unfold
I see you reaching out to me
Though you're gone
I still believe that you can call out my name
Joining yours and mine
Adding up the layers of harmony
And so it goes on and on
Melodies of Life
Through the skies beyond the flying birds
Forever and beyond...
Again, Garnet felt she had to stop to contain the lump in her throat. She had never been able to sing the entire song, anyway. Not even once. She had always found the emotions that accompanied it too overwhelming.