Chapter 10.
He swallowed, unable to rid himself of the thing stuck in his throat, and his heart. Her teary blue eyes displayed all the emotions she felt to him, hurt, confusion...and fear. His chest tightened at that thought. She was afraid of him. But that wasn't the worst part. The thing that made his head throb and heart constrict was the look of absolute, utter betrayal on her face.
The silence was broken, as a choking sound rose from Misao's throat making Kaoru curious about what had startled her.
" Kenshin! What are you..."
Kaoru trailed off as Misao shoved her away, making her fall backwards and distancing them both. Misao turned away from Aoshi's prying eyes and looked down on the floor, frantically trying to stop her tears but rubbing her eyes vigorously.
" Misao-chan. Why do you push us away?"
Misao batted away Kaoru's extended hand, pushing off with the balls of her feet to get further away from everyone. She looked up quickly, glancing to see if they, Kenshin, Kenji and Aoshi, were still looking. Indeed they were, she could practically feel their stares burning into her flesh.
" Don't look at me. Please. Go away."
Drawing her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around herself, laying her head on her knees. She rocked gently, back and forth, to gain a measure of comfort. She hated herself for crying. She hated herself more for letting him see her cry. See her as broken as she was.
Kaoru again reached out for Misao. Kaoru's eyes widened with surprise as Misao gripped her wrist harshly and flung it away.
" What part of going away don't you understand?! Leave me alone!"
Kaoru stared at the body sitting on the floor. This was not Misao, not even close. Her genkiness seemed to no longer exist. Sighing, she gave up for the moment, standing before trying to push everyone out of the room. Kenshin and Kenji moved easily to her tugging but Aoshi stood like a statue, his eyes forever fixed on the trembling figure on the floor.
" Aoshi. Aoshi? Lets go."
Aoshi's mind didn't seem to register Kaoru's words as he stood silently, watching Misao. The burning sensation inside began to grow. What had she said?
It was hopeless from the very beginning.
Hopeless? Loving him was hopeless.
" It wasn't completely hopeless...but its true. I never gave her any encouragement."
I can't leave because he is the one who keeps me here. I can't escape because of him.
Was he really the one to keep her prisoner? He hadn't meant it like that...he didn't want to do it.
" I am the one who keeps her here. I am the one who holds her prisoner, making her sad. I am the one ruining her life. It's my fault...why am I the one who always causes her pain? This is why I didn't want her near me. Maybe this is the best way. She'll be happier this way."
Then it really was over. She was right. It was hopeless from the very beginning.
Aoshi hated his situation. He hated the fact that this girl could make his usually sharp mind turn to absolute mush. This girl...had...
" Lets go...Aoshi are you listening to me? Leave her alone for awhile."
Aoshi visibly stiffened as Kaoru tugged on his arm. He allowed her to pull him out of the room and close the door. With the soft sound of wood hitting wood, he felt the darkness fall over him again. The guilt was back, the black hole that threatened to swallow him whole. His saviour last time was now the cause of his guilt. This time there could be no redemption. No one would save him this time.
__________
A light rapping came at his door. His eyes snapped open to see a man tentatively slide the door open.
" Sumimasen...am I disturbing you?
Okina shook his head gesturing for the man to join him. He watched the man with red hair sit down opposite him. His violet eyes were filled with worry, mirroring his own.
" Himura. What can I do for you today?"
" I was wondering...have you talked to Misao since she got back?"
Okina coughed uncomfortably.
" ...No. Is there a problem?"
" Well it just seems that...Misao is very sad. I hate to see her this way."
" I understand that Himura. However, she had agreed to this beforehand. It is a rule in the ninja as well as in life to always hold to your promises and fulfill your responsibilities. I trust you understand that Himura."
" Yes. Well I think that I should tell you anyway that Misao feels very trapped. She thinks her life is over...that isn't a very good frame of mind for a girl getting married tomorrow."
Okina's mind screamed at him. He swallowed, in an attempt to also swallow his guilt.
" ...I'm well aware of that Himura. I don't like this any more than you do. But you must understand, this isn't an internal Oniwabanshuu matter. It concerns another clan...This is the Meiji period Himura. You fought for this...If Misao doesn't go through with this, the peace of Kyoto could very well be upset."
" I see. Then I'll take my leave, my family and I are having a picnic. Would you care to join us?"
Okina could clearly see the warrior shaking with anger before him. He appreciated that he cared so much for Misao. To him, Himura seemed clearly angry at his inability to help the situation.
" No...thanks for asking. Before you leave Himura. I want you to know this. I'm not as blind as I may seem...I know my pretty Misao is in pain. But I can't risk the entire Oniwabanshuu for her. If I saw a chance to stop this wedding...I would."
" It seems we are being watched."
" Yes. I'm aware of that. No matter though. It's a game we play. He spies on me...he betrays my trust. And Yoshimura knows it. That's why he chooses to tread more carefully then he needs to."
Kenshin nods, stepping out of the room and sliding the door shut quietly. Okina listens to the sounds of his footsteps disappearing before standing. In a blink of an eye, he steps onto the windowsill, using his tonfa and whacking the hiding ninja spy. Using his left hand to hold the ninja in his grasp, Okina slid his weapon beneath the spy's neck.
" Tell your master no to spy on me. The Oniwabanshuu see this as a betrayal...of which you know already don't you? Come back and I will show no mercy, regardless of your clan. You have shown me no respect."
Okina grimly watched the ninja nod and scamper off.
___________
Misao squinted in the sunlight as Kaoru dragged her outside into the courtyard.
" Yamete...let me go back."
Kaoru gripped Misao's arm, preventing her from running back to her room. She had convinced Aoshi to leave Misao to her. This was something done quite easily and she believed his readiness to agree was somewhat unusual.
" No Misao. We're going to have lunch out here today. You need some sunlight. Kenshin will be joining us soon as well. You WILL be eating. Now sit."
Kaoru sat the girl down firmly onto the picnic blanket, gesturing to the array of food before them. She wondered how she had managed to dress Misao and coerce her to go down the stairs. The bright afternoon sun beat down on them, making it all the more obvious of Misao's pale and translucent skin. The girl looked like she had been locked inside for weeks, which wasn't too far form the truth. She thumped her hand on her shoulder to try and loosen her muscles, sighing tiredly as she did so.
" kaa-san! I'm going to fight the evil monsters!"
Kaoru smiled as her son picked up a tree branch and began to wield it, happily battling his 'monsters'. Her smile disappeared as her eyes fell upon Misao. Picking up a comb she had conveniently taken from Misao's room, she sat down to the mess of Misao's hair. As Misao sat motionless, Kaoru began to twist the strands of hair into their normal braid. She was surprised when Misao shakingly lifted a hand, pointing forward. Kaoru looked towards where Misao had pointed.
" Kenji! Stop!"
Kaoru hurriedly got to her feet, seeing her son teeter on the rock next to the pond, his tree branch long abandoned clear on the other side of the courtyard.
________
Misao sat pensively as she watched Kaoru rush to catch Kenji.
" She's not looking now. No one is watching you."
Her deep blue eyes stared intensively at the teapot before her.
" She's not looking now. You can do whatever you want."
Her fingers laced around the teapot, ignoring the scalding heat from the glass.
" She's not looking now. Your dream is over, you have nothing to live for. So why live?"
Suddenly, her strength reappeared, adrenaline pumping through her. She smashed the teapot against a decorative rock near her, her eyes still glassy and empty. The shards flew all around. She reached for the largest shard.
" She's going to look now. Hurry."
Her mind was vaguely aware of screaming as she lifted the shard towards herself.
" If my dreams won't come true, then I won't dream anymore. It ends here. I give up."
________
Kaoru's arm loosened its grip on her child after pulling him from the pond. The sound of glass breaking echoed in her ears as she stared in horror at the girl on the other side of the courtyard, a shard of glass in her hand, desperately plunging it towards herself. The sound of her own scream was still echoing around the Aoiya as she ran to stop her friend.
" God...please don't let me be too late!"
Her legs moved as quick as her kimono would allow her, her arms outstretched to stop that last movement. She shut her eyes tightly, refusing to look as she fell to the floor, her fingers clawing at the grass as she tried to shut out the situation.
" No...why Misao...why did you do this to yourself..."
Kaoru looked up, expecting to see blood. She let out a sigh of relief, not aware that she had been holding her breath.
" Hiko Seijuro...thank goodness."
The tall, well built man had grabbed Misao by the waist, his hand pulling the shard of glass from her hands and gripped it in his own fingers. He seemed unaware of the blood dropping down his arm as he held Misao's hand, the hand that had been prepared to plunge the shard, which would have ended her life. Angrily, Hiko dropped the girl, letting her slump onto the floor, her tears falling with his dripping blood.
" What the hell are you doing?!"
Misao lay on the floor in a foetal position, trying to shut out Hiko's question.
" Leave me alone!"
" Why are you throwing your life away?"
Hiko swallowed, making his voice quieter and more controlled, unlike his loud and harsh outburst before.
" My life is useless now. Its over."
" You want to end your life? You want to die like this? Then your life was really meaningless. You couldn't live for the sake of everyone else. You wanted to take the easy way out."
" ...No...that's not true."
" It is true. I was wrong to come down here. I was wrong in respecting you. I thought you were strong, you loved life, not a crying little child who doesn't want to live anymore."
" I am not a child."
" I don't see how you're any different. You cry to get what you want, and if you don't get it then you'll have a tantrum."
" You don't understand."
" I understand plenty. I obviously came down to Kyoto for nothing, you are not the Misao I know. If you still want to die, I'll grant you that."
Misao heard a soft thud. Her eyes rested upon a small knife embedded into the grassy ground. She reached out for it, recognizing it as her own kunai.
" You...brought it back for me."
" If you still want to die, if you are so bent on your own death, die by your own hand, your own weapon. A weapon you were taught to use by the one you love most."
Misao's fingers curved shakingly around the handle. Her mind was in conflict, a part of her wanted to grip the kunai and plunge it into herself and end her pain. Another part told her to stop, to think clearly, to think about what she was leaving behind. She was well aware of Hiko's piercing gaze as she lifted the kunai, now gripping it with both hands. However, she still struggled to hold it properly.
" I...I want to die."
Her voice was so shaky and she hated herself for it. Suddenly a flash of red came before her eyes. She blinked before looking up to see Kenshin, throwing her kunai towards a nearby tree.
" Baka! Why are you giving her a weapon Shishou?!"
Alerted by Kaoru's scream, Kenshin had run from Okina's room. His master was less than pleased to be called an idiot.
" Baka deshi! Take another look before you criticize. She won't do it. She is weak, she can't even keep her word."
" Daijoubu Himura. I want to die. My life is worth nothing now."
Kenshin was shocked at Misao's determination despite his master's words.
" No Misao. I won't let you die. As a Hitokiri, I killed so many people, people who didn't deserve to die. You would be selfish to kill yourself because all those people hadn't wanted to die. You have a choice to live...cherish what you have. That is what I've realized."
" You're wrong. Dying will give me peace...please don't stand in my way."
Hiko sneered, looking down at Misao.
" You think you'll find happiness in death? You'll suffer there as you do now if you don't clear things up now. But if you still want to die, then I will grant you your wish. My baka deshi will not stand in your way."
Misao's head snapped up in surprise at Hiko's words. She looked up at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kaoru rushing towards them. This was her chance.
" Go."
Misao squeezed her eyes shut, her heart beating faster and faster as she could hear the unsheathing of a sword. She could hear the blade cutting through the air coming dangerously close.
" I...I don't to die. Not like this. Not yet."
The tears came again, falling onto her white knuckles, her hands clasped together strongly. She tensed as the blade came to a stop, close to her neck. She breathed quickly, her breath coming in rasps.
" You can't even take it like a man."
As Hiko lowers his sword, Misao hunches over, her shoulders shaking as she cries. Sheathing his sword, he bent down, placing a hand on her back in comfort. He smiled as Misao glanced up at him.
" See Weasel, I'm always right. You couldn't do it."
_________
Violet eyes stare at the scene.
" Kenshin?"
Kenshin turned to see his wife, who had tugged on his sleeve. In her arms was Kenji, teary eyed from watching the whole scene.
" Lets go inside."
Kenshin puts an arm around Kaoru's shoulders, leading her to the door. Kaoru twisted out of his embrace, looking back at Hiko and Misao.
" Are you sure Misao will be ok?"
" She'll be fine."
_______
Misao dragged her hands across her eyes in an effort to dry her tears.
" I don't want to die...but there's no other way out."
Hiko patted her back as Misao sat up properly.
" You can leave if you want to."
Misao shakes her head, staring at the floor.
" I can't. Aoshi-sama is guarding me."
Misao sprang forward, hugging Hiko for comfort. Hiko ruffled the girl's hair as he looked up. His eyes met smouldering, angry ones as he caught sight of a man in the Aoiya, standing by a window.
" So...it's different the scenario I had expected to find. He is guarding her. I believe Shinomori Aoshi is jealous. This can get interesting."
________
Moon. Stars. Nightfall.
" And here I am again...locked in my room...with him standing guard."
Misao lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. Usually, the familiarity of her room gave her comfort, but now there was none. Her hand massaged her temples as her mind ran through the events of the morning. Her attempt at suicide had been unsuccessful, nothing had come out of it except pain, blood and tears. She was still imprisoned, the same problem.
She is weak. She can't even keep her word.
Hiko had said that, and his words cut in the most. Her chest tightened as her mind raced.
" Maybe I am weak...maybe I can't keep my word."
She turned her head slowly, her eyes resting on Aoshi's shadow through the rice paper wall.
" ...maybe I can plead with him...just one more time."
Moving slowly, she reached the wall, lifting her index finger to touch him through the paper. His slow and even breathing proved Aoshi to be sleeping. Her finger touches the paper tentatively, tracing the outline of his shoulders. She snapped her finger back quickly, sucking in a fast breath as she saw Aoshi jerk awake, sitting straight to not lean against the wall.
" ...go to sleep Misao."
" Aoshi-sama..." she whispered, leaning against the next sliding wall herself.
" Go and sleep."
Ignoring Aoshi's order, Misao pressed on.
" Would you be happy to see me go? ...I mean...if you are...I won't resist anymore."
" ...I-"
" No wait. Don't answer yet...think about it for awhile."
Misao laughed at herself, making the sliding wall shake as she did so.
" You know...I find it so funny. I want to know...and yet I'm afraid of the answer. I don't really want to know the answer and yet...I do. But if you say yes...I'm not sure I'm ready to let go."
" ...it...it would be better for everyone if you went."
" I know you were there this morning. You heard me didn't you?"
" Aaa."
" Then I'm asking you. I'm not asking everyone else. I want to ask YOU. Was it really hopeless? Did I really waste my time...loving you?"
Misao held her breath as she waited for her answer.
" ...just go to sleep. Don't talk to me anymore because...I don't want to listen."
Disappointment filled her as she acted on instinct, pushing the sliding wall open and moving outside. She grabbed his collar in desperation, shaking him as her tears gathered in her eyes. She tried her hardest to keep them from falling.
" Why don't you want to listen to me? Why can't you at least try to understand?!"
Her energy disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. She slumped over, her hands loosening its grip on his collar as she sat before him, looking down.
" Am...am I that unimportant to you?"
Aoshi stared at the girl who was so close to him. Her need for sympathy was so evident and yet he couldn't bring himself to give her that. Her question made him freeze, realization falling over him.
" She is important. Too important."
Before he could stop himself, he raised a hand, placing it on her small back and pushing her body towards him. Her susprise was obvious as her grip on him loosened, her arms falling to her side as he held her close for that small moment. He could feel her chest rise and fall, her breath tickling his ear.
" Gomen...you're too important to me."
Taking one last breath, he pushed her away, back into the room and quickly shutting the door while she was stunned. He quickly jammed the sheath of his sword in the way, rendering the door locked. He swallowed hard as he sat back down on the opposite wall. He adverted his eyes after seeing Misao try to pull the door open. But he couldn't block to sounds of her pleading.
" Aoshi-sama! Let me out...please...Please!"
He moved his hands to block his ears as he sucked in a deep breath.
" I can't...please believe me...I want to."
His whispered words went unheard as Misao violently tried to yank the door open.
" I can't. My duty...Okina's request. It's too late for...for us. Maybe if I had acted before...but its too late now. Too late."
" Aoshi-sama!"
Aoshi grunted in frustration, picking up his swords and throwing them down the hallway, watching the blade spin to a stop, the moonlight glinting off it. The resounding clatter served to block the sound for one small moment before Misao's voice was heard once more.
*********
Author's note : Did I mention this fic gets rather um...angsty? Mwahahah. Yes indeed, I didn't place as much emphasis on the stuff Misao said in the earlier chapter as I thought I would. But I figured it would work better this way. Anyway this fic is going to end soon...even though I haven't decided to have one super long chapter or 2 relatively short chapters ( considering I've been writing 20k + chapters lately for some weird reason). But yes, the end is near! I'm not going to spoil it...though I really really want to!
Sorry I posted this somewhat later than I anticipated ( in fact I've really kinda already written most of chapter 11 but I'm not posting that until later!!!) I'll do better next time! I'm contemplating on changing the name of the fic too...but I won't blabber on about that! Well I'll end it here. Until next time
-Tomoe.
He swallowed, unable to rid himself of the thing stuck in his throat, and his heart. Her teary blue eyes displayed all the emotions she felt to him, hurt, confusion...and fear. His chest tightened at that thought. She was afraid of him. But that wasn't the worst part. The thing that made his head throb and heart constrict was the look of absolute, utter betrayal on her face.
The silence was broken, as a choking sound rose from Misao's throat making Kaoru curious about what had startled her.
" Kenshin! What are you..."
Kaoru trailed off as Misao shoved her away, making her fall backwards and distancing them both. Misao turned away from Aoshi's prying eyes and looked down on the floor, frantically trying to stop her tears but rubbing her eyes vigorously.
" Misao-chan. Why do you push us away?"
Misao batted away Kaoru's extended hand, pushing off with the balls of her feet to get further away from everyone. She looked up quickly, glancing to see if they, Kenshin, Kenji and Aoshi, were still looking. Indeed they were, she could practically feel their stares burning into her flesh.
" Don't look at me. Please. Go away."
Drawing her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around herself, laying her head on her knees. She rocked gently, back and forth, to gain a measure of comfort. She hated herself for crying. She hated herself more for letting him see her cry. See her as broken as she was.
Kaoru again reached out for Misao. Kaoru's eyes widened with surprise as Misao gripped her wrist harshly and flung it away.
" What part of going away don't you understand?! Leave me alone!"
Kaoru stared at the body sitting on the floor. This was not Misao, not even close. Her genkiness seemed to no longer exist. Sighing, she gave up for the moment, standing before trying to push everyone out of the room. Kenshin and Kenji moved easily to her tugging but Aoshi stood like a statue, his eyes forever fixed on the trembling figure on the floor.
" Aoshi. Aoshi? Lets go."
Aoshi's mind didn't seem to register Kaoru's words as he stood silently, watching Misao. The burning sensation inside began to grow. What had she said?
It was hopeless from the very beginning.
Hopeless? Loving him was hopeless.
" It wasn't completely hopeless...but its true. I never gave her any encouragement."
I can't leave because he is the one who keeps me here. I can't escape because of him.
Was he really the one to keep her prisoner? He hadn't meant it like that...he didn't want to do it.
" I am the one who keeps her here. I am the one who holds her prisoner, making her sad. I am the one ruining her life. It's my fault...why am I the one who always causes her pain? This is why I didn't want her near me. Maybe this is the best way. She'll be happier this way."
Then it really was over. She was right. It was hopeless from the very beginning.
Aoshi hated his situation. He hated the fact that this girl could make his usually sharp mind turn to absolute mush. This girl...had...
" Lets go...Aoshi are you listening to me? Leave her alone for awhile."
Aoshi visibly stiffened as Kaoru tugged on his arm. He allowed her to pull him out of the room and close the door. With the soft sound of wood hitting wood, he felt the darkness fall over him again. The guilt was back, the black hole that threatened to swallow him whole. His saviour last time was now the cause of his guilt. This time there could be no redemption. No one would save him this time.
__________
A light rapping came at his door. His eyes snapped open to see a man tentatively slide the door open.
" Sumimasen...am I disturbing you?
Okina shook his head gesturing for the man to join him. He watched the man with red hair sit down opposite him. His violet eyes were filled with worry, mirroring his own.
" Himura. What can I do for you today?"
" I was wondering...have you talked to Misao since she got back?"
Okina coughed uncomfortably.
" ...No. Is there a problem?"
" Well it just seems that...Misao is very sad. I hate to see her this way."
" I understand that Himura. However, she had agreed to this beforehand. It is a rule in the ninja as well as in life to always hold to your promises and fulfill your responsibilities. I trust you understand that Himura."
" Yes. Well I think that I should tell you anyway that Misao feels very trapped. She thinks her life is over...that isn't a very good frame of mind for a girl getting married tomorrow."
Okina's mind screamed at him. He swallowed, in an attempt to also swallow his guilt.
" ...I'm well aware of that Himura. I don't like this any more than you do. But you must understand, this isn't an internal Oniwabanshuu matter. It concerns another clan...This is the Meiji period Himura. You fought for this...If Misao doesn't go through with this, the peace of Kyoto could very well be upset."
" I see. Then I'll take my leave, my family and I are having a picnic. Would you care to join us?"
Okina could clearly see the warrior shaking with anger before him. He appreciated that he cared so much for Misao. To him, Himura seemed clearly angry at his inability to help the situation.
" No...thanks for asking. Before you leave Himura. I want you to know this. I'm not as blind as I may seem...I know my pretty Misao is in pain. But I can't risk the entire Oniwabanshuu for her. If I saw a chance to stop this wedding...I would."
" It seems we are being watched."
" Yes. I'm aware of that. No matter though. It's a game we play. He spies on me...he betrays my trust. And Yoshimura knows it. That's why he chooses to tread more carefully then he needs to."
Kenshin nods, stepping out of the room and sliding the door shut quietly. Okina listens to the sounds of his footsteps disappearing before standing. In a blink of an eye, he steps onto the windowsill, using his tonfa and whacking the hiding ninja spy. Using his left hand to hold the ninja in his grasp, Okina slid his weapon beneath the spy's neck.
" Tell your master no to spy on me. The Oniwabanshuu see this as a betrayal...of which you know already don't you? Come back and I will show no mercy, regardless of your clan. You have shown me no respect."
Okina grimly watched the ninja nod and scamper off.
___________
Misao squinted in the sunlight as Kaoru dragged her outside into the courtyard.
" Yamete...let me go back."
Kaoru gripped Misao's arm, preventing her from running back to her room. She had convinced Aoshi to leave Misao to her. This was something done quite easily and she believed his readiness to agree was somewhat unusual.
" No Misao. We're going to have lunch out here today. You need some sunlight. Kenshin will be joining us soon as well. You WILL be eating. Now sit."
Kaoru sat the girl down firmly onto the picnic blanket, gesturing to the array of food before them. She wondered how she had managed to dress Misao and coerce her to go down the stairs. The bright afternoon sun beat down on them, making it all the more obvious of Misao's pale and translucent skin. The girl looked like she had been locked inside for weeks, which wasn't too far form the truth. She thumped her hand on her shoulder to try and loosen her muscles, sighing tiredly as she did so.
" kaa-san! I'm going to fight the evil monsters!"
Kaoru smiled as her son picked up a tree branch and began to wield it, happily battling his 'monsters'. Her smile disappeared as her eyes fell upon Misao. Picking up a comb she had conveniently taken from Misao's room, she sat down to the mess of Misao's hair. As Misao sat motionless, Kaoru began to twist the strands of hair into their normal braid. She was surprised when Misao shakingly lifted a hand, pointing forward. Kaoru looked towards where Misao had pointed.
" Kenji! Stop!"
Kaoru hurriedly got to her feet, seeing her son teeter on the rock next to the pond, his tree branch long abandoned clear on the other side of the courtyard.
________
Misao sat pensively as she watched Kaoru rush to catch Kenji.
" She's not looking now. No one is watching you."
Her deep blue eyes stared intensively at the teapot before her.
" She's not looking now. You can do whatever you want."
Her fingers laced around the teapot, ignoring the scalding heat from the glass.
" She's not looking now. Your dream is over, you have nothing to live for. So why live?"
Suddenly, her strength reappeared, adrenaline pumping through her. She smashed the teapot against a decorative rock near her, her eyes still glassy and empty. The shards flew all around. She reached for the largest shard.
" She's going to look now. Hurry."
Her mind was vaguely aware of screaming as she lifted the shard towards herself.
" If my dreams won't come true, then I won't dream anymore. It ends here. I give up."
________
Kaoru's arm loosened its grip on her child after pulling him from the pond. The sound of glass breaking echoed in her ears as she stared in horror at the girl on the other side of the courtyard, a shard of glass in her hand, desperately plunging it towards herself. The sound of her own scream was still echoing around the Aoiya as she ran to stop her friend.
" God...please don't let me be too late!"
Her legs moved as quick as her kimono would allow her, her arms outstretched to stop that last movement. She shut her eyes tightly, refusing to look as she fell to the floor, her fingers clawing at the grass as she tried to shut out the situation.
" No...why Misao...why did you do this to yourself..."
Kaoru looked up, expecting to see blood. She let out a sigh of relief, not aware that she had been holding her breath.
" Hiko Seijuro...thank goodness."
The tall, well built man had grabbed Misao by the waist, his hand pulling the shard of glass from her hands and gripped it in his own fingers. He seemed unaware of the blood dropping down his arm as he held Misao's hand, the hand that had been prepared to plunge the shard, which would have ended her life. Angrily, Hiko dropped the girl, letting her slump onto the floor, her tears falling with his dripping blood.
" What the hell are you doing?!"
Misao lay on the floor in a foetal position, trying to shut out Hiko's question.
" Leave me alone!"
" Why are you throwing your life away?"
Hiko swallowed, making his voice quieter and more controlled, unlike his loud and harsh outburst before.
" My life is useless now. Its over."
" You want to end your life? You want to die like this? Then your life was really meaningless. You couldn't live for the sake of everyone else. You wanted to take the easy way out."
" ...No...that's not true."
" It is true. I was wrong to come down here. I was wrong in respecting you. I thought you were strong, you loved life, not a crying little child who doesn't want to live anymore."
" I am not a child."
" I don't see how you're any different. You cry to get what you want, and if you don't get it then you'll have a tantrum."
" You don't understand."
" I understand plenty. I obviously came down to Kyoto for nothing, you are not the Misao I know. If you still want to die, I'll grant you that."
Misao heard a soft thud. Her eyes rested upon a small knife embedded into the grassy ground. She reached out for it, recognizing it as her own kunai.
" You...brought it back for me."
" If you still want to die, if you are so bent on your own death, die by your own hand, your own weapon. A weapon you were taught to use by the one you love most."
Misao's fingers curved shakingly around the handle. Her mind was in conflict, a part of her wanted to grip the kunai and plunge it into herself and end her pain. Another part told her to stop, to think clearly, to think about what she was leaving behind. She was well aware of Hiko's piercing gaze as she lifted the kunai, now gripping it with both hands. However, she still struggled to hold it properly.
" I...I want to die."
Her voice was so shaky and she hated herself for it. Suddenly a flash of red came before her eyes. She blinked before looking up to see Kenshin, throwing her kunai towards a nearby tree.
" Baka! Why are you giving her a weapon Shishou?!"
Alerted by Kaoru's scream, Kenshin had run from Okina's room. His master was less than pleased to be called an idiot.
" Baka deshi! Take another look before you criticize. She won't do it. She is weak, she can't even keep her word."
" Daijoubu Himura. I want to die. My life is worth nothing now."
Kenshin was shocked at Misao's determination despite his master's words.
" No Misao. I won't let you die. As a Hitokiri, I killed so many people, people who didn't deserve to die. You would be selfish to kill yourself because all those people hadn't wanted to die. You have a choice to live...cherish what you have. That is what I've realized."
" You're wrong. Dying will give me peace...please don't stand in my way."
Hiko sneered, looking down at Misao.
" You think you'll find happiness in death? You'll suffer there as you do now if you don't clear things up now. But if you still want to die, then I will grant you your wish. My baka deshi will not stand in your way."
Misao's head snapped up in surprise at Hiko's words. She looked up at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kaoru rushing towards them. This was her chance.
" Go."
Misao squeezed her eyes shut, her heart beating faster and faster as she could hear the unsheathing of a sword. She could hear the blade cutting through the air coming dangerously close.
" I...I don't to die. Not like this. Not yet."
The tears came again, falling onto her white knuckles, her hands clasped together strongly. She tensed as the blade came to a stop, close to her neck. She breathed quickly, her breath coming in rasps.
" You can't even take it like a man."
As Hiko lowers his sword, Misao hunches over, her shoulders shaking as she cries. Sheathing his sword, he bent down, placing a hand on her back in comfort. He smiled as Misao glanced up at him.
" See Weasel, I'm always right. You couldn't do it."
_________
Violet eyes stare at the scene.
" Kenshin?"
Kenshin turned to see his wife, who had tugged on his sleeve. In her arms was Kenji, teary eyed from watching the whole scene.
" Lets go inside."
Kenshin puts an arm around Kaoru's shoulders, leading her to the door. Kaoru twisted out of his embrace, looking back at Hiko and Misao.
" Are you sure Misao will be ok?"
" She'll be fine."
_______
Misao dragged her hands across her eyes in an effort to dry her tears.
" I don't want to die...but there's no other way out."
Hiko patted her back as Misao sat up properly.
" You can leave if you want to."
Misao shakes her head, staring at the floor.
" I can't. Aoshi-sama is guarding me."
Misao sprang forward, hugging Hiko for comfort. Hiko ruffled the girl's hair as he looked up. His eyes met smouldering, angry ones as he caught sight of a man in the Aoiya, standing by a window.
" So...it's different the scenario I had expected to find. He is guarding her. I believe Shinomori Aoshi is jealous. This can get interesting."
________
Moon. Stars. Nightfall.
" And here I am again...locked in my room...with him standing guard."
Misao lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. Usually, the familiarity of her room gave her comfort, but now there was none. Her hand massaged her temples as her mind ran through the events of the morning. Her attempt at suicide had been unsuccessful, nothing had come out of it except pain, blood and tears. She was still imprisoned, the same problem.
She is weak. She can't even keep her word.
Hiko had said that, and his words cut in the most. Her chest tightened as her mind raced.
" Maybe I am weak...maybe I can't keep my word."
She turned her head slowly, her eyes resting on Aoshi's shadow through the rice paper wall.
" ...maybe I can plead with him...just one more time."
Moving slowly, she reached the wall, lifting her index finger to touch him through the paper. His slow and even breathing proved Aoshi to be sleeping. Her finger touches the paper tentatively, tracing the outline of his shoulders. She snapped her finger back quickly, sucking in a fast breath as she saw Aoshi jerk awake, sitting straight to not lean against the wall.
" ...go to sleep Misao."
" Aoshi-sama..." she whispered, leaning against the next sliding wall herself.
" Go and sleep."
Ignoring Aoshi's order, Misao pressed on.
" Would you be happy to see me go? ...I mean...if you are...I won't resist anymore."
" ...I-"
" No wait. Don't answer yet...think about it for awhile."
Misao laughed at herself, making the sliding wall shake as she did so.
" You know...I find it so funny. I want to know...and yet I'm afraid of the answer. I don't really want to know the answer and yet...I do. But if you say yes...I'm not sure I'm ready to let go."
" ...it...it would be better for everyone if you went."
" I know you were there this morning. You heard me didn't you?"
" Aaa."
" Then I'm asking you. I'm not asking everyone else. I want to ask YOU. Was it really hopeless? Did I really waste my time...loving you?"
Misao held her breath as she waited for her answer.
" ...just go to sleep. Don't talk to me anymore because...I don't want to listen."
Disappointment filled her as she acted on instinct, pushing the sliding wall open and moving outside. She grabbed his collar in desperation, shaking him as her tears gathered in her eyes. She tried her hardest to keep them from falling.
" Why don't you want to listen to me? Why can't you at least try to understand?!"
Her energy disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. She slumped over, her hands loosening its grip on his collar as she sat before him, looking down.
" Am...am I that unimportant to you?"
Aoshi stared at the girl who was so close to him. Her need for sympathy was so evident and yet he couldn't bring himself to give her that. Her question made him freeze, realization falling over him.
" She is important. Too important."
Before he could stop himself, he raised a hand, placing it on her small back and pushing her body towards him. Her susprise was obvious as her grip on him loosened, her arms falling to her side as he held her close for that small moment. He could feel her chest rise and fall, her breath tickling his ear.
" Gomen...you're too important to me."
Taking one last breath, he pushed her away, back into the room and quickly shutting the door while she was stunned. He quickly jammed the sheath of his sword in the way, rendering the door locked. He swallowed hard as he sat back down on the opposite wall. He adverted his eyes after seeing Misao try to pull the door open. But he couldn't block to sounds of her pleading.
" Aoshi-sama! Let me out...please...Please!"
He moved his hands to block his ears as he sucked in a deep breath.
" I can't...please believe me...I want to."
His whispered words went unheard as Misao violently tried to yank the door open.
" I can't. My duty...Okina's request. It's too late for...for us. Maybe if I had acted before...but its too late now. Too late."
" Aoshi-sama!"
Aoshi grunted in frustration, picking up his swords and throwing them down the hallway, watching the blade spin to a stop, the moonlight glinting off it. The resounding clatter served to block the sound for one small moment before Misao's voice was heard once more.
*********
Author's note : Did I mention this fic gets rather um...angsty? Mwahahah. Yes indeed, I didn't place as much emphasis on the stuff Misao said in the earlier chapter as I thought I would. But I figured it would work better this way. Anyway this fic is going to end soon...even though I haven't decided to have one super long chapter or 2 relatively short chapters ( considering I've been writing 20k + chapters lately for some weird reason). But yes, the end is near! I'm not going to spoil it...though I really really want to!
Sorry I posted this somewhat later than I anticipated ( in fact I've really kinda already written most of chapter 11 but I'm not posting that until later!!!) I'll do better next time! I'm contemplating on changing the name of the fic too...but I won't blabber on about that! Well I'll end it here. Until next time
-Tomoe.