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"That's a nice suit. Too bad I can't afford it," muttered Zack, quickly flipping through a catalogue he had gotten free in the mail. "See that toaster?" He held the magazine up so the general could get a better look. "I need one...but it's not in my budget this year. Maybe, if I start saving now, I could buy one next decade."
"It's just a toaster," Sephiroth scoffed.
"It's not just a toaster! Look, it's all white and plasticy!" he said in mock excitement, pointing to the picture again. "An' its got those neat dials that adjust how long your toast cooks and its got a cool black cord that you can plug into the wall!"
Sephiroth simply stared at him, his expression unchanging. "Are implying that you are in need of money?"
"Uh...yeah." The First Class SOLDIER slumped into his chair and put on his most pitiful, helpless face. "You wanna lend me-"
"No, I do not." Sephiroth had learned not to give Zack money long ago when he needed to replace his computer mouse. 'The computer and its mouse just don't get along', he had said. 'They have their differences and fight constantly. I believe that the computer even went so far as to mortally wound the mouse, so now it doesn't work.' Okay, yeah, cute story. So, the general lent him 20 gil. Two weeks later, when he still had not been repaid, Zack explained, 'The new mouse doesn't feel comfortable yet. I had to get it a new mouse pad, too.' Alright, so he'd pay him back next week... This went on for a month. 'The mouse needs to feel loved, so I bought it a computer game, the mouse is sick, he needs repair, the mouse wants to go to a party, I bought him a spiffy cover, the mou'-
"Aw, c'mon, man! It was just a freakin' mouse. You were only out 20 gil, it's not the end of the world."
Sephiroth snapped back to reality. "Excuse me?" he asked, bringing a hand to his head.
"You were thinking about the mouse incident again. I can tell by your removed expression." He stared at Sephiroth, squinting his eyes slightly.
"...Why...don't you get a job?" The general shrugged and slid a day-old newspaper towards his comrade.
Zack sighed, for he saw that suggestion coming a mile away. "Yeah, I guess I should..." he whispered, opening to the want ads, his eyes skimming the page. "Nope." He shook his head. "Uh-uh...Ick, never...Hmm...A waiter?...Nah, black's not my color."
Sephiroth rolled his eyes skyward as he stood up. "I've got a class to get to... Happy job hunting. And don't forget you've got the Third Class trainees today."
"I won't..."
"They better be training this time, Zack," he said forcefully, pointing a finger in the younger man's direction. "None of that chicken dance, bunny hop, mulberry bush crap."
Zack stood up, newspaper in hand. "Ah, you thought it was funny," he said, laughing at the thought.
The general smiled slightly, but then grunted. "I mean it. How are we going to recruit First Class SOLDIERs if all the ones in training are skipping around hand-in-hand like imbeciles?"
Dropping the newspaper on the coffee table, Zack plopped onto his couch. He had gone through the entire paper twice, yet nothing interested him. There's always ads on TV, he thought, picking up the remote control. He turned on the set and relaxed his head on his arm.
Got Milk?
"Yeah, it's in my fridge," he mumbled, turning the channel.
Moo-ving? asked the TV commercial, as a truck with a cow painted on the side graced the screen. Then call Merry Moo-vers! We've been helping people moo-ve for over 50 years!
Click.
People are discovering the delightful taste of beef-
Click.
Oh, John!
"I hate soap operas. But at least it's a show."
John, I love you! Don't throw away our relationship for some broken-down farm with diseased cows!
Zack raised an eyebrow.
You don't understand, Margie! If I take over the farm now, when my eccentric billionaire uncle dies, I'll inherit everything!
You're lying, John! You want those cows more than you want me! You enjoy animal love!
"Whoa-kay, that just got freaky!"
Click.
-and on the farm he had a cow! Ei-ei-oh! Sing along, children!
Click.
Brrring!
Zack turned his attention to the phone on the wall. He grunted, not wanting to get up, and was deciding whether or not to let the answering machine get it. At the last minute, he turned down the volume on the TV, and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Zack!"
"Oh, hey, Aeris! How ya doing?" he asked as he made his way back to the couch.
"I'm fine. How about you?"
"I'm okay... Actually, I'm lookin' for a job."
"Really? How about cow?"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"You just said 'cow'."
She giggled. "No, I didn't."
"Yeah, you did."
"No, Zack, I didn't say that," she replied more sternly.
He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. "Geez, all I've been hearing today is cow and milk and farm. Ya think it's a sign?"
She laughed again. "What kind of sign?"
"I dunno..." He smiled to himself. She was so cute when she laughed. "Maybe I should invest in a cow?" ...Hey...That's a good idea! "Yeah, maybe I should invest in a cow! I mean, I could sell the milk, the manure, and even sell it for beef and glue!"
"Y-you're not serious?" she asked, half laughing and half frightened.
"Well, why not? It'll be a great way to make more money!"
"But where will you keep it? Where will you buy it? Don't you need a license or something?"
"For a cow? Nah, they're just like big dogs with utters!" he said enthusiastically.
She sighed, causing the phone line to crackle. "Zack, a cow...is a cow. You can't compare it to anything, because if you could, they would be called 'big dogs with utters'. I know you, and you better be joking about this cow business."
"So...you don't think I should get a cow?"
"NO."
"Even for a pet?"
"If you want a pet, get a goldfish." She paused momentarily. "I've gotta go. I love you."
"I love you, too."
"And write me sometime, okay?"
He grinned, readjusting the receiver on his shoulder. "Alright, alright!"
"Buh-bye!"
Okay, he thought. Where do I buy a cow? Zack found himself searching through the newspaper again, this time for farm ads.
"Poochucky Farms - Buy, lease, or rent your own livestock. Cool." He nodded to himself as he picked up the phone and dialed their number so he could get directions. This time tomorrow, he would be in business.
Next chapter, Zack gets a cow and attempts to hide it from the general! Oh, what fun! ^-^;
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