Chapter Six…Learning to Let Go
Author's note: I will be going out of town for the next week so I may not be able to post anything for another two weeks. Sorry to make you wait but I know you love the suspense right. Also italic words later on it the chapter indicate thoughts just so you don't get confused and think that she is having a conversation with someone other than herself.
"Well what do you think? Does the shower count?" Phoebe asked Cole mischievously when they broke apart.
"I don't know, we should compare just to be sure." He said faking a solemn expression. Phoebe rolled over and kissed him again.
"Mmmmmmhhhhhnnnnn. Good idea." She moaned. He rubbed his hand down her back and pulled her closer. She started kissing his neck and he went stiff.
"What?!" she said alarmed.
"I think we should go inside." Cole said not looking at her. Phoebe followed his eyes and saw the shadow of a man watching them.
"Do you think he was watching the whole time?" Phoebe asked concerned. Cole pulled her closer instantly protective of her.
"I hope not. This was a bad idea. I'm sorry." Cole said sadly. Putting a finger to his lips she silenced him.
"No. I enjoyed it immensely." She said in a baby voice, trying to shake off the dirty feeling that the shadow was giving her. Cole smiled and gave her a quick hug.
"Lets go though huh. He's creeping me out." Phoebe said quietly. She was glad it was dark and that they had been at least partially hidden. Still the idea that someone had been watching gave her a sick dirty feeling that she couldn't seem to shake. Cole helped her to her feet and she gave the shadow one last look.
The shadow moved and she recognized it. Charlie.
Suddenly her legs refused to move correctly and she found herself on the ground.
"Are you ok?" Cole asked helping her to her feet.
"Yeah fine. I slipped that's all." She said turning away from him. Charlie put his finger to his lip, she turned away and ran back to the house, Cole calling out behind her. He turned to go and have a nice little chat with the man but the man had disappeared so he ran after Phoebe.
She'd locked herself in the bathroom when he found her.
"Phoebe, Are you ok? Let me in. I can help." He tried. But she told him she was fine and was just cleaning up. He had no choice but to accept what she was saying although he didn't believe a word of if. He had a sinking feeling that the shadow had been Charlie. And if he was right…He didn't want to think about if he was right. He sat against the wall outside of the bathroom waiting for her to come out instead.
Phoebe sat in the bathtub soaking. She had to get rid of that look. She had to scrub every part of the whole experience off. Her arms and legs were red from scrubbing but she still couldn't shake it. She still couldn't get clean.
Charlie had turned something wonderful into something tainted again. She wondered if she'd ever be able to have Cole touch her again without the feeling that she was being watched or that she was doing something foul.
Tears poured from her eyes. Why had he ruined this for her? She heard Cole slide down and sit on the floor outside the door. Her reaction had to be tearing him up.
Cole felt his eyes start to burn. He hadn't cried for years before he met phoebe. And now that girl seemed to be able to make the tears flow by just giving him a wrong look. She must have had a remote that turned the tears on and off or something.
Right now she was sitting in there alone because of him. It had been his stupid idea. It was his fault they'd been watched. He tried to remember if they had at least been partially hidden but he didn't think that they had. It wasn't as if they had stripped naked and done it in the street but they had still…
She probably hated him for it. He wouldn't blame her. He remembered how she had turned away from him and he felt his breath catch and his heart stop. It felt like someone was tearing it to shreds.
Before everything had been so perfect. She wanted him, she really did. She'd given him the biggest thing anyone could give. She trusted him and loved him enough to give him the privilege…
But now he'd ruined it. He was sure of that. She probably never wanted to see him again let alone let him touch her.
He remembered the conversation they'd had earlier in front of the window.
"If I lost you or…or Ethan…"
He sure hoped she knew. He hoped she knew he would wait, forever if he had to. He hoped she knew he would always be there to slay her dragons and fight her demons.
He hoped she knew that his heart had opened up, that the walls he'd built around it had crumbled down, that she had invaded and that he was glad for every minute of her trespassing there.
More importantly though he hoped that she would remember that.
Phoebe heard a quiet sniffle outside the bathroom door and she brushed away a tear. He was crying. She'd made him cry again.
She slid down under the now cold water. Why had she run from him? Why didn't she just tell him? Cause your still not ready to admit you need help. Cause you think you can handle it on your own. Because you're a stupid idiot who needs to be kicked in the ass. She liked the last reason the most.
Why was she so afraid of him? Cole hadn't done anything.
It's not Cole your afraid of. It's yourself.
Well that one was new. Why was she afraid of herself she wondered?
You're afraid of what will happen if you follow your heart. Face it courage hasn't been a strong point for you, as much as you like to think it is. And don't even start to justify yourself by saying you run off to fight demons. Recklessness and courage are not the same thing and you know it. Now that there is something at risk, now that the stakes are a lot higher, things look different.
She'd never stopped to listen closely before. She wondered what she should do.
Face your fears. Don't fight against what you know to be true. As if you really needed me to tell you.
But that was just it what was true? What should she not fight against? What was she fighting against now? She sat and listened but no answers came to her. She pulled herself out of the cold water and let it drip down her face. She heard some small movements out in the hall and remembered where she was.
Cole.
Yes it was true. She had been fighting against him.
"Cole…" she called out timidly.
"Yes…" he answered immediately.
"Cole…I need you."
Piper awoke to a persistent knock on her door. She shook Leo to wake him but he rolled over ignoring her. Rolling her eyes, she got out of bed. She opened the door as she finished tying her robe.
"Did you move Ethan?" Julie asked quickly with eyes full of panic. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes Piper tried to comprehend what Julie had just said. When it clicked she gave Julie a negative response.
"No. Why?" It was too earlier for this kind of thing.
"Last night he was sleeping on the couch and this morning he isn't there. I thought he'd gotten up but I can't find him anywhere. I was hoping you'd moved him somewhere or something." Julie spoke almost to fast for understanding. Piper blinked as her brain processed the information.
"What?" Piper questioned not quite catching it.
"Ethan's gone!" Julie was in full panic now.
"Oh…Leo! Get up! This could be bad." Piper said as she pushed her way past Julie and headed toward Phoebe's room. She hoped everyone in there was completely dressed as she pushed open the door.
"Pheeb—" Piper cut off as she noticed the missing boy cuddled up close to a sleeping Phoebe. Cole slept behind Phoebe with his arms around both of them.
"One day." Leo whispered into his wife's ear. "That will be us."
"Definitely a Kodak moment." Piper agreed.
"They're so sweet." Julie added her voice full of relief, causing Piper and Leo to notice her for the first time since they'd left their room. The talk of photographs reminded Piper of Prue. She would have loved to see her nephew. She would have loved to have a nephew.
How come life couldn't be fair? How come they all had to lose so much? If being witches caused so much pain why would anyone want to?
But this Piper remembered, was not a result of their ancestry. This was not demonic. The only demonic part was Charlie. He was more of a monster then some of the demons they had fought.
No, this problem was purely human.
Thousands of women faced the same sort of monsters on a daily basis: at work, at home, anywhere. Being a witch didn't protect any of them from those human monsters, demons that couldn't be vanquished with a simple spell or potion. And being human didn't either. There was simply no way to win.
For the first time Piper found herself staring at a bridge that couldn't be crossed with a trip to the attic, and it scared her. What were they fighting to protect? Why had Prue died? Was this what she had died for? Saving the lives of innocents had seemed so simple; it had been such an easy obtainable goal. But now…how could she be sure the innocent she was saving was worth saving? If he turned out to be a monster…how could they tell? Was it really worth it? Was all their fighting, all the sacrifices they'd made, everything in vain?
Prue would have known what to do.
Piper looked at the scene laid out before her and realized that she didn't need Prue to know that what they were doing was right. Piper now knew that this was what they were doing it for. She watched as Cole pulled Phoebe and Ethan closer. Moments like this were worth saving, people like little Ethan, people like Julie, and yes people like Cole were worth saving. How could she have ever doubted it? How could she have ever doubted Cole?
Prue had been wrong about him.
The thought bounced off her brain quickly and she almost missed it but her mind locked on to it. That wasn't the only thing that Prue had been wrong about either. Prue wasn't perfect, none of them were. Phoebe's past, Prue's pride, and her own pessimism, all had tripped them up in the past. And none of them had been able to do it alone. The fact that their powers were connected should have reminded her of that.
But both sisters had chosen to overlook that not so little detail. If they talked about the power of three being broken then they would have to acknowledge that Prue was gone.
Prue was gone but that didn't mean that there wasn't still work to do. That didn't mean that there weren't still people out there who needed help. And that certainly didn't mean that the world would crumble.
Life went on. People still breathed and they still needed to eat. They went to work and they went to school. The world still turned. And no one was crying out: what will we do without Prue, how can we live. Most of the world never even knew of her existence. And yet everyone was still ok.
It had been hard putting her in the ground. Harder still to cover her coffin with dirt. Now it was time for them to move on. It was time for her to drop the rose that still clung to her hand willing her to keep looking, to ignore the past, didn't she realize that this was all a mistake and that her sister couldn't be dead.
But her sister was dead, and it was time for her to let go of that flower that was biting into her hand, it was time to bury her sister and walk away from the abyss that hung open at her feet.
It was time for her to wake up. The nightmare she had been living in by telling herself that Prue would be back, or that she had to take Prue's place, this nightmare was tearing her up. She could dress it up however she wanted but it still wouldn't change the fact that she was gone.
"Do you have a camera somewhere? I mean it would make a good picture and I'm sure Phoebe wouldn't mind." Julie asked. Leo looked at his wife concerned. He knew that to acknowledge that would be hard for Piper. So far Piper hadn't been able to go into Prue's room. The door had hung open and he'd watched her pass it a few times never daring to enter. Entering would be like saying goodbye forever.
Phoebe had gone in and cried. He himself had gone in. If she said yes to Julie's question she'd have to go in and get it. Prue had left it there the day that she had left this world. If Piper said yes it would mean she was ready to move on.
"Yes we do. I'll go get it." Piper said. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever have to say.
"I'll come too." Leo offered trying to fight back tears. Piper's eyes mirrored his, as she gave his hand a squeeze.
"No, this is something I need to do alone." She whispered.
Leo watched as her familiar figure turned the corner and entered Prue's room. That was the woman he remembered. He'd never been so proud to know her as he was now.