"When The World Doesn't End"
Title: When The World Doesn't End.
Author: Me
Pairing: X/A
Summary: Post-Gift fic of a different kind. After the battle, Xander sits in the waiting room of the hospital, as his thoughts wonder over his relationship with Anya.
Author's Note: The pieces in italics, between the little star bars, are flashbacks. Mwhaha.
Disclaimed: Joss owns all. Heck, he even owns the flashbacks in this story. So good for him. Go Joss!! All I have is this really bad ear ache... Stupid Ear...
And Without further adieu... "When The World Doesn't End", in all it's un-beta'd glory, and sucky state!!
******
Xander Harris sat in the hospital waiting room, his head in his hands. His hands and face were wet, from the tears that had traced there way down his cheeks. Part of him wanted to scream, to cry out in pain and anguish. But he couldn't. He just couldn't, no matter how hard he tried. His body was too tired. Too tired from crying, from worrying, from waiting, from life.
They'd headed straight for the hospital, after the battle with Glory. It had been a horrible run. Dawn had been bleeding, and Tara and Willow were hurt. Buffy was… He didn't want to think about Buffy anymore. Everyone had known she was dead as they looked on at her body, laying on the crates. But deep inside, they'd all had a nagging hope she wasn't.
Then there was Anya. His Anya. She'd been crushed as part of the building had toppled over. She was the only one hurt to the point of near fatality. Unless you counted Spike, who'd suffered a broken arm, two broken legs, (from his fall off the tower) and a bad third degree burn. He'd caught the sun as it'd risen. Anya... The doctors had said the outcome wasn't looking bright for her. And Xander didn't know if he could live without her.
*****
i"Where is our relationship going?"
"Our what? Our who?" He stammered… looking at the girl in front of him, rather confused.
"Relationship. What kind do we have? And what is it progressing toward?" She stated.
He was taken aback.
"I ... Uh ... We have a relationship?"
"Yeah, we went to the prom."
This was ridiculous. He didn't have a relationship with her…
"Yeah, on our one and only date. Second date called on account of snake, remember? And the whole, you used to be a man killing demon thing. Which to be fair, is as much my issue as it is yours."
She looked right at him. Her glare caught his eyes, and he knew he felt something.
"I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes in my dreams, you're all naked."
She stepped toward him, her eyes wide./i
*****
He hated waiting. He despised it. He was the only one in the lobby, too. This place had become a second home, over the past year. Being here for Joyce, and for Buffy, and being here for Buffy when Joyce had… had died.
Mostly, he just couldn't stand being so helpless, and knowing that when he woke up tomorrow, he wouldn't be able to look forward to seeing Buffy's face. He hated that there was a possibility that he'd never see Anya smile again, either. He didn't want to lose her. Ever.
He sat up straight, suddenly wishing that Willow was allowed to leave her room. Of course, the Doctors had declared that "Ms. Rosenberg" wasn't fit for visitors. She'd been hysterical. Demanding that she be allowed to leave the hospital. Screaming that she had to bring her back. Blowing up everything in sight.
The doctors hadn't been expecting all the windows to her room to explode, though. Good Old Willow. Always the strong one, when it came to helping friends. They'd, of course, calmed her down with a few drugs.
*****
i
"You haven't called. Not once." She stated, blankly, speaking as she always did.
"You said you were over me." He replied. He could never understand this girl. It was one of the things that kept that weird warm feeling about her going.
"And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear."
"That's the funny thing about me, I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value."
"That's stupid." She said. Trust Anya to tell you, if she thinks you're an ass.
"I accept that. - I can't say seeing you falls into the realm of a bad thing." He smiled. It was true. The more he talked to her, the more he was attracted to her extreme honesty, and odd naivety.
"Really? - I thought - maybe we could go out tonight, for our anniversary."
"Anniversary?" She confused him more, each time she spoke.
"It's been exactly one week since we copulated. - Did you forget?"
He felt like smiling again.
/i
*****
He stood up, and paced the lobby. Stealing a glance at the trashy magazines scattered across the table. He looked up at the clock. 7:30. He was sure that clock was wrong.
He wondered if Dawn might be awake yet. She'd been put under general antithetic, while the doctors stitched up a few of her deeper cuts, because she'd been pretty freaked out, too. Maybe he could visit her. Try and comfort her. That was what he did, right? Comfort?
His bottom lip quivered at the thought of having to actually deal with what had happened. He, himself, could barely work up the energy to do anything. He didn't want to acknowledge Buffy's death, physically. He knew, himself, that she was gone. Never going to come back. He didn't want it to be true though. And helping someone else to accept it was only going to make him feel worse. He just prayed that Anya wouldn't leave him either.
*****
i
Xander groaned.
"Look-- I don't really feel that bad."
"I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon, and you look like you're getting all of them." She said. And she was right. He didn't look so good.
"Ok. I'll stay. But you should go. You could catch it."
"We'll die together. It's romantic. Let me get your trousers off." She said with a smile as she started to undress him.
"You're a strange girlfriend."
"I'm a girlfriend?" She said, hope in her voice.
"Uh...There's a chance I'm delirious." He replied, slightly reluctantly. He couldn't believe he'd said that.
"Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far, I like it."
/i
*****
He wondered where Giles was. Giles had also gotten out of the "battle" without injury. He'd carried Buffy's body here. And he'd explained what had happened to the doctor. All the while, he'd worn a dead expression. He'd talked as though he was a million miles away. After all the girls had been admitted, Giles had just disappeared.
Xander looked over at Anya's door. It was still closed. He wondered how she was. Wondered if she needed him, or if she was still breathing.
The door opened and a doctor walked out. Xander walked right over to meet with the doctor, holding his breath.
"Mr.… uh… I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?" The doctor said, looking at his clipboard.
"Xander. Xander Harris." He replied, impatiently.
"Yes, that's right. Well, Ms. Emersons's records don't really have a next of kin, so I'm going to assume you're her boyfriend?" The doctor asked.
"Yeah… How is she? Can I see her?" Xander demanded, looking over at the door.
"Well, I'm afraid Ms. Emerson suffered several… injuries. She's currently on life support. One of her lungs has been damaged, and it'll need surgery."
"Oh god…"
"She's not great… but she's getting by."
There was a short pause, as Xander bit his lip.
"Can I see her?"
*****
i
"You're overreacting. We had a fight. But see, it's okay. It's normal." Xander said, calmly.
"Yes. The normal part of the ending a relationship right before the vengeance begins." She said, sharply.
"Right. No! Vengeance?"
"Relax, I'm not gonna do it. I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis. And now I don't even have that! So I get to say when it's done. And it's done."
"Okay, you know what? You don't deserve to be the one to walk away from this. I've put up with a hell of a lot from you ... much of that in the last minute ... and if anyone gets to be the one to leave, it's me."
He started to walk away, leaving her there.
"You're leaving *me*?" She demanded, outraged.
"Yes. I am."
/i
*****
Finally, the doctor had, although reluctantly, allowed him to enter the room to visit her. He'd eventually offered to leave them alone, for a while. Xander had accepted the offer.
Apparently, though Anya was still unconscious, her vitals were stable… ish. It didn't look like she'd been waking up anytime soon, the doctor had told him. Xander just prayed this didn't mean she was in a coma.
He stepped into the room, and his heart sank. To see her hooked up to all those machines… those machines which where keeping her alive… it killed part of him inside. He stepped closer, and took her hand. It was warm, and soft, just like he'd remembered it.
He pulled a chair closer and sat down, still clutching her hand. He held it, running his own hand over it slowly, never wanting to let go. As he listened to the beeping of one of the machines, he smiled sadly, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Hey Ahn." He said softly. Her body was encased in various slings, and casts. She looked so small, so weak. He hated it.
"How you doing?" He asked, not expecting an answer. He leaned forward and kissed her hand.
*****
i
"There's no hurry." He said.
"Yes there is. There's a hurry, Xander. I'm dying."
He was taken aback. She was dying, and she hadn't told him?
"I may have as few as fifty years left." She continued.
"Fifty years? What is thi- Oh, wait a minute. This is about this."
He reached out and touched her arm, which was held up in a sling.
"What about the sling?"
"You haven't been hurt like this since you became human. Maybe it's finally hitting you what being human means."
She nodded reluctantly as he spoke, as if not wanting to accept it herself.
"No, that's not it."
/i
*****
"I miss you." He said slowly, biting his lip. He turned his head and wiped his tears on his arm. He turned back to Anya, and rested his head on her stomach.
"I don't wanna miss you."
Minutes passed before he moved again. Each moment felt like a lifetime, as he tried his best to hold on to her forever.
*****
i
"Yes, I think it is. You were gonna live for thousands of years. And now
you're gonna age and die. That must be terrifying."
She nodded as he spoke.
"You don't understand what it's like."
"Being suddenly human? I think I can get what that would be like. And we can get through it together." He said with a small chuckle.
"You can't make it any different. I'm going to get old. And ... you can't promise you'll be with me when I'm ... wrinkly and my teeth are artificial and stuck into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive." She said sadly.
"No, I can't promise that. But it doesn't sound terrible. And that's saying something. I promise you, Anya. Very soon you won't be thinking about getting older."
In that moment. In that very moment, they knew everything would be Ok. Xander leaned in, and caught her lips,
savoring her taste.
/i
*****
Xander stirred his head, sitting up again. He looked down at her face, tubes running out of her nose, and into her mouth. He ran his hand through her hair, brushing it out of her eyes.
"I love you. Have I ever told you that? Well, I probably have… but, Anya, I do. I know you probably can't hear me right now…"
He let out a small laugh, through his tears, and kissed her cheek.
"I love you more then life itself." He said. He raised his free hand to his face, desperately trying to dry the tears, which refused to stop falling.
He slowly looked up again.
"We're going to grow old together, Ahn. You know. Like you said. Till your teeth are artificial."
He smiled sadly.
*****
i
"I've gotta say something... 'Cause ... I don't think I've made it clear. "
Anya stood as he walked over to her. He admired her, as she stood in front of him, in her nightgown.
"I'm in love with you."
Xander stepped closer to her, as she did the same.
"Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do ... the way you think ... the way you move ... I get excited every time I'm about to see you."
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. He smiled down at her.
"You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man."
He paused, then shrugged.
"I just thought you might wanna know."
She took another step, as they both leaned in.
/i
*****
He stroked her hair, as his mind wandered. He smiled through his tears, unable to forget all the happy times he'd had with this woman. This beautiful, intelligent, perfect woman.
"Ahn, you're not allowed to leave, you hear me?"
He paused again.
"You're not allowed to go. To die. To leave me here, alone, without you. 'Cause I can't do it. I can't do it without you, you know. I'm not strong enough. I don't know enough… to go on. Without you." He felt his body convulse as he sobbed out the last few words. And all of it was true. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't.
Anya was his life, his wonder, his being. She was everything to him, whether he'd realized it or not.
*****
i
"I just mean, sometimes I sort of forget he's gone. And then it's like, where's Riley? Oh right, the Central Republic of Where in the Hell."
"Xander? If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. Big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like on a bomb in a movie. And there's this whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one and then at the last second... no... the red one and click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left. Then you don't leave. Like that, okay?" She babbled, as she made the motions with her hands. Xander smiled at her.
"Check. Big bomb clock."
"Okay." She said with a nod.
"By the way, I'm not going to want to go." He told her, a smile plastered on his face.
"Good. Because that would hurt. I can't think about how much that would hurt."
"C' mere." He said, as he embraced her. He'd never leave her.
/i
*****
Xander bit his lip again, as he let out another sob.
"Ahn, I want you to wake up. Now." He said softly. He waited for her to stir. For her to move, and to tell him everything would be Ok. That she wouldn't leave him, and that Buffy wasn't gone. That Glory was gone, and everyone was Ok. But she didn't move. Not a single part of her even stirred, in the minutes that passed as he waited.
"I' don't want to lose you." He whispered.
He caressed her hand again, as the moments turned to minutes, and the minutes passed lazily. He was lost in thought… remembering everything he could about this wonderful woman.
As he gathered his memories, he was abrubtly brought back to reality. A steady high-pitched beep had suddenly sounded through the silence of his thoughts. He stood, dropping her hand. He glanced over at the machinery, and watched in horror as the line of green streamed across the screen. His lips grew strangely dry, and his mouth felt like stone, as he tried to yell for help.
"I... oh god… Help!!!" He yelled, as he backed away slowly. He suddenly felt a frantic hand push past him, as the doctor from earlier rushed into the room. Three more men in scrubs followed, as he was pushed towards the door.
"Sir, we'll need you to leave, please?" The doctor yelled frantically.
Xander froze, still staring in at his Anya, as the four men worked quickly on her limp body.
"Sir!! Please!!" The Doctor repeated, forcefully. Xander backed out of the room, as one of the men slammed the door.
*****
i
"No, you see, usually when there's an apocalypse, I skedaddle. But now I love you so much that instead I have inappropriately timed sex and try to think of ways to fight a god ... and worry terribly that something might happen to you. And also worry that something'll happen to me. And then I have guilt that I'm not more worried about everyone else, but I just don't have enough! I'm just on total overload, and I honestly don't think that I could be more nervous than I am right now."
"Care to wager on that?"
/i
*****
He stared down at her, clutching the small bouquet in his cold hands.
*****
i
He lifted his hand, to reveal the ring, in a box. Anya stared at it, as Xander let go of her. She turned to face him, still staring at the ring.
"Anya ... you wanna marry me?"
She looked at him for a few more moments, before slapping him across the face. Hard.
"Can I take that as a "maybe"?" He continued, hopefully.
/i
*****
He looked in on her fragile frame. Her clothes... she wore the most beautiful outfit. And her make-up... it had been done professionally. She looked stunning.
*****
i
"You're proposing to me!" she cried, outraged.
"Yes..."
"You're proposing to me 'cause we're gonna die! And you think it's romantic and sexy and, and you know you're not gonna have to go through with it 'cause the world's gonna end!"
"I'm proposing to you, Anya, because it's not." He replied, calmly.
/i
*****
He stared down at her hand, which lay across her chest. He smiled sadly, as he glanced at the fourth finger. That ring really looked incredible on her.
*****
i
"You can't know that." She snorted.
"I believe it. I think we're gonna get through this. I think I'm gonna live a long ... and silly life, and I'm not interested in doing that without you around." He explained.
"Oh. Okay."
"Okay?" he asked.
"Yes. I mean, yes." She said, with a short smile.
He moved to place the ring on her finger, but as he did so, she stepped back.
"No."
"No?"
"After. Give it to me when the world doesn't end."
/i
*****
"Well, they say the world is safe again, Ahn." Xander said softly.
"That it didn't end."
He slowly placed the bouquet down on in her hands, his hand softly brushing against the cold metal of the ring.
"But it did."
He backed away slowly, stealing one more glance at the beautiful woman he'd loved so much in such a short time.
"Have I ever told you I love you?"
** Fin **
So, what did you think? I have an idea for a longer follow-up, which would place this story as the prologue for a series...
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